Truth

January 2005

Hermione and Ron started trying to have a baby, and Hermione's resolve to stay away from Draco strengthened. It wasn't easy. She felt the urge to see him nearly every day, and he hadn't given up trying to get her to come to him, but as she committed to a family with Ron, she knew that her affair had to end.

Surprisingly, things were not as strained as she thought they would be when she gave up Draco. Ron was attentive to her needs, came home more frequently, and really tried to nurture their marriage as they took things to the next level. She knew he was trying to show her how good a father he'd be, but she didn't need the lesson. She already knew that about him.

"Hermione, you have to pay attention to positioning," Ginny told her as they sat down together one evening for tea. Ron and Harry were playing Wizarding chess in the living room while the ladies talked in the kitchen after dinner.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Well, the last thing I want to do is picture my brother having sex," Ginny laughed, "but to get pregnant, if you are having trouble..."

"Oh, we aren't having trouble," Hermione cut in. "I just got off the potion two weeks ago."

"Right," Ginny nodded, "but if you do, and many women do, you have to remember the best positions to conceive in."

"Like?" Hermione asked, her brow wrinkling in confusion. As far as she'd ever read, babies could happen in any position. That was the point of birth control, was it not? Besides, she was a healer, who worked with pregnant women. If she didn't know more about reproduction than Ginny Potter, she needed to get in a new line of work.

"Well, missionary is the best. On all fours is okay too," Ginny said, blushing slightly. "You on top is not helpful at all. It's basic gravity." Hermione just nodded. It seemed that the Potters were more than happy about her choice to start a family with Ron and they wanted to help her get there. It didn't make the conversation any less weird or absurd. She wasn't used to having these kinds of conversations with her husband's sister, and frankly, she didn't think she needed to be told how to have a baby anyway.

"For the first few months, we are just going to try naturally," Hermione explained. "If nothing happens for a while, I plan to seek help." Ginny just nodded.

"I'm so happy for you guys!" she gushed. "It will be nice to have another mother around besides Fleur." Ginny rolled her eyes. Hermione never understood what the younger girl's problem was with her sister-in-law. Hermione always liked Fleur, but Ginny would likely never warm to her. She had a sneaking suspicion jealousy was the root of the problem, but kept her mouth shut.

When they returned home that night, Ron took her up to their room and made love to her, hoping this time they'd make the baby they longed for.

March 2005

Four months. It had been four months since he'd heard a word from her. His chest ached at the thought, and his work was suffering for his lack of focus, but he didn't care. How could that really have been it? It didn't feel like goodbye. It didn't feel like the end. And yet...

She hadn't responded to a single one of his requests. Usually she couldn't wait longer than a day to reply, but it had been four long months. His skin was crawling with the desire to see her, touch her, taste her, and he was unfulfilled.

What was more, the company was driving him 'round the bend. Any time he came up with new ideas, they were immediately shot down. Pureblood investors didn't like to take risks. They preferred to make money the old-fashioned way. Draco's fresh, young ideas were rarely even listened to, let alone appreciated, and he was beginning to wonder if he wasn't just a 'name' to them.

He tried to talk about it with his mother, but she wasn't really interested. All she cared about was the lifestyle that she had grown accustomed to, not how the money was actually made. He couldn't believe how different his mother and his lover were. Hermione would want to know every last detail of how the business was run, and likely would want to help him run it if she were able. His mother, on the other hand, just wanted to shop and gossip. He supposed it wasn't her fault. It was how she was raised, after all. Most Muggle parents wouldn't stand for dependent, vapid, shallow daughters these days. Pureblood society demanded it.

There was far too much on his mind at the moment. He considered writing Hermione another letter, but knew ishe wouldn't reply. He'd lost her. He hated everything and everyone that forced him down this path, and today, he didn't care who knew it.

May 2005

Hermione stared at the calendar. She was late. Her period should have arrived five days ago, and she was like clockwork. It was what they were trying for. It was what she wanted, so why did she feel her palms sweating and her heart racing?

It wasn't confirmed or anything. A late period could be caused by any number of factors. But she and Ron had been going at it nearly every night for two months straight. The likelihood that she could be pregnant was pretty high.

No thoughts of holding a tiny baby in her arms flashed before her eyes. Just thoughts of a life with the baby's father, and without Draco, came to mind. She sighed in frustration. It had been six months, half a year, when was this stupid obsession with him going to end?

Deciding against going to St. Mungo's, Hermione chose to use a Muggle pregnancy test. They were just as accurate as the pregnancy potion that witches used, and she wouldn't be caught buying one. The media was on her all the time, and she just didn't think she could handle it if she were outed buying a test, just to have to come back and say it was negative, if it was. Worse yet, it could be positive, then they'd never leave her alone.

A part deep inside of her was still hoping that it would be negative. Why? This is what she wanted. This is what she'd thought long and hard about. Why now, did she want to back out? Maybe it was the reality of it all hitting her at once. Maybe she was just scared. Deep down, Hermione knew it was something else.

Pulling the test from the wrapper, she followed the directions and set it on the bathroom counter, waiting. She could do this. If it was positive, she'd have a beautiful baby and she and Ron would be the parents that they'd been saying they wanted to be for months. Her heart raced. Who was she kidding? She couldn't do this? She'd be a shit mother. She didn't even want to be with Ron. She wanted someone else. She was a liar and cheater, and she held out hope, in the depths of her heart, that one day she could be reunited with another man. What kind of mother was that?

Three minutes passed and Hermione took a deep, calming breath. She could do this. She could do this. She had to do this. Flipping the test over, relief flooded her instantly. Negative. Tears welled in her eyes as she breathed a heavy sigh of relief and let out a happy sob. It was then that she knew she couldn't have children with Ron. She couldn't live this lie anymore. It was making her crazy. It was making her someone she didn't want to be. She had to tell him the truth. She just hoped she had a friend left when she did.

It took a week for her to get everything prepared. Hermione was not the kind of person to make a life changing decision without a few preparations. So, when she finally had packed her stuff, little by little, without Ron noticing, and prepared a small flat for herself in London, she knew it was time.

Her heart had been racing all day. Telling her husband the truth might set her free from the chains she'd made for herself, but it would also hurt a person she loved very much. He'd hate her, and Harry and Ginny would hate her. The Weasley's would hate her, and they would be right. However, with her parents practically non-existent, they were all the family she had.

Several times she asked herself why she was even doing this. It wasn't like Draco would come running to her. He still had the little problem of 'no backbone' when it came to his mother and his company. But she reminded herself that this wasn't about Draco. This was about her. She couldn't live a lie anymore, and Ron deserved someone who could love him back as much as he loved her.

She was pulled from her internal monologue when Ron came through the door, a smile on his face. She hated that she'd have to remove that smile in a matter of moments. "Hello, love," he greeted.

"Hi, Ron. How was work?" Hermione asked, her voice sounding strained to her own ears.

"Long, but I'm glad to be home," he replied.

"Ron, we have to talk about something," Hermione said, patting the seat next to her on the couch.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, concerned as he sat next to her.

"Yes," Hermione swallowed. "This is not easy to say, but I only ask that you hear me out before you say anything," she said, looking into his eyes. He was concerned and confused but he nodded his head, and placed his arm around her shoulders. She had a feeling he wouldn't be able to stop himself, but she had to try anyway.

"Last week, I took a pregnancy test," she started. It seemed that her point of realization was the best place to begin.

"Are you?" Ron asked, excitement in his eyes.

Hermione shook her head, "No," she said, taking another calming breath. "But when I thought I was, I had a near panic attack."

"Hermione, I told you we can wait a little longer if you aren't ready," Ron said, frowning.

"I know," Hermione smiled. "It's not that. I'm trying to tell you what the problem is, but it's very hard to say." She breathed deeply and looked away from his eyes as he continued. "You don't know this-no one does-but our last year at Hogwarts, I had a boyfriend." Before he could ask who, she cut him off. "I'm not going to tell you, so please don't ask. He has a right to privacy as much as anyone else." Ron sighed reluctantly but nodded for her to continue.

"He broke my heart at the end of the year. Then, I had to sell my parents house and you were there and so kind and sweet, and you asked me to date you," Hermione said.

"I know all of this. I was there," Ron said, his voice growing tense, as if he knew what was coming.

Hermione nodded, "The thing is, I never stopped loving the other person. I love you, too," she quickly added when he features looked so hurt. "I will always love you. You've become my best friend. But, I've been keeping a secret from you, and I can't live like this anymore."

"Hermione, what are you trying to tell me?" Ron asked, moving his arm from around her shoulders as he looked her in the eyes.

Hermione felt the tears coming. This was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. It physically hurt her to hurt him. She briefly considered leaving out the part where she'd been cheating on him, almost their entire relationship, but decided against it. She had to be honest. She owed him the truth. "I've cheated on you, with him, for our entire marriage," she breathed, her voice strained against the tears.

Ron looked gobsmacked for a moment. Then his face changed to hurt, then angry. "You what?" he asked, his voice dangerously calm, but she knew that wouldn't last.

"I never meant for any of it to happen. I thought I was doing the right thing when I married you, but I loved him, and I was weak. I was stupid to have dragged you into this. I know you'll never forgive me, and I don't blame you," Hermione said. "I called it off with him when we decided to have a family. I haven't seen him in six months. But that day, when I thought I was pregnant, I just knew I couldn't do this anymore," Hermione explained through her tears.

"Who is it?" Ron demanded, and she knew he'd want to know.

"I can't tell you," Hermione replied lamely. Why was she protecting Draco, anyway?

"I deserve to know who's been fucking my wife," Ron cried, getting up from the couch and pacing in front of her. "I loved you, Hermione. I did everything for you. How could you do this to me?" He was pulling at his hair like a mad man, and Hermione's heart broke a little more at seeing him so disheveled. It was all her fault, after all.

"I'm so sorry, Ron," she cried again. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, but I was too selfish to stop."

"I can't even look at you," Ron muttered, turning away from her, sobs threatening to escape him at any moment.

"I understand," Hermione said. "I've found a flat, and I'll leave tonight. I'm all ready to go."

"You are leaving? You're not even going to try to work this out?" Ron snapped. "This is a marriage. You can't just run away. We have to deal with this."

"I'm not running away," Hermione explained. "But I also don't want to subject you to a life with a woman who can't love you the way you need."

"So you are going to go to him," Ron spat the last work like it was poison.

"No," she said. "He isn't an option anymore."

"Well, if you want to leave, I'm not going to stop you," Ron said, his voice like ice. She hadn't heard that tone from him since they were kids. It hurt, but she knew she deserved worse.

"Ron, please..." Hermione started.

"Just go," Ron said, his voice cold and tired. "I don't want to be in the same room with you."

Hermione sniffled and nodded, moving to the kitchen to grab her trunk where she'd left it. She left her new address on the table in case he wanted to contact her, and shuffled through the Floo to her new home.