Remember when this story was only to be 5 chapters long? *laughs*
Alright, now for the warnings. Oh boy.
Warning: there is a rape flashback. I have outlined it- if you want to skip it it will be in the outline in all italics. I go into the details of the before and talk about the emotional aftermath. I do not describe the during.
Warning: the person abused is a minor.
Warning: knives and scars are discussed
Warning: the word f****t is used a lot in the flashback
Eren POV
I wanted to have sex with Levi. I wanted to feel him moving inside me. I was at least certain of that much. I just didn't know how exactly to get there. It had been about a month since we officially became boyfriends and since I had given my first blowjob. I had had a lot of practice since then, learning a lot of Levi's favorite things. I loved hearing him moan and seeing his eyes roll back in his head. He had given me lots of blowjobs, too, and when his mouth was around me, sucking hard, I couldn't ever believe I thought I was straight.
I had started day dreaming about having sex with Levi more and more. I was so nervous about anal sex, though. I did the only thing I could think to do. I went to Armin.
I knocked on his door hesitantly. I heard him turn down his music, some pop music radio station and yell for me to come inside. I stepped in, closing the door behind me. He was sitting at his desk, books in front of him. I leaned against the door and felt a little guilty for interrupting his study session.
"What's up?" He asked, twisted around in his chair to face me.
"I-I-" I closed my eyes. "I'll come back later!" I rushed it out and turned around. I put my hand on the knob of the door when I heard him.
"Eren." He said gently.
"You're studying. I shouldn't interrupt. Your studies are import-" I started. I was sweating.
"You wanna have sex with Levi, don't you?" I froze. Fuck.
"Yeah." I said shakily.
"I figured. I have been waiting for you to come to me for about a week now." Armin said. I turned back around.
"Really?"
"You think I can't hear those moans? Sounds like a couple of animals in heat, I swear." I blushed a deep red. I didn't think the wall were soundproof, but I didn't think about him hearing either. "Sit."
I walked toward the bed, and sat on the foot of it.
"You need to know about anal sex?" He asked. I nodded, biting my lip and occupying my hands with fussing with my shirt. I was glad Levi was at work with Mikasa right now.
"Do you know if you'll be topping or bottoming , yet?" he asked gently.
"What?" I squeaked.
"Are you gonna take his dick in you or are you gonna shove your dick in him?" He clarified. God! This was so awkward for me! Armin was cool and collected, though.
"I don't really know." I covered my face with my hands.
"Think about your fantasies, Eren. Surely you must have some about Levi." His voice was so gentle.
"Okay?"
"Are you thinking about your fantasies?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Are you on top or on bottom?"
"I-I'm on bottom." I blushed so hard.
"Eren, calm yourself. I love dick in my ass, too. You came to the right place." He smiled at me. My tension broke then, and I laughed despite myself. We laughed together. I knew I was going to be okay, then. He twisted around to his desk, then pulled out a small blue box labeled 'Eren' on it. He handed it to me.
"I took the liberty of picking you up some things that I think will help you." I almost dropped the box when I opened it. He laughed at my face.
"You bought me all this? So I could take Levi's dick?" I asked, shocked. The box was full of things I couldn't even name.
"Of course. Having a dick in you for the first time is like magic. I may not be there, but I still want to make sure you are taken care of."
"Thank you, Armin." I was so relieved. He clapped his hands.
"Now! Down to business!" He took out each object and went into a lot of details about what it was, how it was used, and how I should take care of it. It took hours. By the end of Armin's class on anal sex, though, I felt confident that I would soon be with Levi.
As I left, clutching my new box of magic, I heard Armin yell, "Go get 'em, Tiger!" I laughed all the way back to my room, where I stashed it under the night stand. I was so excited. Levi wasn't going to know what hit him!
Levi POV
I had the sneaking suspicion that Eren wanted to have sex with me. He had been getting more and more intense during our nightly fool around time. He was so eager to discover everything he could. He frequently asked me to teach him everything I knew. He got so excited over everything. He was so sensitive and reactive that I quickly learned his favorite things. He loved giving me hickeys, but he liked receiving them even more. He loved giving me handjobs, but he liked it when we pressed our penises together and rubbed them off at the same time more. He loved touching me, but he loved getting out the massage oil and rubbing me down more. I picked up on those things easily.
I had started thinking about Eren at work. Which was where I was now. I had been doing well at work, even though being around the drunks drug up all sorts of old memories. I hated thinking about my past, but Eren, Armin, and Mikasa's acceptance helped me a lot. I still thought about using a lot, especially since I could pick out a stim abuser from a mile away. I sometimes thought about sneaking away, grabbing a hold of them and seeing if they would sell to me. If they wouldn't, I still had all my old contacts anyway. Eren wouldn't have to know if it was just once…
I really needed to get rid of them… my old contacts, I mean. I really only needed to keep in touch with Hanje and Mike. I didn't need the rest of them dragging me down. Eren was too important to me. I visited with Hanje and Mike regularly. They caught me up on the latest news in their world, and I did the same. It turns out Mikasa and Mike knew each other from Mikasa's old job as a waitress at Mike's restaurant. He had his own little place, and Mikasa really liked working for him. He always protected her and took her side when knocked out a customer for grabbing at her. She had only left because she wanted to be closer to Annie.
"Hey, Levi, you okay?" It was Mikasa. I had been zoning out big time. I snapped out of it, and shook my head.
"Yeah."
"Your shift was over five minutes ago." She informed me. Oh my god, you mean I could have already been five minutes down the road to Eren?
"Bye!" I called out.
I went through my usual routine as soon as I got home. Eren was almost always awake when I got home now. He had dropped his morning class in favor of sleeping in after fooling around with me all night. I pretended to argue with him, but I was secretly glad. I liked getting handsy with him. He insisted it wasn't that important of a credit anyway.
I had stopped even bothering putting on clothes to sleep, as did he. It was nothing short of a blessing that every night I got to climb in the already warm bed and press myself against Eren's naked body. I walked down to the bedroom, his this time, and threw my towel in his hamper. After so long of throwing clothes and towels, we had both gotten to where we could get in the hamper in the dark.
He was on his side, reading a paperback. I climbed in beside him, spooning him. I peppered kisses all along his back and he whined. I ran a hand down his stomach and started playing with his dick. He moaned and let the book fall close.
"Whatcha reading?" I asked, licking the back of his neck.
"I-I don't know." He squirmed, trying to roll on his back to give me full access to his forming erection.
"Really? Looks like you were really far into it." I was teasing him.
"Fuck me, Levi, I forgot as soon as you touched me." He groaned, wiggling his ass against me.
"Okay." I said simply and waited for him to figure it out. He didn't.
"What?"
"You said 'fuck me, Levi'. I said 'okay'." I kept my touches on his dick light, teasing him. He pushed his hips forward into my hand. I removed my hands, causing him to whine. I rolled him over on his back and kissed him.
"You really would fuck me?" He asked with his big emerald eyes looking more innocent than ever. I laughed.
"You have to ask, you beautiful, innocent boy? I would eat you up!" I started sliding down his body, planning on sucking him off to prove my point. He stopped me, though.
"I want you to fuck me, Levi." I stared up at him, my face only about three inches away from his boner.
"Not right now, of course," he blushed and looked away.
"Eren," I said.
"Levi," he replied, a hint of a smile on his blushing face. I crawled up to him, making eye contact.
"I would love to fuck your ass. We need a lot of prep, though. You are a virgin." I stroked his face. "How about for the first time, you fuck me?" I had taken lots of dick as well as given it. I was sure I could get ready in no time.
"I want to do it, Levi." He looked so determined. I kissed my beautiful boyfriend.
We talked about it more after we had finished out nightly exploration of each other's body. I had to tell him about my scar before I fucked him. I needed to communicate with him, and open up to him before I could feel right about taking his virginity.
"Eren." I said as he was cuddled to my chest. He hummed back.
"We need to talk about something serious." He propped himself up and looked into my eyes.
"Levi?" He looked scared. My sweet little Eren, I'm so sorry you're with a broken man like me.
"I need to tell you about my scar. The one you always kiss." He had taken to frequently kissing my large scar. I honestly didn't know how I felt about it. Sometimes I felt so happy and loved when he did it, other times I felt like crying.
"The scar you said you would never talk about?" He asked.
"Yes."
"But you said you would never talk about it?"
"Eren, that's because it's a horrible story." I took a deep breath.
Warning: Rape flashback
I was 13. I felt so cool, hanging out with Kenny's friends. They were all older and they gave me booze. They thought it was funny to get a 13 year old drunk. There one particular friend of Kenny's, Lewis, the youngest of the guys, that I really liked. I mean liked- liked. He was my first gay crush.
He was, and had the coolest tattoos I had ever seen. He had a mermaid with huge tits on his calf and an anchor on his forearm. He explained that he was in the navy. I thought he was the coolest. It was because of him that my scrawny little thirteen year old self realized that I was what the guys called a 'faggot'. Apparently it was bad thing, and they talked about beating them. I didn't see how loving another man made me a bad person, but I kept it locked up, nevertheless.
Lewis came to visit me in my basement more and more when the guys talked about his ex-girlfriend.
"I don't fucking like to hear it." He had explained. It was one day when the guys upstairs were placing bets on whether or not she would send nudes to one of the guys, that he hurt me.
"Hey! Lewis!" I smiled at him. He plopped down beside me on the couch.
"Guess what they're doing now, kid?" He asked. He told me about the bets.
"Wow, what a bunch of cocksuckers." I said. He laughed until he doubled over.
"Do you even know what a cocksucker is?" He asked. I had gotten offended and nodded up and down. I didn't really know, but I wasn't going to let him know that.
"It's a faggot thing." He explained.
"I know what it is!" I insisted.
"Hey, never mind that, wanna see my new tats?" He asked, chugging the last of his beer.
"Fuck yeah! You have the best tats!" I was excited. He stood up, pulling off his shirt. Oh shit.
He pointed to the guns tattooed on his hips, barrels pointing down to the crotch. He started talking about them, pointing to different details. I couldn't hear him, all I could hear was a ringing in my ears. My eyes were fixed squarely on his crotch. After a few minutes he snapped his hands in front of my face.
"Huh?" I started, looking up to my hero.
"Why you staring at my dick, boy?"
"What?" My blood ran cold. I didn't want anyone to know. They would beat me!
"You a faggot, Levi?" He looked at me hard.
"I-I- I don't know!" I covered my face with my hands.
He pulled them away gently.
"You can tell me, Levi. You trust me, right?" He asked. I nodded.
"Then tell me if you think about other men the way you should be thinking about women."
"I-I sometimes think about a certain guy… I like him a lot!"
"Mmmhmm, that's what I thought. I always thought you looked a little twinky."
"What? Like the snack?" I was so confused.
"No, faggot. Not the snack. Now tell who this other faggot is that you think you like."
I blushed.
"Well…" I thought about what to say. He sat back down next to me. He put his hand on my thigh and the other arm behind my head. I blushed. He was so close and shirtless still.
"It's someone you know." I said simply. He hummed. He moved his hands up my thigh, getting closer to my crotch. I started shaking.
"One of the guys?" He asked. I nodded.
He looked deep into my eyes. "Who, Levi? Who is it you want to fuck?"
"You." I whispered hoarsely. I wanted to kiss him! He was my hero and this was a fairy tale. Only, it wasn't. His face turned angry.
"You think I'm a faggot, Levi!" He smacked me, jumping up.
"I'm sorry!"
"You know, Levi? You're gonna be real sorry once I tell Kenny and the guys. I wonder if they'll let your dick loving ass live."
"Lewis! No! Please! I take it back! I was just kidding!"
"I was the one tricking you, little boy. Listen, if you don't want Kenny and the others to know, then you'll do exactly what I say."
I had fought back. He had taken out a knife. That's where the scar came from. He visited me like that every time he came over until he was shipped back off to his base. It had been months of terror for me.
Flash back over
Eren was crying. I stroked his head.
"I'm so sorry that happened, Levi!"
"It's not your fault, Eren." I cooed to him. I wasn't crying, even though I wanted to. He snuggled as close as he could, putting kisses all over me.
"Eren, I had to tell you this. I didn't want to make you sad, but you had to know." I could feel his hot, wet tears on me. He nodded and kept kissing me all over.
"This is why I'll never bend you over something or take you from behind." He looked up at me. "I have to see your face, Eren. I have to know you're enjoying it at all times."
My throat felt tight.
"He made me scream that I liked it. Otherwise he got more violent. I-I have to see your face, to know for sure." I took a few deep breaths. "I also need you to promise me that you will always tell me if you are hurting."
"Anything you need, Levi."
"It's also why you can't bend me over anything, either. Basically, when fucking, we have to be able to make direct eye contact or I will panic."
"Of course. That's very doable." He said.
"I love your eyes, Eren. So very responsive. I feel like I can trust what I see in them." I leaned down to his neck. "I feel like I can trust that I won't accidentally hurt you."
We kissed gently until we were tired. I cuddled to Eren, and had one significant thought before falling asleep.
Here, I almost felt safe enough to cry.
So there you have it. The story of Levi's scar. Also the reason why he is uncomfortable around drunks, why he needs so much help coping, and why he likes eren's open emotions... I'm toying with the idea of having a winmin chapter, but I really want to focus on ereri... maybe when i rewrite the story, I will...
Also, I predict the story will be about 15-20 chapters long depending on whether Levi relapses or not.