AN: No words can describe how sorry I am. Sorry for the long wait, you'd be happy to know I never planned to abandon this. In fact, I can promise that the last chapter will be added sometime during the weekend. If you've stuck with me this long, then thanks, you deserve a medal for waiting like this.
All eyes immediately locked onto Vi as she entered the court room of the Red Queen. The accused Annie counterpart was practically dragging her along down the aisle. She seemed mighty eager to prove her innocence or at least have Vi do it for her. The jury largely composed of the Queen's very own card guards. Definitely not a jury of peers. Seated among them was the Olaf Footman, answering his summons for jury duty. Now, at this point you may stop and ask me 'how can he get jury duty to a court session that wasn't even planned until this moment?' Have you learned nothing from this entire story? Only the foolish try to find logic in a place where none exists.
Seated on the judge stand was the Red Queen Caitlyn herself, gavel twirling about in her fingers as she waited to pass judgement. The Red King Teemo sat next to her on a stack of books so he can reach the table top, he really looked happy to be there. It was when Vi reached her stand with the heart-clad Annie she saw two more patrons enter from the side and stand at attention by the Queen. A brutish, scar faced man with his shorter but no longer grinning brother…
"Dari? Drav?" Vi recognized them. The two Tweedles seemed to lack their jovial spirit from their first encounter.
"You shouldn't have come here, Six," sighed Tweedle-Dari, still calling her by the name they bestowed on her.
"The endless woods are far more welcoming." Tweedle-Drav commented, almost in monotone. The Red Queen raised an eyebrow when she noticed the three conversing.
"Vi, how is it that you know my commander and executioner?" she asked.
"They're who?"
"My commander and executioner," nodded the Queen Caitlyn, "How else do you think I keep my guards trained and professional? And what of the heads of the guilty? How else will they roll? Do we just sit around and wait? No! I have these two to thank for it!"
She then put her arms around the Tweedles. They shifted uncomfortably and silently hissed in their Queen's hug.
"I love my big boys," the Queen said in a sing song voice.
"She's a mad woman!" Tweedle-Dari whispered to Vi, "Run away! Run away!"
"Bad touch! Bad touch!" his brother whimpered.
Vi found herself pitying the two brothers. However, her sympathy was interrupted by the crash of the court room doors flying open and the last person on the guest list presented herself. The White Rabbit Jinx scurried to reach her mistress' side. She tripped on her own foot a total of three times before reaching said goal. A loud blow from her trumpet, and the court room chatter ceased.
"The trial of her majesty's, the Queen of Hearts vs. the Knave of Hearts will now commence!" she announced, "With her highness residing as the honorable judge and this…" the White Rabbit girl gave Vi a dirty look to which the Enforcer raised a middle finger, "…outsider residing as the defense for the accuse."
The blue haired girl suddenly felt a light tug at one of her ears. Take a wild guess who it was.
"Oh, right," she sighed, "And the King of Hearts residing as bailiff/record taker."
The Little King Teemo gave an impressive pose. Again, a single member of the audience clapped wildly while an unseen character cheered 'yeah boy!'
"You're the Knave of Hearts?" Vi asked the Annie counterpart, she didn't know what a Knave was, but it sounded important.
"Yuh, huh." The Knave Annie said. It can be assumed that she didn't know what it was either.
"This court is now in session!" trumpeted the White Rabbit Jinx once more.
The Queen of Hearts took the stand. She needed only a second to glare distastefully at Vi and the Knave before the gavel came down.
"Guilty!" she roared, "Off with her head! Off with her head!"
"Wait a minute!" Vi raised a hand as the child next to her tensed up, "I'm supposed to have a chance to defend her!" The Queen raised a finger at her, only to be stopped by her husband.
"She's right," he said, "As in the tradition of a trail, she now has the stand."
"You mean…" The Queen Caitlyn gagged and winced, "We actually have to…listen to her…like she matters?"
"It's the proper thing to do," said the Red King Teemo. He then received a pat and kiss on the head from his wife.
"Very well then," she said, "Bring in the first witnesses!"
The two Tweedles took the stand and addressed the court. Vi protested once more.
"Wait, I never called for witnesses. Let alone those two!" she said.
"Too bad, you're getting them," said the Queen, "On with it!"
"They weren't even there!" said Vi, "I didn't even see them up until now!"
"Yes, they were!" argued the Queen.
"Actually, we weren't there!" clarified Tweedle-Drav, "But we could be if you want us to!" His older brother then elbowed him in the side.
"You idiot! Of course she wants us to be there! It's the only way she can win this! She told us ahead of time to say it so!" Tweedle-Dari sharply said.
"Oh…ok," Tweedle-Drav regained himself, "We were there and did see the Knave steal the tart…" gasps emitted from all around the court room, "…but we really didn't." Disappointed sighs all around.
"Brother! You dense child! You weren't supposed to say that last part!" Dari yelled, "It's as if you want the Queen to send us back to the room of perpetual limbo!"
"I'm never going back to the room of perpetual limbo!" Drav shook his head.
"Well, it's always your fault when we end up there!"
"No! It's yours!"
"Yours!" Vi took advantage here.
"So, you both are saying you didn't see anything?"
"Yes!" said Drav.
"No!" said Dari.
"They can't seem to get their story straight," Vi presented to the court, "Maybe they are being influenced by a certain someone here…" she flashed the Queen Caitlyn a knowing smirk.
The Red Queen, deciding not to dig her own grave, slowly turned and faced her commander and executioner.
"You two!" she pointed to the court room exit, "Three hours in the room of perpetual limbo, now!"
"Nooo!" the Tweedles' faces fell and their heads hung. They slowly left the stand and headed down the aisle, shoving each other in the sides as they progressed. The doors shut behind them and the trial resumed.
"What's the room of perpetual limbo?" Vi asked. The Queen Caitlyn snickered at this.
"Oh, it's only a fate worse than death itself. It's a room…with a forty by sixty picture of the most nightmare inducing image one has ever seen!"
…..
Tweedle-Dari and Tweedle-Drav were huddled in a corner, eyes completely locked onto the blank wall they faced. Just behind them was a giant framed picture of an extreme close up of Lolipoppy's face (the old one). A single tear rolled down Dari's face.
"I'm looking away from it…and yet I still see it…everywhere."
…..
The Red Queen then gave her husband's shoulder a tap.
"I'd like the Tweedles' statements stripped from the record," she said.
The Teemo King nodded and whipped out a quill and parchment. He scribbled around on it for a brief moment then presented it to the court. Everyone in the room marveled at the majesty of the rough sketch depicting a Dingo wearing a Sinatra hat. The Red King then proceeded to crumble up the parchment into a ball and then eat it in one gulp.
"Splendid!" nodded the Queen, "On with the next witnesses!"
The courtroom's doors opened in an overly dramatic way. The next witnesses, three to be exact, were ushered roughly in by an escort of card guards. All of which had their lances pointed at them should they try something extreme.
The witnesses were none other than the Mad Hatter Shaco and his company; the March Troll Trundle and the ever sleepy Dorat Twitch. For Vi, it was bittersweet to see them again while the Red Queen Caitlyn gritted her teeth as the trio made their way to the stand.
"Hey, is that…Vi?" the Hatter Shaco waved a hand at her like a maniac, "Vi! Vi! Hi!"
"Be silent!" shouted the Red Queen at her former tea servants. The Hatter presented her with a mischievous smile.
"Again, I don't think these 'witnesses' were even there too," muttered Vi.
"Squire!" barked the Queen, not wanting to do the talking this time.
"Right," the White Rabbit jinx scurried in front of the witness stand and prepared to begin the questioning. Vi leaned in and listened, this was going to be good.
"Now then, Mr. Hatter, where were you at the time of the theft was committed?" asked the rabbit girl, trying too hard to sound professional.
Vi watched as the Shaco twist assessed the courtroom with glee as a child on a playground for the first time. He had a victim, an audience, and all in the presence of his former mistress. The March Troll just stared blankly at the ceiling until he was slapped back into reali-Wonderland by his friend. The Dorat just slept the entire time, what else is new?
"I was at home, having tea," the Hatter Shaco said calmly, "After all, there's really not much I can do these days…isn't that right?" His eyes flashed over to the Queen of Hearts who sneered at him.
"Do you have any evidence you wish to present to the court?" the White Rabbit Jinx asked.
The Mad Hatter causally reached under his hat and pulled out a half full cup of tea, a piping hot one at that. He then sipped it rather loudly.
"What was that?" he asked, deciding to have his fun.
"Do you have any evidence that you would like to present to the court?" the White Rabbit Jinx repeated, eyes narrowing.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," the Hatter Shaco assumed 'The Thinker' pose after pausing, "mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, ummmmmmmm...da…what was the question again?" He faked ignorance.
Before the Wonderland Jinx could repeat herself, the March Troll spoke up from his friend's side.
"Are you deaf!?" he yelled at the Hatter, joining the act, "She asked if you have any evidence for the court!" The Hatter playfully patted the troll's head.
"Am I deaf?" he mused, "Well, my dear March Troll, that's a complicated question. No, I am not deaf at least not in the ears, as I heard you quite well. I am turning a deaf ear towards this rabbit girl…so, she could say I'm deaf."
"Need I remind you that you are under oath?" said the White Rabbit Jinx sternly, "Lying about your deafness or lack thereof is a violation." The Mad Hatter briefly glanced up then tapped his chin in mock thought."
"I must correct you, Miss, but I do not see an oath lingering above me," he said. Twenty internet points for him.
The rabbit Jinx could add another tally to number of times she's been caught off before she could so much as start a sentence as the Red Queen furiously slammed the gavel against the stand.
"Hatter!" she roared. The Shaco twist jumped a bit at the abruptness, his hot tea splashed out from its cup and directly onto the Red King Teemo's face. The king grasped his face as he spazed and screamed violently, his high voice making the fact that the Mad Hatter just splashed his tea onto the face of a guy whose race resembles a claw machine prize even funnier. He fell out of his seat and onto the floor, no longer visible to the courtroom but his screaming was audible. His crys soon began to fade and was replaced with relieved groaning. The then calmly stood up and returned to his seat besides his wife.
"I'm ok," he chirped.
"Oh hello, your majesty," said The Hatter Shaco to the Red Queen Caitlyn, "Forgot you were here." The Queen gritted her teeth once more.
"Just answer the question, imbecile," she growled, "Do you have evidence that the Knave of Hearts stole my tart?" (Dr. Seuss eat your heart out).
"…Tarts…" paraphrased the Hatter quizzically, "Tarts…"
"Farts!" barked the March Troll immaturely.
"Be quiet, son, the adults are speaking." The Hatter Shaco gave his friend a fatherly pat.
"Tarts," he continued where he left off, "It's always the issues of less importance that you dwell upon isn't it, your highness?"
"Excuse me!?" hissed the Queen Caitlyn.
"While you worry about what you'll stuff your mouth with when the munchies are in town, you neglect your very kingdom," the Hatter pointed towards a window and his voice rose a bit, "Have you seen what's going on out there? There's people mad as…well, me, running amuck! This place is akin to a mental asylum! Look around us! Wonderland doesn't have a linear timeline! I'm locked in an eternity of endless tea parties! My friend is an immature man child and the other has a timeshare in his dreamland! Bugs and plants are speaking to us! It's not legal to own a shoehorn anymore!"
"Ice cream sandwiches keep showing up in my house while I'm asleep!" screamed an unseen jury member.
The Hatter nodded, "Ice cream sandwiches keep showing up in his house when he's asl-wait! Isn't that a good thing?"
"It's pistachio…"
"Oh, the inhumanity!" moaned the Hatter Shaco, placing his fore arm on his fore head, "We have to face the music! Wonderland just isn't Wonderful anymore!" he then pointed aggressively at the Queen, "All because of you!" The whole courtroom gasped.
There was a long pause, even the cricket that was supposed to chirp awkwardly was silent. The Red Queen Caitlyn put her hand on a fist and exhaled smoothly then leaned forward from where she sat.
"Thank you, Hatter…that has been the most helpful evidence this courtroom has ever seen...you may leave now." Believe it or not, her voice was completely void of any sarcasm or anger.
Nothing more was to be said. The Mad Hatter Shaco left the stand followed by The March Troll Trundle with the sleeping Dorat Twitch draped over his shoulder. As the Hatter passed by Vi for the last time, he placed a hand on her shoulder, leaned in and whispered, "We'll meet again."
Then he and his company were gone.
The Knave of Hearts Annie playfully nudged Vi's arm. "You're doing great!" she cheered, "The jury's siding with us!"
"How exactly?" Vi asked, "All I've done at this trail, If you can call it that, is point out the obvious and sitting here wishing I was someplace."
The Red King Teemo coughed before making an announcement.
"The next witness will now be called to the stand….Vi, you are called by the defense!"