Secrets Untold

By: Cryn

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. ;)

Author's Notes: By popular demand, I am apparently finding myself writing some more in this story. I know its been ages now, but every time one of those rare emails shows up saying "NEW REVIEW!" I can't help but smile. Apparently you guys really like this one, even if it has been a ten year project now. So, for you, I am going to try and finish it. :) I haven't written Gundam fanfiction in quite a few years, so bare with me.

Duo sat in the dark bedroom. Solo had mercifully let him be after Quatre and Hilde had left, although he took the handle off of the door so it couldn't be locked. His wrists burned from where he had cut into them. It felt like his head would explode from everything that happened last night. Why did he do this to himself? It had been four years. Four long, but good years. No bad habits, an occasional friendly visit to Solo while Heero was away.

What the hell had happened? Not a week ago things were normal. Not good, but normal enough to live with. Heero was probably furious with him. Trowa was going to flat-out murder him. The two men were probably in a car headed this way now. After all, it was no secret that Hilde is the one Duo always turned to. Hilde had called Heero when Duo had nearly killed himself in her basement bathroom. The drugs, the cutting, the alcohol. It really was wreckless. Even though Heero would take him home, clean him up and bring him back to his senses, for months Duo would go back to Solo and start the cycle all over again.

He knew it killed Heero to see him like that. The last mission before he retired, Duo was high. It hadn't ended well and Heero threatened to report him if he didn't cut that shit out immediately. Soon after, Duo retired and left Solo. Heero had taken him in, got him through the withdrawals day by agonizing day.

Four years now Duo had been clean.

And so it was starting again. Old habits die hard.

Duo was high. So damned high, it was unreal. Solo had given him the drugs and damn were they good. Solo was asleep, face down on the bed, his beautiful hair cascaded down his bare back and under the sheet Duo had set around his waist after their antics last night.

"Solo?" Duo whispered.

The man stirred, rolling over as he woke.

"Good morning, hand-" Solo stopped mid sentence, "Duo, what's wrong?"

A frown crept over Duo's face as he forgot what he was going to tell Solo. His braid was heavy on his back... His arms and legs started to tingle and get heavy. Surely there was something. Oh right.

"I need to tell you something," Duo spoke, his voice sounded distant, like he was talking through a thick blanket.

"Oh? Well them come and sit, silly!" Solo smiled playfully at the braided man before him.

They had been seeing each other for a few weeks now. Solo was thrilled that after nearly a year of chasing that braid, he finally had it to himself. Duo worked with the military intelligence bureau and was gone quite often, but when he was here, boy did the man know how to have a good time.

"Solo, I have a problem," Duo spoke so softly, Solo wasn't sure he heard him right, "I need to break a habit... and its only gotten worse. So much worse."

"Sure, babe, but come here and sit, you look like you're about to faint," Solo's face fell as Duo swayed.

Duo tried to take a step and his legs felt like jelly. He fell to his knees on the carpet, catching himself on the edge of the bed and wincing. Slowly, he curled into a ball on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. Tears streamed from his violet eyes.

"Oh my God!"

Solo shouted, alarmed at the streaks of blood that christened the sheets where Duo had caught himself. As he dropped to the floor next to Duo, he could see the angry red slashes across his wrists. Gently pulling on Duo's black sleeve, he pushed it up revealing a lifetime of scars.

"I've killed a lot of men, Solo," Duo breathed, eyes closed, "I don't know how else to deal with that guilt. How do I live with myself as a killer?"

Solo realized that he was crying, tears sliding down his smooth cheeks and into his hair that cocoons him. Duo was so tormented, so pained all the time. Slowly, still crying for the pool of a man in front of him, he lifted Duo into his bare lap, cradling him against his chest.

"Tell me about them. Remember them. Honor their memories to me."

He was crying. His memories betraying him. Solo burst through the door of the bedroom, relief washing over him momentarily that there was no fresh blood on the floor.

"Oh, Duo," Solo whispered.

Slowly, as before, Solo stooped beside Duo and pulled him into his lap, gently running his hand down the sloppy braid.

"Why did you do it this time, Duo?" Solo asked quietly.

That's how it had been. Duo would show up a complete mess, stoned or drunk -sometimes both- and a bleeding, sobbing mess. But it never bothered Solo. They were both damaged goods. They fit so well with each other. Duo could never get his head on straight after the war and woke with nightmares, his amethyst eyes often clouded with fear as he woke screaming. He cared so much about everyone and everything that it would eat him alive unless he let it out somehow. Solo had his moments of frustration, but together they helped each other.

That is... until Duo left him. After seeing each other for nearly a year... After founding the club... After ridding Duo of the blood leaching habit. After promising to get clean together. He left. The club was signed into Solo's name and since then, Duo only stopped in for favors and quick visits. Something had happened to change him, but Duo never told him what it was that made him leave so suddenly.

"Solo..." Duo whispered, breaking him from his reverie, "I missed you."

The admission had taken him aback and Solo froze, still holding Duo in his lap.

"That's the drugs talking, Duo. I know when you're stoned and trust me, you don't miss me."

"That's just it, Solo," Duo spoke quietly, "It's not the drugs."

Duo opened his clenched palm and looked at the two pills in his hand that he had bought from a street dealer.

"Duo..."

And suddenly Duo shifted, turning his face to close his mouth over Solo's shocked lips.

Heero pulled up to Hilde's house. Glaring at Trowa, he slammed the car door and stalked to the house. Ringing the doorbell, he pounded on the door.

"Hilde!"

No answer. He pressed in the buzzer again and threatened to take the door off its hinges with the force of his fist.

"HILDE!"

Heero scowled, glaring at the door and dropped his gaze to spot something all too familiar on the cement patio. Blood.

"Shit," He mumbled and stalked back to the car in an even more foul mood.

"Not home?" Trowa snapped.

"Fuck you."

"Where to now?"

"Solo."

A/N:

1. I will try, but please don't get angry if I take a while to keep going. Life is hectic now a days.

2. Don't hate me for the change in pairing, but I just LOVE Solo!

3. As always, R&R.