A/N: I feel so bad for not updating in so long but I haven't had internet in over a month! I've been traveling with my family all over Europe :D. Anyways, I just found out about Cory and I'm so heartbroken. Praying for Lea. RIP Cory.
When we walked in my house Puck was standing there like he'd been waiting for us.
"I need to talk to you, alone" His eyes shifted to Brittany.
His tone made me edgy. The way he was looking between Brittany and me with such hate gave me the shivers.
"Can we do this later? I'm starving." I looked towards the kitchen where all the food was set up.
"This can't wait" He crossed his arms defensively.
"Fine, you can wait in my room Brittany" She nodded and walked out of sight.
"Let's talk in my room" he said.
"OK," I didn't know what he could want to talk about. I thought I was pretty clear with what I said earlier.
When we reached his room he shut the door behind us and clenched his jaw. I stood in the middle of the room as he walked over to the edge of the bed and sat down.
"I need you to tell me why you broke up with me" His voice was strained and serious.
Did we really have to go over this again?
"I told you things between us weren't great. I don't have romantic feelings towards you anymore." I said bluntly.
"Anymore? Did you ever have feelings for me?" His normally calm demeanor slowly changed and his face twisted into anger, nostrils flaring and mouth quivering.
"Of course I had feelings for you, why else would I say yes when you asked me to be your girlfriend?" I did feel something for him before, nothing strong but there was something there. I still haven't figured out if those feelings were mistaken with the feeling of excitement of having a real boyfriend. What I felt for Puck wasn't anything compared to what I feel for Brittany. Touching Brittany with one finger gave me more feelings than I ever had with Puck.
"I don't think so Santana, there was a reason why you never put out and it wasn't because you weren't ready!" He stood up suddenly still clenching his hands.
"Puck—" he interrupted me.
"No! For so long I tried convincing myself that the reason you didn't want to sleep with me was because you wanted to wait but that wasn't the reason at all was it?"
That was the reason I never slept with him. I never felt ready plus I never had that connection with him. I thought if we dated long enough that feeling would appear but it never did. I felt guilty turning him down countless times but he seemed to understand it wasn't something I wanted yet.
"What are you getting at?" I snapped.
"What was I to you? You know what; I'll answer that for you. You used me as a cover-up!"
"Cover-up? What the hell?"
"I'm such an idiot; I don't know how I didn't see it sooner."
"See what?"
"You Santana! I feel like I don't even know you anymore!" He yelled.
"That's not true, you do know me" I tried to keep my voice calm but he was starting to make me mad. He stepped towards me and made sure we made eye contact.
"I saw you on the beach with Brittany" he said flatly.
My stomach dropped feeling as though something had walked through my body and left me numb and shaking. I was breathless and gripped by own fear. How had he seen? He was supposed to be downtown. I'd been caught; he had seen us and there was no way to deny it anymore.
"I—uh…h-how much did you see?" I broke eye contact and looked anywhere but at him.
"Enough to know that you cheated on me and lied about everything" His was quieter now. He sounded more heartbroken now than when I'd dumped him.
"I'm sorry Puck. I really am but Brittany's different, you wouldn't understand. I know what you saw must have looked really bad but what Brittany and I had when you and I were still together was more emotional. We never…" I trailed off.
"Slept together?"
"We didn't did anything more than kiss, even than I felt bad about it. I know you don't want to hear any of this but the cats out of the bag."
"Emotional cheating is worse in my opinion. Why would you lie to me about your sexuality? I thought I was your boyfriend and best friend, but you've been lying to me for years then you move out here and fuck around with the first girl who gives you the time of day."
"That's not true! I never had feelings for another girl until I met Brittany. I'm sorry that you feel betrayed and left in the dark but I'm still trying to figure myself out." I started to cry, tears slowly ran down my face.
"I can understand how you're confused but did you think could keep your girlfriend a secret forever? We're you ever planning on telling me or we're you going to wait for me to find out from someone else?"
"She isn't my girlfriend and I planned on telling you after you got over me. I didn't want you to hate me."
"Does anyone else know about this?"
I shook my head.
"Nobody can find out yet, please don't tell anybody" My vision was blurry and my eyes were probably red and swollen by now.
"You think I would expose you like that?" He seemed dumbfounded.
"Considering I cheated on you with a girl and lied about it, yeah I wouldn't blame you if you did."
He stepped forward giving me sad eyes. His face was full of pity and I didn't want any of it.
"Santana…cheating or not I can't force myself not to care about you. You'll always be my first love. You shouldn't have to go through this alone." He stretched his arm out and wiped my face. This was the side of Puck that I liked the most. He can yell and scream all he wants but at the end of the day he says something that and makes you want give him a hug. He isn't afraid to show he cares. Someone will be lucky to have him someday but that person isn't me.
"I've got Brittany"
He shook his head.
"You should tell Quinn, she'd understand"
I don't know how I'm going to tell Quinn. I don't want her to find out like Puck. She would be a lot less sympathetic since we've known each other a lot longer. Whenever I think about telling her I remember that time she kissed me freshman year. We never talked about it but things did get a little awkward after it happened. I tried subtly bringing it up a few times but she brushed me off.
"I don't want to tell anybody anything yet"
"If you say so…"
"Thank you for being understanding"
He smiled slightly.
"You still hungry? Wanna eat something?"
"I should probably talk to Brittany. She doesn't know what's going on."
"Oh. Right." He shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I know this is awkward considering we broke up but I'd like to keep in touch with you if can ever forgive me"
"It's impossible not to forgive you" He smiled and pulled me in for a hug.
"I thought you'd hate me" I said against his chest.
"I don't hate you, I hate the idea that someone makes you happier than I could" He pulled away.
"You'll find someone; I have no doubt about that."
"Thanks"
I gave him a small smile and left the room to return to Brittany. As I walked out past the kitchen my mom was standing there with her eyebrow quirked. She must have heard us yelling. She walked towards me and gave me a hug.
"Are you ok?" She rubbed my back with her hands.
"Did you hear us?"
"I heard yelling," She pulled away and examined my face. I knew my face was still red from crying. "Brittany came out here and heard too. She looked kind of frightened so I told her to go home and wait for everything to settle down and we could have dinner a different night."
Great. Brittany was probably so confused right now. I resisted the urge to call her and hear her soothing voice. I know the minute I tell her what happened she'll drive over here. Today had been hectic enough; I need a night to sleep on this without any more drama.
"Sorry I ruined dinner"
She gave a soft smile.
"It really seems like you're changing"
"What?" I looked at her confused.
"I mean—not in a bad way. Ever since we moved here you just seem different, more like that little girl I used to know."
It's hard not to be in a good mood when you're here; it's like being on a permanent vacation.
"Um…thanks?"
"I knew you'd be happier here"
"Yeah, I am." There's only one reason for that though…
"Have you talked to your dad recently?"
"We've kinda been playing phone tag for a couple days. He always calls me when I'm in class for some reason."
"Then you should tell him what time you get out of class, he misses you."
"How would you know that?" I tilted my head.
"We talk every week. You're his daughter; a conversation doesn't need to happen to know he misses you."
"I miss him too. You think he'll ever come out to visit?"
My mom shifts uncomfortably.
"I don't know, honey. We talked about visits and we're both leaning towards having you flown out to Lima. You could visit some of your old friends."
I did miss Quinn, but she said she wanted to come out here.
"Ok, I think I'm going to head to bed."
"Isn't it a little early for that?" She turned around and looked at the clock.
"Yeah it is but I'm pretty drained, emotionally."
"Oh, ok. Sleep tight and I'll see you in the morning. Don't forget we need to take Puck to the airport tomorrow."
"I won't forget"
When I woke up it was already ten in the morning. I reached over to my night stand to check my phone but was met with a cold empty surface. Great, my phone is gone. Now I have no way of contacting Brittany.
I come up with the idea to visit her at her job. The only problem is I have no idea if or where she is working today.
Thinking logically, I decided to check the beach first because it's the closest one to my house. I pull myself out of bed and quickly get dressed.
When I pull up to the beach I frown because I don't see her car in the lot. I hop out of the car anyways to see if she's there. When I walk in the tent I was met with a familiar face.
"Um—Luke right? Brittany's brother? Do you remember me?"
He nods.
"The girl I hit with the football, right? Santana?"
Wow, he has a good memory.
"Yeah, that's me." I blush at the embarrassing memory of the bloody nose I received.
He laughed a little.
"I'm sorry about that again"
"That's ok; I was actually wondering if you knew where Brittany was. I misplaced my phone so I can't get ahold of her."
"Oh-uh, yeah. C-Can I ask you something?" He looked slightly nervous.
"Sure"
"Did something happen with Brittany last night?"
Fuck, I hope Brittany isn't mad about last night. She's the one good thing I've got going right now.
"What do mean?"
"She told me this morning that she was going to her spot. She only goes there when she's upset and she wouldn't tell me anything. I know you've been hanging out a lot recently..." He trailed off.
"Oh...I didn't do anything to upset her if that's what you're asking."
"Fair enough. Look, I don't want to be the dick brother who warns you about hurting my sister but I feel like I have to. She's been through a lot and doesn't need any more heartbreak."
My face heated as I avoided eye contact. Had Brittany told him about us?
"I don't know what she told you, but I would never hurt her like that."
He gave me a small smile, "I guess you've got some searching to do."
"Yeah...I'll see you around"
He nodded and walked away.
I knew exactly where she was. I half jogged to my car and sped towards her location.
She looked so peaceful with her feet dug in the sand. I almost turned around right there because it looked like she didn't want to be bothered.
Turtles. I knew this had to be the spot where she came because she told me she'd never brought anyone here besides me.
I felt the hot gritty sand between my toes as I walked towards her. As I got closer I knew she could hear me but she didn't acknowledge my presence. She looked as beautiful as ever with her hair slightly blowing from the wind. I sat down next to her and placed my hand over hers. She didn't make any move to take it away so I laced our fingers together.
We sat there for a few moments before she spoke.
"I've been pretty selfish with you" she spoke softly still gazing out at the bright blue ocean.
It didn't make sense. It anything, I've been selfish with her. She's the only one keeping me sane at the moment.
"Um...what?" I squeezed her hand to encourage her to continue.
She tore her eyes away from the water to look at me.
"I-uh," she seemed nervous. "When you didn't answer your phone it gave me some time to think."
My heart rate suddenly skyrocketed. That definitely isn't a line I want to hear from her.
"I don't know where my phone is; I think it's in your car." I interrupted her.
"Let me get this out please," I nodded and she continued. "I met you and I was mesmerized by you. I wanted to spend every minute of every day with you. I mean I still do but, I didn't even give you a chance to meet other people because I wanted you all to myself. I didn't even realized it...when I saw you with Puck I felt like a jealous girlfriend and that isn't me. I've never been like that. I'm sorry for taking up all your time since you got here but I couldn't help it." She looked away but still gripped my hand.
"Brittany, you shouldn't feel like you've been taking up all my time. I wanted to spend time with you, want to spend time with you." I squeezed her hand again before continuing. "I-I...I'm not the greatest at making new friends, you're like a blessing to me Brittany."
She finally smiled and held my gaze.
"You really mean that?" She tucked some hair behind her ear shyly.
"Yes. Don't ever doubt that."
"Ok but, I feel pretty bad. I kinda fell off the face of the earth according to most of my friends and that's not...false. I haven't seen any of them outside of school in weeks. I thought maybe it would be a good opportunity to introduce you to some new people."
I smiled at her thoughtfulness.
"Well...if they're anything like you then I'm sure they're pretty cool."
She nodded, "They are, I know you'll like them. In fact, a few of them invited both of us to a bonfire thing they're doing tonight."
"Yeah, yeah that sounds fun. I have to take Puck to the airport later but, I'll meet you there?"
Her smile faded into a slight frown.
"I almost forgot about him," she pouted.
"I know, I'm sorry. It's just, last night was...bad? weird? I don't kn-"
Brittany turned into me immediately and cupped my cheek making me lose my train of thought. I automatically leaned into her touch.
"Did he do anything to you?" She had this cute wrinkle in her forehead as she gave me a worried expression.
"No, he didn't try anything. Let's talk about it tomorrow." I wanted desperately to tell her Puck knew about us.
"When I left I heard a lot of yelling. I was so worried about you and then you didn't answer your phone. Why was he so mad at you?" Her thumb kept grazing my cheek.
"He knows about us," I said simply.
Her eyes widened but she kept her hand in place.
"What do you mean he knows about us?"
"He saw us at the beach"
She took her hand away from my face and scooted her body closer to me. I thought she would grasp my hand again but she wrapped her arm around my waist.
"Are you okay?" She said softly.
"Yeah...I think I am. He was mad but he understood, you know?"
She nodded and tightened her grip on my waist.
"Are you planning on telling Quinn?"
"No, it's too soon. I don't want to think about that right now."
"Ok, but we still need to talk about it later."
"I know"
"What do you feel like doing now? Grab some lunch? Or I guess brunch would be more appropriate."
"Mmm that sounds good, I'm starving."
"I know a good place; follow me in your car."
She cupped my cheek again with her other hand and looked deep in my eyes. I couldn't resist anymore, I tilted my head forward and kissed her soft lips. Both her grips tightened as she moved her lips against mine. I was surprised when she pulled away.
She bit her lip slightly as she stared at me.
"I like kissing you" she admitted.
I chuckled.
"Well I'd hope so, otherwise this could get pretty awkward" I joked.
She smiled and nudged me with her shoulder before standing up. I went to stand up myself when I noticed she reached her hand out. I grabbed it and pulled myself up.
"It's not too far away and the food is amazing"
The emptiness in my stomach became more noticeable at the mention of food.
"Perfect"
After we ate I had to go home and take Puck to the airport. I had been ready to go for the past ten minutes but he hadn't emerged from his bedroom. Getting impatient I knocked on his door.
"Puck? We need to leave now if you want to make your flight." I kept knocking but there wasn't an answer. I wrapped my hand around the handle and opened the door to find his room completely empty. Confused, I walked over to the bed to find a note.
Santana,
I couldn't stand saying goodbye to you again. I'll always be here for you.
-Puck
As I held that note, I felt almost…relieved? Driving him to the airport wasn't on the top of my list of things to do today. I never liked goodbyes and he knew that. He gave me an out and I was grateful for that.
I saw the fire in a distance and strode towards it. A moment later I saw Brittany hop out of her chair and speed walk toward me.
"Santana! I'm so glad you made it." She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck.
"Me too" I pulled away to see her smiling face.
She took my hand in hers. It felt so good having her warm hand in mine. Suddenly I remembered we weren't alone and pulled it away sharply.
She looked at me with the saddest pout. I felt horrible but how could she think I'd be comfortable with this in public yet? Her friends were just feet away; I couldn't have them knowing anything about us.
"I'm-sorry Britt, I'm not exactly..."
"Oh...right, sorry. That's sort of an automatic thing now." She brought her hand up to her mouth and bit her nail nervously.
"D-Do any of your friends know anything?" I nervous fidgeted with my thumbs.
"What? Of course not, I wouldn't tell anyone unless I talked to you first." Her voice was so quiet.
"No-I know that. I just don't want people to know anything about us."
"Ever?" She squeaked out.
I looked at her with wide eyes. I almost wanted to laugh but she looked genuinely worried.
"What? No! I didn't mean it like that, we just started...dating and I'm not ready to drop this bomb on everyone."
"I get it. Shall I introduce you to my friends now?" She tilted her head towards the bonfire.
"Yeah, let's go."
I followed her towards the group where I was met with group of smiling faces.
"Guys, this is Santana. Santana, this is Hannah," she pointed to a girl with dirty long blonde hair wearing a long skirt with a large blouse. She also had a headband and some beads around her neck. "Cody," He had short brown hair and was wearing swim trunks with a tank top. His features somewhat reminded me of Puck. "And Brandon." He also had brown hair but it was longer and curly. They all looked like they were reading for a day at the beach. All her friends were really attractive. I felt somewhat intimidated.
"Nice to meet you guys" I walked close to Brittany and took the empty seat next to her.
"I can't believe we are finally meeting the famous Santana" Cody said.
"So this is the chick that stole you away from us?" Hannah said playfully.
"Hannah…" Brittany warned.
"What? Don't act like it's not true. Santana, every time I tried to make plans with her she blew me off. Rude right?" She looked towards me for an answer.
"I-Uh, I guess it's a little rude?" I didn't know what else to say. This was my first impression and I didn't want to screw it up.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry ok? I'm here now aren't I?" Brittany said teasingly.
Hannah nodded and pulled out a cigarette. At least, that's what I thought it was until she lit it. I narrowed my eyes at it and realized it was a joint. Shocked, I looked around the beach to see if other people would notice but the beach was deserted. I'd never done drugs before. I couldn't, I was a cheerleader and the coach would kick anyone off who touched drugs.
"You smoke?" She looked at me and held up the joint.
My nerves hit the roof. Nobody had actually ever asked me to do any type of drugs because they knew how strict coach was.
"Pot? No," I fidgeted with my hands. "Well I've never really tried it before…" I was kind of embarrassed. They were all passing the joint around and taking hits so casually. Yet another thing I'm inexperienced with.
Brittany looked over at me surprised.
"You haven't smoked before?" She raised her eyebrows.
"No, do you smoke too?" That is something worth mentioning to the person you're dating right? I wonder what else she's hiding from me.
"I'm not a big pot head like these guys but I smoke every once in a while. It's more common here than you may think."
"Oh…cool." It smelled awful, how could they smoke that stuff?
"Guys, Santana and I are going for a walk." Brittany stood up and motioned me to follow.
I silently thanked her noticing how uncomfortable I was.
When we were at a distance where they couldn't hear or see us, Brittany spoke up.
"I'm sorry about back there; I didn't know they were bringing any." She stepped close to me and put both her hands around my waist.
"It's ok; I've just never done any that. I didn't want to make fool out of myself by trying it." I put my arms around her neck.
"You don't have to try it now or…ever. If you decide you want to then you'll do it with me alone, ok?"
"Ok" I tilted my head forward and gently touched her lips with mine.
"Does it bother you?" She pulled her lips away.
"What? Smoking?"
"Yeah"
"I don't know…I am wondering why you didn't tell me before though. Have you been high around me before?" I spoke calmly because I didn't want her to get upset.
"No! I would never get high and then hang out with you…truth is, I used to smoke a lot. Pretty much every day like them," She pointed back to the fire. "I stopped though. Since I've been with you I've found no need in doing it anymore. The only reason I started was because my accident. It helped me with my insomnia and depression."
My heart clenched at the thought of Brittany with so many problems after what happened.
"Ok"
She studied my face.
"That's it? Ok? You don't care?" Her hands tightened around my small waist.
"Of course I care, but I can't tell you what you to do. If you wanna smoke, do it. If you don't want to than don't do it. I'm not going to control the way you live your life." I said honestly. After her explanation I didn't really care if she smoked as long as she wasn't high around me.
She smiled and gave me a quick kiss.
"How would you feel about leaving right now? They'll probably be smoking all night."
"I'd feel like that was a good idea, I don't know…I didn't get to talk to them very much and they'll probably think I'm antisocial."
"Don't worry about that, you'll be seeing them a lot."
"Ok, my place?"
"Let's do it"