Blade: This talkshow promises to be a… very… interesting one. V Sorry it's
so late, but I got a record number of reviews (and questions) so this took
me a few days to write. I'm implementing a new policy: to save my aching
fingers, reviewer names are gonna be abbreviated. Actually, I just
implemented that because of our first reviewer's name ^^; Anywho, on with
the gal-dang show!
Harold: (pops out of nowhere and bellows) On with the show!
Satine: (Sings) The show must go on!
Blade: …-.- Do I have to kill you again?
Satine: (gulps) no…
Blade: Out of my talkshow tower, buddy! (shoves Harold out the door, then bolts the door shut) Gyuh, the things I put up wi-
The Duke: (flies through the window)
Blade: Gaah!!
Obi-Wan: (dashes up, lightsaber in hand) Now I'll really kill you!
Satine: Go, Obi, go!
Everyone: Go, Obi, go!
Blade: Wait!
Everyone: O.o
The Duke: (coughs nervously)
Blade: The lightsaber is too painless. We need to find a more… painful way of… disposing of the problem.
Everyone: (grins viciously at The Duke)
The Duke: (gulp)
Blade: You (points finger at the quivering Duke) sit there (points at a chair, and the Duke sits in it, locked to it with very tight handcuffs)
Everyone: Woo!
Blade: Hmph. Now, if we can avoid further interruptions… The Homicidal MANIAC!! WANABE JEDI SITHY PERSON! You're up.
The Homicidal MANIAC!! WANABE JEDI SITHY PERSON! (Homicidal): Anakin and Amidala: Who's the favorite of the twins? ever plan on having more babies? and why are your kids so screwed up!
Amidala: I think I drank a few too many Tatooine Tankards when I was pregnant… eheh…
Darth Vader: No, it was my genes. Muahahaaa!
Anakin: O.o (backs away slowly)
Palpatine: (giggles) You show him, Vader!
Homicidal: Anakin: Loose Weight Lardo!!!! you sooo fat!!! and big!!!!!...why look at Vader!! he's a sexy skinny Pimp!!!
Anakin: I am?? Wahaha, I'm faaat! (runs off to purge)
Old Obi-Wan: Bulimia is not the way of the force!
Homicidal: Darth Vader: How does it feel to see Anakin Skywalker. Do you hate him that much? because he was the weakling side. Can you have a saber fight with Anakin I vant ta see who wins. What do you think of Amidala?! Your dead Wife!!!
Vader: It feels… strange to see my… younger… self. I do not hate myself. I hate Obi-Wan.
Old Obi-Wan: (sticks his tongue out at Vader)
Vader: I will fight myself as soon as I come back from the bathroom. And I think Amidala is still looking good, unlike me.
Homicidal: Palpatine: Are you into Dr. Seuss?!
Palpatine: I love Dr. Seuss! The Cat in the Hat is my favorite book of all time!
Anakin: (walking back from the bathroom) I am not fat!
Vader: (ignites lightsaber and goes after… himself O.o)
Anakin: Gah! (dives under a chair)
Homicidal: Amidala Anakin and Vader: Am I force-sensing a threesome (Grins)
Amidala: (looks Vader up and down) I'm sensing… no.
Homicidal: Yoda: WHy are you green? and why you talk funny?
Yoda: Not easy it is, being green. Talk funny I do to confuse you, mmm, yes.
Homicidal: Chewbacca: Are you really a Giant-Size Ewok?!
Chewie: Rr.
C3P0: Master Chewbacca says 'No, I'm a wookiee, a large tree-dwelling alien species from the planet Kashyyk.
Homicidal: Old Obi-Wan: is there an Old Satine?!
Old Obi-Wan: No, because Satine died when I was a young man. Therefor, ghost Satine is old Satine.
Blade: You can't beat Old Obi logic…
Homicidal: Jar-Jar: Are you an english teacher?!!
Jar-Jar: Mesa no thinkin' so.
Homicidal: Luke: Did you took my sammich?! how does it feel to have to Fathers BWhahahahhaah!!!!!!
Luke: No, I took no sandwich. Uh… Buahaha?
Homicidal: Leia: ALDEEEEERAAAAN!!! GOOO BOOOOOOOM!!?????
Leia: Wahahaaaa! (sob)
Homicidal: Blade: Can you bring Jango Fett on stage?!?! PLZ!!!
Blade: No, 'cos I haven't seen Episode II yet… (Sniffles)
Homicidal: To Obi-Wan: oh gawd I don't have money and I'm poor and I really need money. I've heard Jedi Academy takes care of their Padawans...So please Obi-Wan can I be your apprentice!??!?! I'm soo much better than Anakin I mean, I won't be gothic and I won't kill you. I promise!!!
((jumps on stage pushing everyone aside and clings to Obi-wan's leg))
PLEASE!! I NEED FOO-ERRR I NEED TO BE YOUR PADAWAN!!!...I CAN FEEL PALPATINE DOING AN EVIL SCHEME!!!...THE DARK SIDE IS CONSUMING ME!!! I MAY BE A SITH AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT...NOOOO!!! PALPY IS TAKING ME!!!...AND I'M COLOR BLIND!! AHH!!!!...HELP ME OBI-WAN BEN KENOBI YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!!!!!! I NEED FOOD!!!!!!! I NEED A BEER!!! WOOOOOOF!!!!
Obi-Wan: O.o uh, an apprentice I already have, impossible it is to take another! (wriggles away from Homicidal and hides under a chair with Anakin)
Blade: Our next questioner is… a ferret O.o
Psy the Ferret: To Blade: -pounce- MOULIN ROUGE. -luffs the Moulin Rouge-
Blade: Yes, the Moulin Rouge is a lovely movie… O.o (puts the ferret back on the floor)
Psy: To Blade: -eyes Jar Jar- Can I kill him? Please?
Blade: Yes, after the talkshow.
Jar-Jar: Mesa be thinkin' mesa need ta get mesa self outta thisun place!
Psy: To Boba Fett: How is it possible for one character to KICK SO MUCH ASS??
Fett: (shrugs)
Psy: To Obi-wan: -curls around Obi-wan's ankle- Could you ever date a ferret? ^__^ I can shapeshift. But just date, marry Satine, but date me. Al is my future husband. Do not ask who Al is. Just date me until Al proposes. ^_______________^
Obi-Wan: Uh… I don't think we Jedi Knights are allowed to date… besides, you're a… ferret.
Blade: Here's MordorianNazgul again.
MordorianNazgul: Luke: *hugs* Thankies. You're not so bad, you know.
Luke: Why thank you (bow)
Nazgul: Boba Fett: I would be pleased to have you on the hunt. You'll need to talk to Malarow about payment for it. *points to a red-haired jedi on her left*
Fett: (nods at Malarow) I will speak to you after the show.
Nazgul: To every Jedi in the building: Excuse the girl who's bothering the sith. For some reason, her brain doesn't work properly, and she doesn't like you. I'm very sorry.
All the Jedi: Who wouldn't like us?? (tears)
Maul: Wusses…
Nazgul: Obi-Wan: Don't listen to Estal. I still think you're cute. *hugs*
Obi-Wan: ^^ A lot of people do.
Blade: Obi-Wan did the '^^' face! Aaa, kawaii!
Obi-Wan: O.o;
Blade: Eh, sorry. (composes self) Master Jemi, ask away!
Master Jemi: Ben Kenobi: Why did you name yourself Ben???
Old Obi-Wan: I needed to hide from Vader.
Vader: (derisive snort) I knew who you were! 'Ben' isn't much of a secret name.
Jemi: Darth Vader: I think u should use an inhaler. That's wat we use on planet Earth wen we dont have enough air. But my question is that Why DO you breath so hard???
Vader: My mask is better than an inhaler. I do not breath hard, my breathing is merely amplified.
Jemi: Ewan & Anakin: OMG OMG OMG I THINK BOTH OF U GUYZ ARE HOTT!! WILL U BOTH MARRY ME??? but anywayz How does it feel to meet your ownselves in the future?
Obi-Wan: I'm really… old… when I get old.
Anakin: I'm afraid of my future self.
Vader: Anakin… I am you…
Anakin: O.o
Blade: Aleena Tarlana has a test for all of you.
Luke: I'll speak for the Jedi.
Vader: I shall speak for the Sith and bad guys.
Jar-Jar: Nobody a-wantin' ta speaka with mesa?
Everyone: NO!
Aleena Tarlana: 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Luke: (consults with the Jedi) It is physically impossible to put an giraffe in a normal fridge.
Vader: Chop the giraffe into tiny pieces and use a garbage masher to make the pieces small.
Jar-Jar: Open da fridge and put da giraffe insida!
Aleena: right aswer: open the door, put the giraffe inside and close the door. this tests whether you tend to do things in an overly complicated way.
Sebulba: Well, we know why the gungan got it right… he's too simple to think normally.
Aleena: 2. how do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Luke: Uh… open the fridge and put the elehpant in?
Vader: Eat the elephant, then put a piece into the refrigerator.
Jar-Jar: Open da fridge, taken da giraffe out, put da elephant in, den closen da doors!
Aleena: wrong aswere: open the door, put the elepnant inside, close the door.
right answer: open the door, take out the giraffe, put in the elepnat, close the door. *This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.*
Luke: …-.-
Aleena: 3.The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Luke: The… lion… king?
Vader: The pitiful sheep that we killed.
Luke: What sheep??
Vader: (burp)
Jar-Jar: Da elephanty! Hesa in da fridge!
Aleena: Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities
Luke: -.-
Aleena: 4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Luke: I know this! Use the Force!
Vader: Blow the planet up. Then there will be no river.
Jar-Jar: Just swim across! Da crocodilees besa at da conferencia!
Aleena: Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting *this tests your memory*
Luke: Aww…
Jar-Jar: Wahoo! (dances)
Vader: (Eats another sheep)
Blade: Skyblazer has a few questions.
Skyblazer: Sibulba: Why are you so ugly?
Sebulba: Do I have to come over there and rip your tongue out? (growl)
Blazer: Anakin: Do you think you would've become evil if Qui-Gon was your master?
Anakin :Why yes… yes I would have.
Qui-Gon: …
Blazer: Sauron: If you're into nail polish *vomits* then does that mean I can possess the Ring? *evil grin*
Sauron: No! It goes well with my pretty-gold polish.
Blazer: Luke: First of all, Luke is such a dull name compared to some other names such as ... Yoda! Right! I mean, I'm not going to ramble on your name, but I guess the name fits a dull kind o' character ...
Luke: Hey! I like my name!
Yoda: The point, that is.
Luke: …
Blazer: Obi-Wan: How come your hair changes from dark brown and then it starts lightening up to a blondish whitish brownish color?
Old and younger Obi-Wan: Age.
Blazer: Satine: Uh, when are you going to return to the dead world?
Satine: At the end of this talkshow, I think. I'll be sure to kick the Duke into the fires of hell when I go.
The Duke: (sweatdrop)
Blazer: Amidala: If you were one of the youngest Queens of Naboo, then how come you did such a good job of protecting yoru country?
Amidala: I'm just gifted, I guess
Old Obi-Wan: (with mild sarcasm) and modest, too.
Blazer: Blade: Hey, could you continue that Watto X Anakin story?
Blade: O.o no! That was just a threat! Watto/Anakin… (gag) Torre degli Angeli, you're the weakest link. J/k, you're actually just the next questioner (Wow, these intros are getting bad -.-)
Torre degli Angeli: Obi-Wan from Ep 1 & 2: Um... Mister Kenobi? You're my absolute FAVORITE character! I love you!!! *hugs Obi-Wan* You rule! And DON'T shave, cos you're sooo adorable in Eppie 2! I won't ask you to marry me, but can I have an signed poster? *pulls out HUGE Obi-Wan poster* Pretty please?
Obi-Wan: Uh… sure. (takes out a gigantic pen and signs the massive poster)
Angeli: Han: You're hot too, you know that? Can you sign my poster of you? *pulls out Han poster* Please? You know, I think human pilots are hot. Well... except...
Han: Hey, my poster's smaller!
Vader: Is that an indication of some sort?
Han: …-.- (signs the poster)
Angeli: Anakin: DIE!!! I HATE YOU ANAKIN!!! ...But you know, I have a cousin who's desperately in love with you. Would ya like to meet her?
Anakin: No… I think I've had enough of rabid fangirls for one lifetime.
Angeli: Luke and Ani: Mmm... would 'death to all Skywalkers except Padme and Mara Jade' be fit for this occasion?
Luke: (sweatdrop) No, I don't think so. (pastes a big picture of himself on the Duke's face, then puts on a wookiee mask) Kill that guy there!
The Duke: Eep!
Angeli: Jar-Jar: You're my FOURTH favorite character, Jar-Jar. But how'd you become a representative, anyway?
Jar-Jar: (shrugs) Mesa dunno.
Angeli: R2: You're so cute, R2! And you're a droid, too. Isn't that weird?
1 R2D2: (modestly) #$**%@#
Angeli: 3PO: BURN!!! DIE!!! WHATEVER!!!
C3P0: I sense some hostility.
Angeli: Blade: Can you bring a Jawa or two onstage? I love those little guys.
Blade: Sure. (leads a bunch of Jawas onstage)
Jawas: (start picking the stage apart)
Blade: Hey! (puts the Jawas in a cage)
Angeli: Boba Fett: BOUNTY HUNTERS RULE!!! *hugs Boba* You are soooo awesome! (But not as awesome as Kenobi and Han.) Can you teach me the ways of the bounty hunter? Can you sign a poster too? And can I have your blaster? Thanks! *shoots C-3P0, Anakin, and Luke, but missed the humans* Darn...
Fett: MY blaster! (takes back blaster and signs the poster) and a hunter never reveals his secrets.
Angeli: Yoda: Teach me the ways of the Jedi, Master! ...Please? Yeah, bounty hunter and Jedi combined? That's tough... Anyway... please?
Yoda: Too old are you! Too old to begin the training.
Old Obi-Wan: Ask Qui-Gon. He trains everyone.
Luke: I sense some hostility…
Blade: We have a Jedi-hater on now… I think this is who MordorianNAgul was talking about O.o
Estal Raddelkal: I have a question for Darth Maul. How can you bear the fact that you were killed by a complete and total idiot who turns out to be uglier in Episode II which I thought wasn't physically impossible? *refering to Obi-Wan* I mean, sheesh, oh, I need to thank you for killing Qui-Gon as well. *Is an obvious hater of all Jedi's and could go on interragating (Sp?) the poor sith all day but will just stick with one question* And by the by, everyone may think I'm wierd and fangirls may kill me but I think you look way better looking than any of the other characters especially the must turned into goo over Obi-Wan and Anikan...
Maul: (modestly) I'm glad you appreciate my talents.
All the Jedi: (sulk)
Maul: Nyaa nyaa! (pulls down eyelid)
Blade: Ebony has a few questions.
Ebony: Young Obi-Wan: My God that you are one sexy man!! I love your voice. And actually everything else about you, but you could have leaved the braid and the ponytail on, damn it! Just wanted you to know that. Braid-boy. Oh and BTW, you sing beautifully. *winks*
Obi-Wan: Braid-boy??
Satine: Braid-boy??
Blade: Obi-Wan is going to perform for everyone right after this talkshow (malicious grin)
Obi-Wan: I never agreed to that!
Blade: Too bad for you
Obi-Wan: …
Ebony: Han & Leia: You are the hottest couple in the whole SW-universe, ya know. But you really should tone that bickering down, you love each other. Why else would Han been so jealous to Lando when he kissed Leia' hand on Cloud City? And when he came to get Leia from the command center on Hoth? Need I go on? *Grins*
Han: Hmm, maybe she's right, maybe we should tone the bickering down.
Leia: I think that's a good idea. (Gives Han a big smooch)
Blade: No smooching on my talkshow!
Ebony: Yoda: I just wanted to know if you were smoking something on Dagobah? Maybe the future seemed clouded 'cause you were high on something
Yoda: High on spice I was. Gave me my visions it did, yes.
Ebony: Luke: Could you PLEASE quit being such a whining pussy! Nobody likes a whiner.
Luke: (Whines) but I'm not a whiner!
Ebony: Maul: Ever considered washing your teeth? Oh well, my friend still worships you. She's set up an altar for you, so maybe you're not that bad after all.
Maul: Black teeth are scarier than white ones.
Blade: Here's our next reviewer, Va-
Dragonlet: MAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!! MARRY ME!!!!
-runs over and latches on to his neck and starts kissing him-
sorry obi-wan, but i looooooove his voice. Blade, can I have him when this is over??? PWEEAASE???
Maul: O.o
All the Jedi: (laugh and point)
Blade: Yes, you can have him after the show.
Maul: o.O;
Blade: Now on to Val, with a sandcrawler-full of questions. Oh, my aching fingers…
Val: Voldemort: Just WHY are you so obssessed with Harry?! He ain't done nuthin to you! Your soul being ripped off from your body is caused by your own stupidity!
Voldemort: I will kill the boy! Muahahaaa! (hack hack cough)
Val: Miss Celebare: How come you couldn't watch Episode II? If you couldn't go to a cinema, just buy a pirated VCD, for cripe's sake! Much cheaper too! And...er...who's Sauron anyway?!
Blade: I'll see the movie soon enough… -.- and Sauron is the Dark Lord of the Lord of the Rings series. One ring to rule them all! (waves a 'One Ring' flag around)
Val: Leia: Heehee...sorry 'bout that Alderaan thing.... Just needed something to vent my frustrations off...(My little sister's at it again! She wouldn't leave me alone! And hitting her is pointless, 'cause she'll just retaliate without mercy...and I take the blame if a bruise or scratch is made...damn...hate it if you're the eldest!)
Leia: I'm the eldest by two minutes.
Amidala: Actually, Luke's the eldest by two minutes.
Luke: Wohoo!
Leia: -.-
Val: R2D2: Aren't you sick and tired of putting up with Threepio? I mean, he's an annoying prick!
R2D2: #$%&%^@!!!
C3P0: Watch your language!
Val: Chewbacca: Doesn't it frustrate you that you couldn't speak english?
Chewie: Rrowwww! (bangs on the desk in frustration)
Val: Maul: Do you know that I had a nightmare the night after I watched Episode I?
Maul: Excellent… (rubs hands together) Muahaha…
Val: Voldemort: I know that you're Slytherin's Heir, but puh-lees! I know that he favors serpentine qualities, but you're taking it too far! He didn't mean that you should look like a snake! And if you're the most powerful wizard, why are you afraid of Dumbledore anyway?
Voldemort: I'm not afraid of that big meany! (pouts)
Sauron: There there, it's all right…
(A Hobbit randomly walks by)
Sauron: Eep! (clings to Voldemort)
Val: Anakin: Why the hell did you give Old Ben over there a quick, painless death?! You should have cut off a limb or two or something, jab him on harmless places and then put your lightsaber through him!
Vader: I did the best job I could, under the circumstances.
Anakin: Hey, that was my question!
Vader: So?
Val: Amidala: Isn't your headdress back in Episode I heavy?! And where did the Jewel of Zenda end up anyway?!
Amidala: I have strong neck muscles, and I ate it. (burp)
Val: Han: When did you start being a smuggler anyway?!
Han: When I was five… I smuggled cookies.
Val: To all guest stars: If given a choice, what would you be: magical or force sensitive?
Luke: The Force is better than any stupid magic!
Voldemort: Take that back ya liddle muggle!
Luke: Nyaa, why should I?
Obi-Wan: I side with Luke.
(A bunch of random wizards pop in) The Force sucks!
All the Jedi: (break out their lightsabers)
Draco Malfoy: Bar fight!
Blade: Draco-chan! (glomps Draco)
Draco: O.o
Everyone: O.o
Blade: o.o (coughs politely) Sorry about that. (shoes all the wizards out of the room)
Val: Anakin: You know, when I first saw you on a trailer while I was watching TV, the first thought that came into my head was: Oh shit, he's so drop-dead gorgeous! Especially the time when you slaughtered those Tusken Raiders! You looked downright *murderous*! Ah...! So sexy! Padme's lucky... ::sigh:: (please note that I'm not a very girly person and the reaction above is very rare for me. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones, Anakin Skywalker, aka Hayden Christensen!)
Anakin: I tend to have good luck with the girls.
Blade: I think you look like a fuzz ball.
Anakin: O.o
Rabid Fangirls: (attack Blade)
Blade: Gyah! (beats them off with sticks) Away!
Val: Voldemort: Who came up with the Dark Mark anyway?! It's downright ugly!
Voldemort: Me and Auron devised it. It's downright scary!
Val: Qui-Gon: Did you notice that both you and your padawan both have names with a hyphen on it? Is it just coincidence or does that mean something?
Qui-Gon: I think it's just a coincidence.
Val: Luke: How did it feel being the leader of your squadron? And where the heck did you come up with that name anyway?
Luke: What, Rogue Squadron or just squadron? I love my X-wing… (Sigh)
Val: Anakin: Did you love the music video of 'Lady Marmalade'? And who do you think is the sexiest: Christina, Mya, Pink, Lil' Kim or Padme?
Anakin: That video is great… ah… and I think Christina-
Amidala: (growl)
Anakin: Uh, Padme is the sexiest.
Val: Voldemort: I just want to verify this: Do you have an affair with Palpatine?
Voldemort: (cries) It's true! Yes I do!
Val: Anakin: Do you like your name?
Anakin: No… not really.
Val: Yoda: Is your species extinct? If so, how did they die out?
Yoda: It was a comet.
Val: To all the Jedi: If you could choose the color of you lightsaber (any color, it could be rainbow-colored for all I care) what would it be?
Luke: I like my saber… I built it myself! (little-kid grin)
Obi-Wan and old Obi-Wan: We like blue. Uh… I like blue. Whatever.
Vader: Red… blood… muahaha…
Maul: I would prefer a black saber.
Qui-Gon: I tried to get an orange one, but they wouldn't let me.
Mace: Purple is a nice color.
Yoda: Rainbow, I would like.
Val: Anakin: Do you feel insulted or complimented if you were called arrogant in front of your face?
Anakin: Uh… complimented.
Val: Voldemort: Is that your natural eye color or are those contacts?
Voldemort: They're contacts.
Val: Old Obi-Wan: How does it feel to be in front of your younger counter- part?
Old Obi-Wan: I was quite good-looking as a youth.
Blade: Thank god… I think we're halfway through… Andy, you're up.
Andy: Anakin & Obi-Wan: What is exactly under the Jedi couincil?
Obi-Wan: How can I put this lightly… ever seen the Moulin Rouge? IT's sort of like that, only minus the dancing and flashy lights. And there is no Elephant.
Blade: There is no spoon…
Anakin: O.o
Andy: Voldemort: Was Hitler an inspiration to you? 'Cause in the books you remind me of him.
Voldemort: Hitler was crueler than I will ever be.
Andy: Vader: Can you please say 'Luke, I am your father"? It would men a lot to me.
Vader: Sure. (creepy voice) Luke, I am your father…
Andy: Amidala: Did you lose your virginity to Anakin?
Amidala: Yes.
Andy: R2D2: STOP CURSING!
R2D2: #$%*$@!$#! !@$##$^$%!
Andy: Han: Congrats all the way dude. You were the only guy in the original trilogy who actually was in good movies after Star Wars.
Han: Thank you.
Obi-Wan: What? Moulin Rouge and Black Hawk Down were great movies!
Andy: Blade: PLEASE see episode 2. I NEED TO ASK QUESTIONS! And why haven't you anyway?
Blade: Uh… not allowed to… -.-
Andy: Satine: Who designes you clothes?
Satine: I did.
Andy: youngObi-Wan: Do you have any balls what so ever? You seem so weak and scared. I really like you, but I want to be protected NOT the other way around.
Obi-Wan: O.o I'm very brave!
Andy: Everyone: Can someone give Obi-Wan some backbone?
Sauron: (jams a big backbone up Obi-Wan's shirt)
Obi-Wan: Owwww!
Andy: Sauron: I have nothing to complain about you. You are the perfect evil villian ever.
Sauron: Why thank you. (Evil cackle)
Blade: six more to go… Sabre, you're up. And thanks for the Starbursts.
Sabre: *drools over Anakin* Why must all the cute guys be Jedi or married? ....or both? o.O Hmm? *glares at Amidala*
Maul: I'm cute and I'm not a Jedi.
Everyone: O.o
Sabre: To whoever knows: Where did Mara Jade come in, in the Star Wars series? She's a mystery to me, cos she wasn't in the movies..
Blade: I think she appeared first in Timothy Zhan's first SW trilogy of books… the one with The Last Command as the final book.
Sabre: Qui Gon: Why are you bein mean to Obi-Wan?? *glare*
Qui-Gon: I'm not! I'm just… disciplining him.
Sabre: And to Palpatine: o.O just... o.O
Palpatine: (eats a Godiva chocolate) (giggle)
Blade: Here's MordorianNazgul again.
Nazgul: Obi and Anakin: How does it feel being in the same room with your older selves?
Anakin: Like I said earlier, I'm afraid of myself.
Obi-Wan: I become very wise and respected. Yeah!
Nazgul: Vader and Old Obi: How does it feel being in the same room with your younger selves?
Old Obi-Wan: I was an idiot to take Anakin on as an apprentice.
Obi-Wan: Hey!
Vader: I am a wuss. Wait a minute…
Nazgul: Sebula: What are your thoughts of being beaten at Podracing by a little kid that grows up to be the most evil man the galaxy?
Sebulba: At least he amounted to something. I'm not so ashamed anymore. But I still want to kill the little runt!!
Nazgul: Qui-Gon: How much the lightsaber going into your gut hurt, exactly?
Qui-Gon: It was possibly the most painful thing I have ever experienced. It hurt. A lot.
Nazgul: Maul: Don't you just hate it when victims come back from the dead?
Maul: Yes. It makes me very angry.
Nazgul: All: Are you sick of me yet?
All: NO!
Blade: Secret7, you're on. And here's Kyle Katarn, even though I don't know much about him -.-
Secret7: Luke: Hey. You are a COOL guy. Look at the other guest stars (except R2 and Kyle)! They are all against you! Here's an assualt cannon, a cunncusion rifle, 3 blasters, IM mines, A reapeter gun and some cheese. GO NOW!!! KILL THEM ALLLLLLLL! Muawahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahha... (stops to breath) hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!
Luke: I will rain doom upon your filthy doomed heads! Muahahahahaaaa!
Blade: (takes the weapons away) Be a good boy and sit, Luke.
Luke: (meekly) Yes, miss writer, ma'am.
Secret7: To Kyle: I think you could kick every single jedi's A**! GO NOW! KILLLLL them ALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
Kyle: I will… after the show.
Secret7: To Blade: It's a conspiracy. You know it! KILL JAR JAR BEFORE HE KILLS YOU!
Blade: I will, after the show.
Jar-Jar: (gulp) Mesa be berry afwaid.
Blade: You're on, Felicia.
Felicia: Yoda: How's living on Dagobah?
Yoda: Wet and slimy it is, yes.
Felicia: Palpatine: You are an ugly lizard! You have more wrinkles than Cher would have without any plastic surgery! You aren't a politician you are a crazy maniac! Kill yourself and don't bother us anymore! And you've something going on with that Jade!
Jade: (repulsed)
Palatine: (cries)
Felicia: Luke: You should listen to your father. He knows that Jade better than you do. Do you know how many people she has killed?
Luke: Do you know how many people I've killed?
Felicia: Vader/Anakin: Could you please "persuade" Jade to leave Luke alone? And could you tell Luke how many people she has killed?
Vader: I do not meddle in my son's affairs.
Anakin: Jade's hot. Go for it, Luke!
Everyone: O.o
Felicia: Amidala: Could you please "persuade" Jade to leave Luke alone?
Amidala: Leave Luke alone.
Jade: No.
Amidala: Ok.
Felicia: Sebulba: How does it feel to lose against the Chosen One?
Sebulba: It hurts me deeply.
Felicia: Qui - Gon: Please come back! *sniffs* Obi - Wan is so clue - and helpless without you.
Qui-Gon: Yes, I know, but I'm… dead. I can't come back. Besides, if I did I'd miss Bingo.
Blade: biblehermione, ask away
Biblehermione: Anakin/Vader: How in the universe did you/y'all get so TALL?!
Vader: Milk, it does a body good.
Biblehermione: Voldemort, Palpatine,Sauron,Maul,Vader:Do all of you like pink,sequins, glitter, and Barbies?
Voldemort, Palpatine, and Sauron: (giggle) Yes!
Maul and Vader: (gag)
Biblehermione: Qui-Gon:What's your opinion on war? And also, do you like beanbag chairs?
Qui-Gon: War is wrong, and beanbag chairs RULE!
Biblehermione: Oni-Wan,Anakin: Don't be scared of the fangirls. *huggle*
Obi-Wan: A Jedi must not know fear.
Biblehermione: Amidala, Leia: Don't be scared of the fangirls who want you dead. *huggle*
Leia: No one really wants me dead…
Amidala: I have two big, strong Jedi to protect me. Who's scared?
Biblehermione: Wicket:Your so adorable! May I hug you? (If yes, *BIG huggle*)
Wicket: Yub yub!
Blade: I think Wicket likes hugs.
Biblehermione: This is to MordorianNazgul: I'd like to join that force thing too!
Blade: Woo! Let's go kill the seat-stealers!
Biblehermione: To Everyone: I brought you all homemade hot chocolate and homemade double chocolate cookies!
Everyone: We love you, biblehermione!
Blade: Last reviewer… phew.
Darth Flirt: Blade: Will you finally see Episode II so that we can ask questions from that!?!?!?!
Blade: Soon… I hope -.-
Flirt: Vader: What did it feel like to fall into a pit of lava?
Vader: It hurt. A lot.
Flirt: Palpatine: Where can I attend a 'How to laugh like a dark lord' seminar? My evil laugh is very inadiquite.
Palpatine: Just contact your local Bad Guys Anon, or go to laughlikeamaniac.com
Flirt: Vader: What ever posessed you to admit that you were Luke's father? And what were you on when you asked him if he would join you? Sheesh... who would *want* to be on the same side as Luke?
Vader: If he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.
Blade: Ah… end of the chapter… this thing was 21-freakin-pages long! Anywho, I have a new question for you reviewers. How should the Duke die? We need something painful and gory.
Harold: (pops out of nowhere and bellows) On with the show!
Satine: (Sings) The show must go on!
Blade: …-.- Do I have to kill you again?
Satine: (gulps) no…
Blade: Out of my talkshow tower, buddy! (shoves Harold out the door, then bolts the door shut) Gyuh, the things I put up wi-
The Duke: (flies through the window)
Blade: Gaah!!
Obi-Wan: (dashes up, lightsaber in hand) Now I'll really kill you!
Satine: Go, Obi, go!
Everyone: Go, Obi, go!
Blade: Wait!
Everyone: O.o
The Duke: (coughs nervously)
Blade: The lightsaber is too painless. We need to find a more… painful way of… disposing of the problem.
Everyone: (grins viciously at The Duke)
The Duke: (gulp)
Blade: You (points finger at the quivering Duke) sit there (points at a chair, and the Duke sits in it, locked to it with very tight handcuffs)
Everyone: Woo!
Blade: Hmph. Now, if we can avoid further interruptions… The Homicidal MANIAC!! WANABE JEDI SITHY PERSON! You're up.
The Homicidal MANIAC!! WANABE JEDI SITHY PERSON! (Homicidal): Anakin and Amidala: Who's the favorite of the twins? ever plan on having more babies? and why are your kids so screwed up!
Amidala: I think I drank a few too many Tatooine Tankards when I was pregnant… eheh…
Darth Vader: No, it was my genes. Muahahaaa!
Anakin: O.o (backs away slowly)
Palpatine: (giggles) You show him, Vader!
Homicidal: Anakin: Loose Weight Lardo!!!! you sooo fat!!! and big!!!!!...why look at Vader!! he's a sexy skinny Pimp!!!
Anakin: I am?? Wahaha, I'm faaat! (runs off to purge)
Old Obi-Wan: Bulimia is not the way of the force!
Homicidal: Darth Vader: How does it feel to see Anakin Skywalker. Do you hate him that much? because he was the weakling side. Can you have a saber fight with Anakin I vant ta see who wins. What do you think of Amidala?! Your dead Wife!!!
Vader: It feels… strange to see my… younger… self. I do not hate myself. I hate Obi-Wan.
Old Obi-Wan: (sticks his tongue out at Vader)
Vader: I will fight myself as soon as I come back from the bathroom. And I think Amidala is still looking good, unlike me.
Homicidal: Palpatine: Are you into Dr. Seuss?!
Palpatine: I love Dr. Seuss! The Cat in the Hat is my favorite book of all time!
Anakin: (walking back from the bathroom) I am not fat!
Vader: (ignites lightsaber and goes after… himself O.o)
Anakin: Gah! (dives under a chair)
Homicidal: Amidala Anakin and Vader: Am I force-sensing a threesome (Grins)
Amidala: (looks Vader up and down) I'm sensing… no.
Homicidal: Yoda: WHy are you green? and why you talk funny?
Yoda: Not easy it is, being green. Talk funny I do to confuse you, mmm, yes.
Homicidal: Chewbacca: Are you really a Giant-Size Ewok?!
Chewie: Rr.
C3P0: Master Chewbacca says 'No, I'm a wookiee, a large tree-dwelling alien species from the planet Kashyyk.
Homicidal: Old Obi-Wan: is there an Old Satine?!
Old Obi-Wan: No, because Satine died when I was a young man. Therefor, ghost Satine is old Satine.
Blade: You can't beat Old Obi logic…
Homicidal: Jar-Jar: Are you an english teacher?!!
Jar-Jar: Mesa no thinkin' so.
Homicidal: Luke: Did you took my sammich?! how does it feel to have to Fathers BWhahahahhaah!!!!!!
Luke: No, I took no sandwich. Uh… Buahaha?
Homicidal: Leia: ALDEEEEERAAAAN!!! GOOO BOOOOOOOM!!?????
Leia: Wahahaaaa! (sob)
Homicidal: Blade: Can you bring Jango Fett on stage?!?! PLZ!!!
Blade: No, 'cos I haven't seen Episode II yet… (Sniffles)
Homicidal: To Obi-Wan: oh gawd I don't have money and I'm poor and I really need money. I've heard Jedi Academy takes care of their Padawans...So please Obi-Wan can I be your apprentice!??!?! I'm soo much better than Anakin I mean, I won't be gothic and I won't kill you. I promise!!!
((jumps on stage pushing everyone aside and clings to Obi-wan's leg))
PLEASE!! I NEED FOO-ERRR I NEED TO BE YOUR PADAWAN!!!...I CAN FEEL PALPATINE DOING AN EVIL SCHEME!!!...THE DARK SIDE IS CONSUMING ME!!! I MAY BE A SITH AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT...NOOOO!!! PALPY IS TAKING ME!!!...AND I'M COLOR BLIND!! AHH!!!!...HELP ME OBI-WAN BEN KENOBI YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!!!!!! I NEED FOOD!!!!!!! I NEED A BEER!!! WOOOOOOF!!!!
Obi-Wan: O.o uh, an apprentice I already have, impossible it is to take another! (wriggles away from Homicidal and hides under a chair with Anakin)
Blade: Our next questioner is… a ferret O.o
Psy the Ferret: To Blade: -pounce- MOULIN ROUGE. -luffs the Moulin Rouge-
Blade: Yes, the Moulin Rouge is a lovely movie… O.o (puts the ferret back on the floor)
Psy: To Blade: -eyes Jar Jar- Can I kill him? Please?
Blade: Yes, after the talkshow.
Jar-Jar: Mesa be thinkin' mesa need ta get mesa self outta thisun place!
Psy: To Boba Fett: How is it possible for one character to KICK SO MUCH ASS??
Fett: (shrugs)
Psy: To Obi-wan: -curls around Obi-wan's ankle- Could you ever date a ferret? ^__^ I can shapeshift. But just date, marry Satine, but date me. Al is my future husband. Do not ask who Al is. Just date me until Al proposes. ^_______________^
Obi-Wan: Uh… I don't think we Jedi Knights are allowed to date… besides, you're a… ferret.
Blade: Here's MordorianNazgul again.
MordorianNazgul: Luke: *hugs* Thankies. You're not so bad, you know.
Luke: Why thank you (bow)
Nazgul: Boba Fett: I would be pleased to have you on the hunt. You'll need to talk to Malarow about payment for it. *points to a red-haired jedi on her left*
Fett: (nods at Malarow) I will speak to you after the show.
Nazgul: To every Jedi in the building: Excuse the girl who's bothering the sith. For some reason, her brain doesn't work properly, and she doesn't like you. I'm very sorry.
All the Jedi: Who wouldn't like us?? (tears)
Maul: Wusses…
Nazgul: Obi-Wan: Don't listen to Estal. I still think you're cute. *hugs*
Obi-Wan: ^^ A lot of people do.
Blade: Obi-Wan did the '^^' face! Aaa, kawaii!
Obi-Wan: O.o;
Blade: Eh, sorry. (composes self) Master Jemi, ask away!
Master Jemi: Ben Kenobi: Why did you name yourself Ben???
Old Obi-Wan: I needed to hide from Vader.
Vader: (derisive snort) I knew who you were! 'Ben' isn't much of a secret name.
Jemi: Darth Vader: I think u should use an inhaler. That's wat we use on planet Earth wen we dont have enough air. But my question is that Why DO you breath so hard???
Vader: My mask is better than an inhaler. I do not breath hard, my breathing is merely amplified.
Jemi: Ewan & Anakin: OMG OMG OMG I THINK BOTH OF U GUYZ ARE HOTT!! WILL U BOTH MARRY ME??? but anywayz How does it feel to meet your ownselves in the future?
Obi-Wan: I'm really… old… when I get old.
Anakin: I'm afraid of my future self.
Vader: Anakin… I am you…
Anakin: O.o
Blade: Aleena Tarlana has a test for all of you.
Luke: I'll speak for the Jedi.
Vader: I shall speak for the Sith and bad guys.
Jar-Jar: Nobody a-wantin' ta speaka with mesa?
Everyone: NO!
Aleena Tarlana: 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Luke: (consults with the Jedi) It is physically impossible to put an giraffe in a normal fridge.
Vader: Chop the giraffe into tiny pieces and use a garbage masher to make the pieces small.
Jar-Jar: Open da fridge and put da giraffe insida!
Aleena: right aswer: open the door, put the giraffe inside and close the door. this tests whether you tend to do things in an overly complicated way.
Sebulba: Well, we know why the gungan got it right… he's too simple to think normally.
Aleena: 2. how do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Luke: Uh… open the fridge and put the elehpant in?
Vader: Eat the elephant, then put a piece into the refrigerator.
Jar-Jar: Open da fridge, taken da giraffe out, put da elephant in, den closen da doors!
Aleena: wrong aswere: open the door, put the elepnant inside, close the door.
right answer: open the door, take out the giraffe, put in the elepnat, close the door. *This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.*
Luke: …-.-
Aleena: 3.The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Luke: The… lion… king?
Vader: The pitiful sheep that we killed.
Luke: What sheep??
Vader: (burp)
Jar-Jar: Da elephanty! Hesa in da fridge!
Aleena: Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities
Luke: -.-
Aleena: 4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Luke: I know this! Use the Force!
Vader: Blow the planet up. Then there will be no river.
Jar-Jar: Just swim across! Da crocodilees besa at da conferencia!
Aleena: Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting *this tests your memory*
Luke: Aww…
Jar-Jar: Wahoo! (dances)
Vader: (Eats another sheep)
Blade: Skyblazer has a few questions.
Skyblazer: Sibulba: Why are you so ugly?
Sebulba: Do I have to come over there and rip your tongue out? (growl)
Blazer: Anakin: Do you think you would've become evil if Qui-Gon was your master?
Anakin :Why yes… yes I would have.
Qui-Gon: …
Blazer: Sauron: If you're into nail polish *vomits* then does that mean I can possess the Ring? *evil grin*
Sauron: No! It goes well with my pretty-gold polish.
Blazer: Luke: First of all, Luke is such a dull name compared to some other names such as ... Yoda! Right! I mean, I'm not going to ramble on your name, but I guess the name fits a dull kind o' character ...
Luke: Hey! I like my name!
Yoda: The point, that is.
Luke: …
Blazer: Obi-Wan: How come your hair changes from dark brown and then it starts lightening up to a blondish whitish brownish color?
Old and younger Obi-Wan: Age.
Blazer: Satine: Uh, when are you going to return to the dead world?
Satine: At the end of this talkshow, I think. I'll be sure to kick the Duke into the fires of hell when I go.
The Duke: (sweatdrop)
Blazer: Amidala: If you were one of the youngest Queens of Naboo, then how come you did such a good job of protecting yoru country?
Amidala: I'm just gifted, I guess
Old Obi-Wan: (with mild sarcasm) and modest, too.
Blazer: Blade: Hey, could you continue that Watto X Anakin story?
Blade: O.o no! That was just a threat! Watto/Anakin… (gag) Torre degli Angeli, you're the weakest link. J/k, you're actually just the next questioner (Wow, these intros are getting bad -.-)
Torre degli Angeli: Obi-Wan from Ep 1 & 2: Um... Mister Kenobi? You're my absolute FAVORITE character! I love you!!! *hugs Obi-Wan* You rule! And DON'T shave, cos you're sooo adorable in Eppie 2! I won't ask you to marry me, but can I have an signed poster? *pulls out HUGE Obi-Wan poster* Pretty please?
Obi-Wan: Uh… sure. (takes out a gigantic pen and signs the massive poster)
Angeli: Han: You're hot too, you know that? Can you sign my poster of you? *pulls out Han poster* Please? You know, I think human pilots are hot. Well... except...
Han: Hey, my poster's smaller!
Vader: Is that an indication of some sort?
Han: …-.- (signs the poster)
Angeli: Anakin: DIE!!! I HATE YOU ANAKIN!!! ...But you know, I have a cousin who's desperately in love with you. Would ya like to meet her?
Anakin: No… I think I've had enough of rabid fangirls for one lifetime.
Angeli: Luke and Ani: Mmm... would 'death to all Skywalkers except Padme and Mara Jade' be fit for this occasion?
Luke: (sweatdrop) No, I don't think so. (pastes a big picture of himself on the Duke's face, then puts on a wookiee mask) Kill that guy there!
The Duke: Eep!
Angeli: Jar-Jar: You're my FOURTH favorite character, Jar-Jar. But how'd you become a representative, anyway?
Jar-Jar: (shrugs) Mesa dunno.
Angeli: R2: You're so cute, R2! And you're a droid, too. Isn't that weird?
1 R2D2: (modestly) #$**%@#
Angeli: 3PO: BURN!!! DIE!!! WHATEVER!!!
C3P0: I sense some hostility.
Angeli: Blade: Can you bring a Jawa or two onstage? I love those little guys.
Blade: Sure. (leads a bunch of Jawas onstage)
Jawas: (start picking the stage apart)
Blade: Hey! (puts the Jawas in a cage)
Angeli: Boba Fett: BOUNTY HUNTERS RULE!!! *hugs Boba* You are soooo awesome! (But not as awesome as Kenobi and Han.) Can you teach me the ways of the bounty hunter? Can you sign a poster too? And can I have your blaster? Thanks! *shoots C-3P0, Anakin, and Luke, but missed the humans* Darn...
Fett: MY blaster! (takes back blaster and signs the poster) and a hunter never reveals his secrets.
Angeli: Yoda: Teach me the ways of the Jedi, Master! ...Please? Yeah, bounty hunter and Jedi combined? That's tough... Anyway... please?
Yoda: Too old are you! Too old to begin the training.
Old Obi-Wan: Ask Qui-Gon. He trains everyone.
Luke: I sense some hostility…
Blade: We have a Jedi-hater on now… I think this is who MordorianNAgul was talking about O.o
Estal Raddelkal: I have a question for Darth Maul. How can you bear the fact that you were killed by a complete and total idiot who turns out to be uglier in Episode II which I thought wasn't physically impossible? *refering to Obi-Wan* I mean, sheesh, oh, I need to thank you for killing Qui-Gon as well. *Is an obvious hater of all Jedi's and could go on interragating (Sp?) the poor sith all day but will just stick with one question* And by the by, everyone may think I'm wierd and fangirls may kill me but I think you look way better looking than any of the other characters especially the must turned into goo over Obi-Wan and Anikan...
Maul: (modestly) I'm glad you appreciate my talents.
All the Jedi: (sulk)
Maul: Nyaa nyaa! (pulls down eyelid)
Blade: Ebony has a few questions.
Ebony: Young Obi-Wan: My God that you are one sexy man!! I love your voice. And actually everything else about you, but you could have leaved the braid and the ponytail on, damn it! Just wanted you to know that. Braid-boy. Oh and BTW, you sing beautifully. *winks*
Obi-Wan: Braid-boy??
Satine: Braid-boy??
Blade: Obi-Wan is going to perform for everyone right after this talkshow (malicious grin)
Obi-Wan: I never agreed to that!
Blade: Too bad for you
Obi-Wan: …
Ebony: Han & Leia: You are the hottest couple in the whole SW-universe, ya know. But you really should tone that bickering down, you love each other. Why else would Han been so jealous to Lando when he kissed Leia' hand on Cloud City? And when he came to get Leia from the command center on Hoth? Need I go on? *Grins*
Han: Hmm, maybe she's right, maybe we should tone the bickering down.
Leia: I think that's a good idea. (Gives Han a big smooch)
Blade: No smooching on my talkshow!
Ebony: Yoda: I just wanted to know if you were smoking something on Dagobah? Maybe the future seemed clouded 'cause you were high on something
Yoda: High on spice I was. Gave me my visions it did, yes.
Ebony: Luke: Could you PLEASE quit being such a whining pussy! Nobody likes a whiner.
Luke: (Whines) but I'm not a whiner!
Ebony: Maul: Ever considered washing your teeth? Oh well, my friend still worships you. She's set up an altar for you, so maybe you're not that bad after all.
Maul: Black teeth are scarier than white ones.
Blade: Here's our next reviewer, Va-
Dragonlet: MAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!! MARRY ME!!!!
-runs over and latches on to his neck and starts kissing him-
sorry obi-wan, but i looooooove his voice. Blade, can I have him when this is over??? PWEEAASE???
Maul: O.o
All the Jedi: (laugh and point)
Blade: Yes, you can have him after the show.
Maul: o.O;
Blade: Now on to Val, with a sandcrawler-full of questions. Oh, my aching fingers…
Val: Voldemort: Just WHY are you so obssessed with Harry?! He ain't done nuthin to you! Your soul being ripped off from your body is caused by your own stupidity!
Voldemort: I will kill the boy! Muahahaaa! (hack hack cough)
Val: Miss Celebare: How come you couldn't watch Episode II? If you couldn't go to a cinema, just buy a pirated VCD, for cripe's sake! Much cheaper too! And...er...who's Sauron anyway?!
Blade: I'll see the movie soon enough… -.- and Sauron is the Dark Lord of the Lord of the Rings series. One ring to rule them all! (waves a 'One Ring' flag around)
Val: Leia: Heehee...sorry 'bout that Alderaan thing.... Just needed something to vent my frustrations off...(My little sister's at it again! She wouldn't leave me alone! And hitting her is pointless, 'cause she'll just retaliate without mercy...and I take the blame if a bruise or scratch is made...damn...hate it if you're the eldest!)
Leia: I'm the eldest by two minutes.
Amidala: Actually, Luke's the eldest by two minutes.
Luke: Wohoo!
Leia: -.-
Val: R2D2: Aren't you sick and tired of putting up with Threepio? I mean, he's an annoying prick!
R2D2: #$%&%^@!!!
C3P0: Watch your language!
Val: Chewbacca: Doesn't it frustrate you that you couldn't speak english?
Chewie: Rrowwww! (bangs on the desk in frustration)
Val: Maul: Do you know that I had a nightmare the night after I watched Episode I?
Maul: Excellent… (rubs hands together) Muahaha…
Val: Voldemort: I know that you're Slytherin's Heir, but puh-lees! I know that he favors serpentine qualities, but you're taking it too far! He didn't mean that you should look like a snake! And if you're the most powerful wizard, why are you afraid of Dumbledore anyway?
Voldemort: I'm not afraid of that big meany! (pouts)
Sauron: There there, it's all right…
(A Hobbit randomly walks by)
Sauron: Eep! (clings to Voldemort)
Val: Anakin: Why the hell did you give Old Ben over there a quick, painless death?! You should have cut off a limb or two or something, jab him on harmless places and then put your lightsaber through him!
Vader: I did the best job I could, under the circumstances.
Anakin: Hey, that was my question!
Vader: So?
Val: Amidala: Isn't your headdress back in Episode I heavy?! And where did the Jewel of Zenda end up anyway?!
Amidala: I have strong neck muscles, and I ate it. (burp)
Val: Han: When did you start being a smuggler anyway?!
Han: When I was five… I smuggled cookies.
Val: To all guest stars: If given a choice, what would you be: magical or force sensitive?
Luke: The Force is better than any stupid magic!
Voldemort: Take that back ya liddle muggle!
Luke: Nyaa, why should I?
Obi-Wan: I side with Luke.
(A bunch of random wizards pop in) The Force sucks!
All the Jedi: (break out their lightsabers)
Draco Malfoy: Bar fight!
Blade: Draco-chan! (glomps Draco)
Draco: O.o
Everyone: O.o
Blade: o.o (coughs politely) Sorry about that. (shoes all the wizards out of the room)
Val: Anakin: You know, when I first saw you on a trailer while I was watching TV, the first thought that came into my head was: Oh shit, he's so drop-dead gorgeous! Especially the time when you slaughtered those Tusken Raiders! You looked downright *murderous*! Ah...! So sexy! Padme's lucky... ::sigh:: (please note that I'm not a very girly person and the reaction above is very rare for me. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones, Anakin Skywalker, aka Hayden Christensen!)
Anakin: I tend to have good luck with the girls.
Blade: I think you look like a fuzz ball.
Anakin: O.o
Rabid Fangirls: (attack Blade)
Blade: Gyah! (beats them off with sticks) Away!
Val: Voldemort: Who came up with the Dark Mark anyway?! It's downright ugly!
Voldemort: Me and Auron devised it. It's downright scary!
Val: Qui-Gon: Did you notice that both you and your padawan both have names with a hyphen on it? Is it just coincidence or does that mean something?
Qui-Gon: I think it's just a coincidence.
Val: Luke: How did it feel being the leader of your squadron? And where the heck did you come up with that name anyway?
Luke: What, Rogue Squadron or just squadron? I love my X-wing… (Sigh)
Val: Anakin: Did you love the music video of 'Lady Marmalade'? And who do you think is the sexiest: Christina, Mya, Pink, Lil' Kim or Padme?
Anakin: That video is great… ah… and I think Christina-
Amidala: (growl)
Anakin: Uh, Padme is the sexiest.
Val: Voldemort: I just want to verify this: Do you have an affair with Palpatine?
Voldemort: (cries) It's true! Yes I do!
Val: Anakin: Do you like your name?
Anakin: No… not really.
Val: Yoda: Is your species extinct? If so, how did they die out?
Yoda: It was a comet.
Val: To all the Jedi: If you could choose the color of you lightsaber (any color, it could be rainbow-colored for all I care) what would it be?
Luke: I like my saber… I built it myself! (little-kid grin)
Obi-Wan and old Obi-Wan: We like blue. Uh… I like blue. Whatever.
Vader: Red… blood… muahaha…
Maul: I would prefer a black saber.
Qui-Gon: I tried to get an orange one, but they wouldn't let me.
Mace: Purple is a nice color.
Yoda: Rainbow, I would like.
Val: Anakin: Do you feel insulted or complimented if you were called arrogant in front of your face?
Anakin: Uh… complimented.
Val: Voldemort: Is that your natural eye color or are those contacts?
Voldemort: They're contacts.
Val: Old Obi-Wan: How does it feel to be in front of your younger counter- part?
Old Obi-Wan: I was quite good-looking as a youth.
Blade: Thank god… I think we're halfway through… Andy, you're up.
Andy: Anakin & Obi-Wan: What is exactly under the Jedi couincil?
Obi-Wan: How can I put this lightly… ever seen the Moulin Rouge? IT's sort of like that, only minus the dancing and flashy lights. And there is no Elephant.
Blade: There is no spoon…
Anakin: O.o
Andy: Voldemort: Was Hitler an inspiration to you? 'Cause in the books you remind me of him.
Voldemort: Hitler was crueler than I will ever be.
Andy: Vader: Can you please say 'Luke, I am your father"? It would men a lot to me.
Vader: Sure. (creepy voice) Luke, I am your father…
Andy: Amidala: Did you lose your virginity to Anakin?
Amidala: Yes.
Andy: R2D2: STOP CURSING!
R2D2: #$%*$@!$#! !@$##$^$%!
Andy: Han: Congrats all the way dude. You were the only guy in the original trilogy who actually was in good movies after Star Wars.
Han: Thank you.
Obi-Wan: What? Moulin Rouge and Black Hawk Down were great movies!
Andy: Blade: PLEASE see episode 2. I NEED TO ASK QUESTIONS! And why haven't you anyway?
Blade: Uh… not allowed to… -.-
Andy: Satine: Who designes you clothes?
Satine: I did.
Andy: youngObi-Wan: Do you have any balls what so ever? You seem so weak and scared. I really like you, but I want to be protected NOT the other way around.
Obi-Wan: O.o I'm very brave!
Andy: Everyone: Can someone give Obi-Wan some backbone?
Sauron: (jams a big backbone up Obi-Wan's shirt)
Obi-Wan: Owwww!
Andy: Sauron: I have nothing to complain about you. You are the perfect evil villian ever.
Sauron: Why thank you. (Evil cackle)
Blade: six more to go… Sabre, you're up. And thanks for the Starbursts.
Sabre: *drools over Anakin* Why must all the cute guys be Jedi or married? ....or both? o.O Hmm? *glares at Amidala*
Maul: I'm cute and I'm not a Jedi.
Everyone: O.o
Sabre: To whoever knows: Where did Mara Jade come in, in the Star Wars series? She's a mystery to me, cos she wasn't in the movies..
Blade: I think she appeared first in Timothy Zhan's first SW trilogy of books… the one with The Last Command as the final book.
Sabre: Qui Gon: Why are you bein mean to Obi-Wan?? *glare*
Qui-Gon: I'm not! I'm just… disciplining him.
Sabre: And to Palpatine: o.O just... o.O
Palpatine: (eats a Godiva chocolate) (giggle)
Blade: Here's MordorianNazgul again.
Nazgul: Obi and Anakin: How does it feel being in the same room with your older selves?
Anakin: Like I said earlier, I'm afraid of myself.
Obi-Wan: I become very wise and respected. Yeah!
Nazgul: Vader and Old Obi: How does it feel being in the same room with your younger selves?
Old Obi-Wan: I was an idiot to take Anakin on as an apprentice.
Obi-Wan: Hey!
Vader: I am a wuss. Wait a minute…
Nazgul: Sebula: What are your thoughts of being beaten at Podracing by a little kid that grows up to be the most evil man the galaxy?
Sebulba: At least he amounted to something. I'm not so ashamed anymore. But I still want to kill the little runt!!
Nazgul: Qui-Gon: How much the lightsaber going into your gut hurt, exactly?
Qui-Gon: It was possibly the most painful thing I have ever experienced. It hurt. A lot.
Nazgul: Maul: Don't you just hate it when victims come back from the dead?
Maul: Yes. It makes me very angry.
Nazgul: All: Are you sick of me yet?
All: NO!
Blade: Secret7, you're on. And here's Kyle Katarn, even though I don't know much about him -.-
Secret7: Luke: Hey. You are a COOL guy. Look at the other guest stars (except R2 and Kyle)! They are all against you! Here's an assualt cannon, a cunncusion rifle, 3 blasters, IM mines, A reapeter gun and some cheese. GO NOW!!! KILL THEM ALLLLLLLL! Muawahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahha... (stops to breath) hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!
Luke: I will rain doom upon your filthy doomed heads! Muahahahahaaaa!
Blade: (takes the weapons away) Be a good boy and sit, Luke.
Luke: (meekly) Yes, miss writer, ma'am.
Secret7: To Kyle: I think you could kick every single jedi's A**! GO NOW! KILLLLL them ALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
Kyle: I will… after the show.
Secret7: To Blade: It's a conspiracy. You know it! KILL JAR JAR BEFORE HE KILLS YOU!
Blade: I will, after the show.
Jar-Jar: (gulp) Mesa be berry afwaid.
Blade: You're on, Felicia.
Felicia: Yoda: How's living on Dagobah?
Yoda: Wet and slimy it is, yes.
Felicia: Palpatine: You are an ugly lizard! You have more wrinkles than Cher would have without any plastic surgery! You aren't a politician you are a crazy maniac! Kill yourself and don't bother us anymore! And you've something going on with that Jade!
Jade: (repulsed)
Palatine: (cries)
Felicia: Luke: You should listen to your father. He knows that Jade better than you do. Do you know how many people she has killed?
Luke: Do you know how many people I've killed?
Felicia: Vader/Anakin: Could you please "persuade" Jade to leave Luke alone? And could you tell Luke how many people she has killed?
Vader: I do not meddle in my son's affairs.
Anakin: Jade's hot. Go for it, Luke!
Everyone: O.o
Felicia: Amidala: Could you please "persuade" Jade to leave Luke alone?
Amidala: Leave Luke alone.
Jade: No.
Amidala: Ok.
Felicia: Sebulba: How does it feel to lose against the Chosen One?
Sebulba: It hurts me deeply.
Felicia: Qui - Gon: Please come back! *sniffs* Obi - Wan is so clue - and helpless without you.
Qui-Gon: Yes, I know, but I'm… dead. I can't come back. Besides, if I did I'd miss Bingo.
Blade: biblehermione, ask away
Biblehermione: Anakin/Vader: How in the universe did you/y'all get so TALL?!
Vader: Milk, it does a body good.
Biblehermione: Voldemort, Palpatine,Sauron,Maul,Vader:Do all of you like pink,sequins, glitter, and Barbies?
Voldemort, Palpatine, and Sauron: (giggle) Yes!
Maul and Vader: (gag)
Biblehermione: Qui-Gon:What's your opinion on war? And also, do you like beanbag chairs?
Qui-Gon: War is wrong, and beanbag chairs RULE!
Biblehermione: Oni-Wan,Anakin: Don't be scared of the fangirls. *huggle*
Obi-Wan: A Jedi must not know fear.
Biblehermione: Amidala, Leia: Don't be scared of the fangirls who want you dead. *huggle*
Leia: No one really wants me dead…
Amidala: I have two big, strong Jedi to protect me. Who's scared?
Biblehermione: Wicket:Your so adorable! May I hug you? (If yes, *BIG huggle*)
Wicket: Yub yub!
Blade: I think Wicket likes hugs.
Biblehermione: This is to MordorianNazgul: I'd like to join that force thing too!
Blade: Woo! Let's go kill the seat-stealers!
Biblehermione: To Everyone: I brought you all homemade hot chocolate and homemade double chocolate cookies!
Everyone: We love you, biblehermione!
Blade: Last reviewer… phew.
Darth Flirt: Blade: Will you finally see Episode II so that we can ask questions from that!?!?!?!
Blade: Soon… I hope -.-
Flirt: Vader: What did it feel like to fall into a pit of lava?
Vader: It hurt. A lot.
Flirt: Palpatine: Where can I attend a 'How to laugh like a dark lord' seminar? My evil laugh is very inadiquite.
Palpatine: Just contact your local Bad Guys Anon, or go to laughlikeamaniac.com
Flirt: Vader: What ever posessed you to admit that you were Luke's father? And what were you on when you asked him if he would join you? Sheesh... who would *want* to be on the same side as Luke?
Vader: If he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.
Blade: Ah… end of the chapter… this thing was 21-freakin-pages long! Anywho, I have a new question for you reviewers. How should the Duke die? We need something painful and gory.