A/N: Thanks again to owel for looking this over. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Shepard's head was reeling, slowly waking up from whatever sleep she had been in. She tried to open her eyes, but quickly groaned and shut the again as she was blinded by sterile white lights above her. She repeated this process a couple of times before she was able to keep her eyes cracked open, then slowly raised herself to a sit. As she sat up, she heard a voice calling to someone else in the room.

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas! I think she's waking up." The voice was coming from Kaidan, she wondered why he was here. Last thing she remembers is radioing the Normandy to pickup the beacon.

She swept her legs over the side of the bed, trying to figure out what had happened, when it all came back in a rush. Kaidan being pulled in by the beacon, her shoving him out of the way, the pain in her head as the beacon pulled her in, and the visions that somehow got tangled in with other things she'd tried to forget.

"You had us worried there, commander. How are you feeling?" Chakwas asked.

"Like shit." That was an understatement, but Chakwas was good and already knew how much pain she was in. "How long was I out?" she asked.

"A little over fifteen hours, commander. Something happened with the beacon, apparently it exploded and knocked you out cold."

She certainly didn't feel like she was under for fifteen hours, she was tired but brushed it to the back of her mind. "Yea, we introduced ourselves. Thing has a hell of a handshake." She was joking around with the doctor, but in all honesty she was disturbed by the things she saw. The amount of death she saw wasn't ordinary, but she couldn't make sense of what the visions burned into her mind. She worsened her headache every time she tried to replay it.

She was brought back from her thoughts by Kaidan speaking up. "It was my fault, commander," he said, "I'm so-"

She cut him off right there. "You finish that sentence Alenko and I'll give you something to be sorry about. You had no way of knowing what that beacon would do, don't apologize for something you can't control. I made a conscious decision to knock you out of the way, and that's the end of the discussion on that matter." She hated the whole cliché of apologizing for someone getting you out of the fire and receiving burns in the process, she just wanted people to shut up and learn from it.

Kaidan frowned a second, before smiling. "Right, ma'am." He was mystified by the woman in front of him, a puzzle he couldn't figure out. He did feel guilty over the whole ordeal, though. Ever since a child he'd been raised that the man takes care of the woman, helps her out when she's in trouble, not the other way around. Shepard's no ordinary woman, he told himself, and went back to silently observing the situation.

"Well, unfortunately we'll never get a chance to know why it acted the way it did. It was completely destroyed in the explosion. Lieutenant Alenko and Chief Williams carried you back here. We're currently en route to the Citadel, last I heard." Chakwas could tell that Shepard was getting impatient and turned to Kaidan. "Lieutentant, could you please excuse the commander and I? I need to discuss some things in private."

Kaidan took another glance at Shepard, making sure she was alright, then turned and strode out. He thought about what the doctor had said to him while Shepard was asleep. "You're chasing your tail going after that one, I'm afraid Lieutenant." He had questioned her about what she meant by that, but her only response was, "Just call it woman's intuition." Kaidan didn't believe her, they had both known her the same amount of time and he refused to believe she had a better read on her than he did. He would find his own time to go that direction with Shepard, he just needed to play it cool for now. With that thought, he'd decided to try and talk to her once she was out of the medbay, so he exited the door and promptly found a seat in the mess and began passing the time.

After Kaidan had left, Chakwas turned to Shepard and gave a faint smile. "He never left your side, you know," she stated. "He felt all torn up about it, really. Carried you in here himself."

"Did he, now?" she asked rhetorically. "I'll make sure to thank him later. Now, you wanted to speak to me privately?"

Chakwas stopped fidgeting with lab equipment and walked over. "Yes, sorry for the distraction commander. I wanted to talk to you alone, because I picked up some unusual brain activity while you were unconscious." She grabbed a chart and gave it to the commander, though she knew she would hardly understand what was on there. She just figured the commander would appreciate having something to look at. "Your beta waves were unusual, and your REM was extremely high, almost as if you were having severely intense dreams."

Shepard glanced at the chart for a minute, looking over the various notes and scribbles on it, before setting it aside. She put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes, trying again to remember the visions she had seen, which only produced a heavier headache. "I'm... not sure exactly what I saw. Death and destruction seemed to be the highlights of it, it wasn't really clear."

Chakwas put her hand to her chin, rubbing it before she replied. "Interesting. I'll add it to my report." Just as she said that, the medbay door opened and Captain Anderson strolled in, a stern expression on his face. "Oh! Captain Anderson, I was just getting ready to notify you Shepard had woken up."

Anderson gave a slight nod, then looked at Shepard. "How you holding up, Shepard?"

"Feel like shit, probably look like it too, so I'm good I guess," she replied. She liked having Anderson around, but the stern look on his face let her know he wasn't too happy.

"Good to hear," he replied curtly. "Doctor Chakwas, could you please excuse us? I need to talk to her in private."

Doctor Chakwas nodded, then promptly left the medbay, just leaving Anderson and Shepard.

"From what I hear the explosion hit you pretty hard, sure you're ok Shepard?"

Shepard gave a small laugh. "I'm just fine and peachy, Anderson. A kid died on my watch, the damn geth decide to end their two hundred year hiatus to ruin my day, Nihlus ends up dead, and I got mind raped by an ancient alien artifact. So yea, just fine and peachy for me."

Anderson gave a small frown, knowing that Shepard was beating herself up over the mission. She always tended to put everything on herself, learning from her mistakes but refusing to believe there wasn't something she could have done to prevent it. "Jenkins will be missed, I've already notified the family." He knew better than to say she couldn't have done anything to save him from the geth, it would be a futile attempt.

Shepard was grateful that she wouldn't have to do it, even though part of her felt it was her responsibility to do so. She then thought of Williams, and wondered what happened to her. "What about Chief Williams, sir? She's a hell of a soldier, and I want her aboard as part of my ground team."

Anderson gave her a grin. "Already done, Shepard. I got some of the mission details from Alenko and he outlined how Williams performed. She's all yours."

Shepard was pleased with this, and made a note to go over her service record when she got the chance. "I knew there was a reason I liked you, sir."

Anderson gave a brief smile, before his expression turned stern again. "I won't lie, Shepard, this is bad. Like you said, Nihlus is dead and the beacon is destroyed. Not to mention the geth have now invaded. The Council won't like this."

Shepard frowned. "We're going to the Citadel to talk to them? I can already see where that's going to go." Politics. Shepard hated the term, and everything associated with it. It was a game of shadows and talking, one that Shepard refused to partake in.

Anderson gave a knowing look, then started to pace around. "I'm behind you all the way, you already know that. What you did down there, that was damn impressive. However, I'm worried about the other turian that Alenko mentioned in his brief to me, Saren." The name was said with disgust, something that Shepard picked up on. "He's a SPECTRE, the best. If what I'm hearing is true, however, he's gone rogue by working with the geth. That's very dangerous, especially since he hates humanity."

"Well I can tell you he was there for the beacon, and didn't want it known he was there. He tried to blow up the colony with several bombs we had to diffuse," Shepard said. She knew a rogue SPECTRE was bad news, and one that was interfering in her missions made her pissed off. "I did manage to get a lovely vision from the beacon though, Saren probably saw the same thing."

"Vision?" Anderson questioned, now intrigued. "What kind of vision?"

"Hell if I know," Shepard said as she leaned back into the medical bed and closed her eyes. "I saw death and destruction, slaughter being handed out by some form of machines. Could be geth, but I'm not sure."

Anderson suddenly got very animated, seeming to spring in to action. "We need to bring this to the Council, Shepard."

Shepard started laughing at what Anderson suggested, knowing the futility of it. "And say what exactly? Oh poor Commander Shepard had a bad dream about scary monsters in the night, please give us an army and go after Saren, pretty please?"

Anderson laughed at how ridiculous it would sound telling the Council about a vision, and agreed. "Alright, we won't tell the Council about your vision. I still think we should tell them about the beacon and that Saren used it. God only knows what information is stored in there, maybe you only got part of it. We prove that Saren has gone rogue, get the Council on our side, and we can hunt him down and stop his madness."

Shepard straightened and saluted her captain. "Understood, sir!"

Anderson returned the salute and walked toward the medbay door, pausing and looking back over his shoulder. "And Zoe, try not to be such a smartass with your commanding officer," he said with a grin. He used her first name to let her know he was joking, though he was the only one she really permitted to use her first name.

Shepard gave a bigger grin back, and gave a lazy salute. "Yes sir, daddy sir!" she joked. She looked up to Anderson a great deal, and considered him a father to her. However, she would only call him 'daddy' when she was playing around with him or felt that he was parenting her. It was a fun little thing they had that they had kept to themselves, only doing so when alone. He gave a laugh, and with that he exited the medbay, Doctor Chakwas entering after his exit.

"Well, he certainly seems to have lightened up," Chakwas commented as she entered. "Well, you're all fit to go commander. I would have you stay and try and catch a few hours of sleep, but you seem the type that's going to ignore most of my advice after I've cleared you anyways," she said in a joking manner.

"You know me so well, Doctor. I actually will listen to the sleep recommendation though, I just have a couple of things I need to take care of first." She was tired, but didn't really feel like sleeping at all. She did need to take care of some things. She looked back at the doctor, and her expression was a telling smile, she knew that Shepard wouldn't be getting any sleep for many more hours. Shepard stood up, stretched her back and neck out to relieve some of the tension, and strode out the medbay door.

She exited the medbay and out to the mess, intending to find Kaidan, when she saw him sitting at the table closest to the medbay, apparently waiting on her to finish up in there. He looked like he was lost in thought, so she strode over and began to talk. "Off duty, Alenko?" she asked neutrally.

Kaidan snapped out of it, sitting up and looking at her. Recognizing her face, he stood up, offering a salute. "Yes ma'am, Anderson said I was off duty until we get the Citadel if I wanted to. I doubt I'll stay off duty that long, but I'll take some time to unwind."

"Good, you deserve it," she replied, "I hear thanks are in order, actually. You carried me out of there after the blast, so uh.. thanks for that." She wasn't good at this kind of thing, mingling. However, she had always made it a point to at least get to know who she was working with.

Kaidan blushed a little, though Shepard didn't notice. "I...uh... it was nothing, commander. I should thank you, for getting my head back in the game after Jenkins' death."

"Like you said, it was nothing, Alenko," she said. "Anyways, I just wanted to thank you. I'll see you around." She headed off towards the elevator, leaving Kaidan to return to his thoughts, and pressed the button to go down. She didn't have any problem talking to people, but she had found that when she would talk with people who served under or with her, she could only talk for short periods before getting stressed out and needing to leave.

The elevator door opened, and she saw Ashley standing over a workbench, and what looks to be a rifle taken apart on top of it. She walked over to the bench, and struck up a conversation. "Glad to see you've settled in, Williams."

Williams wheeled around and threw up a salute. "Yes ma'am. Glad to see you're better as well. The crew seemed pretty torn up about the soldier, Jenkins, that died. Knowing you're back up and on your feet should be a morale boost, ma'am. I feel guilty though, that I wouldn't be here if he hadn't died." Williams cast her glance to the ground, hoping the commander also didn't know about her family. This was her first space assignment, first non-shit assignment, she didn't want anything to mess this up.

Shepard looked at the woman in front of her. She was a good looking woman, though not to Shepard's taste. She had strong facial features, and had an overall aura of power about her. Shepard respected that, and found a sort of bond to the woman through that. She reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder, a slightly concerned look on her face, as she spoke. "Jenkins was a stupid kid that was too eager to get into action. If he hadn't died here, he would have died someplace else." She still blamed herself for Jenkins' death, but wouldn't let Ashley pity herself for her situation. "You are a damned fine soldier, Williams, and I would have had you transferred here even IF Jenkins survived, is that understood?"

Williams perked up at that, not expecting what she had just been told, and gave a nod. "Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am."

"How are you holding up? Losing your entire unit isn't an easy thing, trust me I've been there." Shepard knew exactly what this woman was going through, she didn't wish that on anyone.

"I'm... managing, ma'am. It's hard to believe they're all gone, but I promise I won't let it affect my performance." Ashley tried to put on a smile, but only managed a faint one. The loss of her unit and friends was weighing heavily on her.

Shepard gave a sympathetic look, before retreating into her more professional state. "Just take the time you need Williams. We're headed to the Citadel to speak to the Council, and I'll be bringing Alenko and yourself with me. Until then, just make yourself at home and take some time to heal. That's an order."

Ashley saluted, giving an appreciative smile this time. "Yes, ma'am. I will."

Shepard returned the salute, the strode back to the elevator, taking it back up.

Shepard had one last thing to take care of before she turned in for the night, and headed for the bathroom. It was late and most of the crew were sleeping, so she knew there wasn't much risk of being caught. Still, she entered the bathroom and locked it behind her, privileges of being the XO of a ship. She grabbed a couple of paper towels from a dispenser on the wall, and dampened them before setting them aside. She sat down on the cover of the toilet, then reached down and pulled out her combat knife. She looked at the knife for a second, before putting it next to the paper towels on the counter.

She then undid the fastenings to her pants, and pulled them down, revealing her elegant legs, marred only by series of scars etched across both of her legs. She sat back down, looking at the two longest scars which were on her right leg, tracing her finger over them with a sad sigh before she turned back to the knife and grabbed it.

Stupid fucking kid couldn't listen to orders. Should have known better than to let him take the lead, no matter his familiarity with the area.

She looked at her legs, and found a spot where there wasn't a scar, and slowly brought the knife down to the spot. She paused for a moment, before she pressed down onto the knife, causing it to puncture her skin, blood instantly seeping out. She dragged the knife a little further, no more than half an inch, before she lifted the knife and threw it in the sink, reaching for the paper towels she had dampened. She began cleaning up the blood, sitting there for several minutes with pressure on her wound, until the bleeding subsided. She grabbed a small bit of medigel from the small dispenser on the wall, and dabbed it on the wound, sealing it up.

She pulled up her pants, redoing the fastenings, before turning on the sink and rinsing the knife of her blood. She dried it off with a couple more paper towels, before sliding it back into its sheath at her boot. The paper towels were thrown into the trash disposal on the wall, and Shepard walked back to the sink. She cupped some water in her hands and splashed her face, the coolness of the water helping her feel somewhat cleansed. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, staring at herself. After a few moments, she stood up and exited the bathroom, heading to her quarters to finally catch some sleep. She kicked off her boots, then plopped down onto her bed. She took off her omni-tool, and set it on the empty nightstand next to the bed. She laid her head back onto the pillow, and closed her eyes, welcoming sleep finally.

Lesson learned, she thought as she drifted off into a deep slumber.