A/N: You guys are awesome—thanks for your reviews they mean a lot to me and you guys are right—this story does put John in a bad light. It's not that I'm trying to do it—his character just makes it come across that way and I, truly, do believe that this is the way he acted and I believe that at times their altercations would become physical—though I don't think John saw it as abuse, but abuse comes in many forms and while he maybe didn't get physical he sure as heck got mental with it. Ok, I'm through ranting now and Dean appreciates every club that was left for him.

Without further ado, on with our story…

While John sits in the hospital's cafeteria, he goes over what just happened upstairs, why the hell didn't he talk to Sam when he had the chance? Now, Dean's upstairs angry with him on top of everything else. Sometimes John's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. John lets himself think about 'his secrets' the ones he will take to his grave. His boys just wouldn't understand and that's why he keeps them on a 'need to know' basis. If they don't need to know—they don't; what they don't know can't hurt them (or him).

Dean's sitting in the chair at Sam's bedside, despite being bone weary, wanting to be there when Sam wakes up again. "Sammy, I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me and I'm not just talking about with the vampires…you know what I'm talking about. God you…you saved my life Sammy…you…I…" emotions well up in Dean and he stops himself from the chick flick moment of the century just as Sam opens his eyes, turning to look at his brother, "Right back at ya, Dean."

"You were awake, bitch?" smirks Dean. "Yeah, jerk" smiles Sam, "You learn a lot when you play possum. I've been doing it for years." Dean's smirk turns into a genuine smile that Sam's sure he's the only one who gets to see. "Where's dad?" at Sam's question, Dean's smile leaves his face, "Not here" he answers. At the dejected look on Sam's face, along with all his bruises and the swollen eye that his little brother shouldn't have, Dean feels anger start to build up inside him but before he can go on a rant…Sam starts to convulse. The room erupts into chaos as medical personnel charge in and take control; Dean gets pushed to the side. He's watching in abject horror as Sam suddenly goes still, he catches bits and pieces of the conversation that the doctor is having with the nurses in the room.

The doctor turns to face him with a grim look on his face and Dean wants to be anywhere but here to hear what the doctor is going to say to him—where is his dad…why isn't he here…he should be here…Sam's his son! It seems Sam's concussion is a lot worse than the doctor had thought and their going to take him down for an MRI—they'll know more after and they take Sam from the room. Now Dean's left alone to wait and to think.

Dean sees red…why is his dad not here…why does his dad always do this…why does he always act like it's so hard to talk to Sam, to deal with Sam…Dean just doesn't understand. Maybe it's because Sam's like mom, not in looks but maybe in actions and dad's not able to deal with it and Dean really needs to stop taking up for his dad. Maybe dad's best isn't good enough anymore—Dean sees his flaws now, he's not a superhero he's just human and he makes mistakes. Dad's gonna fix this mistake—he's gonna get his family back together—Dean's gonna make sure.

John's been gone for a couple of hours when he decides to show back up. Opening the door to Sam's room, John's surprised to find Dean alone "Where's Sam?" he asks. Dean is startled from his thoughts by the sound of his dad's voice, "What do you care?" and if Dean's sounds like a petulant nine year old…sue him. John's sure he deserved that but he's worried about Sam and in no mood for Dean's hissy fit, "Tell me what happened Dean and watch your tone, boy." Dean's mouth opens in apparent snark mode but then he clinches it shut (discretion is the better part of valor) "They took him for an MRI after he had convulsions and you weren't here for any of it" he states not pulling any punches—let his dad deal with the implications of that. "Where were you?" he quickly adds.

"I went back to the barn and burned the bodies, cleaned up any evidence that we had been there and came back here" John answers, like it was normal operating procedure (in his book, it probably is) and Dean goes ballistic, "You mean, you went back there and did that while Sam was here…thinking you were disappointed in him…he was hurting, dad and when he woke up again and you still weren't here…you, sonofabitch!" he growls as he advances on John and now has him pinned against the wall with his arm across his throat. John baffled by Dean's outburst, pushes his oldest son off him, "It had to be done, Dean."

"But it didn't have to be done now, dad! You just don't get it, do you? I have always taken up for you where Sam's concerned and that's on me but this…this is on you…maybe Sammy's right…when are we gonna come before the hunt with you, dad?" as Dean ends, he sinks back into the chair he had been sitting in when John arrived. He puts his head in his hands as his emotions get the better of him and Dean Winchester, hater of all things chick flick, cries.

John Winchester stands in stunned silence…

Tbc

A/N: review, my pretties. Sam's not quite out of the woods yet and how is John gonna answer Dean—what's he got to say for himself? John's secrets suck…I mean, Adam? How do you hide a whole other family? Makes John a hypocrite don't it…what made Adam so special that he got to be out of the hunting life? Ok…ok, I'm calm now—tirade over.