I called Dean and Sam to tell them the news the next morning.

I was engaged.

I was actually engaged.

They drove up to the apartment, me calling to tell Mrs. Tran as they did (who absolutely screamed with joy, as did Kevin), and celebrated. I jokingly asked Sam to be my maid of honor, due to his long hair (he respectfully declined).

We enjoyed the next few days celebrating and planning, like a family would.

And everything went to shit after those few days.

Sam and Dean went out on some hunt or other, encouraging me and Cas to stay at the Bunker if we wanted and "pretend it was an early honeymoon getaway" (Dean's words) for the two of us. We stayed at the apartment anyways, with Cas having work and me researching on wedding plans (Mrs. Tran was pretty helpful on that) and trying to figure out how in the hell there had never been anything before on God having a sister.

Cas left next. He called after his shift to tell me something was up, he could feel something big that had happened among the angels and he was going to check it out. I told him I'd stay and run interference, keep up the research.

I think the last words I said to him were that I loved him.

I'm certain that that's what they were.

Then I got nothing. For a solid week, I got nothing. No calls from Sam or Dean.

Nothing from Cas.

I called them, paranoid and freaking out. They hadn't told me what was going on. Nobody had told me anything, really. I was afraid that angels had killed Cas, or that Sam and Dean had been killed on their most recent hunt. I'd done tracking spells on the three of them, and had gotten locations for Sam and Dean.

But nothing for Cas.

But finally, after a solid week, Dean called.

"Ok, I just want to start out with first off, we're sorry," he said. I interrupted before he could finish.

"DEAN!" I screamed in to the phone. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

"I know, I know it's been a week," he tried to cut in, but I wasn't having it.

"I THOUGHT YOU THREE WERE DEAD!" I screamed. "I THOUGHT YOUR LAST HUNT HAD KILLED YOU! AND THEN, WHEN THE TRACKING SPELLS WORKED ON YOU TWO, I FIGURED IT WAS SOME IMPROMPTU BACHELOR PARTY FOR CAS, UNTIL I GOT NOTHING FOR HIM! THEN I THOUGHT HE'D GOTTEN COLD FEET, AND YOU TWO HAD BEEN HELPING HIM RUN!" I stopped, realizing exactly what this call could be. "Dean…" I said, my voice suddenly very quiet and scared. "Did Cas change his mind and decide to leave?"

"What?" He asked, absolutely abhorred by the idea. "Kylie, what the hell? No. No he didn't. But you haven't seen him?"

"No. Have you?"

That was when Dean told me he and Sam would be by in an hour and tell me everything. When they came through the door, we all sat down with a few beers and talked.

They told me everything.

They told me about Lucifer.

They told me about the angels trying to smite Amara, and Cas going to check it out.

They told me how they didn't want Cas to get involved, with our recent engagement.

They told me about Sam's solo cage match with Lucy.

They told me about Dean picking up something from Billie the Reaper (they didn't know I'd met her as well), and the witchcatcher (good for me to know about and be aware of) that Crowley currently was using to control Rowena (definitely weird and speaking volumes about the status of the demon's psyche), who had apparently attempted to double-cross everyone and sided with Lucifer, so maybe it was best for now that she was leashed by someone.

They told me about how Amara had sent Cas to them as a message, saying she was coming.

They told me how Cas had refused to get me involved, us being recently engaged and him saying he didn't want to worry me.

They told me about all three of them in the cage with Lucifer.

They told me how they'd all left a little messed up, and that Dean and Sam had had a case almost directly afterwards involving a banshee.

"We thought Cas would tell you everything." Sam said, confused. "But you said you haven't seen him?"

"No." I answered. "No calls or texts or messages or anything. I tried a tracking spell, I tried a lot, but they all got zip." I said. "But you said he was alive when you guys left, right?"

"Yeah." Dean assured me.

"Then…" That same thought crossed my mind again, and I looked down at the ring on my finger. "Do you think he might've changed his mind after all?"

"No!" Sam and Dean said simultaneously.

"Look," Sam said. "We'll call him right now and sort this all out." As he spoke, Dean was already dialing. "We were all pretty messed up after dealing with Lucifer, maybe Cas just wanted to touch base in Heaven, make sure everyone else was OK there, or didn't want to come back to you an absolute wreck and make me worry."

"Hey, Cas," Dean said. I looked over at him, hopeful, and saw a look of disappointment in his eyes. "Call me back pronto. I mean it." He hung up, and glanced over at me. "Voicemail." He said nervously. He stared at me, the silence awkward, before he stood. "I'm gonna try Crowley." He stated to no one in particular, walking away as he dialed again.

"It's probably nothing." Sam repeated. "Hell, his phone might've even gotten jacked up or something in all that happened."

I tried to feel assured by his words, but I didn't. Something felt wrong. I knew something was wrong.

Dean got no answer from Crowley, and they really didn't know what else to do after that.

"No more secrets." I said, staring them both in the eyes after Dean sat back down. "No more lies and keeping me out of these big things. I don't care what it may entail. I don't care if it involves Crowley or not. I don't care what else is going on. I need to know. I can't sit these out anymore."

"And if it involves Crowley?"

"I'm still hate the British bastard." I replied. "He killed my brothers, my dad. He slaughtered them and the first friends I'd had in a while after that. I had to WATCH that," I reminded them, keeping eye contact with the both of them. "But as much as I hate him and every other demon out there, right now with the Darkness being the bigger evil, I will even put up with that asshole, but only as long as we stay honest with each other. Are we understood?" I asked crisply.

I felt like my trust had been violated, multiple times. They lied to me about paying a visit to Lucy. They lied to me about working with Crowley and the witch Rowena, who I personally couldn't care less about. They lied to me about the attempt to take down Amara. They lied to me about Cas, and now he was gone. They lied to me about so many things, and left me here to do research and freak out and stew.

So I kept staring them both down, kept watching and compressing all my emotions until I could feel the ice in my gaze. I wouldn't forgive them for a long while after this.

"Understood." They both said at the same time.

"Good. Now I'm going to call Cas, and you two are going to go find a new case since Amara is in the wind, Lucifer is still locked up, and Rowena is more than likely playing mommy to Crowley." I told them. They nodded resolutely. "I'll show you the research I found when I'm done calling, because I actually did find a few useful things."

They left after I showed them the very little information I had acquired, assuring me that the second they reached the angel they'd let me know.

They were gone on another case a few days later, something involving Claire. They promised to check and see if she had heard anything ("Maybe he was getting Claire's blessing, making sure she was ok with all of this." Sam had offered). I, in turn, headed to the Bunker. Cas had officially been fired from his job at the Gas n Sip, according to the call I answered since he hadn't shown or given any info as to why, and I honestly couldn't stay at the apartment.

So I stayed at the Bunker while the boys hunted, letting Sam and Dean know I was there. They were alright with it, and still checking out things up in Sioux Falls. I kept calling Cas, but to no avail. I'd put aside making wedding plans at this point, still afraid that there wouldn't be a wedding.

But finally, almost two weeks after what I was determined to call "The Failed Cage Match," I got a call.

From Dean.

"Hey, we're on our way back now." He started. "Any new leads on Amara?"

"I have zilch." I answered, flipping through my notes for the umpteenth time. "How was the case?"

"Oh, full of vampires. Claire says hi, by the way, and congratulations."

"Has she seen Cas?" I asked. I couldn't keep the anxiety out of my voice.

"Actually, Claire hadn't seen him." Dean said. "She's still excited for the wedding though. However, Cas is the reason I'm calling."

"Why? What happened?"

"I just got a call from Cas about five minutes ago." Dean said. "He should calling you any second."

"What the hell?" I asked, feeling very pissed. I could almost see Dean's hands up in an "I surrender stance."

"I know, I know, it's really weird, I'm concerned too." Dean said.

"Did he say what's up?"

"No, just that he's sorry and that he's gonna call you in a little bit." Dean answered. "Look, I gotta go, but I just wanted to let you know that he's ok, alright? And as far as I can tell, not having second thoughts."

"Then why hasn't he called me yet, Dean?" I asked. "Why has he just left me here to sit and freak out in my own thoughts?" I could feel the word "again" in the back of my mind, but decided not to say it. Dean just sighed.

"I don't know." Dean replied honestly. "Just… Just hang in there, alright?"

"Alright." I agreed before hanging up. I turned to my notes, half-tempted to scatter them off the B.A.M.T. in anger and fear and a whole mix of emotions I wasn't even close to being ready to understand. "Dammit," I swore, now tempted to just throw my phone. Instead I stared at it, feeling all those emotions fighting for dominance. "Dammit, Castiel, why can't you just call or text or drop me some sort of line?" I asked out loud. When I got no answer, I let out a sigh of my own. "He'll call." I assured myself, setting the phone down on the table. "He'll get a hold of me."

"Or," a voice said from behind me. I whirled around to see a bouquet of flowers, bright and colorful, first. Then they lowered to reveal a smiling face beneath. "Instead of calling or texting or dropping some sort of line I can just show up in person."

"Cas!" I shouted, delighted for a moment as I embraced him. Then I pulled away, remembering the important parts. "YOU ASS!"

"Is this how humans do the reunion thing now?" He asked, confused. I was about to rant, to really let him know exactly what kind of hell that his AWOL thing put me through, but I didn't. Instead, I focused on something more important.

His voice.

"You sound…. Different." I said calmly, walking around to examine him. He spun around with me, watching me watch him. "Are you ok?"

"Oh I'm better than ok." He replied, still using that same odd voice. Like he was happy, but not really. Just a sarcastic imitation, almost. "In fact, you could even say I'm new and improved." He shoved the flowers closer to me. "Please take these. I got them to apologize."

I accepted them slowly, uncertain. As I did I saw the faintest flecks of red on the stems. When I lifted them for closer inspection, pretending to smell them, I saw that they were flecks of blood.

I looked back at Castiel, who was grinning a different grin, not his grin. Castiel's grin was either goofy, like he was trying to make a joke, or earnest and the most honest smile I've ever seen. The one he was wearing now, though… It was like the cat ate the canary, except the cat was a psychopath and the canary was actually a big-ass dog that it smiled at while eating delicately.

"What took you so long to get back?" I asked cautiously.

"I just had to sort out a few loose ends." He replied vaguely, still smiling that awful grin.

"Like?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." He answered.

"Ok." I said, setting the flowers down on the table. I didn't dare take my eyes off of him, though. The situation had just changed, drastically.

This wasn't my Castiel.

This wasn't Castiel at all. This wasn't how he acted, how he talked, not even how he stood. This wasn't Castiel. This was something trying to act like him.

"Don't I get a homecoming kiss?" He asked. I kept watching him, trying to figure out his next move. "What? I had to work some things out. I know I didn't tell you, but I didn't think that I had to tell you absolutely everything. I thought you would understand."

"Castiel," I said slowly. "I'm going to call Dean and let him know you're here."

"Why do that now?" He asked. "We have the whole bunker to ourselves! Some alone time here is so hard to come by, and you know the second you call them they'll waste both an hour of us time and their case time to ask questions and pretend to be our parents." Not-Cas laughed. "I'm older than both of them, COMBINED. Much older. It's almost cute that they try to do that, you know?"

"I'm going to call them." I stated again, reaching slowly for the phone. I kept watching him, watching IT, to see its next move.

"No you're not." He replied. I was still moving slowly to get the phone. I was afraid of what a sudden movement might do.

"Why?"

"Because if you do then I'll kill you."

There.

He'd said it.

"What are you?" I asked, stopping my hand from moving. I brought it back to me slowly, watching him still.

"Take a guess." It replied. "I'll even give you a hint. 'Blank! I'm home!'" He said, stretching out the word home just like the husband from show.

I felt everything within me run cold. No. No no no no no. "Lu," I tried. "Lu," I was terrified of being told I was right.

"Lucifer." I finally said.

"And BINGO, we have a winner!" He said brightly, clapping his hands together. I watched the flowers compress in to a small, shriveled, compact ball at the same time his hands touched. "And you know, I really do want to keep you around, too. After all, you're Castiel's favorite pet. I need you to stick around. But I was really, REALLY hoping that this would be a more voluntary thing than it's probably going to be." He said.

I couldn't stop myself. I lunged, shooting out a hand to cast him aside, but he just made a motion with his hand like he was shooing away a fly, and without even laying a hand on me I was flung back in to the bookcase behind me. "Oh, he didn't like that." Lucifer tutted, shaking his head as I sunk down. "Not one bit. Nice trick with your own attempt at magic, though. Too bad mine is just a bit more powerful than that borrowed bit of angel in you." He laughed. "I guess you do have some angel in you, that kills that joke then."

When I tried to get up, he just waved a hand to push me back down. "Do you want to know a secret, though?" He smiled, moving on. "It doesn't matter. Your boy-toy said yes to me. Did it without any push from me. Easier than landing a Winchester, surprisingly. I mean, Sam was plan A, but this angel's vessel right here? This long-term angel vessel that is ONLY inhabited by an angel?" He smiled. "And one that used to be human?! It's even better than Sam's meat suit ever would've been, even if he'd been all hopped up on his Wheaties. Do you even know about the blood-drinking episodes?" He thought, tapping a finger to his upper lip. "Well," he threw his hands up for a second. "Now you do."

"Get out of him." I growled. "Now."

"Or what?" He asked in response. I shot out another hand, fighting for that angel power to push against him with, but it was like trying to swat a freaking tyrannosaurus with a wet towel. He just laughed at my attempt again. "You can't get rid of me, not without getting rid of Castiel as well. We're both angels. Screw over one and you screw over both."

"Why him?"

"He said yes." He responded, sounding almost like a bride. "And we're getting married in the spring oh happy days!" I winced at his statement. He knew. Of course he knew.

Lucifer, jumped up and down, clapping his hands again. With each clap a book fell down from above me, rained down like leather and paper hail. "We're going to have slumber parties, and braid each other's hair, and take down the darkness, and afterwards go out for ice cream!"

"And then you restart the apocalypse." I finished.

"Eh, I dunno." He said, looking as though he was mulling it over. "Amara first, though. I mean, there won't be a world to have fun with if she takes it out. It'll be all fun and candy, though, don't worry."

"Get out of him." I said again, starting to stand up.

"Oh, quit trying, honey." He said, waving a hand at me. I felt pushed back down, right where I had been thrown. "Blood on you won't look good for me."

"Why not just kill me?" I dared him. "Make good on your threat."

"Like I said, blood on you won't look good for me." He replied. "As long as the Winchesters think you and I are the happy couple, then I'm fine. But if they find out, they'll gut me. I mean you won't, you're too in love with this angel that, in all honesty, was really slumming it with you. Did you know there was another angel that he could've had a happy ending with? Or a demon? But no, they both died, so he settled for you. And you're so… besotted with this broken thing that you couldn't hurt him if you tried. He PHYSICALLY ATTACK YOU, and you wouldn't do jack shit."

"I won't do it." I told him. "I won't betray the Winchesters."

"What've they done to keep your trust like this?" He asked. "They lied to you. Castiel lied to you, too."

"I lied to them when I first met them." I pointed out.

"Really, your name?" He asked, shaking his head. "That's so sad it shouldn't even count."

"I won't betray them. I won't betray Cas or the Winchesters."

"But, by telling the Wondertwins, you'll kill Cas. And by helping me, you'll keep Cas alive and betray the boys." He shook his head. "I'm not certain what plan you have in mind here. I mean, your boyfriend…" He paused, placing a hand on his chest. "Sorry, your fiancé VOLUNTEERED to do this, remember? HE said yes."

"And what if I said yes too?" I asked. This made the angel pause. "Like you said, Sam and Dean consider themselves my parents. What parent could kill their child? And Castiel could never do it either."

Lucifer pondered on this for a moment. Just a moment.

"Nah." He decided. "I like this body better. It's a boy's body, and I'm not sharing!" He said, pulling out a pout. "Besides, I need the juice in an angel/human hybrid, especially the one that daddy favors most. However, considering how you ARE going to be a considerably difficult loose end to deal with…" He started to advance towards me, smiling. I scrambled to get up. He let me try.

"It's probably for the best, anyhow." He said. "Much preferable, and I'm certain that your precious angel would much prefer this to me parading you about like a prize to be won." He looked me up and down as I finally stood. "But damn, does he know how to pick the good looking ones."

"What are you going to do?" I asked, gripping my knife. I'd pulled it out of my pocket as I slowly rose again.

"You'll be much more useful to me if you just play along." He stated, advancing on me. "Do you know what Castiel's saying right now, in my head?" He asked, smiling. I pulled my blade out between us, but he just waved his hand and my wrist was pinned above me. "He's saying thank you." Lucifer told me sweetly. "Thank you, brother, for getting rid of her for me."

The angel placed a hand on my head, and it burned. I screamed in pain as everything around me turned so bright for a moment, a blinding white brightness, before it all faded to black.

When I woke up, I was scared for a moment that I was dead. Everything around me was so white and dreary and…. Freezing. I looked down, and saw that I was still wearing my thin T-shirt, flannel button-up, and jeans, laying down in a large expanse of snow. Snow was everywhere, falling all around me.

"This is either my personal hell," I decided out loud as I stood, and quickly. "Or I'm going to be sent to it from hypothermia."

I could already tell my fingers were numb, feel the freezing cold on my back from wet clothes. I took off the flannel, and checked it for dry spots. It was thoroughly soaked.

"I'm going to die out here." I said calmly. I didn't know where I was, or even how long I had been out here. I just knew that I was nowhere near the equator, nowhere south in general, and that judging by the lack of feeling across my body I'd probably been out here for a while. It was snowing heavily, and I was in half-soaked jeans, a thick shirt that was probably half-soaked as well, and without any shoes. I tended to prefer being barefoot. Now, I was starting to regret it.

"I'm going to die out here." I repeated, letting that sink in. I looked around, and saw nothing. No lights. No signs of people. Absolutely nothing at all. I couldn't find it in me to cry, to scream, to do a lot.

Instead, I started walking. I kept the flannel, and wrapped it up in a ball for really no reason whatsoever except for maybe a pillow, that way when I died I could at least die in a small ounce of comfort.

Castiel was gone, and there was going to be no luck in praying to him. Lucifer was there, and would kill me if I tried to get in touch with Sam and Dean. Why he didn't kill me then, I still didn't get. He said he needed me, and then threw me out in this frozen wasteland. I didn't get it. Hell, I didn't even have a way to contact everyone. My phone had been on the table. I hadn't had time to grab it. My knife, though. I had to look at my hand to be sure. I was still grasping it. My fingers were too numb for me to feel them or make them move. I was probably frozen to that handle.

It wasn't an angel blade, but it was a weapon, and it was better than nothing.

I kept walking, feeling myself get tired with every second. I looked at my fingers, and none of them were showing signs of frostbite yet. They probably would, soon, if I didn't die of hypothermia or fatigue first. Or did frostbite come before hypothermia? I didn't know. All I remembered was to not eat the snow. It would lower my core body temperature faster.

"I'm dead if I stay here and I'm dead if I keep trying to find somewhere." I muttered, collapsing on to my knees in the snow. There went the last half of my dry jeans. "What the hell?"

I thought about my family, the ones who were dead. The friends I'd made that were also dead. I thought about Sam and Dean and Castiel, the ones who were still alive.

They wouldn't want me to give up.

They'd want me to do something.

But what could I do?

Lucifer was an angel, and probably in charge of hell right now. I couldn't send up a prayer, he'd hear it. I couldn't try summoning a demon, he'd know about it.

I was thankful for the warding Castiel had put on my ribs so long ago. At least they wouldn't find me.

Then again, who would?