Ch. 10
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Song for this chapter- Agnes Obel- Smoke & Mirrors
Nine of Wands- Courage, persistence, test of faith, resilience, on edge, defensive, hesitant,
Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.
Five Months ago...
The Eating Recovery Clinic of Washington looks more like a luxurious hotel than a rehabilitation center. It's the middle of November, and the lobby is decked out in an assortment of garish holiday decorations, already. The inside is warmly lit with strings
/of twinkling white Christmas lights in the shape of icicles and strands of pine-scented evergreen garland strung all over. I see a small group of girls sitting on chairs next to a blazing fire. They're all dressed similarly in thick wool sweaters,
/leggings and socks, all thin and weary looking. I can tell they don't want to be here. I sigh, shifting my focus back towards my sister.
Because today is one of those rare days that we can all be together in the same room, and I'm not taking that for granted.
I've been trying to get Edward and Jasper in the same room for the past month. Edward refuses to tell me why they're fighting and I know that it's none of my business. Still, it pains me to see Edward so distraught over their argument, whatever it is.
/And it makes me resent Jasper a little more than I already do. With everything going on, I wish they would just get over whatever it is that made them argue in the first place. We all need to be strong for Alice's sake.
Present a united front and all that...
The tension is thick and awkward but Alice seems oblivious to it, thankfully.
"And I know that he's one of my counselors, but I wouldn't mind giving him a sponge-bath if you know what I'm saying."
"Alice," I hiss, trying to smother my laughter. Jasper rolls his eyes, but he has a small smile on his face, too. Edward stays silent on the bench seat beside me. His body angled away from Jasper and Alice. I can tell that he wants to be here for me,
/but that our present company is making him feel stifled. He won't say it, but he wants to, needs to, leave.
"What?" she asks innocently, eyes wide. I grab Edward's hand and pull him up next to me.
"We're going to look around a bit," I say gently, "give you guys some alone time." Jasper nods gratefully and Edward grips my hand tighter in his. "Hopefully there's some coffee in this place," I whisper under my breath. Edward snorts.
"You don't drink coffee. You drink toxic, highly caffeinated sludge." Jasper smiles, but it's halfhearted and then he points to the hallway beside us.
"There's some by the kitchen." I nod my head in thanks and pull Edward behind me.
We make our way through the slim, crowded hallway, back towards the kitchen. Outside, there is a buffet table set up with coffee, water, tea and snacks. There are a few bagels and danishes missing, but other than that the trays are decidedly full. I grab
/a Styrofoam cup and fill it up to the brim with black coffee, inhaling deeply.
"Do you want anything?" I ask Edward, my voice hesitant, patient; maybe, maybe he'll finally tell me what's going on. He shakes his head and grabs me by the shoulder, pulling me into his side.
No dice.
"She looks a little better, don't you think?" Edward's voice is quiet but clear, enthusiastic and supportive, and I melt into his side, because she does look better. She looks healthy.
Fucking finally, I think.
After pointless hospital visits wherein Alice ultimately always checked herself out, and the fights and the talks and the crying and pleading and begging.
This was all Alice's idea, in the end.
College could wait, I told her late one night. She needed to get better.
I couldn't lose her.
A few weeks later, she checked herself in.
"She does, doesn't she?" I ask with a smile on my face. I can't help it. I feel happy, I feel hopeful, too. I know that I shouldn't just yet. She is still getting better, and it's a slow process, but I'm full to bursting because every time I come to see
/her she looks better and better; more like the sister that I remember. There's a beautiful, clear brightness to her eyes that hasn't been there in months.
Edward squeezes me closer to his side, and guides me towards the back door. Once the door is shut behind us, he casts a glance around us to see if there's anyone outside. Finally, he plucks the cup of coffee out of my hand and sets it on the rim of the
/outdoor ashtray next to us. I barely have time to object before his hands are on my face and his lips are on mine.
It's cold outside, there are snowflakes falling. I can feel them catching on my eyelashes as Edward's lips mold to mine. They're warm and sticky and taste like peppermint candy canes. I sigh into the kiss and he runs his hands down my neck, the bare skin
/of his fingers cold against my throat. It's sweet and gentle and beautiful and after he pulls away I am absolutely glowing.
Edward chuckles at my expression, eyes still closed, unnaturally wide smile on my face. He laughs and runs his fingers through my hair.
"You're perfect," he says.
I stop. Swallow. Try to say thank you, but nothing comes out.
My tongue swells and sticks to the roof of my mouth.
And it's in that moment that I realize that I've lost some of my naivety, my innocence. Because his sentence should be beautiful and endearing and charming, but it's not.
It's not.
I can't tell if it's because all of this with Alice is still so new and fresh or because the word perfection hits so close to home; perhaps it's both. But I know now that nobody is perfect, least of all me. My sister is in an expensive, near constant
/therapy session trying to learn that lesson for herself right now.
I try to reign it I, try to look normal and unaffected. But Edward must sense that something is wrong because he tilts my chin up and tries to catch my eye.
"Hey." I look up, the hypnotizing moss green of his eyes trapping me. "What's wrong?" He asks. I shake my head, reluctant to tell anyone that my anxiety is still festering, still clogging and clouding my mind. I don't want to be the pessimist, but I can't
/help it. Alice looks so good, everything has been going so well, I can't help but feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don't want anyone to know that I feel this way, and I'm not sure why.
"Do you want to go inside?" He asks. I shiver in my coat, pulling my gloves off and picking the coffee back up from the ledge of the ashtray. I open the door for the both of us and follow Edward inside, back to our table. He makes his way around the corner
/before I do and he shuffles to a stop in front of me.
"What-" and then I see it. Alice is sitting at the table by herself, her face in her hands. Jasper is making his way across the lobby, his shoulders hunched inside his tan jacket. Edward shifts uncomfortably in front of me, and then he's all action.
"You go see what's wrong, and I'll see if I can talk to Jasper."
"Are you sure-" I start to ask, conscious of their fight. He won't tell me what it's about, won't let me in on any of the details. I've tried to ask but those files are closed, sealed, marked confidential. I figure that Edward will eventually tell me
/all about it. Until then, I'll give him time and space.
"Yeah, go check on your sister," he reassures. I watch him walk off, his shoulders and neck stiff.
I make my way over to Alice, sliding silently into the bench seat. She lifts her head, her eyes red-rimmed but devoid of tears. I furrow my brow in concern. She folds her hands on top of the table and sighs heavily, as though she has the weight of the
/world resting on top of her shoulders.
"That was weird," I whisper to Alice, my eyes cautious, my posture tense.
"Not really," She returns, her voice careful and controlled. Her nose is red and stuffed.
"What do you mean?" I ask, suspicious.
"Jasper and I just broke up." I drop my coffee from my lap onto the linoleum floor and swear.
"What the hell Alice? What do you mean you guys broke up," I hiss under my breath, eyes searching frantically for paper towels anywhere.
Fuck this coffee is hot.
"We don't love each other anymore."
"He said that?" I ask, pissed off, because how are you about to break up with your girlfriend while she's-
"No," she says slowly. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for her to elaborate. "I said it to him."
"Why?" I must look disbelieving because Alice shrugs her shoulder and looks down at the cheap, Formica table top.
"It's been like this for a while now. Jasper was my first love." She pauses, voice thick, but her hands are steady and her eyes are determined. "He'll always be my first love, you know? But we're too different. I think we would have broken up a lot soon
/had I not gotten sick." She says it so calmly, I'm almost scared. "Plus I think it will help with my recovery. I need to love myself before I can love someone else."
I smile, my heart beating harder in my chest and my eyes glossing over with tears, because she's right, but Jasper is probably wrecked.
"Are you okay?" I ask. "You guys have been together for almost four years. That's a long time, Allie." She nods her head sagely, hands still crossed in front of her.
"Yeah, I know," she says simply, without emotion. "We're just not right for each other. I need to focus on me right now."
"You didn't do this so you could spare him, right? Jasper would help you through this. He wants to help you. He loves you." Alice shakes her head and I can see that I'm frustrating her, if only a little.
"No Bella, it's not like that, I know he would stay-"
"Do you want me to go get him? I think you guys should talk about this." Suddenly, she throws her hands up in exasperation.
"No, we don't need to talk about this anymore. I've made my decision. Jasper and I are over. That's it." My eyes are wide and a little terrified, a little mystified, because this is the first time in so long, too long that I've heard my sister yell at
/me. "I'm sorry," she apologizes after glimpsing my face. It's not really okay, so I don't say anything.
This is it, the other shoe.
I knew it.
"Let's talk about something else," Alice says cheerfully, and her sudden change of mood leaves me feeling like I've just experienced a serious case of whiplash.
"Okay," I say slowly "what do you want to talk about?" Alice rolls her shoulders, her eyes darting around the room as though she's gearing up for a fight.
"What do you say about going on a road trip when I get out of here?" I narrow my eyes in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," she states simply "that after I get out of here, and after you graduate of course, we should go on a road trip." I grin, because the idea is outrageous but it's also good. Alice getting out of here, getting better, leaves me feeling indescribably
/happy.
"Yeah, okay, where would we go?" I say playing along, now.
"Anywhere we want. We could go see the worlds biggest frying pan or the world's biggest ball of yarn."
"Or the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls," I say sensibly.
"Yeah, or we could go see that stuff." I laugh loudly, and several girls look over at me.
"Just you and me?" I ask.
"Yeah, Bells, Just you and me. A road trip would be a good way to heal, I think." And I couldn't agree with her more. Getting out of here, graduating high school and going on a trip with my best friend, my sister, is just what we both need.
"It's a genius idea, Alice," I acquiesce. She smiles a stunning smile at me and I return it, hands stuffed in the pockets of my puffy black jacket. Just then, a member of the staff, clad in an unflattering green polo, makes his way over to the fireplace.
"Attention guests! Visiting day is officially over in five minutes, please say goodbye to your loved ones. There will be informational pamphlets offered on your way out. Thank you for coming out to the Washing Eating Recovery Clinic." Everybody bustles
/into action, but I don't want to move, don't want to get up from my seat.
"You can come to visiting day again in two weeks, it's not that bad, Bella," She says, and she's trying to be strong, trying to show me that she's taking her recovery seriously because she'll still be here in two weeks. I feel my shoulders relax and I
/get up from my seat to hug her. She feels small and fragile in my arms, but there's more. I can feel more of Alice now, and it makes me hopeful again. Maybe this will work out.
And I'll get to see the world's biggest ball of yarn with her once she's better.
After saying goodbye to Alice, I make my way out the front door an am startled to see Jasper and Edward in the parking lot, standing by Jasper's black rust-bucket. I'm too far away, I can't hear them, couldn't even if I tried. But I can make out their
/faces, and they look angry. The closer I get, the more I can hear.
Edward is arguing, his voice hushed, authoritative and demanding. I shiver where I stand. Jasper is silent, his eyes narrows and his mouth curled into an almost sneer, and then he's talking back, voice dangerously low, as though he knows I'm right around
/the corner.
"Hey guys," I say loudly, trying to attract their attention. They both spring apart, as though they've been caught doing something wrong. Edward appears sheepish, he runs a hand across the back of his neck and slowly looks at Jasper out of the corner
/of his eye.
But Jasper is staring at me.
"Are you okay?" I ask him quietly, slowly making my way over to the both of them. "Alice told me what happened. I'm really sorry Jasper, you know she's going through a lot right now."
"It's not a big deal," he say's coldly, his eyes glued to the ground. I furrow my brows.
"Yes it is-"
"Just drop it, Bella," He says exasperated.
So I do.
And Edward and I watch him walk away, his posture defeated and sad, and neither of us says a word.
We don't see him again for three months.