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9
Of Shame, Frogs and Queasiness
Kiku
Shame on me!
Shame on me!
Shame! Shame! SHAME!
"Honda Kiku, what could you possibly have been thinking!" I scolded myself, pacing around and around the cherry tree, "he saved you from potentially being beaten to death by an angry mob of soldiers, bandaged your pathetic leg and this is how you thank him! Unheard of! Despicable! Unacceptable! Shame on you Honda Kiku, shame!"
All this I was mumbling furiously to myself (for any refugee in his right mind wouldn't be screaming at the top of his voice, lest someone comes and discover him), but at the same time, it was as if the scalding words rang loud and clear in my ears.
"Ah… But then again", another part of me argued, "did you see his eyes? Yao was practically begging for it too –
"... Now you start making excuses too! Shame – "
"Ribbit!"
"What are you staring at you - !"
… Frog.
Caught up in my storming around the tree, I never noticed the animal hop out from the undergrowth to watch this unusual event that broke the harmony on the cliff after decades on end.
"Ribbit", it croaked again, its unblinking yellow eyes staring in what I could've sworn to be amusement.
My first impulse was to fling it back into bushes to leave me alone in my pathetic state of self-reprimanding (go on and let it stare at another crazy man mumbling to himself around a cherry tree).
But… Then again…
"Well, this is your home, so I have no good reasons to fling you anywhere, now do I?" I shrugged.
With a brief glance around to see if anyone was looking, with a slight grunt on my part, I kneeling down before the amphibian.
"Well, I deeply apologize for my recent outburst and – Wait…" – with another glance around – "am I-I… Oh goodness I really am a mad man!" I groaned.
"Ribbit", the frog answered coolly.
"I know it's strange!" I prattled, "But I need to vent my feelings to someone… Or something, in your case."
It puffed its chest out, as if deeply offended on the prospect of being addressed as a 'something'.
"Well, I'm sorry, okay?" I gave in, "but right now I desperately need to take out my feelings in the least maddest way possible, (as if this isn't mad enough, I thought to myself wryly) and you just happened to show up at just the right time!"
"Ribbit", the frog uttered in approval.
"… Shall I tell you about Yao?"
"Ribbit."
I glanced around once more to make sure I was truly alone before exhaling softly, "Wang Yao – he's a soldier training at a camp not far from here, so perhaps you've seen him before. He has long hair like this" I bundled up my hair to demonstrate, but due to the bunch clinging to my neck not being long enough, the ponytail broke loose from my grip. If the frog had not been a frog, I was positive it – I beg to differ, he-she – would be doubling over the ground in laughter. But the frog didn't, and simply stared at me as the hair fell limply back onto my nape, so I decided to continue, "and honey-coloured eyes. Perhaps you've seen him before?"
"Ribbit."
"Okay…" I stared, unable to make heads or tails of whether that was a yes or no, "well, if you don't mind me asking, were you, by any chance, around these parts this morning? Between the hours of the rising sun?"
"Ribbit."
"So… Did you see what… What happened?" I choked, ignoring the fact that the frog probably didn't even understand.
He licked his eyeballs and puffed his chest again.
That was enough for me at the state I am right now.
"Oh, shame!" I wailed, forgetting to keep my voice down.
Clamping my mouth shut, I made a dive behind the cherry tree, just as the frog threw itself back into the undergrowth.
"… Backstabbing amphibian", I muttered when a few minutes passed and there were no present warnings of getting caught just yet.
"Ribbit", a slick green head rustled a clump of tall grass.
"Oh... You're still here?"
"Ribbit."
"Oh… W-well then, um…" I began, a hand still rubbing against the tree's bark nervously, "Since you're still here anyways, would you mind if… If I asked you a question?"
"Ribbit", he croaked, springing back into the clearing.
"T-Thank you… So, well, the thing is… As you are aware o-of the fact that… Well, we live in different worlds, you and I; I belong to the humans, and you belong to the frogs. But, well, I was hoping you could answer this anyway, since your world is practically attached to mine.
In reply, the frog hopped two more steps closer to the cherry tree, its eyes staring into mine in anticipation.
"Alright, so… Well, I'm not sure if you understand per se- but… In my world, there are terrible things happening, right this minute, this second even. The humans have taken sides and are now engaged in a serious fight, blowing each other's territory up and competing until one side falters."
"Ribbit."
"It's called 'war'", I said, "and everyone in the opposing sides, whether they want to or not, are involved in it; even me! But do you presume that it is all right for, say, people to – Well, not that I know any two people who would – "
"Ribbit", the frog interjected, as if telling me to get to the point.
"Okay, okay! Well, just in case that I know anyone who does… But, well, do you think it's alright for two people, from opposing sides, to be together?"
"Ribbit."
"Yes, it could be possible", I nodded, believing it as the words shot out of my mouth, "So that's what I want to ask… Is it possible for a sort of love like that to exist in these circumstances?
"In my world – in a world of war and hatred… Can love survive?"
The frog stared blankly ahead, as if turning this prospect over in his mind before settling with "Ribbit – ribbit!"
I watched the creature finally disappear into the tall grass once more and, with a sigh, leaned against the tree once again to gaze into the lightening heavens.
Perhaps… Perhaps I understood the frog, and I couldn't help wishing, deep in the crevice of my heart, that the frog had been right.
However, the wish only cawed out ever so softly that I did not understand how deep its desire to be granted was until many, many days later.
… But what if the frog had been wrong?
After all, I am pretty certain frogs had never been to war.
Once the sun had begun to set low upon the horizon, bathing the groves and forests below in gold luminescence, and the fireflies ascended along with the cool breeze of late-spring night, I heaved myself off the ground and made my way back to camp through a pathway conveniently hidden behind a thicket of overgrown fauna that led just behind our tent.
I had stumbled (literally) upon this path when my aching feet craved for exploration in the dawn, and was glad to have found such a useful shortcut.
Now I regretted it being so short.
Before I knew it, I had arrived to the tent. The flaps that substituted as doors billowed in the breeze, as if daring me to enter and meet him.
Suddenly, my feet felt as heavy as bricks, and it had nothing to do with its swollenness the other night. Queasiness wrenched at my guts, and I had to struggle to keep myself from bolting back into the undergrowth once more.
… Was I honestly ready to meet him now?
Well… I'll have to do it sooner or later, right?
With a heavy heart, I trudged into the tent.
To my relief, Yao was nowhere to be seen, and the only occupants were two soldiers whom I recognized from the other day to be Yao's acquaintances. At my entrance, the two paused in their lively conversation (something about 'I found a great strategy to beat Ling on the fields!' and 'no way, he'll kick your foot out of…") to wave at me.
"Good evening Kiku!" the shorter one with glasses (Lou, I recalled) greeted me.
"Good evening", I bowed courteously, "Isn't Yao with you?"
"Oh no, Yao is still out training at the fields", informed the taller one with shaggy hair (Xiao Ming, I remembered), "The stubborn boy sure had more integrity than is good for his health. All he does is train and train all day and only stops to eat and sleep."
"But judging from recent behaviors, he'll probably skip dinner as well tonight", added Lou with a dejected shake of his head.
"Why so?" I wanted to know, thought I could already guess.
"Yao always skips his meals when he's too emotional", Xiao Ming explained.
"And believe me, today is absolutely no exception!" Lou quipped, "come to think of it, he's been acting awfully strange since breakfast; everything we say he responds to oddly. It's like he's afraid of his own shadow all of a sudden."
"Yao's probably overworked himself silly he's caught some sort of disease", Xiao Ming hypothesized.
"That's probable", Lou nodded his agreement.
I've probably made Yao sick, I gulped.
However, the next moment Lou's eyes took a sheen to them, and he perked up atop his hammock, causing his thick spectacles to shift slightly in favour of his right eye, "hey Kiku! Perhaps he'll be happier with you! You should go and visit him", the boy cheered, re-adjusting his glasses with a wide grin on his face.
"Smashing idea!" Xiao Ming seconded.
"A-are you sure?" I stammered, half of me happy that they thought so, the other one queasy at the thought of anticipating the sight of Yao all over again.
"Yes!" Lou cried, nodding vigorously, "and commander hardly ever exits the tent at this time of the day unless there's an emergency; you should be perfectly safe."
That's not the reason why I'm nervous, I wanted to tell them.
But instead I nodded and, part of me feeling like dying, said, "then I shall go see him then. Thank you both for the advice."
I stalked off to the direction of the training grounds, telling myself that fetching Yao was mandatory, seeing as it wouldn't be very healthy for him to skip his meals (and because it'll be all my fault if he faints from over-exhaustion- stop that Kiku, stop thinking that way!).
If only I had chosen to lingered by the tent flaps just a little longer, I might have overheard the afterword exchanged by the two soldiers.
I would have seen Xiao Ming turn to his friend with a quizzical frown and say, "Lou, do you think it really was a good idea to let Kiku see Yao?"
Lou would then give the other a knowing and mysterious look and reply, while polishing his glasses on his uniform sleeve, "trust me Xiao Ming. I know what I'm doing."
I'm guessing a lot of you are puzzling over the frog.
No worries! All will be crystal clear later on! :D
… To be honest, I didn't even know how that frog managed to sneak its way into the story in the first place, but overall, I'm actually glad it did; more explanation will be provided later on.
Onwards to the next chapter!
With crossed fingers that tomorrow will rain, because rain makes everything prettier.
-Plumeria hi