I seriously can't get over all the love for chapter 9... thank you so much. I had a bit of a nightmare while writing this chapter as I was half way through when I somehow managed to delete the file and had to start again! But I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's another quite long chapter as I thought after all the amazing reviews you guys deserved another :)
Quickly: .
PailyD: i would looove to update long chapters everyday for you, but yes, that darn life of mine does tend to get in the way ;)
To the guest with suggestions about Paily swim scene... thank you, I always like to hear what you guys want to see... all i'll say is, wait and see :)
And finally to the guest who appreciates the dialogue. I hope you enjoy this chapter... it's dialogue heavy :)
Enjoy
Emily's POV
I opened the door to Hanna's apartment using the spare key she had given me and found my blond friend curled up on the couch with Caleb.
"Hey… sorry I should have knocked" I flashed Caleb a slightly shy welcoming smile, he hadn't been round in a few days and I had forgotten that he was coming over tonight.
"Em it's fine I've already told you treat this like your own home okay" she dismissed my apology with a wave of her hand. "Plus there's nothing exciting going on here… Caleb has insisted we watch this Revengers movie"
"It's 'Avengers'" Caleb corrected, giving the girl a bewildered but still affectionate smile.
"Same thing" Hanna shrugged casually. "Come join us… I would explain what you've missed but I wasn't really paying attention" she had a slightly amusing guilty look on her face as she moved her feet off the couch to make room for me.
"I'm actually just going to take a shower" I put my car keys down and was aware how wet my clothes were.
"You look like you've already had one" Hanna joked, indicating how wet my hair was.
"I got a flat tire" I explained.
"That's annoying… Did you change it yourself?" She looked impressed.
"I tried" I laughed at my efforts. "But someone helped me in the end" my stomach fluttered when I remembered all that had happened tonight.
I made my way to the bathroom eventually and turned the shower on to run hot as I began undressing. Even though I was back home now I was still shaking about what had happened.
I was an idiot. I was an absolute crazy person for stopping the car and making her get in… I was crazy for kissing her and I was even crazier for saying I would go for lunch with her tomorrow. I knew all this but for some reason I was doing it all anyway. I had come to accept the fact that I was now that crazy girl who made really bad decisions.
She was off limits… I was her coach… she was a girl… but her kisses were so delicious.
I stepped under the hot water and let it re-wet my damp hair. I ran my hands over my face and my neck and remembered the way her lips had felt there. The thought alone made the frustrating arousal I felt when I was with her return.
I didn't know what was happening to me. I was never the sort of person that craved sex, I did enjoy sex and the intimacy but it was never something I needed. I was never the sort of person who looked at someone and wanted nothing more than to rip their clothes off… But Paige made me feel that way. My body craved her in a way that was so alien and bizarre to me it was petrifying.
It was a Sunday and there was no practice this morning, I'd decided to stay in bed a bit longer than I normally would as I knew the sooner I got out of bed the sooner I would have to start panicking about today.
I could hear Hanna moving around in the kitchen and I knew that I couldn't tell her the truth of where I was going today. I hated the thought of lying to her but the thought of telling her about Paige was even worse. I didn't know what she would think if she knew I was having these feelings for a girl… but I knew it wasn't something I was ready to find out just yet. Everyone in my life had only known me as one thing and that included me, I knew I had to begin to understand these feelings myself before I started to think about anyone else knowing.
I finally made myself get up and get ready. I didn't know why I felt this nervous as I opened the closet to pick out an outfit. Paige had seen me in my uniform and in my work out clothes… it wasn't like I had to impress her, but still the nerves were there.
I opted for something casual but realised with a little shame that I had purposely chosen a top that complimented my cleavage. The part of me that enjoyed the thought of Paige looking at me and finding me attractive was as strong as ever as I checked my reflection in the mirror.
I headed out to the kitchen eventually and got a good morning thrown my way from Hanna. I still had a few hours left before I was meant to be meeting Paige so I still had time to come up with something to tell Hanna.
"You look nice… are you going out?" Okay, maybe not.
"I'm going out for lunch" I answered on the spot. "With one of the coaches from work" at least it wasn't a complete lie.
"Oh I was going to ask if you wanted to go shopping… I'll make Caleb come with me" she seemed pleased with her evil plan. Poor Caleb… Hanna could spend an hour trying on one pair of shoes.
"Poor guy" I teased her as I got myself some coffee.
"Oh your mom rang this morning but you were still sleeping" However many times I told her to just ring my cell phone she always insisted on knowing the number for the house phone so she could ring that.
"I'll call her back later" I didn't know if I had the energy to talk to her yet. I'd finally gained the courage to call and tell her about me and Ben last week and ever since then she had been ringing me every day as she was 'worried about me'. I knew she thought that I was only doing this because I was going through some sort of life crisis. She couldn't comprehend how I could possibly not want to be with Ben anymore and I had gotten tired of trying to convince her this was what I wanted.
As we were talking my cell phone started to ring and I rolled my eyes when I assumed that it would be my mom again. When I looked at the screen though the number I saw was unfamiliar, I pressed accept and said hello curiously.
"Emily, it's coach Dawson" I must only have her office phone number saved on my phone.
"Coach…Hi"
"Sorry to call you on a Sunday but I was just letting you know we've got the final schedule of dates for Championships and I thought I'd let you know them now so you can clear your diary"
"Of course" I said as I fumbled to find a pen and paper and write down the dates she was giving me. It was part of my job to attend all these competitions and I knew many of them involved staying the night near different colleges. I knew I didn't have much of a hectic diary to 'clear' but I appreciated Coach Dawson's sentiment.
Once I had finished writing the information down she began talking about something else while I nodded and muttered agreements at her, I was sure sometimes she just liked the sound of her own voice.
Once she had finished she gave me a pleasant good bye and we ended the phone call. Hanna wandered over to me and glanced at the dates on the paper.
"So you get to go to all these competitions?" I nodded at her question. "I remember when me and Spencer travelled all the way to watch you swim in your senior year meet and you totally kicked butt" She reminded me of one of the better competitions I swam in.
"And you hooked up with the coach from the other team" I reminded her with a smile.
"He was hot" she shrugged her shoulders. "And I was totally into that older man in uniform thing" She pretended to lick her lips and I laughed lightly, despite the fact that something about her words made my stomach drop uncomfortably.
I remembered how the rest of the girls on the team had looked at this guy, the older mature coach that everyone talked about, but I had known it had all been just talk for the girls on the team. No one would have actually gone there.
I thought about what I was doing with Paige, I thought about what everyone would have thought if that guy hadn't hooked up with Hanna but with a member of the team he coached… I knew it would have been a lot more controversial then.
I thought about the way Paige viewed me… was I just an 'older woman in uniform' that she wanted to see if she could win over. Did she talk to Shana about the way she thought I was 'hot'… did she tell the rest of the girls about everything that had happened with is.
I suddenly found the panic rushing through my body again… maybe I couldn't do this.
I didn't want to be the person people whispered about as I walked past… I didn't want to risk the feeling of embarrassment if Paige turned out to be someone I didn't expect.
This was too risky… I couldn't do it.
I checked the clock on the dashboard and saw that it was already 12:15. I didn't know what had changed my mind about coming but I had suddenly found myself in my car driving towards where I had dropped Paige off last night. By the time I had made the decision to come it was already midday and it was already the time I had told Paige I would pick her up.
I knew this was a bad idea… but there was a part of me that knew the thoughts I had had before about Paige weren't true. I knew that I wasn't just a challenge for her and for some reason I didn't understand… I trusted her.
I half expected her to not be waiting for me anymore, to pull up outside her apartment and find that she had got bored of waiting for me. But as I drove along the street I could see her leaning against a tree just off the sidewalk.
My stomach fluttered as I took her in.
She was dressed in a sleeveless denim shirt that showed off her toned arms and her hair was hanging loose around her face, she had one of her feet resting behind her on the tree as she stared down at the cell phone in her hand. I took in the military style boots she was wearing and how she looked so effortlessly cool…she looked hot.
I knew this was my last chance to change my mind, if I just carried on driving now she would never know I was here and I could give her an excuse about how I couldn't make it.
I pulled up at the side of the road despite my better judgement. I couldn't resist it when she looked the way she did.
As I came to a stop she looked up from the phone in her hand and her eyes landed on my car. She smiled at me as she met my eyes and I had to tell my heart to behave itself.
She pushed off from the tree and began to make her way over to my car. There was no one else around and the paranoid part of my brain was happy that no one would see her getting into my car.
I fidgeted with my hair as she approached, pushing it back with my fingers as her hand reached for the handle.
"Hey" she greeted me as she sat down in the passenger seat.
"Hey" My heart was beating faster now and I could feel the nerves overtaking every part of my body. As she closed the door the smell of her perfume, or maybe it was her shampoo, filled my senses and I made a note of how much I enjoyed it.
"I thought for a while you weren't going to show up" She gazed at me with a smile, letting me know she wasn't at all annoyed that I had kept her waiting.
"So did I" I admitted, returning her searching gaze, maybe I should be apologetic but for some reason I wasn't.
She nodded slowly, the smile still plain on her face. She was obviously just happy that I was here.
"So… where are we going?" I broke our eye contact, worried that if I kept it up for any longer my heart would burst through my chest. I was hoping my voice sounder calmer than I felt inside.
"A little place just out of town" She fastened her seat belt now. "I'll direct you as we drive" I pulled out and began driving again, taking her first instruction to go to the end of the road.
It wasn't that long of a drive but it felt like a long time as I tried to concentrate on the road in front and forget the fact that the girl who was occupying all my current thoughts was sat smiling at me in the passenger seat. She made concentrating really hard.
"It's just on the left here" Paige said finally as we left the main highway.
"This is it?" We pulled up in the shabby parking lot and I could see the old fashioned diner from here. There was an old style sign in red lights and the whole place looked like we had stepped back in time.
"This is it" Paige had an amused grin on her face as she looked at me. "I told you no one would know us here… unless you know anyone from the 1950s" she teased. Even though it looked old it had a sort of charm I couldn't describe, it was strangely romantic. "And they do the best shakes ever here" she added as I turned the engine off and we both unfastened our seat belts.
"It looks nice" I said with a soft smile as Paige got out of the car. She had walked her way around the front of the car before I had chance to open the door and her hand reached the handle the same time mine did and she pulled the door open for me.
I couldn't help but blush at the sentiment, I never really liked it when guys did this for me… but with Paige it was different, the skewed gender role she took on with me was kinda' hot.
"Thanks" I was aware the look I was giving her was flirtatious and for once I wasn't trying to hold it back. I knew now I was here I had to let go. I had gone this far by agreeing to come to lunch with her… I might as well let myself enjoy it.
"No problem" she gave me a similar look back as she shut the door, we were both stood close together near the car now and it took a lot of self-control not to crash my lips against hers again.
"You look nice today… by the way" She spoke softly and I could only stare at her lips as I muttered a quick thank you. I knew if we didn't move soon I would start making out with her again. She tilted her head towards the diner after a moment though and we both started walking in that direction.
I walked through the door Paige held open for me and found that the diner looked exactly like I had expected it to from the outside. There were a range of different seating areas, with many red chairs forming booths. The waitresses were dressed in an old style uniforms with red and white stripes.
Paige's hand on my waist guided me casually to one certain side of the diner and I had to stop my body from shivering at her touch. The touch wasn't necessarily sensual it was more friendly than anything, but her hand on my body still caused my stomach to flutter.
She stopped when we reached a certain booth which I guessed was her desired place to sit. It was a good location, in the corner away from the other diners.
"It's nice in here" I spoke as I settled into my side of the table.
"It has character" Paige grinned back at me as she took her seat. I didn't know if I was happy to have the table between us now or not. Part of me knew it was a good thing as it would help me maintain my cool without the constant want to touch her.
One of the waitresses came to the table then and brought some menus for us. "Hello my name's Cindy and I'll be your server today" she said in an overly friendly tone. Even her name fitted this place. "Can I get you girls any drinks?"
Paige glanced at me quickly with a smile. "Do you like milkshakes?"
I nodded, I really liked milkshakes.
"Can we get 2 special shakes" Paige answered for us and the woman, Cindy, nodded happily as she sauntered off to fetch them.
"'special' shakes?" I raised an eyebrow at her comically. "Please don't tell me you're giving me a pot milkshake" I teased. She laughed at this.
"I wish" she let her eyes linger down to my smile. "But it's just a vanilla milkshake, the 'special' part is just 'cos it's really good" I smiled at how she used her eyes to speak, it really was endearing.
"So how did you find this place?" I was intrigued, it was a bit far out for a student to visit.
She looked down at the table momentarily as if she as a little embarrassed. "I was hoping you weren't going to ask me that" I gave her an amused curious look at her response. "I dated a girl who worked here once" she said dismissively. "In my freshman year"
"I thought Cindy looked happy to see you" I teased and she laughed at this.
"Cindy's not my type" she teased back. The woman in question was in her late 30's, dyed blonde hair and rather on the large side… I was happy she wasn't. "I only went on like one date with this girl before she moved across state, but I kind of made it my mission to check out this place she raved about all night"
I smiled as I imagined Paige on a date, I imagined what she would be like dating someone, what she had been like with all the other girls she had taken out… my heart beat sped up a little faster when I realised what I was doing right now. I knew we had never called this a date, but after what had happened last night it was hard to feel like this was anything else. The thought made me anxious again, it made me panic about the reality of what I was doing.
"Anyway… that's enough about my dating history" She teased and I knew I needed to calm myself down. We were finally talking properly without any barriers. I was finally able to spend some time with this girl without feeling like I was going to pass out… I needed to get over my nerves and just enjoy myself.
The waitress returned with our drinks and gave me a moment to pull myself together. I said a thank you as she placed the tall glass down in front of me, the stripy straw sticking out the top of the frothy substance.
When she left I pulled the glass towards me and took a sip. It really is good. I drank a little more with a quiet appreciative moan "that is so good" I said catching Paige's eye after I had spoken. She hadn't drank any of hers yet she was just watching me drink with that impossibly charming smile, she seemed to be enjoying what she saw. I let the straw out of my mouth slowly, stuck somewhere between embarrassed and aroused by the way she was smiling at me. What was this girl doing to me?
"It tastes amazing doesn't it?" She spoke without taking her eyes off me, her smile was still there and I felt my stomach flutter at the way she spoke. She pulled her own drink towards her and I realised I had never been jealous of a straw before.
We were silent for a moment after we had stopped drinking and I made a note of how it seemed to be a comfortable silence which I was rather happy about.
"I'm glad you decided to come in the end" She broke the silence.
"Me too" I said honestly, because even though I had been freaking out before I knew I hadn't made the wrong decision. "I still can't really believe I'm here" I was being honest now and it felt good.
"Neither can I" She focused her eyes on mine. "I never thought I would even get you to consider going to lunch with me… let alone kissing me" She was flirtatious again and I felt my stomach fluttering harder than ever.
"Well…" I began, hoping my cheeks weren't bright red. "… You can be very charming" She seemed to appreciate this.
"Can I ask you something?" she leant forward a little in her seat. "Just for curiosities sake"
"I guess if I say no you'll ask anyway" I smiled back at her, I was teasing her… but I wanted her to ask me. I wanted to talk to her. "Ask away"
"Have you ever been with a girl before?" She laughed slightly after she asked it. "It's hard to ask that question without sounding like a bit of a dork" she shrugged her shoulders and looked at me with interest, waiting for my response.
A slightly nervous smile edged onto my face when I thought about my response. "Yes" I felt my voice waver slightly. "Well no… sort of" I knew I wasn't being very clear.
"Sort of?" She raised an eyebrow at me and that same intrigued expression was on her face.
"I've kissed a girl before" I clarified, I didn't want to imply I had slept with a girl before.
"And did you like her cherry chapstick?" She joked with a smirk. I laughed lightly at her bad joke and couldn't help the flutter I got at her impossibly charming demeanour. "Who was she?" She asked, the smile still on her face. The more I got to know her the more I understood that the smile that could so easily be misunderstood for mocking was more affectionate than anything.
A took a deep breath as I met her eyes, deciding whether I should give her the honest answer or not.
"I've never spoke to anyone about this before…" I began to speak cautiously and it seemed like my words now intrigued her more than ever, she leant forward more as I spoke as if to say 'well now's the time'.
"She was my best friend when I was a teenager" I explained, suddenly finding the straw in my milkshake and fiddling with it so I had something to look at instead of Paige's inquiring eyes. "I didn't realise it then but looking back I'm pretty sure she was he first person I was ever in love with" I paused for a moment, kind of shocked that I had said that out loud. I was being honest I guess.
There was a part of me that always knew I had been, but there was the other part of me… the Emily I had been trying to be for so many years that had pushed the thought away. Now that other girl was fading away in my brain I could let myself see the things I had tried to forget. I remembered the way I would feel when Ali looked at me a certain way, I remembered the way my heart would leap when I thought about kissing her, I remembered the way I had thought that my whole life was over the day they told me she was missing. I knew now that it had been a hopeless, naive, unrequited love… but it had still been love.
I knew that it hadn't mattered to 13 year old me that Alison was a girl, all that had mattered was the way she made me feel. It had been as simple as that back then, but somehow the last few years of my life had washed the grey area I lived in so happily away and replaced it with solid blacks and whites.
"Did she love you back?" The simple and soft way she said it made my breath catch a little.
I shook my head at her question. "She had no idea how I felt, to her it was just practice for boys" I caught her eye and she seemed to smile understandingly at that… I guessed she was familiar with that certain situation. "… at least I think I was I never asked her" I added truthfully.
"What stopped you?" She took a sip of her milkshake casually and I felt bad that my body reacted so uncontrollably to her innocent question. It had been years since Ali died but it still sent shivers through me when I thought about her body being discovered in her backyard.
She must have caught onto my sudden change in demeanour despite the fact I was trying to keep my body relaxed. "What?" She asked, her eyes searching mine in that inquisitive way they did, she had a little bit of concern in her gaze as she watched me.
I shook my head, I was being stupid going into all this. This was meant to be a fun lunch where we got to know each other, not a chance for me to dig up all the dark and twisty secrets of my past.
"It doesn't matter, I'm sure you don't want to hear all of this" I dismissed with a wave of my hand and a small smile.
"You'd be surprised" She focused her eyes on the straw I was still playing with for a moment. "I like hearing about your life" She met my eyes again with an encouraging smile. "What happened with your friend?" There was something in her tone that was understanding and not forceful, like she had realised that there was something important I wasn't saying. Like always, so damn observant.
"She was…" I couldn't bring myself to say murdered. "…she died" I said the word without trying to be dramatic, I didn't want to make this into some kind of exciting story. "When we were sixteen"
She nodded slowly at that staying silent for a moment before she spoke. "I'm sorry, that must have been really hard" She breathed out a small breath and I watched as her eyes seemed to darken a bit.
"It was" I said simply, there wasn't much else to say. We were both silent for a moment as we both took a sip of our milkshakes.
"Okay your turn to ask something" She spoke to me after a moment, lightening the mood with her tone. "I might regret this but oh well" she was smiling.
I knew I had a hundred and one different questions to ask this girl but right now I couldn't think of them all. I was on the spot so I just asked the first generic question that came to mind, knowing I wasn't as good as Paige at asking interesting questions. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" It was a starting point.
"No" she shook her head. "I'm one of a kind" she opened her eyes comically and I laughed. "What about you?"
"I'm an only child too, so we have something in common"
"I think we have a lot in common" She wasn't saying it defensively, it was more just a statement she was making.
"You think?" Again, my question wasn't defensive, I was just curious about her opinion.
"I always felt like you understand me… with swimming and things" her words made me feel warm, I had also felt that way and it was nice to hear that she felt that too.
"I do" I gave her a warm smile. "I think we both have an unhealthy obsession with the pool" This caused her to laugh and she nodded in agreement.
I heard my phone ringing in my pocket and I looked away from her as I went to retrieve it. It was Hanna and I pressed the button to silence it but still let it ring, it was the second time she had called me already since I had left home today. The first one had been to discuss what we were going to cook for dinner tonight so I guessed this second call would be just as important. "Sorry it's my friend Hanna" I explained as I put the phone away.
"You can take the call I won't be offended"
"It's fine… it won't be important" I replied with a grateful smile. I didn't exactly want to speak to her now and have to lie to her in front of Paige about who I was having lunch with, also I didn't want to interrupt our conversation. "I mean she's my best friend and I love her but she just keeps calling me all the time now I live with her, you know when someone constantly needs your attention and it's exhausting?" I found myself talking a lot and I suddenly felt conscious of the way I was rambling, not sure if Paige would want to hear this.
"I get it. I'm best friends with Shana, she's like new born puppy level of needy" she opened her eyes wider as she spoke and I was happy to feel the conversation flow so easily again. I laughed softly at her words.
"What's the deal with Shana any way… is she…" I didn't feel confident to say it.
"Gay?" Paige asked for me. I nodded. "Really gay" Paige grinned at this for a moment "But not with me… definitely not with me" she teased, indicating my previous misconception of their relationship.
"I only thought that because I saw you two together at the bar and you looked…"
"I know" she smiled as she interrupted me. "I was pretending to be her girlfriend… it was obviously quite convincing" she gave me a little wink and I felt the blush creeping onto my cheeks again. When the conversation was flowing so easily like this it was easy to forget what I was actually doing, it was easy to forget I was out for lunch with a girl who could make my head turn to mush… a quick wink and I was right back with the flutters.
"So you live with Hanna, let me guess… the blond girl you were at the bar with that time?"
I raised my eyebrow light-heartedly at her words. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" she shrugged her shoulders but seemed pleased with herself.
"Yeah I've been staying at hers for the last few weeks since…" I broke up with Ben. I suddenly choked up when the words were about to leave my mouth. It was suddenly aware how surreal it was to be sat here with Paige talking about this.
"Since you broke up with your boyfriend?" She seemed to notice my inability to speak and finished for me, she looked different all of a sudden, like she knew this was delicate grounds and she wanted to tread carefully.
"Yeah" I looked down at the table for a second as I tried to pull myself together.
"How are things… with that?" It was the first time I had ever known her to ask a question with this amount of nervousness. It was almost amusing for me to see. It made me stop worrying about the uneasy feeling and emotions I still had when I thought about what had happened with Ben.
"Things are… different" I answered, trying to convey with eye contact that she didn't have to tread so carefully… I could handle her questions. "I've got a lot of things to adjust to… but I'm happy and I know that's important"
"The most important" She gave me a small smile, and I somehow knew she really believed that. "What made you finish it with him in the end?" the cautious look was back again.
I watched her facial expressions and the way they were so mesmerizing complex and I found myself speaking "There are a few reasons… but I'm sure you already know one" the words weren't spoken very loud and when I finished I saw a small, uncharacteristically shy smile on her lips. She dipped her head a moment before she looked at me again and I made a note of how much I liked it when she did that.
"Enlighten me?" the shyness had gone as quick as it had appeared as she was back with her confident demeanour.
"Do you really want to hear all this?" I felt like we were only talking about me but Paige didn't seem to mind it. She just nodded at my question.
"Well I guess I knew I wasn't happy for a while." I began, noting how much I appreciated the way she watched me as I spoke, like she was hanging on to every word I was saying. It made me feel like what I had to say was important. "I can't really describe it, but I sort of felt like I was living someone else's life… someone who I didn't even know…It got better when I began coaching but that feeling was still there, I just felt like something was missing. It probably sounds ridiculous explaining it like that" I suddenly chickened out at exposing my feelings.
"No it doesn't" She was smiling at me as she shook her head. "I completely understand what you mean… like watching your life through glass, you feel disconnected even though it's happening right in front of you."
I nodded slowly at her words. She really understood what I meant. I was sure my expression was one of admiration but I couldn't stop it, it was nice to hear her words.
"Exactly like that… have you felt that way before?"
"There was a time," She shrugged casually not answering my question in depth.
"When?" I pushed my luck, hoping she would open up.
She gave me an amused smile as if she had noticed the fact I was pushing her for information, but I thought it was her turn by now, I had opened up already. "I went through some pretty rough times in high school, I didn't really like the person I was" she shrugged casually again, maybe that was all I was getting.
I gave her a further inquiring eyebrow raise and she just laughed at my efforts. "Maybe I'll tell you about my wounded past one day… if you're lucky" She smiled wider at me as I felt my face fall in slight disappointment.
I was almost shocked at how much I wanted to know about her past. I hadn't thought about it before, I had been so caught up in the way she made me feel that I hadn't realised knowing who she really was would be so intriguing for me. I decided to give up now though, I didn't have the same skill as Paige did to talk it out of her.
"Are you ready to order?" The waitress had returned and it was only now that I realised I hadn't paid any attention to the menu she had left on the table.
"Are you hungry?" Paige asked me. I wasn't, not because I had eaten anything else just because the nervousness had left me with no appetite. Paige was looking at the menu though and by the way she was looking I gathered that she was. I didn't want to make her feel like she couldn't get anything.
"I could eat" I lied.
Paige smiled at that before she turned back to the waitress. "I'll have the cheeseburger please" she ordered simply.
I looked at the menu but I couldn't really focus on it. "I'll have the same" I answered, you couldn't really go wrong with a cheese burger.
The waitress nodded and left with our order.
"I put you down for a salad girl… looks like I under estimated you" She teased me when we were left alone.
"People tend to do that" I answered back. Aware that even though I was joking there was still some truth in what I said. My parents had under estimated how much I had wanted to coach, they hadn't understood that it was what I needed. Ben had under estimated how much swimming had meant to me, how much having my own life meant to me. It was funny, but I almost felt like Paige was one of the few people I had met that didn't.
She stared at me with a look I couldn't quite interpret until she looked away quickly, looking down at her hands that were resting on the table.
"What?" I asked, knowing I would probably get a bad answer.
"I find you so intriguing" She answered as she looked back up and met my eye again. You find ME intriguing… have you met yourself? I thought in disbelief.
"You do?"
She nodded with a small smiling curing onto her lips. "I have ever since the first day I met you"
"No one's ever described me as intriguing before" I said, sure that this level of eye contact flirting was not socially acceptable in public. I felt like she was undressing me with her eyes with the way she looked at me.
"There's a first time for everything" the eye contact continued to make my legs shake a little under the table. I took a deep breath as I felt the urge to jump across the table and kiss her sweep over me again.
"Are you okay?" She must have noticed my heavy breathing.
I shook my head lightly. "This is crazy" I couldn't help but bring my hands up to my face and rest my head in them for a moment.
"You keep on saying that" She smiled back at me. "What's freaking you out so much?" She seemed genuinely intrigued.
"Being here with you" I answered honestly. "The fact that this feels so normal"
"You're freaked out because this feels normal… that is crazy" she was teasing, but I could tell by the way she was looking at me that she really understood what I meant.
"This is just lunch… it doesn't have to mean anything more than that" She added as if to try and calm me down, but we both knew it was more than that, I nodded at her words anyway. Maybe it would be good to try and pretend this was just two friends going out for lunch for a little bit longer.
The waitress returned with our burgers before long and I forced myself to pick at the fries, after a while I found that I was actually hungry and I managed to enjoy the rest of the meal. I tried to avoid looking unattractive as I bit into the burger, but I gave up when I realised that was impossible. Paige seemed to find my attempts funny as she took a big mouthful herself, somehow managing to even eat a burger like a professional. This girl really could do everything.
She laughed as the ketchup dribbled down my hands and I found myself laughing too, enjoying the way her face looked when she was happy like this.
After we had finished eating I finished the rest of my milkshake that was now no longer as cold as before, pushing our finished plates to the edge of the table.
I felt like a teenager on a first date and the thought made me laugh a little. Burgers and milkshakes were so immature but for some reason I was enjoying myself so much more than I would be if I was in a fancy restaurant. The food was good and the company was even better.
"Did you enjoy that?" She was asking in that way that made me feel like she was actually truly intrigued.
"It was great" I met her eyes with a smile, she still had that amused grin she had before when she was laughing with me. "Eating a burger like a lady is frustrating though" I couldn't help but laugh again.
"You still looked like a lady to me" She finished her own milkshake as I watched her. Her lips settled around the end of her straw and I wished more than ever that those lips were on mine again. She pushed the glass away from her and looked my way, I realised I was staring at her mouth and forced my eyes upwards.
"You know what I find frustrating?" She bit down on her bottom lip slightly as she stared at me, I tried hard not to let my eyes linger back there.
"What?" I needed to try hard to focus on her words as she continued to bite down so deliciously on her lip.
"The fact that I want to kiss you all the time" I felt my stomach drop at her admission and my heart kick into a faster beat. I looked away from her mouth and met her eyes and they seemed to make the beating in my chest faster than ever.
"That must be frustrating" Being around her must have been rubbing off on me as the response was uncharacteristic of me, I was aware that I was just staring at her intensely now, but I couldn't look away.
Before today I had talked myself into believing that I could fight my attraction to her if I wanted to. I had convinced myself that I was only being weak by allowing myself to fall under her spell and if I needed to I would be able to resist. I knew all that was wrong as I felt the blood pumping around my body.
There was no way I could resist the pull I felt towards her. Hearing her speak and telling her about my life had only made that feeling stronger.
I knew I was completely helpless now, I was not only under her spell… I was completely enchanted.
The waitress returning to the table interrupted the moment and I managed to pull my eyes away as she picked up the plates and glasses. "Can I get you ladies anything else?"
Paige looked at me briefly to make sure I didn't want anything… the only thing I wanted right now was her… before she answered. "We're fine thanks, just the check" The way she spoke made her seem so much older than she was.
She took the plates away and I let out a slow breath as my eyes met Paige's again.
I didn't know where we went from here. What were we even doing now, it was almost like we were both daring the other to say something. Daring each other to take a plunge into the unknown.
The waitress returned and Paige reached into her pocket to get some money. The waitress had left us to settle the payment now and I shook my head as Paige placed a couple of bills down on top of the check.
"Paige, you don't have to pay it all… let me" I reached into my purse and tried to get the cash I knew was there.
"Emily" Paige had reached across the table and placed her hand on my arm, stopping my movement. "Honestly it's fine" She left her hand to linger on my arm and I looked down at it briefly, enjoying the contact of her skin on mine.
"I feel rude" I tried to argue against letting her pay again.
"Let me have this one… it boosts my ego" She flashed me a charming smile and I gave in, more concentrated on the way her hand was still touching me.
"Okay… I'll pay next time"
"They'll be a next time?" She smiled at this and I felt my cheeks blush a little, I hadn't realised what I was implying with my words. I didn't know if there would be a next time.
I didn't know if this was just a little fantasy I had to let play out… but I couldn't deny the fact I wanted there to be a next time.
"If you're lucky"
She smiled at my words, obviously enjoying the fact I was starting to tease her back. The nerves still existed but I was finding it easier to slip into that comfortable flirting mode that she had with me.
We left the diner after we had paid and as we stepped back outside I felt the nerves return stronger now.
The parking lot was pretty empty and we started to walk back across it slowly. As we walked I let my hand drop to my side, letting it brush gently against Paige's as we walked. I felt like we were back at the point of daring each other to act, I could feel with every brush of our hands that we were on the edge of something, but neither of us was making the push forward.
"So what happens next?" I could feel my heart beating in my chest as I broke the silence. I had to ask the question.
"What do you mean?" She knew what I meant.
"I mean… we just went out for lunch… and it was nice… but what is this… what are we doing?" I just needed some clarity. I felt like I was spinning in confusion and I needed something to anchor me into place and tell me what the next move was.
"What do you want to happen next?" We continued walking slowly towards the car and I could feel her eyes locked onto my face even though I was no longer looking at her, instead I was staring aimlessly ahead trying to make sense of all this. We reached the edge of the car and I looked down at the floor, taking a deep breath.
"I want to stop being scared" I answered honestly. I was fed up with beating myself up. I was fed up with hiding. I was fed up with hating every feeling of want and lust inside of me, I wanted to embrace the new feelings I had.
"I want to be reckless" I carried on talking. "and stupid" I added with a little laugh. "I want to live a little for once in my life"
I was still looking at the floor when I felt her hand reach for mine, she gripped it tightly as I began to raise my head up.
"What do you want?" I had to ask her.
"I want you" she spoke the words in a hushed breath as she used her grip on my hand to pull me towards her.
I was aware of my back meeting the cool metal of my car as she pushed me backwards and pressed her lips against mine. Her hands were on my face as the kiss deepened and I felt the flutters in my stomach stronger than ever.
She had never kissed me like this before. It had always been me who had initiated the kiss, it had been me who had dictated how hard it was, she had been a willing participant but I had been in control.
Right now I didn't feel in control… and it was the sexiest thing I had ever experienced.
She was pressing me hard against the car and I could feel her body pressed against my own, I brought my hands up to feel the skin of her exposed arms as she kissed me in the thrilling way she did. I couldn't breathe but it didn't matter, I knew Paige was in control and we would breathe when she let us.
My mouth was completely hers right now.
She finally pulled back slightly allowing us both to take in the oxygen we needed desperately. We breathed heavily but she still stayed in the same position she was in, slowly moving her hands lower. I breathed in and out as I watched her hands move down my body until she was holding my hips firmly. I had to resist the temptation to grind myself into her.
The barrier between us had broken somehow and all I wanted to do now was stay this close to her for the rest of the day.
"You are incredible" She breathed out as her eyes focused on where her hands were touching me. "I know this is new to you, and I know you're scared about all the implications… but I want you to know you can trust me" she wasn't meeting my eyes as she spoke. "I can't tell you what this means, or what's going to happen… all I know is that I am ridiculously attracted to you" she finally met my eyes and I knew that whatever happened… this would definitely not be the last time I kissed Paige McCullers.
I didn't reply, only pulled her back towards me and kissed her again.
The sound of her phone ringing interrupted our kissing and I pulled back from her reluctantly. She smiled at me as she shook her head.
"They can wait" she said with a grin as she ignored the call and met my lips again. It was seriously ridiculous how amazing kissing her was.
The phone rang again though and this time I pulled back again. "Answer it" I told her with a soft smile.
She gave me a hesitant look before she accepted what I told her and pulled her phone out of her pocket bringing it up to her ear as she answered.
"Hey Shana" She gave me a flirtatious look as she met my eye, her hand still resting on my waist. "What's up?" She asked to her friend on the phone.
I could only hear a muffled response before Paige spoke again. "Crap, I forgot that was this afternoon" the flirtation was gone from her expression momentarily as she realised whatever it was she had forgotten. "Okay well I'll be home soon" she spoke to the girl, giving me an almost regretful glance. "Okay bye" she spoke again before she hung up.
"Reality calls" she returned the phone to her pocket before she removed her hand from my waist.
"It has to sometime" I spoke back to her letting my eyes linger on hers as she nodded.
I didn't know what was going to happen next, all I knew was that I had let myself be foolish, I had let myself do exactly what I wanted to do… and it had felt absolutely amazing.
Thank You for reading. Please Review and let me know your thoughts!
Finally, To the guest who wants to see Em and Paige connecting, I hope this chapter showed that a little... But don't worry they still have a lot more connecting to do! :)