Beautiful Mistake Chapter Ten

October Ninth Part Two

The dark sky was glittered in bright stars, and the half-moon shone brightly spreading a white glow where ever its ray's touched. But Chloe paid no attention to any of it as she stormed down the steep stone steps, the castle disappearing behind her. Tugging her thin sweater more tightly around her, she gritted her teeth to keep from crying.

She could not take it any more! It was all too much. It was enough that the blundering girl had even dared to glance at Chloe when she handed him the box, but the devilish smirk he sent her way made it even worse. Chloe was never one to leave in the mist of a 'battle', you could call it, but the fact that he so pointedly looked at her made her blood boil to the point where she couldn't breathe.

How much more did Sirius want from her? Did he want her to break down and say how sorry she was for leaving him? If he did, then he was fool. He was a fool for even thinking he deserved anything from her, and he was a fool for thinking that he could make her feel guilty.

"Ryan better not turn out like him," Chloe groaned, slumping onto the large boulder she had often sat on with Remus in her younger years. It sat a few yards from the lake, surrounded by wild shrubbery and smaller boulders. Putting her head in her hands, she slowly rubbed her temples praying it would calm her down. It only took a few seconds before the tears fell.

It had been so long since she had seen her beautiful little boy. Nearly a month and a half and all her mother could tell her in the letters was that he was growing so much, and had even started talking more. It made her heart ache to even think that she had missed so much of her son's life. She wanted to go home very much, and be able to hold him in her arms, talk and bath him like she had done for nearly a year. He was a part of her, and having him so far away made her feel like a part of her was missing.

And what was she missing it all for? To spend every day with people who had no idea what 'hard' meant? To face those who had done her wrong, and walk on by thinking that one day they would get their just ending?

Stop it Chloe. You're not here for any of them. You're here for your son, and for yourself.

Taking a deep breath, Chloe wiped the tears away with her sleeve and placed her hands behind her, leaning back. She stared across the lake, taking the time to breathe in evenly to gain control. It was so beautiful out, she had never seen the sky so clear before. The moon was reflected across the lake, and lit the darkness giving her a clear image of the forest and Hagrid's hut. In the distance she could hear animals walking through the forest and flying in the sky along with the sound of human's talking and enjoying their Saturday dinner.

"Chloe – can I talk to you?"

Chloe froze; her thoughts of the scenery gone. She had not expected him to come. She had not expected anyone to come, and as much as it surprised her she did not let it control her. She didn't dare turn around, hoping that maybe she had only imagined, and fearing that it was real. But she heard him move across the ground, the snapping of a twig as he came around the boulder to look her in the face.

Sirius stood before her, his evil smirk gone, and his over-grown hair blown wild from the cool wind. His body was fridge, tense, and he seemed to be focusing very hard on breathing evenly as he waited for Chloe to say something. There was tinge of fear in his eyes along with a worrisome sadness - something Chloe did not want to see.

"Are you mad that I haven't said happy birthday?" Chloe finally said, not trying to hide the biting tone in her voice.

Sirius frowned. "Please let me explain," he pleaded.

"You want to explain?" Chloe said sharply, and looked away quickly breathing in hard. Did she really want to hear what he had to say? Did it really matter what it was? It was not like it would change her opinion of the whole matter. Looking back at him, she nodded. "I suppose I can give you a few minutes." She agreed.

Sirius' body relaxed, though he did not move from his spot standing in front of her. He knew his boundaries, and he knew that he was lucky that Chloe had not cursed him out. He reached up, and ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"If you want to say something to me Sirius, than you'd better start talking." Chloe bit her bottom lip. She was regretting the thought of letting him 'explain' himself, knowing that it would probably only make her angrier than she already was. She wanted to tell him, no yell at him about how much she wished he would just grow up or go away. But she didn't like that, it wouldn't make her look like the immature one, and she wanted to believe that she was wrong.

"I'm sorry for that, in there." Sirius said nodding towards the castle.

"You're sorry for what; the fact that the girl gave you a birthday present or because she just felt like having to rub in the fact that she's your play thing?" Chloe stood up, walking forward. "But aren't we all just your play things? People you lie to, and make fools of. If you think that 'I'm sorry' will fix everything, Sirius, than you've got-"

"We aren't talking about what happened in the Great Hall any more are we?" Sirius interrupted.

"Does it really matter? Either way, sorry doesn't cut it." Chloe retorted crossing her arms across her chest.

"Than what do you want me to say, Chloe?" Sirius barked, moving closer to Chloe, "Because I would really like to know. I regret it every day, what I did. Having you there, so close and yet so far kills me. I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm sorry for making you feel like a fool. I'm sorry-"

"Like a fool?" Chloe broke in before Sirius could continue. "Sirius you made me more than just a fool. You made me-me…" Chloe trailed off knowing what she had been so close to saying. Taking a deep breath, she covered quickly. "You made me something I never thought I would be for a long time. I don't regret falling in love with you Sirius – it brought me a lot of good that you'll never know about – but what I do regret is that I actually believed in you."

They were both silent, staring into each other's eyes, something Chloe could not stop herself from doing. She watched as Sirius tried to absorb what she had said, to reach the point she knew would send him into one of his depressed and angry rages. But his eyes changed, and the look he gave her was one she had not seen for a long time, and it took her breath away. Before she could turn away his lips were on hers, and his hands on her hips. Her head exploded, and she needed more. Leaning in, she let her arms fall and let Sirius take a breath to deepen the kiss. But just as he went to do so she caught herself reminding herself of her situation, and she pulled away just as fast as it had happened.

"Sirius," Chloe breathed, shaking her head. She could not think, she could barely move. "Why would you do that?" She choked, more tears filled her eyes, and she quickly turned away, his warm hands leaving her waist. She took a deep breath and she ran as fast as her legs would take her up the steps. When she reached the top of the hill she looked back and saw that Sirius was gone, though she saw a black shadow run along the lake in the distance. She didn't know if it was him, but she did not care. Turning back around she wiped the last of her tears away, and walked slowly the rest of the way to the castle.

"Chloe, what happened?" Lily's concerned voice filled the empty Entrance Hall, but Chloe paid no attention. She walked past her friend, and let Lily catch up with her at the top of the marble steps. She didn't want to talk about it.

"She's not going to say," Remus joined them, and put his arm around her shoulders. "Not for a while, anyway."

Lily seemed too understood and walked silently next to Chloe, while Remus on the other as they headed to the Library, the only place Chloe thought she could feel sane and safe. When they entered the Library Madame Pince was no where to be seen, and Chloe could not hear any distant whispering from other students.

Remus took his arm away as they walked single file down the rows of books until they arrived at their favourite spot. Chloe sat in her favourite chair and Remus in his. Lily disappeared for a minute and returned with a wooden chair, sitting in the center of each chair so that it created a triangle.

Leaning her head on her hand, Chloe looked between Remus and Lily. She was willing herself to stay calm, to not cry in front of them as the non-stop thoughts ran through her head.

It had been so wonderful to feel his warmth again, and how easy it was for her to loose herself in his eyes; how she had wanted to stay in his kiss for ever. But then the thought of Ryan clouded her mind, and the decisions she had already made. Being with Sirius again would not only complicate things for her, but for Ryan as well.

"Chloe it's not good to keep it all in." Lily could hold it in any long. She reached out a hand and took Chloe's that sat on the chair arm.

Chloe stared. "You are one to talk."

Lily rolled her eyes. "We're not talking about me."

Chloe looked away, shaking her hand. "I know you mean well, but don't tell me what I shouldn't do Lily. I know all too well that I am messed up, and at the moment I don't really want to think about that."

"What did he do?" Remus broke in, leaning forward in his seat.

Chloe looked at him, and shook her head tiredly. "He made the same mistake again."

Remus sighed, and leaned back in chair closing his eyes as if he was going through some horrible pain. "I told him to keep his distance."

"And that's worked out so well before, hasn't it Remus?" Chloe sat up.

Remus looked back at her. "He tried to tell you he was sorry."

"I don't care if he tried."

"You should."

"He kissed me, Remus!" Chloe's voice shook, as she sat at the end of her chair, her hands gripping the seat. "He kissed me, thinking that it would make everything all better when all it did was ruin things even more. He didn't think about the consequences, or if I even wanted to forgive him."

"He never thinks, Chloe." Lily piped in. "He's a Marauder – do they ever think?"

Chloe looked at Lily, and closed her eyes, putting her head back in her hands. "You don't understand."

"Let her understand," Remus said, moving to the floor so he could look Chloe in the eye. "Tell her, and she'll understand."

They were silent as Chloe thought; Lily held in her curiosity while Remus moved back into his seat waiting to hear Chloe's verdict.

But Chloe was unsure of what to think, no thanks to Sirius, she thought grudgingly. She knew she could trust Lily with keeping her secret but she did not know if Lily would look at her the same or even want to be her friend anymore. But Lily wouldn't do that, she doesn't judge people right off the bat. She didn't judge Remus…

Chloe looked up at Lily, her worried face growing worse when she saw Chloe's fearful eyes. Taking a breath, Chloe cleared her mind of everything, focusing on this one moment. She did not want it to come out wrong, and she did not want to ruin the friendship she had built with Lily. The fact that she wanted to tell her this, to be open with her about this had to show something to Lily, and for that Chloe was willing to take the chance.

"I made a mistake once," Chloe paused unsure of what to say. Lily stared at her with such intensity it almost scared her into taking everything she had said back. But she has to face it; Lily deserved to know in some way. "It's not a mistake I regret, because one of the most amazing things in my life came from it, but it was a mistake. When Sirius and I were together, the night he first told me he loved me; he and I made it true in more than one way." She paused, searching Lily's eyes. Lily nodded, urging her on. Swallowing hard, Chloe continued. "Two weeks later, after we broke up and weren't speaking to each other, I found out I was pregnant with my baby boy Ryan, the most beautiful little mistake I had ever laid my eyes on." Chloe finished with a weak smile that faltered quickly. She watched as Lily's jaw dropped a little, and her eyes widened as she realized what Chloe had said.

"It's why I left school after Fifth Year, and why I wouldn't speak to Sirius. I didn't want to talk to him because after he had made me a fool in front of everyone, I figured that if someone so immature and in such refusal to admit that he loved me that he didn't get to have the joy of bringing a child into the world." Chloe finished, her voice cracking as her emotions took over. Tears streamed down her eyes and she watched in surprise as a tear fell down Lily's face, and she came towards Chloe, and wrapped her arms around Chloe.

"I'm so sorry Chloe, I should have known. I should have realized, by how you acted." Lily cried, still hugging Chloe.

"You're blaming yourself?" Chloe asked in disbelief. "Lily, there is no one to blame." She pulled away, still holding on to Lily's shoulder. "It's just how life turned out for me, and I am fine to live it out as long as I've got Ryan, I'm happy."

"Ryan! That boy at the Leaky Cauldron!" Lily exclaimed, realization filling her face. "He was yours – he looks so much like Sirius! How did I not realize it, when I looked in those gray eyes of his?" Lily wiped her tears away and looked to Remus, who was sitting awkwardly looking on. "How long did you know?"

"I knew since Fifth Year, though she never told me until the train ride to school this year." Remus explained.

Lily didn't seem to really take in the information but she nodded as she looked back at Chloe. "This is really bad than," she said a-matter-of-factly.

Chloe couldn't help but laugh, even amongst the tears. "Yes, it is." Chloe cleared her throat, and brushed her hair from her face. "But don't worry about it, I can deal with Sirius."

"He's having the worst birthday, that's for sure." Remus commented.

Lily looked at him, and rolled her eyes. "You can deal with that later. Find out if he says anything to you later."

Remus shrugged. "I doubt I'll be seeing him until tomorrow evening. He's probably already at the Hogshead downing his second shot of Fire Whiskey."

"It doesn't matter." Chloe stood up. "He won't give me any trouble if there are people around. Even if we are alone, he won't do anything. It's all up to me now." Chloe told them knowingly.

"She's right," Lily said standing up as well. "Though Sirius can act immature, he knows the line, and when not to cross it."

Remus joined them and nodded towards the aisle, "Let's go," he said. Together the trio left the Library. Chloe did not feel like talking about the matter with Sirius anymore, and her friends understood easily. Lily kept close to Chloe, protectively, something Chloe was not used to.

As they walked past the few people in the corridors, Lily moved closer and closer to Chloe shielding her from an invisible force. Chloe tried to ignore it, knowing that Lily was only doing what she knew best. They arrived at the Portrait Hole, and Lily took the lead, while Remus stayed outside saying that he had to do patrols. When they entered, Chloe was very aware that people were looking at her. Apparently her disappearance from the Great Hall didn't go unnoticed.

They headed straight for the stairs, and once they were in the seclusion Chloe felt herself relax. They walked in silence to their dorm, and upon entering they found it empty.

"I wonder where Nadine and Kathy are." Lily thought aloud.

"Hopefully not snogging Peter," Chloe blurted out.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," Lily said with a distorted look between confusion and revulsion.

"Shame on you," Chloe laughed going over to her bed.

Lily shrugged. "It's nothing against Peter, he's nice, but I'm always afraid of where his mind is at, especially when it comes to girls."

"Well for Kathy's sake," Chloe grinned, "I hope you're wrong."

Rolling her eyes, Lily folded back her sheets and crawled underneath. "I am so tired, I do not care if it is only nine thirty, I'm going to bed."

Chloe didn't respond. She took out her pajamas, and changed into them while Lily pulled out a book and began to read. Not sure what to say or thinking, Chloe crawled into bed. She was amazed with herself, first of all, because she did not think she would be able to tell another living soul about Ryan and it still be the same. Glancing at Lily, Chloe felt as if she was on pins and needles. Was it really all okay? Just like that?

"Lily, are you really okay with it all?" Chloe asked; she needed reassurance, she needed to know that in two weeks time she will still have her friend.

"Do I really need to answer that?" Lily had slid off her bed and was sitting down at the end of Chloe's. "I'm all right with it, I mean it is a shock, but I can learn to deal with that. Chloe, you're the one who has any right to be scared or worried or anything like that. I'm your friend and no matter what, I'm going to be there. Besides, that boy is the cutest thing in the world – I am so daft for not realizing it sooner!" Lily finished with a laugh.

Feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, Chloe managed a smile. "Good," she said looking down, "I was afraid that I had scared you away."

Lily shrugged, and jumped off Chloe's bed making her look up. "It was just shock Chloe, you have to give me a few seconds to be human." She laughed and got back into her own bed. "You should get some sleep, you look awful."

Chloe snorted, getting under her covers. "Thanks for the compliment," she said sarcastically. "Good night, we'll talk more in the morning." Chloe said, and Lily nodded smiling. Pulling the hanging's tight around her bed, Chloe felt much happier, lighter, than she had before and got comfortable. In the darkness of her bed she seemed to be able to breathe, and think freely without every looking and watching her. Closing her eyes, she drifted into a deep sleep and entered her subconscious mind full of wild and strange dreams.


A/N: What do you think of this chapter? I'm not completely satisfied, especially with the scene where Chloe finally tells Lily about Ryan. I just think it could be something so much more, and I don't know… What do you think?

P.S before I said I wouldn't be able to update until Christmas - that wasn't true. It's because I first wrote this story for another site, and I've just been copying it from the sight on to here. So yeah, I will be updating much sooner then Christmas.