Mend

The profile of a tall figure moved slowly into the room. Despite her prone position, Jaina managed to make out a humanoid shape with a blue tinge. A Chiss. Blurred vision revealed little else before the pounding in her head and the persistent compulsion to rip the skin from her flesh impeded any further investigation. Overcome, she succumbed to the urge to itch – only to realize she was restrained at both wrists. Suddenly her heart pounded louder than the Podracer taking laps inside her skull.

The fresh blood to her brain cleared her vision. Jaina watched as the older, blue-skinned male retrieved a bottle from the lone counter in the spartan room and drew a sizable dose into a hyposyringe. As he double-checked the contents, she eyed the restraints.

The Chiss turned toward her, and she slammed her eyes shut. With only a rudimentary understanding of her bindings she began to manipulate the one on the opposite side. At first the task seemed impossible, but then she sank deeper into the Force, stilling her thoughts. With his footsteps drawing closer each second, Jaina began to make headway against the complicated twist of synthleather.

The footfalls stopped. She could sense the syringe's proximity, feel the alien's intention –

Whipping her legs up, she knocked the Chiss off balance. The next instant the restraint dropped from her wrist. She flung her fist, smashing him in the chin and sending him crashing into a small table covered with medical implements. Sprawled on the floor, he yelled unintelligibly while she struggled to free her other arm.

Her task accomplished, she vaulted from the bed and sprinted for the door. But something tangled with her feet and she crashed unceremoniously to the floor. Jaina sensed the alien lunging and raised her forearm to block. He snatched her arm, driving a finger into a nerve nexus. Howling, she sent a shock of Force energy outward. His pincher hold released as he flopped backward.

She struggled to stand. Her legs barely responded, her nervous system apparently still reeling from his skilled finger pressure. He knelt beside her, still shouting. Jaina raised her fist to launch a punishing blow – but abruptly her hand stopped in mid-swing, stayed by a powerful grip from behind. Undaunted, she threw her head backward to land a blow against her new assailant.

"Owwww!" a familiar male voice bellowed. Its owner released her arm. "Cut it out, Jaina."

Scrambling to a vacant corner of the room, Jaina swayed while warily assessing the situation. Jag's brother held one hand on his nose and offered the other to the Chiss. Once standing, the alien began muttering to Cem and pointing in Jaina's direction.

"What does he want?" she snapped.

Cem addressed the Chiss in his native tongue before turning to Jaina. "He says you are further proof of the human tendency to be impulsive and ungrateful."

"Ungrateful!" Jaina pointed at the Chiss. "He was trying to inject me with something!" Her free hand came up to scratch the upheld arm. "And he had me restrained."

The Chiss noted her scratching with a glance, and made a remark to Cem.

"What did he say?"

Cem answered the Chiss instead of her. The blue-skinned humanoid spat a retort and pointed to the hyposyringe on the floor, then stormed from the room.

"What's going on?"

Cem strode over and retrieved the hyposyringe. "According to the good Doctor Tarado, your actions indicate you are well on the road to recovery. And it seems I have been charged with your care until he returns."

Jaina eyed the closing door. "When will that be?"

"He didn't say. But I'm sure Jag won't let him leave without finding out." He casually started in her direction.

"Stop." She held up her palm.

He paused. "I'm just going to give you the shot for your withdrawal. Then we can see to your wounds."

She shook her head. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"It's me, Cem. Jag's brother."

Jaina stared blankly at his assurance.

"You know, the man who gave up his life among the Chiss to save you?"

"Jag gave up his life for me. You seemed a bit too…eager."

"So you did notice." Cem held up his hands conciliatorily. "It's true. I hated living among the Chiss. I've wanted to leave the Unknown Regions since the day I arrived."

Arching an eyebrow, she asked, "I thought you were Jag's brother?"

He exhaled sharply and pursed his lips. Just like Jag did when he was exasperated. Suddenly Cem's eyes flashed like sapphires in the afternoon sun. "How about I hold off on the shot?" He eyed Jaina's renewed itching. "If that is what you'd like?"

Clenching her hands into fists, Jaina nodded.

Carefully he set the hyposyringe on the counter. "And maybe I can treat those wounds while I explain?"

"Where are we?"

"Not in Chiss captivity, if that's what you're worried about."

Jaina huffed. "Can you just answer my question?"

"Can you just trust me?" he countered.

"Why should I?"

"Because Jag does." Cem ran his fingers through his disheveled brown locks. His hair was longer than Jaina remembered.

"How long have I been out?"

Moving swiftly Cem grabbed a chair and deposited it by the medbunk. Then he stalked over to Jaina and without warning snatched her by the shoulders. Before she realized what was happening, he had deposited her on the bunk and was sitting next to her in the chair.

"Left arm," he ordered.

Jaina stared at him.

"You already assaulted one caretaker and smashed my nose," Cem said. "If you expect me to answer your hundred and one questions, at least let me be productive while I'm at it."

She considered his request. Sensing nothing more than annoyance from him, Jaina acquiesced and offered up her left arm.

Cem took a cleansing solution and gauze from the counter, then proceeded to treat the various wounds on her arm. He explained as he went.

"We're on a small moon in an uncharted system of the Unknown Regions. After we escaped from Tenupe, Jag jumped us all over Chiss space. We had to dodge two more patrols before we could arrive here undetected. This facility has been a secret family hideout since… well, almost forty years now, I suppose. No one knows about it. You'll be safe here."

"The doctor –"

"Doctor Tarado? He's as trustworthy as they come. You don't have to worry about him. Unlike most Chiss, he has no secret agendas. His only cause is protecting life. He's kept my secret all these years –"

"Your secret?"

"Doctor Tarado has been our family physician since Father signed on with Thrawn. He delivered all six of us –"

"Six?"

"I am Jag's brother, remember?"

"You're not a clone?"

"I've pretended to be a clone, yes. Mostly because I can pass for Davin, and there are still some Davin clones walking around Chiss space. But my mother assures me that I spent nearly eight standard months in her womb. And I tend to take her word on things like that. Left side, please."

Jaina blinked. When Cem simply raised an eyebrow and glanced at her tunic, she realized he wanted her to lift it. She did, looking down at herself to see the several wounds there, including the hole rent by the Killik she had fought on Tenupe. It was almost completely healed.

He began to tend that injury first. "You were incapacitated for close to three standard weeks."

"Three weeks?"

"Jag thinks you went into some sort of Jedi trance. Sounded like he's seen you do that before."

"Healing trance." Jaina flinched when his ministrations hit a tender spot.

Cem lightened his touch but did not stop. "Yes, that's it. Doctor Tarado said he has never seen a human with so many injuries recover so quickly."

"So this Chiss doctor has seen lots of humans?"

"Lots of Fels, anyway."

"Well, that explains a lot." Her eyes followed Cem as he reached for a jar of bactasalve.

"Too bad those trances don't do anything for the withdrawal." He placed a hand on hers, preventing her from continuing to scratch a spot on her forearm. "The shot would help."

"No." She drew her arms away, into her chest. She still had questions… "Where's Jag?"

"He's taking care of a few small matters. Nothing for you to worry about."

"What kind of small matters?"

He concentrated intently on applying the salve. "Some… things."

Jaina grabbed the front of his shirt, shoving Cem back in the chair. "Is he all right?"

"Whoa, there!" Cem eyes were wide. "Jag wasn't kidding when he said you could be a bit…aggressive."

Jaina released his shirt. "Sorry."

Cem tipped his head. "Jag is fine."

"But?" Jaina could sense no deception in his words. Still, there was something he was hiding from her.

He placed the salve on the counter. "It's nothing serious, really. It's just that the Falcon –"

"What did you two –" Jaina shot up from the bunk "– rodders do to my –"

"Calm down," he ordered as a firm hand slammed her weakened body back to sitting. "If even a fraction of the stories Jag's told me are true, the Falcon has been through far worse than this. She only needed a few minor repairs."

"What kind of repairs?"

"Look, Jaina, we all got banged up in the last of couple weeks, especially you. So why don't you let me fix you up and then you can go inspect our handiwork for yourself?"

A sharp pain in her arm reminded her of the incessant urges crowding her thoughts. The withdrawal symptoms drained the sharp tuning of her studious mind, making even the Falcon's damage seem unimportant. She just wanted to feel better. "Fine."

"Good." Twirling a finger, Cem indicated she should turn around on the medbunk. "Now your back."

Jaina complied, then shimmied up her shirt to expose her lower back. "Why didn't Jag ever tell me about you?"

"He couldn't." Cem began to debride the exit wound from Tenupe.

She pondered Cem's words. Hadn't she and Jag been as close as two people could be? Then she remembered their last days on the Rising Storm. Perhaps she had been wrong about Jag all along. He was certainly capable of keeping secrets from her.

"Jaina, Jag's silence wasn't a betrayal of you. This was about protecting his family, and to us Fels nothing is more sacred." He paused. "And I think you would have done the same for your brothers if you'd had to."

Shutting her eyes, she warded off the biting reminder of choosing family over love, and how much it had cost her personally.

Cem continued to explain; his words were a welcome distraction. "After Cherith was born, Mom was so excited at the possibility of having another daughter that she begged my father for one more child. There was always the chance of having a son, of course, but Mom was convinced she would be blessed with another girl."

Adjusting her position, Jaina tried to remedy the discomfort of having to lean over and hold up her shirt at the same time. "Having too many sons is a bad thing?"

"Not usually. But in times of, shall we say, intense disputes among the ruling families, rivalries can lead to the extinction of entire bloodlines. And since the inheritance of Chiss family power is patrilineal, it's the male heirs who are in danger."

"Oh." She wanted to say more, but the words wouldn't come.

"Also with more male heirs the more potential a family had to broaden its power base. At the time I was born, it wasn't uncommon among the Chiss to conceal a last born son and ensure the continuation of the family. They call the hidden heir the shadow child."

Jaina swiveled around to face Cem. "They just pretended you didn't exist?"

"To some extent, yes." He looked anywhere but into Jaina's eyes. "Father brought Mom to visit whenever he could. After the Vong war started, he sent Jag to retrieve me from Corellia. I did get to see my family more often, but only when we could manage it without compromising my cover as a simple Davin clone."

"You lived on Corellia?"

"Until the war." He motioned for her to turn around. "I need to finish so you can rest."

For a moment Cem let Jaina meet his stare. His blue eyes were so full of pain she felt it like it were her own. Years without the love of parents or family. In a way her life had been much the same, but at least she always had been able to share her isolation with Jacen and Anakin.

She spun to face the other side of the bunk, moaning as her muscles protested the awkward position, leaning over with her back exposed. "This is ridiculous."

Without a second thought Jaina ripped off her tunic, leaving her entire back exposed to Cem. When he did nothing and said nothing, Jaina glanced over her shoulder.

He was trying not to gawk. "Um…I don't think this is such a good idea."

"Oh, come on. You can't tell me you've never seen a girl's back before."

"Yes. No." He swallowed. "I mean, of course I have. But…"

"But what?"

"But you're… um, you know, you."

"So I've been told," Jaina said with a grin. "Look, my back is killing me. The withdrawal is making me hot, and I just want to get this over with. So do you mind?"

He prepared a fresh gauze with cleansing solution. "If you insist."

She could feel the tentative nature of his touch at first. "I thought the Chiss were practical when it came to matters of the flesh?"

"First off, I'm not Chiss. Raised on Corellia, remember? Second of all, you're Jag's girl, so this is a bit awkward."

"Jag and I are…we're not together."

Cem paused in his ministrations. "Could have fooled me."

Jaina wrapped her arms across her chest, resisting the urge to claw at her skin again. "I don't want to talk about it."

"All right," Cem said. "Then how about telling me about this scar?"

Jaina, while not usually self-conscious, felt suddenly exposed. She pulled her knees to her chest. "It's a long story."

Cem rubbed salve on her &))& shoulder, by the tip of the scar. "I've got plenty of time. Besides, from the looks of it, there must be some deeper meaning. People don't just leave scars in this great age of bacta –"

"Some people choose scars as a reminder," Jag's voice caused Jaina to stiffen and Cem's hand to leap from her back, "but that doesn't mean they necessarily want to talk about it."

"You would know, brother," Cem said, then began to apply more salve to Jaina's shoulder.

Jaina tried to draw away to no avail.

Jag's booted feet clipped across the room. "What are you doing?" The question was pointed, and not directed at Jaina.

"Doctor's orders. He told me to apply salve to all of Jaina's wounds. So as you can see that's what I am doing," Cem replied.

Initially Jag did not respond. Jaina waited with bated breath, her knees drawn tighter still until she felt the tremors in her arms. The tension was palpable, like a raw, electric energy waiting to be loosed.

"The Starflare is inbound."

Some of the anxiety released in a sharp exhale from Cem. "Finally."

"I need for you to go guide Mother in. The hangar is going to be a squeeze with the Falcon –"

"Wait. Where's Father?" Cem, thankfully, had stopped rubbing the salve into Jaina's skin.

"I…can't say," Jag hedged.

Jaina took the opportunity to tug on her tunic. She freed her hair and spun to face the two brothers. Her eyes instinctively sought out Jag, but his piercing stare was directed elsewhere, at his brother. Cem simply smiled at Jaina.

"All better?" he asked.

She shrugged mutely.

"You'd feel better yet if you took that shot," Cem added.

"You didn't take the shot?" Jag's gaze shot over to her.

Jaina shook her head. Any explanation seemed pointless. She had a headache and every part of her body flared in fiery agony but still she had refused.

"Where is the medicine?" Jag asked his brother.

"Over there." Cem pointed to the counter, then stood. "I think I leave you two to wrestle this one out."

Jag retrieved the hyposyringe, but didn't say a word until Cem had left the room. "You need this shot, Jaina. Doctor Tarado formulated this solution from your last vial on the Falcon. It took him almost two weeks to determine the formula and reproduce it exactly."

"Why?"

"Why would he do that?"

"Because I asked him to, Jaina. I couldn't bear to see you suffering, and Doctor Tarado had the resources to help you."

"How do you know that stuff even works? That it won't kill me?"

"Because Doctor Tarado gave it to you when he arrived this morning and for the first time we could release you from the restraints for a while. And look, now you're finally awake." Jag reached out, touching her shoulder tentatively. "Please?"

Releasing a sigh, Jaina offered her palm upward, and Jag placed the hyposyringe on it. A few seconds later she had dispensed the fluid into her skin. The effects were noticeable immediately. As her thoughts began to find a voice over the thundering addle of her mind, Jaina came to a realization.

"Your parents." She hopped off the medbunk, nearly collapsing from gravity's effect on her weakened legs.

Jag caught her by the elbow. "My mother is here."

"Then I'd better be taking my leave." Jaina shirked his grip. "How bad is the Falcon?"

"It's not going anywhere soon." Jag followed Jaina as she wandered around the room.

She couldn't find her clothes anywhere. "I'll just have to make it work."

"Jaina, regardless of the Falcon's condition, you are in no shape to go anywhere." When she ignored him, Jag snatched Jaina by the arm, turning her toward him. "Jaina, you have never run from anything in your life. What is this about?"

She stared at the buttons on his shirt. "They must hate me."

"Hate you?"

"I ruined your life." She sucked in a breath. "I ruined their lives."

"You don't understand –"

"But I do. Just like you said on Tenupe, you mortgaged your family name for me. And I betrayed that trust. And now, you have given up everything." She spun and paced across the room.

Jag walked up behind her, so close she could feel the heat emanating from him. "That's what you don't understand. If you had ever met my family, you would know that protecting the ones we love comes before everything. We have picked up and moved too many times to count, but in the end we have always had each other. That is all that matters."

Jaina curled her fingers in front of her lips. "How can they not hate me?"

His fingers brushed her waist. "Jaina, fretting like this is not helping anyway, especially not your condition. Please, rest. Later we can see how everyone feels –"

"See I knew it." Jaina wheeled. "You know I've wronged them. You know they have every right to space me from this place. I don't want to be the reason for any more pain to come to your life, Jag. You need your family more than ever, and they need you."

"My parents understand my choices."

"They understand that I cost them everything, that as you say, I have no…honor." Trembling, Jaina batted away a tear.

Jag guided her to the lone chair in the room, and knelt beside her. "I am going to explain this as best I can. Power is the only true currency in the Chiss society. True, Lowbacca's actions cost my family to a degree. I think his direct actions were attributed to one assault shuttle and two tankers. Even then the monetary measure could only be taken from my holdings."

Hearing the truth made Jaina's breath race. "Oh gods."

Jag clutched her hands, stilling their quaking. "Our family name was the true cost. We were forced to divorce our service to the Nuruodo family and offer it to the (&(&& in retribution."

"You lost," she swallowed back the bile rising in her throat, "the Fifth Fleet?"

"It was only a job, Jaina."

"I think I am going to be sick." Jumping from her chair, she scanned the room frantically. Locating the sink, she plowed over to it and waited for the inevitable.

Jag's steady hand soothed her back as her body wretched. Nothing would come though. No relief for the sickening mess she had made. It was almost as if her body was reminding her that she would have to live with these consequences for the rest of her life.

"Jay, I want you to know that despite everything that has happened, and no matter what I have said, I don't regret anything. I don't regret the time we had, loving you, or the choices I made because of that love. I realize that now. In the end, I would do it all again."

Her sides heaved in sorrow. Sobs wracked her body until Jaina could no longer stand. Jag picked her up and carried Jaina to the medbunk. Before he put her down, he let her cry into the plane of his chest. He simply held her in his arms. This was where her heart wanted to be, but she understood it to be a temporary reprieve. Soon she would have to answer for everything. Alone.

And that was exactly how she felt as he lowered to the bunk. He tenderly covered her with a sheet and brushed aside her soggy bangs. Then Jag left Jaina to cry herself to sleep.

When consciousness returned, Jaina's eyes were reluctant to open. Curled on her side, her back ached beyond imagination. She willed her lids apart to find the dim outline of dark hair hovering nearby.

"Jag?" she croaked. Her throat was raw and drier than a Tatooine desert.

"Shhh." A hand eased across her forehead, and soothing energy washed through her body. "Rest now."

Sleep returned, but it was full of violent images. Chiss faces. Fighters crashing into a bridge. Tesar chomping on a bug. Jag. A Granjanjin man. A body suit of bombs. White. Green. Red. A sea of blood.

Her blood. And in the middle a small child with green eyes and brown hair.

An agonized scream woke her from the nightmare.

The hand was there, calming her racing heart with merely a touch. "Jag?"

"Be still, Jaina." Green eyes in the darkness.

"The baby?"

"You must keep the patient still, Master Jedi," a voice commanded.

"Easier said than done," the green eyes responded.

What was left of Jaina's heart fragmented into tiny splinters, piercing her soul like painful shards of truth. "Zekk?"

"Yes, Jaina. I'm here."

"What…"

"Uh."

She blindly snatched for his tunic, twisting it in her grip. "Is Jag…"

"The Ambassador was injured in the blast, but all accounts indicate he will recover. It's you I am worried about. When I found you, the physicians reported you were resisting their attempts to treat you, even your weakened state."

She remembered then. Feeling her baby slip away and wanting nothing more than to follow. The Force had not granted her final wish.

"It took every bit of my powers to keep you here."

"Why…did you come, Zekk?"

"Cilghal had been concerned when you left unannounced. She had some sense of…she was worried."

"Did she tell you?" Jaina felt the first tear trickle down her cheek.

"No." Zekk took her hand. He was shaking. "I am so sorry, Jaina."

Tears fell then, unhindered. Zekk tried to console Jaina as best he could. Because her injuries, she was unable to do more than cry; Zekk was unable to do more than touch her brow. She was isolated even in the company of a lifelong friend. Not even his touch through the Force could stem the breach of her weeping heart.

The Force offered her little either. Healing energy to mend her body. Preparation to fight another day. She had done its bidding, convinced the Force had beckoned her to Jag's side, only to be bombarded with the awful reality that if she wasn't being a sword, then she would be its shield. Without hesitation or remorse she had thrown her body between the dais and the bomber. Without hesitation or remorse the Force had asked her to sacrifice her child in its service.

Swords were very beautiful and elegant weapons, but also solitary, sheathed in a (&& in case they cut those closest.

Her hammering heart slowed to a methodical beat. Jaina breathed in. And out. The Force flowed into the recesses of her spirit and Jaina became numb.

"Jaina?" Zekk finally whispered. His voice edged with grief. "Will you let the physicians treat you now?"

She shut her eyes, drowning the world in black.

"Bacta is becoming scarcer by the second, but we can get you in a tank now."

"No."

"But –"

"Save the bacta for someone who really needs it." Jaina had the Force.

"Your injuries, Jay. Your back will take months to heal," Zekk argued.

"Then I won't forget, will I?"