SHOCK
She lies still as the needle pierces her stomach, she winces a little coz it hurts but not as much as her heart.
DENIAL
She knows what Jackson wanted to say even if she doesn't hear it from his mouth and a part of her understands, but still, she believes that they can do it, she refuses to give up.
PAIN
The waiting is killing her, she needs to know but even if she does, what good does it have?
GUILT
She sits with her mother in an empty church. Her eyes closed, her prayers fervent.
If only she knew earlier, if only she'd been more careful, if only.
If only.
Maybe this is God's way of punishing her.
For hurting Stephanie, for hurting Matthew, for being greedy, for wanting Jackson with all of her might.
ANGER
She tunes them out.
Her mother and her husbands shouting and debating, but their yelling makes her head ache and her heart pound and she joins in on the fray, eyes blazing, voice raising and it feels good to finally show a crack in her formerly stoic, numb facade.
BARGAINING
She's scared.
She's never been this scared in all of her life.
Not when she left Moline or lost her virginity or failed the boards, not even when Jackson was sleeping with Stephanie, so please God.
Please.
Please spare the life of our child.
LONELINESS
She was lying in bed for some time.
The silence deafening, the sadness eating her alive.
She feels him slipping in behind her.
Her husband, the love of her life.
For awhile, her world returned to normal.
For awhile, she just wants to stay like this, for awhile.
ACCEPTANCE
They're back in that room.
That room in the hospital she's now grown to hate.
It's the hour of reckoning, the hour of judgment.
They've helped so many children to live, God will not forsake her, surely, he won't make them lose theirs instead?