Chapter 10

A yellow hooded sweatshirt he loved to wear. A red lollipop to keep the morning sickness at bay. Black leggings that fit just right over her stomach which was, at nearly four and a half months, finally beginning to protrude. Her usual ballet flats had been abandoned, swapped for a pair of sneakers she wasn't particularly fond of in any other way but comfort for her aching ankles.

She stood at the row of long windows, on her toes and resting her arms on the sill. She watched as the girls dawning purple leotards worked at the barre, waiting their turn to join the boys on the floor. They looked so young, so naïve. One in particular caught her eyes, though. She looked younger than the rest, but Abigail figured it was her rounded face and big brown eyes. Her hair was atop her head in the perfect bun, an imperfect red velvet color, and she could see Mrs. Raine watching her every move, drilling her much harder than the others.

At Mrs. Raine's command the redhead straightened up, keeping her head held high and her glance cold and completely focused. She brought the girls to the center of the floor, pairing them up for their first pas de deux lesson. She watched the younger girl attempt to hide her nerves, trying to manage a smile toward her partner. Fake. Abigail could see just how hard this young girl was trying, how her efforts of hiding her clear pain were completely in vain; to her, at least. Abigail knew that the girl was not having pas de deux, that dancing by herself would be much more pleasurable for the girl.

The boy was nothing to forget, either. For everyone else he may have been, but for Abigail he was just as important to the equation as the pretty redhead. He was just a head taller than her, a bit lankier than the other boys. His hair color was an average brown, a shade or two lighter than Abigail's and on his head in a short curly half-afro. She noticed his smile, so completely genuine as he was paired up with her. He seemed ecstatic, looking at her with every admiration she'd seen all at once.

She watched the pair for the rest of their class, longing for that moment again. Abigail was drawn to them, her eyes continuing to wander back to them and gauge their expressions and reactions to everything. Was it the charisma of the boy that drew her to the pair, the way he seemed so goofy yet so willing to work for the girl he'd been partnered up with? Was it the girl, ever willing to do what it took to become someone Mrs. Raine could be proud of? It was the pair of them together, she realized, that made her stare through the window and watch them dance. It was not only her longing to dance, but the fact that this young pair reminded Abigail so much of Sammy and herself back then; unsuspectingly perfect for each other.

As Mrs. Raine wrapped up her class and students began to pour out of the classroom Abigail bent, pretending to lace up her shoes. When the pretty redhead came out of the classroom she rose, walking next to her in silence for a while.

"I'm Abigail." She finally introduced herself, holding out her hand. "You're in first year?"

"Yeah, and you're the girl that got pregnant." The redhead retorted, rolling her eyes. Through her mask, though, Abigail could see a hint of excitement. The girl knew who she was, and not just for her pregnancy. "I'm Addison."

"First day of pas de deux?"

"Yeah. It's so aggravating, my partner, Cooper, knows nothing and won't keep his hands off of me. "

"Oh you'll get used to it, trust me." Abigail smirked; this girl sounded exactly like her at that age. She had always been concerned with herself, with doing what she wanted and excelling by herself. At Addison's age, Abigail hadn't yet realized that she couldn't make it far without other people as guidance.

"I hope so. That Sammy guy…he was your first pas de deux partner, right?"

"He was. To be honest, I thought the same of him as you're thinking of Cooper right now. Exactly the same."

"How'd that change?" The redhead moved to the side of the hallway, where they were at a fork in their paths. She put her hands together and rubbed her fingers absent-mindedly.

"I don't really know, I guess one day I just had a change of heart. It took me a while, though. I was a very cold-hearted person. And to an extent I guess I still am, just in a better way than before."

"Well, it was nice to meet you Abigail. You're not half as bad as people are saying. I'll be sure to let them know that."

"Thanks," She smiled, preparing to move away from her. "It's nice to know that someone thinks that. And if you ever need help with your dancing, just ask. I'm pretty bored since I can't dance anymore."

"Will do. Thanks, Abigail!"

Xxx

Being pregnant was a far change from Abigail's previous lifestyle. Before, it was eating what her psychologist recommended, staying on track with her diet and exercise while maintaining her busy schedule with classes and workout sessions. Now, it seemed as though she had absolutely nothing to do all the time. While her friends were preparing for extra classes she was stuck in her room, sorting through her stuff while looking apprehensively through baby name websites. It seemed like she was talking on the phone constantly, to the doctor recommended when she had gotten out of her abortion.

When her five month appointment was made and a few baby books were read through, she'd completely run out of things to do.

A few short weeks later Abigail and Kat were walking the short distance to the doctor, enjoying the wonderful weather while catching up about what they'd been doing. Well, it only took Abigail a few minutes. For Kat it was less simple.

Classes were tougher, more rigorous. Now that it was third year what seemed like the large margin of classmates they had was dropping like flies, one after another and sometimes more than two in one day. Through that, though, Kat and Tara were among those who remained tough enough to keep their positions as third year dancers. Abigail found out that her calls from the company were now going with less vigorous need to a more average girl, about Tara's skill level in dance but painfully shy. She couldn't say that she was upset, though, because it had been her choice in the first place. As long as it wasn't Tara receiving her calls, she was happy for the girl who'd been chosen in her place as the new favorite.

Abigail was the youngest one in the office, surrounded by some thirty-something women and their husbands or children, and it felt awkward. She didn't let it get to her, though. She'd always been early and more eager to do things anyway, she could count this as another one of her personality traits gone a bit wrong. She leafed through a magazine but did not pay attention to its contents, simply scanning the pictures of pretty houses and adorable babies, of beautiful pregnant woman with seemingly flawless baby-tummies. She looked down at her own subconsciously, studying its shape. It was still a bit smaller than it should be, she knew that much, but it was still round enough for her. From the little she'd picked up in books, she guessed that it was alright for where she was.

The doctor, a pretty woman around her early thirties, confirmed Abigail's thoughts. As she measured and weighed she mumbled, making little notes in her folder before looking up at her, eyes shining.

"You're looking great, Abigail! Could be a bit heavier, but gaining the baby weight slow is good for you too. Very good results so far." Kat, Abigail and her doctor, Julie, were standing in the doorway to the examination room, Julie going through her notes to double-check everything. "Would you like to see your baby now?"

Abigail nodded, hesitant as she walked slowly behind her two companions into the room. Kat took a chair and her pregnant friend sat on the table next to it, checking out her surroundings. It was similar to the first office she'd been to, only this time she didn't feel as though she were going to die herself. She didn't feel like she wanted to run or hide from these tools, and when Julie put the cool blue liquid on her stomach she barely flinched. She was more than ready for this moment.

"Now before I get started, I just have one question." Julie said, hovering the wand over Abigail's stomach. "Do you want to know the gender of your baby yet?"

It took a while to formulate a response to this question. On one hand, knowing the gender of her child would make it easier to shop and pick out a name. On the other, having the gender be a surprise would be something to look forward to; something to keep her sane in the days she spent waiting for something to do.

"I don't want to know yet." Looking over she saw Kat breathe a sigh of relief, giving Abigail a thumbs up for her decision.

Something was nagging at Kat with the gender situation. For some reason, she wanted nothing more than for Abigail to have a little boy. She knew how much it would mean to her; the boy would seem closer to Sammy, a greater link to him. On the other hand, she desperately wanted a girl for Abigail. While she knew how much a baby boy would mean to Abigail and Sammy, she feared that the baby would look too much like Sammy, and instead of bringing Abigail joy, that it would only bring her heartache. With feelings so conflicted, she wasn't yet ready to see which outcome would come true.

The girls watched as the doctor rubbed the wand on Abigail's stomach, pausing only at a grey bit of the image both could immediately identify. Kat looked to her friend, who was simply staring at the screen, her eyes watering the slightest. Abigail swallowed a lump in her throat, pointing to the screen.

"Is that the head?" She asked, watching in awe as the baby moved slightly inside of her. She couldn't believe that she was finally seeing what was inside of her.

It's ours, Sammy. Abigail twirled the ring on her left finger, letting her finger rub along the knot in it for both comfort and the feeling that he was there. She let the first lone tear fall, but this time it was a happy tear. She couldn't stop looking at the screen, the combination of she and Sammy she knew she would love so much.