Chapter 10

It took a minute to talk to Coach Molinoff, convince him that Colin now had his head fully in the game, but Colin's charm and earnest salesmanship was all but impossible to resist when combined with Roy's. He put Colin back in the game alongside his brother.

As he got into position with everyone else, Colin closed his eyes for a moment, took in a breath, let it out.

When the shout came, Colin snapped the ball to Roy without thinking; he just did it. He sprang up and forward as the two lines crashed together, and easily stayed on his feet. Adrenaline coursed through him; everyone else seemed to be moving at half speed. Sprinting to cover Ben as he broke out into the open, Colin shouldered and pushed past anyone who came near him. Nobody got near Ben.

The second play, Colin found himself surveying the opposing team's defensive line. Thinking. He called out to the guys on his team, addressed nearly all by name, because he knew nearly all of them from junior high. Gave orders for adjustments in the line; they were too bunched up, too concentrated to realize it.

They broke through the defense yet again, and Roy was grinning, throwing his arm around Colin's shoulder, while Ben dramatically thanked God that the Borden twins had gotten their shit together.

"Colin!" Coach Molinoff called out, seeming as relieved as anyone as a third play got started, "Thank you for joining us!"

Under his helmet, Colin grinned. His heart sang with joy, and that didn't change in over an hour of on-and-off practice, his only complaint being the need to stop for the water breaks. The hotter it got and the harder he had to work, the happier Colin became. He threw and received passes, snapped the ball to Roy flawlessly, knocked a dozen different boys on their asses when the two teams leapt forward and collided. When Coach Molinoff finally called a halt to practice for the day, halting before the heat of the early afternoon became too much, Colin actually groaned in disappointment, while everyone else sighed in relief.

Even so, he was in a fantastic mood as they headed back to the locker room. Ben and Jack were elated, and Roy couldn't have been more pleased. Colin hadn't gotten enough of football today, but he had an old, familiar thought return to his mind: the reminder that, on any day, there could never be enough of anything this good.

XX

Colin shyly grinned and acknowledged the many compliments he got about his performance after his talk with Roy, and the jokes and good-natured ribbing about how he'd done before. Various theories were discussed between Ben and Jack, in particular; Jack was certain Colin was having lady troubles. Ben promptly topped by asserting that since Colin had gone through more girlfriends than anybody else at their junior high (aside from his brother), it had to be that Colin had finally screwed up and fathered his first illegitimate child.

Roy told them to knock it off at that point, seeing that Colin was turning pink.

So many guys came up to shake Colin and Roy's hands as they all started to get out of their uniforms and head to the showers, Colin lost track of who was who. He had a certain sense of recognition, sometimes memories were brought back to him, with guys he knew from junior high. But the many new friends that Roy was helping the twins make were next to impossible to remember. Colin smiled, did his best to banter and joke with "the guys", dazed and in a state of disbelief that he was even part of such a group.

Friends. Confident, popular, athletic friends, and he was surrounded by them, accepted fully as one of them. Sure, this was just the first day, and some of these boys wouldn't be making it to the end of tryouts. But with Roy laying the groundwork early, and the two of them already having been big-shots on their team in the 6th to 8th grade, they stood a good chance of being very well-esteemed by their fellow freshmen once the JV team's roster was picked out.

The older boys were a different story. The 10th graders and even a few 11th graders didn't mix as much with the nervous, excited, fast-talking freshmen, all of them worked up about simultaneously joining the football team and starting high school. And far from the many admiring and awed looks he got from boys his own age at his powerful, rock-hard muscle and the imposing presence it gave him even when surrounded by other athletes, Colin was sure he saw some dark looks sent his way by some of the older boys in the locker room. He wasn't sure how to react to that, but didn't have to settle on anything, as so far, none of them had said anything to him or Roy beyond practical stuff during a game.

Some other types of looks started coming his and Roy's way, though, once the Borden twins had stripped to the waist. The eyes of boys passing by, or standing near them, started sliding their way. Curious, a little wary. The jagged, melted scars running the length and width of their broad, muscular backs were no doubt the source of it, and Colin's temper started to rise the moment this realization set in.

"How'd you get those scars, man?" a boy next to him asked.

"An accident," Colin said shortly, irritation already creeping into his voice. "Long time ago."

"Damn, man," another boy said from behind Colin. "Dude. What happened to you two?"

"Don't you wanna talk about it?" the first boy asked hopefully.

"No," Roy said, visibly annoyed. "Because you're asking about it."

Then a slick, clever voice said from behind Colin, off to his right, "Dog, I gotta ask. What the fuck is up with your backs?"

Acting with almost blinding speed, Colin dropped the pads he was putting away. He spun, lunged forward, and in the span of two seconds lunged toward Kevin LeBlanc, slammed hand into his throat in a vise-like grip, and crossed the remaining couple of feet of tile to crash him into a set of lockers. Then he let go, standing back and looming over the boy, glaring hatefully down at him. "What'd you say? What was that you said?"

Faced with so much raw anger and hardened muscle on display, Kevin lost a lot of his bravado. But he recovered after a few moments of startled surprise, and glared right back. "I think you heard me."

Colin glared at him for a moment, then out of nowhere somebody backhanded Kevin across the face with a sound like a gunshot. It took a moment for Colin to realize the hand was his. Kevin staggered back and hit a set of lockers, the loud, metallic banging resounding in the tiled locker room. Shock, rage and pain showered in his eyes, and his hands came up as he moved forward, a little unsteady but plenty pissed off.

Roy came over then, and almost casually yanked Kevin LeBlanc's towel from around his waist. "Hey! Sonofabitch-"

Evading the other boy's grabs, Roy effortlessly held the towel away, then threw it over to the next row. "Go get it, faggot. Scoot! Like the pie!"

"Ha, Scooter!" Ben called, and in seconds Jack and a whole group of other boys, a dozen at least, that Colin had a sense of familiarity about were joining in on the jeering and catcalling. Blushing crimson red, Kevin clapped a hand over his privates and hurried out of sight. From the sound of things- his own shouting and the laughter of boys on this row and the next- Kevin eventually got his towel back. But he didn't have an easy time of it. Colin returned to what he'd been doing, hoping to be left alone, but Kevin soon enough came back into view at the opposite end of the lockers, face twisted with fury. "I'll get you for this, you stupid fucks! I'll fix you! You'll wish-"

"SHUT UP!" Colin roared, grabbing another boy's bar of soap off the bench and hurling it straight at Kevin. It missed, but not by much, slamming into the water fountain behind him- hard enough to make a pretty good dent.

Kevin LeBlanc stared between the water fountain, the bar of soap, and Colin and Roy. He abruptly turned and headed out of sight again, and this time he stayed away.

The locker room had fallen almost completely silent, apart from the hiss of water in the showers.

"So this summer-" Ben said into the silence, and gradually everyone got to talking again. Nobody mentioned either Roy or Colin's scars anymore. Colin took his time with folding up his uniform and neatly putting his cleats and pads away; when he'd taken out and put back his knee pads for the fourth time, it dawned on him that he was stalling.

"What's the holdup?" Roy asked quietly, leaning over.

"Do- do we all have to shower?" Colin asked nervously. He'd always been scared to death of embarrassment in gym class, PE as it was often called, and avoided the open space of the communal showers like the plague. A scrawny bookworm was going to meet with nothing but humiliation and mockery in a junior high school locker room's communal shower, so Colin had always changed as quickly as possible and showered at home.

Roy laughed slightly. "Colin, look at yourself. I think you're forgetting."

"Forgetting what?" Colin asked, glancing down at himself. The chiseled-from-stone muscle that was on display from head to foot jumped into view, and Colin was awed all over again at what he was seeing. "Oh."

"One more thing."

"Like what?"

"Not gonna shower in your underwear, are you?"

Still a little reluctant, Colin finally pulled at the elastic band of his briefs with both hands, slid them down to his ankles and stepped out of them. He concentrated on putting that away in his locker as well, but Roy sensed Colin trying to stall again.

"Look down again, Colin. Come on."

Colin glanced down at himself, and blushed at the… endowment… he'd gained since becoming Roy Borden's brother. Wow. Was he really that big even when he wasn't- excited?

"They're all jealous as shit of us already," Roy whispered. "Let's show 'em there's one more thing."

The little entourage Roy and Colin seemed to be picking up had made their own excuses, stalled for time while Colin did, and when he finally felt bold enough to take his towel in one hand and wander off to the showers naked, Ben, Danny, Jack and a few others went with him, becoming the last freshman group to occupy the showers. Colin loved the feel of the warm rushing water, was delighted at how bold and confident he felt, simply by walking off to the showers with his cock hanging out in the open. Never, ever in his life before would he have dared do something like that, yet to Colin Borden it was a familiar act. He had nothing to fear, nothing to worry about, no insecurities in such a place whatsoever. Why not? He was the strongest one in the room.

The strongest one in the room…

It was a title Colin was rapidly falling in love with, one he, as Roy's twin, had worked all his life to earn and maintain. Showering with the guys, swapping stories (mostly lies, or exaggerations) about girls and how much pussy they were getting, Roy smoothly drew Colin into the conversations, encouraging Colin to join in, and before long he was.

XX

"See you, Matt!" Colin called, waving to yet another new friend.

"See you, Colin!" the redhead called as they parted ways in front of the school.

"Hey, Colin, Roy! Awesome work out there today, man!"

"See you guys tomorrow!"

"Nice job, Colin!"

"Those were some sweet passes, Roy!"

Colin was a little overwhelmed, again, as the freshman hopefuls poured out of the front doors of the school, and it seemed like at least half personally greeted Colin before going on their way. Between their bold football playing and their even bolder personalities, Colin and Roy appeared to have made quite a splash. It was dizzying, having to keep track of so many names and positions that each of them wanted to play, and had played. But it delighted Colin more than he could've said. He'd never had so many friends, and soon-to-be friends, in all of his old life. The heat of the afternoon didn't bother him at all; Colin just smiled, turned to Roy as they mounted their bikes, and pulled his shirt over his head. "Just to cool off," Colin said casually.

"Right," Roy said, grinning back.

As they started to bike out across the student parking lot and through a small stretch of forest into a neighborhood that eventually would lead them back home, Roy looked fondly at Colin. "So. You like football?"

"Love it," Colin said, grinning from ear to ear.

"See, I knew you would."

"It's such a blast!" Colin exclaimed. "Why did Coach have to stop tryouts, anyway?"

"Because everybody else was gonna die in this heat if we kept going."

"Everybody else. Not us?"

"Never."

XX

Colin chattered back and forth with Roy the whole ride home; the more he talked about how much fun he'd had today, the more things he remembered. Vivid memories of a hundred previous football games and practices, of the dumb grab-ass games played in the locker room whenever Coach wasn't around. Of victory after victory, celebrating with the guys, seeing their adoration and awe at the sheer talent and physical strength that Colin and Roy possessed.

Love of the endless hours of weightlifting with the guys on the team, love of football itself, everything about it. And a strong, almost overwhelming memory of how much fun it had been do have spent all that time, gained all those memories, right alongside his brother.

It led Colin to quiet down a little, sifting through these hundreds of memories. He wound up 'spacing out' just a little, delighted yet again to find that his memories of bodybuilding and football, so closely tied together, had Roy present every time. They were never separated. If one got into a fight with a teammate or opposing player, both fought. If one got in an argument, the other automatically joined in on his behalf. And on the field, there was no better combination of center and quarterback; the twins were famed for being able to seemingly act and think as one person.

"You're thinking about something," Roy said as they waited at a stop sign.

"At least I'm thinking."

"What, and I don't?"

"I'm just saying one of us has to."

Roy made a face.

Colin made a face, too.

Roy laughed and shook his head, looking away.

"So what were you thinking about?"

Colin looked at Roy for a moment. He was a teenage bodybuilder, and he'd just started high school. A best-of-the-best student, an unparalleled athlete, and he was not even fifteen years old. He was intelligent, mature beyond his years, a great confidant and companion… Roy really was the greatest person his age Colin had ever met, the best friend he'd ever had. Add on that seemingly-boundless energy and a wonderful sense of humor, and you had Roy Borden. Just a flat-out awesome guy.

So Colin let himself smile at Roy, feeling a familiar rush of love and affection for his twin brother. "It's fun getting to be brothers with you."

"For the rest of our lives, Colin," Roy said, smiling back.

"Always."

"Hey," Roy said, taking off on his bike as the street cleared. "Catch me if you can!"

Colin sped off, racing after his brother, filled with delight at the challenge.

XX

They arrived home just in time. In time enough, that is, to actually see Dad before he left for the office. Again.

Mr. Borden was coming down the concrete front walk, briefcase in hand, his mind obviously somewhere else. He didn't notice his sons pulling in on their bikes at first, but gradually became aware that Colin was hurrying right up to him.

"Dad! Dad!" Colin exclaimed, the adrenaline from the race he'd just won (Won! Against Roy!) making him excited about his triumphs at football tryouts today all over again.

Mr. Borden looked up from unlocking his Oldsmobile. "Oh. Hey, Colin. Hey, Roy. How'd baseball go today?"

"It's football, Dad." Roy sounded vaguely hurt… but not too surprised.

"Oh. Football." Mr. Borden didn't seem too sure what to make of that. "Well… I got a big case coming up. Lots of work to do. But you make sure to tell me all about it next time, okay?"

"At dinner?" Colin asked, nodding hopefully.

"Dinner- well, Colin, you see, I'm really busy. I actually just came back to have dinner an hour ago. That's why I'm heading back out now."

Colin's face fell along with his hopes. "Well… you'll be back later, right?"

"I'm not sure when it'll be. There's a lot to do for a big case like this."

"Well-"

Mr. Borden sighed quietly, setting down his briefcase. He seemed to notice the two adolescent weightlifters in front of him, sweaty and clad only in a pair of shorts, for the first time, and seemed a little uncomfortable at the sight of them. Maybe it was all that muscle. But Mr. Borden knelt and gently hugged Colin anyway. It was oddly touching, yet seemed awkward, distracted- the act of a man whose mind was already at the office, even if his journey to return there had been delayed.

"Next time, Colin," he said. "I promise."

Stunned and hurt, Colin stood there in the driveway like an idiot, waving mechanically as his father's car drove away down the street, its occupant not looking their way once. He was already gone. Colin's memory flashed back then; of this scene repeated a dozen ways, at a dozen times, over every year Colin could remember.

"Not now, Colin."

"Later."

"I'm really busy."

"Big case coming up."

And in that time Colin had gone from throwing a football around in the backyard with his brother to being one of the best teenage football players in Santa Leona- probably one of the best in California. His father appeared in those memories, always at the edges. Colin was steadily recovering his memory of Mr. Borden, a man he saw in flashes, felt in snatches. A man who he'd known his entire life by the words "I got a big case coming up."

Colin sighed. He felt Roy's hand on his shoulder, gentle and compassionate.

"You can't count on him, Colin. Not him or Mom."

"Not anybody," Colin heard himself say, in a voice filled with ashes, choked with tears. "No one. Just you."

Roy put an arm around Colin's muscular shoulders and squeezed, letting Colin cry a little, hiding his face from the world until he'd gotten himself under control again.

When they headed inside at last after putting their bikes away, Colin and Roy each got a lecture for "Walking into the house a stone's throw from naked" and were informed that the kitchen cleaning had been, clearly, a deliberately rushed job, shoddy stuff done, no doubt, so football would come that much sooner.

So they scrubbed everything, every tile, counter, every dish and every cupboard, before they ate anything. Dejection, hate, sadness, fury, despair, rage… Colin felt it all pulsing through him, back and forth.

Both boys were angry and restless after dinner, an affair in which they both sat in defeated, yet deeply resentful silence. Their mother ran conversation as strictly as everything else in the household, and with her great disdain for all sports, her athlete sons had precious little to talk about.

They held pushup contests, situps- did a remarkably comprehensive workout in the solitude of their room. Colin loved it; he loved the adrenaline that coursed through him once he got going, the challenge of competing with Roy, and the knowledge that he was maintaining his awesome physique- and improve it.

But once it was over, and Colin came down from the high, he found he was still angry. Furious, threatening to spiral out of control. He was sick to death of his mother, of being stuck in this fucking house. He wanted out, but there was nowhere to go where they could stay for good. They'd always have to come back here.

He talked to Roy for a while. Sports, school, sex, going to the beach. Colin loved the beach now. Loved it. He turned heads everywhere he went. Girls were checking him out, admiring his handsome features and his chiseled muscles. It was fun being an athlete. A jock.

Colin had never been happier; yet he had never been more depressed, more angry. He held back from telling Roy, but thoughts of killing, of rape and torture, were slipping into his mind, his dreams. Colin dreamed about some disturbing things now and then.

Tonight, after hugging Roy tightly and going to bed, Colin dreamt about the two of them.

They were naked, every inch of hardened, chiseled-from-stone muscle on display. They looked like a pair of teen titans, fourteen-year-old bodybuilders. Roy was talking animatedly, pacing a little.

Colin wanted to know why they were even waiting.

Roy said they had to decide who would go first.

Colin said because he'd been the one to "get her," he should.

Roy said the whole thing had been his idea. His master plan had succeeded thanks to Colin, but he'd thought it up.

Finally, they held a pushup contest. After Roy narrowly beat Colin to 150, he rose to his feet, flushed and grinning after pumping the reps out.

Sighing in resignation, Colin motioned dismissively and flopped down on a bean-bag chair, his bare ass feeling the cool synthetic leather. He watched. With annoyance, impatience… and pleasure. As he watched, he got hard.

Roy lay down on a pretty girl, tied up and gagged, her eyes wide with terror. She'd been hit a bunch of times, her arms tied together above her head, her shirt and bra crudely torn away to expose beautiful, ample breasts- very nice for her age. Her legs had been left free, and she tried desperately to kick Roy away as he lay his muscular frame down on her. He hit her, slapped her, promised to make it worse. Eventually she quit and lay still.

When that happened, Roy lay belly to belly with her, a hungry, greedy smile on his face as he forced himself into her. "Finally," he sighed in relief, and started. To Colin's further annoyance, Roy managed to hold it in and pound away at her for ten goddamn minutes. But Roy was clearly having the time of his life, and when he finished up on the girl's face, Colin actually clapped. Roy got up and walked over, a delighted smile on his face. He was glowing. A happy, all-American boy. He exchanged a high-five with Colin, clapped his brother on the shoulder. "She's all yours. I loosened her up for you."

Colin began walking towards her, eying her hungrily. He was hard as iron. Oh, he'd waited for this a long time, but now the waiting was over. He was gonna give it to her in ways she'd never dreamed about…

Abruptly, Colin woke up.

Why?

No truck had backfired down the street. No train was blowing its horn. Roy was snoring just a little in the upper bunk, but quietly. The house was otherwise silent.

Colin hissed in cheated, enraged frustration. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't recover his disrupted dream. It was gone, and so was the fun he was gonna have. Wait…

Fun?

Yes. Fun.

That was rape, man. Roy raped that girl. You watched.

I watched my brother pop his cherry.

With a rape?

Wouldn't have had to if she'd have just given it up. Girls at our age are such fucking cock-teases.

It's a crime, for Chrissakes!

Sure didn't feel like one to my brother.

It's wrong.

Colin sighed, sitting up in his bed. He struggled at it, but finally managed to force the conflicting thoughts out of his mind. He didn't need this. Yet sleep still wouldn't come. Colin felt his anger returning, his annoyance at having the dream stop just as things were really getting good.

Maybe you quit. Did the right thing and refused to rape that poor girl.

I'd never betray Roy. He'd never get over it if I turned on him like that.

You might've stood up to him. Maybe that's why the dream ended.

I was up for it.

Should you have been?

"No," Colin hissed quietly. This was wrong. What the hell was happening to him? He was going out of his mind. He would never rape, torture, or kill. Humans, or animals. That was a fact. It was beyond him to do anything like that, and if Roy was into all that, he'd have to find some way of helping him. Maybe both of them. He'd never kill anyone. Never. End of story.

But you did, in this life. You and Roy. It was fun as hell.

It. Was. Wrong.

So what? It made you both feel good. Blew off steam. Think you aren't wound up and pissed off right now?

Colin realized he was. Some dark hour of the night, and here he was, still mad as hell. Mad that his father never had five minutes for either of his sons, mad as hell that his mother took callous advantage of her sons' strength and used them like slaves. Mad as hell that he was stuck with both of them.

Wouldn't it be nice to blow off some steam right now? Wake Roy up and I bet he'll find something for you both to cut up and kill in five fucking minutes, tops.

That's sick.

Roy would love it.

Then he's sick.

Don't you love him?

Of course I do.

Then kill something with him sometime. Make it suffer. You can't imagine how much better you'll feel. Not until you do it.

Colin flopped down on his back, then moments later sat sharply up again, banging his head on the underside of the bunk.

"Shit!" he hissed, wincing and rubbing his forehead gingerly.

"Leemeelone," Roy mumbled. "Stoppitt. Don' wan' a guinea pig."

Colin now clapped a hand to his mouth, needing half a minute to suppress hysterical laughter. That was relief of a sort, and before long Colin realized he was calmer. A little laugh had calmed him down, and he firmly assured himself that he was Colin, no matter what. Was, and always would be. That helped a little more, and Colin soon found he could once again drift off to sleep, something he gratefully took advantage of.

His Borden-self got one more word in before he did, though.

Think about it!

A/N: Some of Colin's POV narrative about Mr. Borden is based off of material I found in the insightful and tragic A Father's Story by Lionel Dahmer, Jeffrey Dahmer's father. Like Lionel, Mr. Borden is not a deliberately bad or neglectful father. But he is heavily introverted and given to obsessing himself with his work, hence the boys have more or less been left to develop on their own- or in the hands of Mrs. Borden.