PART 3
And another time jump sends us hurtling years into the future until Giovanni became old enough to be a grunt. He recalled how his insane mother would obsessively talk about Miyamoto and Jessie while spinning in her chair. Around and around and around. For hours. He wanted to meet them badly so he could get some comfort for all that hurt and be told repeatedly that he was a good boy. And maybe score some easy pussy.
He ran outside and across the street to the cabin next door, and that will never stop being funny, but his evil mom saw him go out, oh no.
Inside the shipping lust cabin, poor OOC Miyamoto and Jessie continued to do the only thing they ever do. Eat snow and think about Giovanni.
There came the knock at the door.
"I'll get it," said Miyamoto. She opened the door and acted surprised when she saw a horny Giovanni struggling to contain himself.
"MILF Momma!" he said excitedly. He leaned over, looking at Jessie. "And my waifu!"
"Oh, hello, person we didn't recognize until you introduced yourself to us," said Miyamoto.
Jessie blushed. "Hi, boyfriend!"
"Hi, Mommy Miyamoto. Hi Jessie-sama!" His eyes went crossed.
"Hello, ongoing weeaboo nightmare," said Jessie. She ran up and hugged him along with Miyamoto.
"This is my family reunion now," said Giovanni. "Because you're my real family! The family the Suethor wants desperately to happen in the canon."
"So we noticed," said Jessie.
"Now I'm going to sit in this chair while the narration goes to great length to point out how I cross my legs," said Giovanni, sitting like a bitch.
Jessie immediately ran over and assumed the position of all females in any story by putting her head on his chest. "Now I am your immediate subservient property! Mark me with your sperm. Also tell me again how your mother beats you."
"Why do you always ask that?" Giovanni questioned the narrative. "She yells at me a lot and makes me eat vegetables like squash. Ocky!"
"STUPID IMMATURE JOKE," said Jessie.
"Yes, indeed," said Giovanni.
They threw their heads back and forced some laughter.
"Okay, now I kiss you on the lips again and say CHASE ME into the snow and we'll play tag like Craig and Isabella," Jessie said as she turned into Isabella Dragotti. She ran out of the cabin. "You're it!"
Giovanni got up slowly, wondering how the world became so fucked up. "Okay. But this time am I gonna score some platonic pussy or not?"
He walked outside and got nailed in the face with another snowball.
"It didn't hurt as much this time," he said.
Then the two idiots played in the snow again and kissed each other. Platonically. After they just met and all. Like in the other stories exactly like this, but with the words changed around a little.
"Musa-chan, I wuv u!" said Giovanni.
"Tag me, tag me," she screamed like she couldn't control her own thoughts. She snorted laughter, stumbling in the snow. "Who am I again?"
"Oh, Isabella! You're so silly and immature," said Craig. That's what I love you. You're an idiot and easily controllable. You're helpless and can't do anything without a male influence. Too bad the Reverse Cuck wagon is coming in again to break us apart."
The black car of doom came driving up the snow bank. Woman Boss got out of it.
"She looks really pissed," said Jessie.
"Yeah, she hates to see other people having relationships," said Giovanni. "Especially popular ships that don't get as much notice as crack ones."
He covered his face with his hands in preparation for Madame Boss's slap.
"You fucker. I've come to shatter your spirit until you can't love anymore. Not that you have any fucking concept of what actual love is thanks to this writer," said Madame Boss.
"I know what love is, Mommy! Love is when the man jams his pee-pee into the woman's feminine hole and causes blood to pour out as she screams in pain. Then two minutes later, she throws up from the baby that God put in her tum-tum!"
"I'll accept that because it's funnier," said Madame Boss before slapping him again.
"How'd you find me anyway?" Giovanni asked before getting slapped several times.
"Their cabin is across the fucking street from out mansion and it's the only building for miles, you moron. Also I saw you sneaking out," she said. "You left the door wide open." She slapped him some more. "Besides, like I didn't know this is exactly where you'd go. You're almost as obsessed with these two bitches as I am. But for completely different reasons. Now stop shipping yourselves!"
"I'm not a bad mean person like you, Mommy," Giovanni declared.
"It's time for the whip," said Madame Boss, pulling the whip from her dress.
"Miyamoto is my real mommy. She loves me more than you. She loves me more than her own daughter who she was supposed to give up for adoption," said Giovanni.
"But that canon sucks balls. And not in a good way," Jessie said, acting nice and cute. She stuck out her tongue and wiggled it.
"You're a massive idiot," Madame Boss said before she smacked him across the face with the whip.
"Ow! I mean, you're the most perfect and special and loving and beautiful mommy ever, like I said in Birth of Mewtwo!" Giovanni said and cowered.
Madame Boss continued to whip the shit out of him while Jessie screamed and cried.
"I don't know why I keep repeatedly telling you to get in the car when we're fifteen feet across the street," said Madame Boss, glancing behind her at the mansion. "But get in the car anyway."
"No! I want to stay with Milf and Step Sister," Giovanni whined.
Madame Boss's voice lowered several octaves. She grunted," HOW DARE YOU OPPOSE ME!" She whipped Giovanni some more, shredding part of his suit. "Miyamoto's not your canon mother and she never will be. She loves children. They're horrible brats. Especially youuuuuuuuuuuu!"
She turned around and thought more insane thoughts to herself. Except they were out loud.
"I must separate that shitty OTP of Jessie and Giovanni! It's bullshit! I refuse to be cucked by my own son! I'll cuck you, you sissy fucker!"
Giovanni and Jessie held each other and sobbed.
And then another car pulled up. Oh jeez, no. Not again.
"NOT AGAIN," everyone else screamed.
"Yes, again," shouted Granny Rocket, returning for the world's worse fic.
"Mom, what perfect timing," said Madame Boss.
Granny Rocket rushed past her daughter and grabbed Giovanni, blushing at him. She grabbed his face. "I heard you were feeling alone and cold in your bed, Gio-chan! So I came to keep you company!"
"Grandma, no!" Giovanni burst into tears.
"Good thing Granny lives ten miles away," said Madame Boss. "Now let's break into an impromptu discussion on how much our mansions cost."
"I'll haggled for mine," said Granny Rocket. "It was 50% off! That joke is better when you steal and reuse it over and over in places where it doesn't fit!"
Madame Boss scowled again. "Scowl," she snarled. "Mom, give me your cane again. And the taser. I need to teach my bitch of a son a lesson."
Again, Madame Boss beat the shit out Giovanni with the cane.
"I was going to kidnap and rape your son, but then I saw you all out here," said Granny Rocket. "Isn't that amusing!"
Miyamoto looked outside the window and watched Giovanni suffer for a good long while before she rushed out to fulfill her meager in the plot. "Oh, no! Don't hurt the poor baby! That's mean."
"Get in the car and get away from that slut, Giovanni," said Madame Boss. "I won't have you paired with Jessie. That's foolish. Everyone knows she's the obvious beard of that idiot gay bitch James."
"No they're not. I hate that pairing. It doesn't make any sense," Giovanni whined. "She's my friend, Mommy! My platonic girlfriend who I impregnate so we can sob over miscarriages. In a completely platonic way."
"I don't want you to have any friends either," said Madame Boss.
"I'll see you in bed tonight, sissy boy," said the evil Grandma, rubbing Giovanni's face.
"Don't touch him like that! Only I can touch him like that," said Miyamoto. "When I do it, it's pure and good."
"Oh, go choke on a dick, Miyamoto-chan. By the way, you're fired again. Until I need you to catch the Mew for me."
"But I'm the Rocket Gang's best member!"
"No, you're not! All you fucking do is sit in the cabin trying to ship my son and your daughter together and not doing any goddamn work! Or didn't you notice that! I should have fired you a long time ago!" Madame Boss shook her fist.
"Oh, right," said Miyamoto.
"Now strip your clothes so I can enjoy your humiliation and nude shame," said Madame Boss.
"It's freezing cold," said Miyamoto, frowning for the first time in her life.
"Exactly. Everyone will laugh at your hardened nipples and I want to see you blush," said Madame Boss, smirking.
Miyamoto blushed with shame as she took off her outfit in the cold and everyone stared at her perky nips and struggled not to laugh.
"Hey, if you get to strip her, I get to strip Giovanni," said Granny Rocket. "Hand it over, hot stuff!" She held out her hand.
"Granny!" Giovanni blushed even with all his clothes on.
"Now get lost. Take your garbage characterization and your garbage daughter and all your garbage ships and go die somewhere in a ditch," said Madame Boss.
"We still live here in this cabin, and again, you're on our property," said Miyamoto.
"I'll get it condemned and torn down!" Madame Boss stomped away.
"And now we run back to the cabin again," said Miyamoto, grabbing her stepson and her daughter's hands and running back into their cabin. "Bye!"
"Ooh, here we go again," said Granny Rocket before her dentures flew out of her mouth. "So funny!"
"Is this is parody of a fucking parody? Someone wrote this as a serious fic and called it canon," said Madame Boss, trying to comprehend the ongoing events. "That is un-fucking-believable."
"Oh, honey. It's the internet," said Granny Rocket. "Nothing makes sense and everything is a Poe's Law until proven otherwise."
"Well. I guess we'll camp outside their cabin and wait for one of them to come out. Then we bash their skulls in," said Madame Boss.
"Remember when we had Pokémon that could attack and rip the door or walls open if we wanted? We could kill people with them," said Granny Rocket.
"No," said Madame Boss angrily. "No one gives a fuck about Pokémon."
Granny Rocket sighed. "Fine then. I guess we'll stand out here in the freezing snow and wait for the plot to move on!"
Back in the cabin, Miyamoto wore her fur rug dress and made a fire in the fireplace. And they were so poor they had to eat snow and wear fur rugs, but they somehow had hot cocoa. She was busying herself with the cocoa and didn't see her new stepson and daughter banging in the bedroom in the bed. Again they were called friends, repeatedly, as if the person who wrote this incomprehensible shitfest doesn't understand what words mean. They kissed repeatedly with tongue.
Miyamoto walked in with the hot chocolate. She BLUSHED when she saw Giovanni and her daughter nude in bed with their clothes off to one side. "Oh my! Did I interrupt something?" She winked.
"Mommy?" said Giovanni.
"SON!" said Miyamoto, confirming this is indeed a somehow "better than" incestuous pairing on the Suethor's part. "It's more pure than everyone else's because we're not blood related! Checkmate, shippers!"
"We're using protection," Jessie said and laughed. "Ha, I thought we were only friends!"
"Friends with BENEFITS!" Giovanni said.
"Okay then! I'll put the hot chocolate mugs here next to the bed so you can drink them when you're done fucking," said Miyamoto.
THIS IS A STORY SOMEONE FUCKING WROTE AND EXPECTED PEOPLE TO TAKE SERIOUSLY AS REAL DRAMA AND SHIT. OH MY GOD. WHAT?
And then she went away from the plot again, into the ether.
"Now that we're doing the doo and your mom walked in on us and didn't even bat an eye and this is officially confirmed to be a batshit as all fuck fetish smut fic of insane proportions where nothing makes any amount of sense whatsoever and all characters are OOC, this is the perfect time to question you again to tell me about how your creepy Granny raped you. Because we need more sexualized rape," said Jessie.
"Okay then," said Giovanni, taking a deep drag from his cigarette. "When I was a young boy, Granny tried to mold me into her sissy slave pet. She made me wear light blue boxer shorts. She would dangle my dingle out of the hole and giggle. It made me really uncomfortable. And then she'd spit out her dentures and laugh, like it was supposed to be funny."
"Sexy," said Jessie. "I mean, how very traumatic."
"Yeah, I stole it," said Giovanni. "Oh, sorry." He started to cry so Jessie could rub his face and lick his tears off. "Thank you, platonic stepsister fuckslave."
"No problemo, Craig-kun," said Jessie.
And then Jessie and Giovanni touched opposite body parts.
Uh. Like. What? What body parts. Wait...this...what. Huh? Is that real?
He buried his stiff corpse in her crypt.
Oh, sorry. "Stiff corpse" in her "crypt" and for the love of God, what. WHAT?
That is...That is...the most ridiculous euphemism for penis and vagina I have ever witnessed.
It would have been better to say simply, he put his thingie into her you-know-what and they did it for the forty second time. Platonically.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
Meanwhile, the Forever Alone stalkers were outside, staring through the windows. They kept on scowling and Madame Boss pulled out a pair of binoculars from her hammerspace pocket.
"No fair! That lucky bitch gets to fuck Giovanni instead of me!" Granny Rocket whined.
"You know, I just realized the door was unlocked," said Madame Boss, turning the knob. She opened it. Giovanni and Jessie paused during their platonic fuck session. Miyamoto was drinking hot chocolate by the fireplace.
"Oh, Boss!" said Miyamoto with dull surprise. "Hello."
Madame Boss stared at Giovanni. "Are you kidding me? Get dressed, Giovanni. This fucking piece if shit fic doesn't make a lick of sense and I won't have you in it any longer," she commanded.
"Okay," he obeyed submissively.
"They were only trying to keep warm, Ma'am," said Miyamoto.
"The story has clearly established them as fucking, dearest Miya-chan. There is no way to traipse around this any longer," said Madame Boss, petting her on the head. She stormed over and grabbed Giovanni's hand and shoved him in the car. Damn, did she go through the wall? Where are we? Are there even walls? "NO, NOTHING MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE!"
Jessie burst into tears. "Craig! I mean, Giovanni! Nooo, platonic boyfriend who got me preggers!"
"Sorry, Jessie! I'll be back to fuck you later. Or something," called Giovanni.
And now a long trip down to unspecified amount of time later where there's loads of karaoke.
Giovanni and Madame Boss will sing Team Rocket Forever.
"Now I have to keep you on a leash so you don't do stupid things against my permission," said Madame Boss. "And now I'm going to obsess over your baby with Jessie because it could be the Anti-Christ."
"That's rude, mother," said Giovanni.
"Your face is rude," said Madame Boss. "Don't make me punch it again." She slapped it instead. "Now shut up. We need to forget all the events that have transpired possible weeks or days or moments ago and pretend as though nothing crazy happened. We need to go steal some Pokémon. Profit, profit! This is a good story."
"I miss my platonic fucktoy stepsister," said Giovanni, looking very, very sad.
"Now it's time to cross-dress so I can laugh at you being a sissy bitch," said Madame Boss. "We're going to a party for rich people. I guess we weren't invited."
She threw down some clothes.
"Put them on, bitch."
Giovanni had no choice but to obey. "I'm really starting to hate these gross flashbacks about fetishism and weird shit some douchebag weeb was dumb enough to suggest was canon to sane people in the fandom."
"It is canon," Madame Boss hissed before slapping Giovanni upside the head.
They went to the nondescript party where nothing of interest was described in detail other than the puffy, frilly, hyperfeminine Victorian outfit Giovanni was dressed in.
"This wig is heavier than the last time, Mommy," Giovanni complained.
"Shut up, you stupid whore," said Madame Boss. "Everyone's looking at us. Mostly you. It's making me wet. Ah, look at all those delicious Pokémons. I'm gonna catch 'em all."
"Ooh, I can steal that Ninetails from that hot guy over there by molesting him against his will," said Giovanni before proceeding to do exactly that like it wouldn't get him arrested. And it didn't. For the sake of the plot. The guy's date was morbidly offended.
"Excuse me!" she huffed at him.
"MOMMY, LOOK AT THIS HOT GUY AND HIS NINETAILS! CAN I PUT HIS DICK IN MY MOUTH?"
And some slapstick shenanigans ensued. "You dumbass! You gave us away! Now we have to sing Team Rocket Forever!" She smacked him over the head with his own lacy fan and dragged him into the center stage, where the band was and all the spotlights shown down. She shoved the lounge singer out of the way and stole his mic.
"There's always darkness in this universe! There is no hope to be found! Run, flee while you can, or you'll get a cock slap to the face! Right in the childhood. That's how we roll. Right, wow!" said Madame Boss.
"Justice? There isn't any. Everything is evil. We are soulless fuckpuppets made to bow before a lunatics whims. This is the play in which we are forever trapped, destined to suffer and die. Where are the stars? They seem so far away. There is no future in the world of Pokémon. We are doomed. For all eternity," said Giovanni.
"Please, kill us," they both said together. "Free us from our torment."
"Reality is a nightmare," said Madame Boss.
"This fic will bring about the world's destruction," said Giovanni.
"There will be no peace," said Madame Boss.
"It will only cause evil to spread across the world," said Giovanni.
"We aren't your beloved childhood villains," said the two of them together.
"I'm not Madame Boss. I'm Sasha."
"I'm not Giovanni. I am Craig."
"And now," they said together again," back to the crazy fetish abomination disguised as Pokémon. Despite having little to nothing to do with it, outside of a handful of meaningless names thrown around."
"Who are these ghastly people?" shouted a man with a monocle.
"WE'RE TEAM ROCKET!" yelled Madame Boss. "You fuckwit! Weren't you listening?"
"The sheer amount of weeaboo radiating from this mess is making me faint," said Giovanni. He placed a hand to his forehead. "Or maybe it's the wig making me overheat."
"Repeat first verse!" Madame Boss shouted. "Holy fuck, are you kidding? They really did copy fucking EVERYTHING!"
"Ooh, Mommy, there's my sexy man again! I thought I was fucking my soulmate, Jessie. But now I'm gay again for the sake of a homophobic joke? Ugh, can this person make up their mind," said Giovanni. He pulled a Pokéball out of his dress from between his legs. "I'll catch me a man. If only it worked that easily!"
"No, we're leaving. We've already been embarrassed enough with this scene," said Madame Boss, pulling him away by the ear. "Also be quite. The narration very clearly states that YOU'RE MY WIFE SO I OWN YOU." Wow, they weren't kidding about the fanatical levels of misogyny in this person's writing.
"But I'm not really your wife, or female! I'm your son, and male!" Giovanni whimpered.
"That makes it ever better," said Madame Boss. "You're double my property by virtual of having slid out of my feminine baby hole and also you're my sissy bitch submissive. Now shut up!"
"But I wanna stare at the married man because cuckoldry is my biggest fetish," said Giovanni.
"We're going to engage in more sexual fetishism somewhere where you can't hit on anybody and make me both jealous and disgusted," said Madame Boss. "And now we switch to new more humiliating disguises for you."
They went into a random forest, dressed as Alexandra and Rasputin.
"Not the Russian fetish again," Giovanni moaned.
"Yes, the Russian fetish again!" She smacked the back of his head. "Now prepare for more random karaoke."
A random expendable background character appeared. "Howdy there! You people aren't in any trouble over here, are you?"
"Yes," Giovanni whispered. "Please, help me. Call the police!"
"No, we're fine. We're cosplaying Rasputin and Alexandra now," said Madame Boss. "My bitch boy, er wife, has the power to heal Pokémon."
"Ooh, weird." The hiker whistled with his fingers. "HEY, EVERYBODY! COME LOOK AT THE WEIRDOS CROSSPLAYING TOGETHER!"
Suddenly a huge crowd gathered around them.
"Heal my Arbok that got tied in a knot somehow," said a lady. "I didn't do it, I swear."
"I've got a Marril that's dead and mute," said a man. "Can you Jesus magic it?"
"Heal my leprosy," said someone else.
Madame Boss stood up angrily. "Now we have to sing the motto again!"
"What the hell is going on?" whispered a guy to another guy.
"I thought they were performance artists," said another.
"Fix my Arbok!" cried the lady with the Arbok. "I thought you had powers. Are you charlatans?"
"Yes," Giovanni blurted.
"Let's get the shit out of here," said Madame Boss, dragging Giovanni away into a deeper part of the forest. "I have another crazy plan that involves stupid OOC shit."
"As long as it involves sexy bishonens," said Giovanni.
Madame Boss slapped him across the face. "No. We're going to skip over this bullshit and get to the worst ones."
They wandered aimlessly until they were in a park, now dressed as Aries and Athena. And Giovanni is Athena.
"This is weird and creepy, Mommy," said Giovanni. "How is this possibly canon? It's embarrassing."
"That's exactly why it's canon, bitch boy," said Madame Boss. "I can masturbate to it."
The children in the park gathered around to point and laugh at the pair of dysfunctional loons.
"You have any rare Pokémons?" Madame Boss asked them. She saw one carrying a Hoothoot and grabbed it. "MINE!"
Giovanni chased her, whining "Mommmy!" as he struggled with his flowing dress. "That's my Hoothoot! Mommmyyyyyyyy I want it, I want it!"
"Hoothoot only likes women, you sissy bitch! You don't count!" Madame Boss said to him, laughing. The Hoothoot cuddled her face, making Giovanni jealous.
"I'm a pretty lady!" Giovanni insisted.
"Tucking your dick doesn't make you a woman," she said. "It makes you a sissy bitch boy! Now on your knees!"
"Noooo," Giovanni cried and pouted. "I don't wanna suck your strap on again, Mommy! You never wash it!"
The children watched the insane man and woman-child run around, whining and acting like a pair of freaks before they ran away.
"What the fuck just happened," asked a kid. The rest of the children shook their heads.
"Remind me to kill myself if I ever start to grow up into somebody like those two," said another kid.
Meanwhile in whatever the fucking fuck is going on here.
Giovanni came out of the forest wearing giant inflatable gag boobs. He tripped over them.
Woman Boss shrieked with laughter. "GAY BOY, GAY BOY!"
Giovanni's animu tiddies dragged on the ground. "What's happening to me? Why is this considered normal? This wasn't labeled as a comedy."
"They never are," said Madame Boss. "Okay, I'm done with fetish session for now, bitch brat boy. Now we'll go home." She grabbed Giovanni and dragged him by the ear again.