-hanna-

Mrs. Hastings car was gone, so we had the whole house to ourselves to explain. I looked at Em and she nodded and squeezeed my hand a little to reassure me. I took a deep breath and climbed up the front stairs, and knocked on the door as i walked in. I was hot, my heart was beating uncontrollably, my hands were shaky and sweaty, my muscles felt weak, knees shaking, stomache in knots, and i couldnt help but feel like i wanted to run. I dont know how Emily did this alone, because the only thing keeping me from hiding under a rock for the rest of m life was her holding my hand keeping me in line.

I felt like i was gonna puke, but as i walked in zombie like i pulled out a normal sounding voice and called for Spencer. There was a moment of silence before she announced she was in the living room. 'Maybe im overreacting. I mean...its not a big deal right? People get in fights all the time.' The thing that got to me the most was the fact that our bestfriends had to hear bullshit from other people because we hadnt had the balls to tell them ourselves. That and the fact that we had no idea what theyd heard, or how to tell them anything. All these thoughts hit me withen thirty seconds, and in my out of mind state i slowly walked till we were right outside her living room, and suddenly i was back in my thoughts, and i paniced.

"I cant do this." Thats all i could get out and turned to bolt. Emily grabbed me by the arm and looked me right in the eye.

"You are Hanna Marin. You are one of the strongest people i know. You can do this." I knew she meant it but i couldnt find words to reply, noticing this she kissed me softly and get this, SHE started crying.

"No...dont cry." I begged.

"I just...i know how you feel. And im sorry im the reason youre feeling it. Its terrible." She was right. It was terrible. But it was not her fault but before i could try and deny it she dragged me into the living room to face my bestfriends.

They were next to each other on the couch. Aria looked like shed seen a ghost, and Spencer was trying very hard not to have any facial expression, but that didnt stop her from slipping a little noticing our hands intertwined. Thats what i was afraid of. 'Shes judging us. She hates me.' The air got thin in my throat, and i tightened on emilys hand so hard it could have bruised, but she didnt change her confident stride or calm facial expression. She really was my light in the darkness.

Spencer stood up leaving Aria alone on the couch, and came right up to me without any hesitation. For a second i thought she was gonna hit me but to my ultimate surprise she wrapped her arms right under mine and held me tightly.

"I love you Han." She whispered. I lost it then. Totally and utterly. My worst nightmare had been proved invalid, they still loved me. They were here for me. Emily dropped my hand and let us have our moment, and when i finally broke it, her hands cupped my face and she said: "now come explain." She smiled and i couldnt help but crack one too.

-spencer-

Hanna walked into my living room as if the grimm reaper himself had bestowed a kiss of death on her. They were holding hands and i let my façade of total calm down for one second, but quickly reclaimed my composure. Aria was afraid, i could tell that much my the look on her face and the stiffness of her leg against mine. I felt so bad for the whole situation. Emily was confidently gliding towards us but Hanna wouldnt take a step without hesitation. How that must feel to be in the company of people you trust the most and feel unwelcome, how it must feel to feel hated and wrong. She was on the brink of tears, wether from embarassment, sadness, or fear i will not ever know but i couldnt concioisly sleep at night knowing I let my bestfriend continue one step further feeling those feelings.

I lunged at her from the couch without pause, even when she flinched away from me. I wrapped my arms around her and refused to let go until she did. I whispered in her ear that i loved her, and she started crying. I was wearing a t-shirt, and it soon became wet from her tears. After a minute or two she settled and pulled away but instead of letting go i caressed her face with both my hands and asked her to come explain.

Both her and emily came and sat across from us on the futon. I couldnt help but notice the way Hanna seemed to lean into her, depend on her. It all made sense then, i was jealous because they were really good together.

"Alright lets hear it." Aria said, finally relaxing a little.

"Ok.." Emily said and looked for approval from Hanna.

-emily-

"We had every intention of coming over friday." Hanna said beating me to the open. I was a little surprised she had the courage to do it. I was very proud of her i couldnt help but smile. She glanced over at me and whispered "tell them everything" lowly and turned red. I didnt want her to be embarassed, or have the degrading task of explaining why she wasnt able to go, so i took over.

I started when i left the locker room at school, being vague to spare them the details of the mess i found at her house, and blushed at the romanic intamacy of our weeked. When i had finished i broke eye contact with everyone and an awkward silence filled the room. I felt everyone watching us, as if all we do is make out. Aria was the first to break the quiet.

"You should have told us guys..."

"We didnt know what to say...we dont even know to what to call us..." Hanna said

Spencer was next to me, then hanna, and aria on the end. Spencer put her hand on Hannas thy, making me jealous, and said: "when you figure it out let me know ok?" Hanna nodded her head, and spencer looked and me and did a halfway smile careful not to make eye contact. I made an excuse to leave, saying i needed to go to the bathroom, but instead i went and sat on her back porch to think.

They handled it well, but Spencer was being weird and i had noticed, and Aria was totally in shock. Having to be the strong one and going through this again was taking its toll. The back door opened and spencer came out and closed the door behind her.

"I-"

"No," she stopped me, "just let me say this." I nodded her on. "Seeing you two together officially...i mean you guys have always neen flirty but i never thought id have to..."

She had something important to say and she had my full attention.

"I..." She slowly brought her eyes up to me, and it clicked. She saw the recognition in my eyes and lunged before i could get up and leave. Her lips were soft, and tasted like vanilla. Her lip gloss made my lips stick to hers, and before i knew it i was kissing her back. Once i did she sat on my lap straddling me holding the back of my neck up to hers; i started to throb when her hands slid to my chest, then to the hem of my shirt. I stopped her, with great confliction, when she had started to slide her hands into my pants.

"Stop..." I said and pulled back, she had turned a dark red.

"Im sorry...i dont know...i shouldnt...im sorry..." She got off of me and took off around the side of her house. I was unable to call to stop her. I loved Hanna with all my heart; so why had i enjoied kissing spencer so much?