Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. Without Margaret Mitchell, this work would not exist. I do not own any part of Gone With The Wind and no money is being made from this story.

Chapter Ten: Yuletide Blues

It was time for him to leave Atlanta, for good. He had tried, for his mother's sake, to make things right, but he just couldn't do it. It was the best thing for everyone if he left. For Scarlett, for Wade, for his family. Part of him didn't want to leave, but he could see no way out of a situation that was entirely his fault. He had tried and failed to do the right thing.

From the moment he had arrived back in his hotel room, Rhett had been methodically gathering the possessions that he had accumulated over the years and that followed him from town to town and hotel room to hotel room. It should have saddened him that it took so little time to pack up his belongings, but instead, he was focused on the instinct that told him to run. He had to get away from Atlanta. He had to put some distance between Scarlett and himself. There was no time for self-pity.

Rhett glanced around the room, scanning for any last wayward items. When he was satisfied that he hadn't overlooked anything he walked to the table which held a half-empty bottle of whisky. Beside it was his monogrammed handkerchief that he had discarded earlier. He poured himself a generous drink, and, as he lifted the glass to his lips, he was flooded with the images of Scarlett. The glass flew across the room. As it hit the wall, his ears filled with the sound of shattering glass that he was sure could be heard on the entire floor of the hotel.

Rhett would never admit it to anyone but he had thought of Scarlett constantly since that day at Twelve Oaks. When she laughed at one of his stories or exhibited a rather unladylike reaction to something he said or did, Scarlett was at her most beautiful. He loved watching her, especially when she thought no one was looking and he saw the real Scarlett. He tried to make her laugh and occasionally, angry, in order to observe the women very few people ever saw. Tonight, things had gone too far.

Some nights, after sitting with her for hours on Aunt Pitty's porch, he couldn't sleep because the thought of her kept him awake. He had bedded so many women in his life, but he found himself having dreams about Scarlett like some innocent, adolescent boy. He imagined what it would be like to touch her bare skin and run his hand up her legs. How it would feel to hold her close to him and inhale her scent. He wanted to run his hands through her hair. What she would look like waking up in his bed? What would her hands feel like on his skin? Around his neck? He hadn't even kissed her yet, but she was all he could think about. She was driving him to distraction.

And there was no way to alleviate the distraction. Since the night he had gone to Belle's to tell her of his decision to give up his share of the business, he had visited more respected establishments but only to drink or play poker. He had been careful, not wanting Scarlett or anyone else to discover the existence of his relationship with Belle. He hadn't considered that Belle would reveal it to Scarlett. He should have foreseen the consequences of his decision to sever his business ties with her. If only he had been thinking clearly.

Now, it simply didn't matter.

A light but persistent knock sounded on the door, shaking him from his thoughts. Presumably, someone on staff had been alerted to the sound of glass shattering by a disgruntled guest and was here to clean up. They would just have to wait until he was gone.

He swiftly crossed the room and yanked open the door. "You can clean up-" Rhett halted abruptly as he found his mother waiting impatiently outside his room.

"What is wrong with you, Rhett?" He saw the flash of anger that crossed his mother's face. Eleanor breezed by him and entered the room uninvited. She placed her bag down on a table and turned to look at him.

"Mother, I'd rather not discuss -"

"Rhett, why would you say those hateful things to that poor girl?" She directed a withering look at him.

"Mother, I'm going to miss my train." He suddenly felt backed into a corner. While it usually wasn't a problem, trying to remain calm with his mother asking him pointed questions would test his resolve.

"Then I suspect you are going to miss it because you are not leaving here until you tell me exactly what happened and why you acted like such a brute." Eleanor pulled off her gloves and waited for a response.

"I did nothing. Well, that's not exactly true," Rhett said, with a rueful shrug of his shoulders. He was somewhat bewildered that Scarlett had not disclosed his many transgressions to his mother. "It doesn't honestly matter what happened. She probably won't marry me now even if I asked."

"Rhett, you can't keep running away when things get a little uncomfortable." The realization came slowly, but clearly. "Is it another woman?"

"It's not what you think." He tried to fix his facial features to suggest nonchalance.

"Rhett, how could you court Scarlett and carry on with another woman at the same time?" Disbelief spread across her face. "Are you going to marry this other girl?"

"No."

"Then what are you playing at?" she demanded. "I raised you to be better than this. Who is this woman? Does her family know?"

"She's not the marrying kind, Mother," he laughed without humor. "And her family certainly wouldn't care.

"Why ever not?"

She was going to make him say it. Maybe if he told her he could leave.

"Because she's a madam, Mother." Rhett laughed, the rumble of his chest causing her to sit down abruptly. "Actually, I helped her to set up her own house and until recently I was part owner of the establishment. I guess that Belle is angry with me and this is how she gets even."

His mother fixed him with an incredulous stare, mixed with what he guessed was disappointment or shock.

"Rhett Butler, I'm ashamed of you. No wonder Scarlett asked you to leave. No lady would put up with this behavior. You made her feel like a fool. You need to fix this," she insisted firmly.

"I'm not sure I can," Rhett admitted. "I'm not sure I know how-"

"You tell Scarlett the truth and cut all ties with that woman. Then you apologize profusely and keep doing it until she forgives you. And you never speak to her in that manner again."

"What if she can't forgive me for this?" he asked and then shook his head. "No, I think some time away would be best."

"You're making a mistake, Rhett." Sensing defeat, Eleanor hesitantly suggested, "Don't stay away for too long."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you again mother, but I probably won't be back."

Eleanor scrutinized her son and after a time, asked the question that had plagued her for months since their reunion. "What do you want, Rhett? What or who are you living this life for?"

"Myself." His response was forced and unconvincing.

"Is that going to be enough? Are you going to look back at your life and be satisfied?"

He couldn't answer her.

He had traveled the world, seen places and met people he never would have met if he hadn't been thrown out of his father's home. He wasn't close to his brother and his family. His mother was getting older. Rosemary was a stranger to him. Too many years apart had ensured that their closeness was impossible. A comfortable existence close to his mother and sister, infrequently seeing them, was not going to be enough. He had thought about returning to Charleston but that plan seemed inadequate now. Once his mother was no longer alive would he remain in Charleston, perhaps living in a house with his sister, occasionally visiting women, but otherwise getting through each day? He would leave it to his brother to produce heirs who would carry on the Butler family name but after a generation who would remember him?

Rhett had been happy with his life until the day he met Scarlett. Now his mother was forcing him to admit just how empty his life was about the things that really mattered: a wife and children, a home, a future, happiness. It wouldn't be enough and he realized that he needed a wife, not a mistress or a bevy of nameless women, particularly at his age. Traveling the world aimlessly, living in hotel rooms, not having anyone to share holidays with or knowing that someone cared for him now weighed heavily on his mind. Until this moment, he had been able to push aside those thoughts. Would she even still consider marrying him now?

Christmas 1862: Tara Plantation, Clayton County, Georgia

By the time Scarlett and Wade arrived at Tara for Christmas, her anger had given way to sadness. Prior to the incident in Aunt Pittypat's parlor, Scarlett was certain that she was falling in love with Rhett. After her discovery of his interactions with that woman and then all those hurtful things he had said to her, she was no longer sure of her feelings.

Had that awful day not happened, Scarlett had planned to spend Christmas in Atlanta with Rhett. Eleanor, upon her return to the house later that same night, had attempted to convince her to change her plans, but Scarlett insisted that she would rather visit her parents and sisters than wait for Rhett to return to Atlanta. She did not see the concerned looks exchanged between Rhett's mother and Melanie.

Her resolve had weakened slightly the day Eleanor left Atlanta. Scarlett and Melanie had accompanied Rhett's mother to the train station to see her off. Before getting on her train, Eleanor had pulled Scarlett aside and whispered, "Take care of that little boy of yours, Scarlett. Before you know it, he will be a grown man." Scarlett had gotten a distinct impression that there was more Eleanor had wanted to say but couldn't. Instead, Eleanor squeezed her hand affectionately.

Scarlett had not been home since the previous spring. Shortly after Wade's birth, she had traveled to Savannah to visit with her O'Hara and Robillard kin. Her visit to Charleston to visit her aunts had been cut short. She was looking forward to going to Tara and even Melanie's tearful protests had not changed her mind. She needed to spend some time with her mother. She was hurt and she wanted to go home to Tara. Scarlett wondered if perhaps she should not return to Atlanta after the holidays. What was there to return to?

When Scarlett, Wade, and Prissy stepped off the train at the Jonesboro train station, her father was there waiting for them. The day was crisp and Scarlett breathed in the cool air. Scarlett noticed her father's silence but assumed it had to do more with exhaustion than anything else. Since the war had started and Jonas Wilkerson, the Tara overseer had been dismissed, Gerald had been unable to find a replacement and he had been forced to assume Wilkerson's responsibilities. Overseers often had a reputation for bullying slaves to ensure maximum productivity and despite the fact that Gerald worked hard, he lacked the ruthlessness and drive necessary.

It came as somewhat of a surprise to Scarlett that Gerald excused himself almost as soon as they got to the house. He had hardly talked to her on the carriage ride from the station. Was her father disappointed in her?

Upon walking through the front door, Prissy took Wade upstairs to the nursery, while Scarlett went in search of her mother. She knew, from the regular letters she received from her, that Ellen was working hard to ensure that Tara was profitable, producing enough for the war and its inhabitants. After the holidays the plan was for Ellen to accompany Scarlett and Wade to Atlanta in place of Eleanor, so Ellen had been quite busy preparing the plantation for her absence,

Scarlett made her way towards her mother's office but instead found her two sisters Suellen and Carreen sitting there reading. Carreen jumped up to embrace her, but Suellen remained where she was looking as hateful as ever.

"Hello, baby," Scarlett said, hugging and kissing her youngest sister. "Oh, how I've missed you. Don't you look lovely? We have to make sure we have a nice chat while I'm here. I want to hear all about what you've been up to."

"Suellen." The relationship between the sisters had been frosty since before Scarlett's departure the previous spring, but Scarlett was not going to pick a fight with her sister. She could be polite but the truth was she liked Carreen much more than she would ever like Suellen. Her sisters were both prim and obedient, which Scarlett could admit she had never been, but she found Carreen gentler, friendlier and easier to like.

"Scarlett," Suellen responded with equal dislike.

"Where's Mother?" Scarlett asked, looking around the room. She wasn't sure if it was the time away from Tara, but the furniture looked shabbier than she remembered.

"Busy working. Not all of us can parade around Atlanta having fun," Suellen quipped.

"You're such a brat, Suellen. I am at the hospital most days tending to our wounded soldiers." Scarlett retorted, any feeling of goodwill towards her sister evaporating.

"And the rest of the time disgracing our family with that man," Suellen rejoined.

"How dare you?" Scarlett wanted to slap her sister. If they had been alone, she might have.

"How dare I? You are so self-centered, Scarlett. You think only of yourself, not your poor mother or your sisters. It's a good thing that Mr. Kennedy comes calling and that Brent is writing to Carreen. Your relationship with that man is ruining our family. I can't believe they agreed to -"

"You spiteful girl. You know nothing," Scarlett interrupted.

"Mrs. Merriwether has been keeping Mother apprised of your inappropriate behavior."

"Do you read Mother's letters, Suellen? Is that why you are so well informed?"

"Never mind how I know. You are disgracing this family-"

"Scarlett and Suellen, that is enough," Ellen said from the doorway. All three sisters looked towards the entrance where their mother stood. Scarlett noticed that her mother looked much thinner and more tired than she did in June. Her clothes hung a little looser on her frame and there were dark circles under her eyes.

"Mother," The three girls said in unison as they had as children when they had been caught misbehaving.

"Suellen and Careen, please go upstairs to your rooms. I would like to speak with Scarlett."

Scarlett watched her two sisters obey their mother. Carreen looked repentant while Suellen gave her a challenging stare. When the parlor door closed behind her sisters, Eleanor said. "I don't understand why you and Suellen continue to act like children."

"She started it," Scarlett huffed.

Ellen raised an eyebrow, but otherwise ignored her and sat down in a nearby chair. Scarlett heard the deep sigh and watched her mother's body relax.

"Is Wade in the nursery?" It had been a few months since her parents had last seen Wade and he was growing so quickly.

Scarlett nodded. "Suellen is always saying hateful things to me."

"With some truth in them," Ellen said bluntly, her gaze focused squarely on her daughter.

"Mother!" Scarlett exclaimed, hurt by her mother's curt response.

"How are Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wilkes?"

"They are well and they send their love. Melanie was hoping that Ashley could come home, but it wasn't possible." Scarlett was glad to change the subject.

"How is Captain Butler?"

"I'm not sure." Scarlett sighed and sat down beside her mother. "I know you said that he had feelings for me, but sometimes I don't believe it."

"I know some-"

A loud knock at the door distracted Ellen's attention.

"Yes?" Ellen demanded, clearly annoyed by the interruption.

The door opened slowly and Mammy shuffled into the room.

"Miss Ellen, Mist' Gerald lookin' for you. He say he need you." Mammy looked at her with hardly concealed interest and Scarlett knew that Mammy was probably well aware of everything she had been up to in Atlanta.

"Scarlett, we have plenty of time to speak while you are here. I must see to your father."

Scarlett felt dismissed, but also grateful that she would have some time before having to face her mother. Neither of her parents seemed happy with the turn of events. They had left Atlanta in the summer expecting their daughter to marry soon. How could she tell them that it wouldn't happen now?

"Come here chile!" Mammy held out her arms once Ellen was gone and Scarlett rushed into them. Mammy held her in silence rocking her gently as Scarlett sobbed into her chest. She didn't care that her tears were soaking Mammy's apron. She had cried with Melanie but it wasn't until now that she broke down completely. The pain came in waves, sobbing and then attempting to recover her breath. But all Scarlett noticed was that the comfort she usually found in Mammy's familiar arms was not there. Mammy's reassuring presence did not lessen her grief.

Scarlett did not get a chance to speak privately with her mother for a number of days. Her mother was so busy with the plantation and her sisters were wrapped in their own lives that Scarlett had a lot of free time on her hands during the next few days to consider her life in Atlanta. Everyone was so enamored with Wade that between her parents, sisters, and Mammy, Scarlett was left with little to do. She tried reading and going on rides to keep her from thinking about Rhett, but there seemed to be too many hours in the day. Her thoughts always returned to him. Scarlett pondered the fact that she had been more introspective since Rhett Butler had shown up in her life and it had done her little good. She was no closer to understanding the man than when she had first met him.

By the day after Christmas, Scarlett was bored with life at Tara. She went in search of her mother and found Ellen in her office sitting in a chair close to the fire that was burning in the room's fireplace.

"Captain Butler and I argued before he left Atlanta. That man is so disagreeable. He thinks he is always right," Scarlett huffed as she flung herself into a chair in a very unladylike manner.

"Arguments are a part of life, Scarlett. What you are telling me is that he won't let you win an argument." Ellen laughed before becoming serious. She put her pencil down. "What happened between the two of you that caused him to leave Atlanta so abruptly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Eleanor wrote to me explaining that she found you crying but she wouldn't tell me exactly what happened."

"I don't think he's the kind of man I want to marry, Mother. After the bazaar, you said you were sure that he had feelings for me, but he doesn't act like it. At times he can be downright mean." There was no way she could tell her mother the real reason for their fight. Scarlett added for good measure, "How can you expect me to marry a man who isn't received?"

"Scarlett, you know what Captain Butler does for a living, correct?"

"Of course."

"Scarlett, why would a blockade runner need come to Atlanta? There is no water and no ships nearby." Ellen paused and studied her daughter. "From what I've been told by his mother, Captain Butler admits to spending more time in Atlanta than he should. He may be courting you, but his business is suffering because of his frequent visits to see you and Wade."

"Then why is he so terrible to me?" Scarlett asked. The trouble was, she had no idea, what he really thought of her. Some days he was thoughtful and complimentary. He told her amusing stories that had her laughing until tears came to her eyes. Other days he would be argumentative and morose. She thought he picked fights with her just to amuse himself. Sometimes she thought she was being tested by him. Their arguments, until the last one, had been short-lived.

Ellen looked at her and snickered. "I'll be frank with you, Scarlett. Rhett Butler is a man who is charming and attractive to women. He never comes to visit you without bringing little gifts for Pitty or Melanie. Mrs. Merriwether even wrote to me that he brought her daughter satin because she wanted a white satin wedding dress. Have you asked yourself why this man wants to win over these women?"

"I'm sure I don't know," Scarlett insisted. Melanie had told her of Rhett's generosity but now she wondered how Mrs. Merriwether could allow her daughter to accept such a gift from Rhett and then criticize Scarlett for her relationship with him.

"I'm sure you do-"

"He is always bringing Ashley's name up," Scarlett interrupted. "But I know he likes Melanie. With her, he acts like a gentleman. He even listens to her ramble on about Ashley. I don't understand why he treats her differently than he does me?"

"It's because what he feels for you is very different than what he feels for her." Ellen smiled at her.

"He tells me constantly that Melly is kind and sincere. I know what he's trying to say."

"Scarlett, you are my daughter, but do you know what people think of you? Don't you think other women have mentioned how you flirt with the beaus of their daughters? Your own father told me about your behavior at Twelve Oaks that day. Rhett was a witness to that. Why would he want to be made a fool of if you don't return his affections?"

Scarlett had no answer for her mother. All she could think of how it felt when Ashley did not return her feelings that day at Twelve Oaks. It had been embarrassing, but Rhett did not seem to be the kind of man who was easily bothered by things. There was no way, however, for her to explain his relationship with that woman.

"So what do I do?"

"You have two choices, Scarlett. You either return to Atlanta or you stay here at Tara."

A.N. Like others, I go back and forth on what Scarlett should have done with the knowledge of Rhett and Belle's relationship. I'm not a fan of Belle so I can see her wanting Scarlett to know and possibly 'scare' her away from Rhett.

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