You glare at kankri as he walks into your room sitting on the bed next you and turning to face you.
"Hello younger brother, how have you been as of late?" he starts it off like this /every time/. You sigh and scowl, crossing your arms and glaring.
"How the fuck do you think kankri? Dad still beats the shit out of me, moms still dead, my friends are still far away, and life still sucks" he sighs softly, putting a hand on your shoulder, you growling and flinching away from him, leaving him to sigh and look at you.
'karkat I am sorry I haven't been able to help you as of late, school has just been a lot busier and my relationship with Cronus has taken me to many places such as parties and small clubs and such. Also my classes have been getting difficult and well I've had to be sucked into my studies much more." He sighs softly. You wonder how he can talk for so long without having to take a breath or even become winded. You just roll your eyes and huff. He looks at you with an all knowing gaze and places his lips to your forehead. You knew all to well what was going to happen next.
"You haven't harmed yourself as of late have you?" you just tense lightly and narrow your eyes at him with a soft growl.
"Of course I haven't! What the hell kankri don't you trust me more than that!? I mean god damn you act as if I started again! I sure as hell haven't picked up a razor in months!" kankri narrows his eyes and steps back, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Stand up then. Remove your sweatshirt." You can feel your heart drop into your stomach. He was going to put you through counseling again. He was going to place you in the facility and you were going to be questioned and asked about what happened by the kids at school. You just stand up and slide off your sweatshirt, holding your arms out. He just blinks and sighs softly, and you can see him biting his lip before he looks at you again.
"I thought you had stopped this… karkat you know how much it hurts for me to see you like this. You know how much it pains me to watch you spiral down in to the dark depths of your depression over again and to see your arms cut up in such a way that if you were to go to deep you could die… karkat… I'm going to put you into the facility again… and I'm getting more pills prescribed to you. Hell… I need to get you help. I'm sorry I haven't been here as of late to help you and I'm sorry that ve been so busy… just… beside the fact that father may have had some sort of influence… might I ask…what…happened this time?" you could see tears in the corner of his eyes as he looked you over. You just lower your arms and look to the side, biting your lip and sighing. You start to explain what was going on… the party , eridan almost raping you, the alcohol… then you started crying as you told him about sollux and how you felt about him and how much you fucking wanted to hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, and for him to love you. You yelled how it was unfair that he was dating someone even though you told him you loved him, you stamped your foot and pushed kankri away when he tried to hug you close and tell you it was okay. You defied him when he asked if you were telling a lie. He by the end had managed to hug you close and pet your hair. He murmured it would be okay and that you would find someone. You didn't want "someone" though… you wanted the lisping asshole that stole your heart. You vaguely remember him tucking you in a few hours later. Apparently you had fallen asleep against him. You woke up to kankri having packed two bags for you, telling you that he would bring you to the facility a few hours later. You just nod sadly and sigh, going and showering, changing into a pair of clean clothes, and brushing your teeth. Gamzee texted you to see if you were okay and you basically explained to him that you were going to be gone for a few weeks. He soon called you after.
"What do you motherfucking mean you'll be 'gone for a few weeks'?" he asked, sounding upset and panicked.
"My…brothers…bringing me somewhere for help…" you just say, looking at yourself in the mirror. Gamzee just goes silent and sighs before the phone beeps and he hangs up. You just jump when kankris banging on the bathroom door, you walking out and following him to his car, you climbing in the passenger side.
"I'm sorry for having to do this karkat but it will help." He simply says before pulling out of the driveway. You just sigh and nod, looking out the window. You had been to the place a few times before, and hated it every time. You usually faked being better to get out and it usually worked. Youre there in a few hours and checked in, shown your room, and allowed to unpack. They make sure you don't have anything that you could use to harm yourself, and force you to remove your hoodie because of the string. You just sat in your room the rest of the day, until they made you come out to eat.
A few weeks go by before one of the nurse come and tell you that you have a visitor. You get up and raise a brow, walking out of your room behind her and follow her to the front, and once you get there you look to see…him. He looks over and gets up, running over and hugging you tightly, your eyes going wide and you going tense.
"Oh my fucking god you're okay…" he murmurs into your hair, you feeling warmth and moisture dripping into your hair. You blink and tear up, hugging him and sniffling softly. He just murmurs hes sorry and that he was glad you were okay into your hair.
"Why…how…did you even find me.." he sniffles and looks down at you, you blinking and looking to the side.
" gamzee told me when I asked why you weren't at school…" he sighs softly and sniffles. His lisp had gotten way worse and you resisted the urge to smile at it. He just pets your hair and looks at you.
"I'm sorry…" he sighs before hugging you tightly. This goes on for hours before he has to leave. He kisses your forehead and you feel your stomach become all fluttery again like it did before. Fuck… even for three weeks of being alone in a room and not seeing him you had to admit you couldn't stop thinking about him and now… he made it all the worse. Why did it hurt you so much… he had someone who he loved… and who was probably better for him than you would be…
You're out of the facility within the next week, having faked yet again that you were okay. When you went back to school, people were whispering softly to each other and glancing at you in that halls. They would flinch away when you got near them and treated you like you were a freak. Someone had even told you that you should just go home and hang yourself, that ir was a waste to someone like you. Eridan even treated you different. He was…nicer to you. He would help you out when you needed it and carry your stuff. Gamzee made sure to call you at night to make sure you were okay and sollux would hang out with you when you were free after school. But it always hurt when you heard about sollux and feferis relationship getting better and seeing them happy together in the halls. Soon it had been around three weeks and you had been on edge. You would get home somedays and your dad would either ignore you or beat you until you were unconscious. The school dance was coming around and…gamzee had convinced you to go even though you didn't have a date. You always seemed to manage to walk In on sollux and feferis make out sessions in the halls and it would always kill you just a bit on the inside. People told you to get over it, that you needed to move on, but you just…couldn't. you were lost and alone… and you couldn't take it.