AN: Hey guys. Sorry about acting pretty dead for a while, but after Holland I had to get ready for school and get blood tests from some reason or another. But enough ranting, I'm writing again now! Keep up the reviews please, because the story's slowly coming to an end now.
Saïx decided quickly that morning that he would not go to work. The idea of having to face everyone about his 'disease' was bad enough, but after his conversation with Xemnas yesterday, he was terrified to see how the man would react if he saw Saïx. He had no idea that Xemnas himself was scared when Saïx did not show up. He debated going to see Saïx, but the others decided against it.
"He might be at a hospital or something, or maybe he just wants some time to himself." Was the main statement, but Xemnas was desperate to see Saïx. He really did not want the phone call the night before to be the last thing he said to Saïx before he died. That really crushed him; Saïx was dying. How could he not have seen it coming? Admittedly, nobody did until recently, but it still made Xemnas increasingly angry at himself. He should have been there for Saïx to go to when it first started. He wasn't close enough to Saïx, or else he would have told Xemnas everything. Or maybe that was it, maybe he was to close to Saïx, and he had put the man in a position where he was scared to tell him. Either way, he was going to be there for him, from then on. At least then he could say he tried.
Back at his apartment, Saïx paced about, dropping everything he would normally do to try and work out his situation. He forgot to eat breakfast and lunch, he forgot to call in sick and work and he forgot to even change. Somehow, everything he always seemed to prioritise just seemed to pointless. H was not hungry, so why eat? It was obvious by now that he was not going to work, so why should he call? He was not going anywhere, so why change? As that thought crossed his mind, he realised that Satan was not only controlling his friends' fates, he was controlling him as well. Those thoughts were certainly not Saïx's, he would never think like that. Saïx always stood by what he though important, even if it did seem silly. He threw his head against the wall, gaining nothing but a minor headache. He had no idea what he was planning to gain, but something other than a headache would have been nice. Sighing loudly, Saïx concluded what he had realised so far.
He was playing a lethal game with Satan, who he believed didn't exist.
He had told his friends, family and boyfriend that he was seriously ill.
He was slowly being pushed to suicide.
He was the only one who could save everyone he held dear to him.
His boyfriend was seriously pissed off at him.
He had stopped ranting at his cat and started ranting at his reflection (not a good sign).
After
establishing that list, he then had to work out a solution to each
point, maybe then he could just find a way out. He might not like it,
but it would be his only option other than play the game. However,
working out each one seemed a bit hard, as he could not exactly call
off the game and everything would be fine. Even if he could, he would
still have to explain to everyone about his apparent illness. Sighing
again, Saïx flopped down onto the sofa, next to the cat. The small
bundle of grey fur merely looked up at him, before returning back to
sleep. Easy for you, you're just a cat, Saïx thought, envying the
easy life his little kitten was leading. He had already decided that
Xemnas should have it if and when he died. Maybe that was his way
out. As depressing as it sounded, maybe he could really get away
through suicide. Saïx looked around his apartment. He was not keen
on the idea of killing himself at all. In fact, he spent just over
two hours trying to work out some other way. But he came up with
nothing.
"Okay, great, I've gotta die. But I don't want to.
So I'm not going to be able to kill myself if I don't want to
therefore I won't kill myself which means I'm stuck for
ideas…again!" He ranted to no one in particular. He tried and
tried again to work out a much nicer way out of his problem, and was
even tempted to call Zexion (who really did know everything), but
remembered that the game involved not telling anyone. Satan had made
it clear that he would not let Saïx break the rules.
Saïx jumped as the phone rang. By now, he really should have been used to it, but it till managed to startle him every time. As he reached for it, it suddenly occurred to him for the first time since this mess started that he had caller ID. Saïx mentally slapped himself, seeing as he would be a lot less worried about some things if he knew who was calling him. He checked the phone: Lexaeus Mobile. It was strange for Lexaeus to call him, seeing as the never really got on (they talked, and neither man had something against the other, it was just that they never really got to know each other). There was no harm in answering; after all, he needed a break from his mind.
"Hello?"
"Hey
Saïx, its Zexion. I've got no credit at the moment
so…yeah…"
"Umm…okay…what's wrong?" Pause.
Incomprehensible discussion between Zexion and Lexaeus. Somehow, none
of it fazed Saïx at all. He felt nothing at all, just numbness in
his mind. He had no idea what to expect from his friend and yet, for
the firs time in what felt like a lifetime, Saïx just did not care.
He could not be bothered with what people said to him anymore.
"…You tell me Saïx. You didn't tell Luxord, you didn't tell Xemnas, you didn't tell anybody. But I want you to tell me what's wrong with you." Saïx sighed mentally. Now he had to think of an illness; something he could not be bothered to do. He said whatever came to his head, and prayed that it would somehow make sense.
"I have a low white blood cell count. Eventually, my immune system's going to go down completely and then I'm screwed. That's what's wrong." Yes, it was harsh. But he had to be. Part of him wanted to take it back and tell the truth, but he held strong. Zexion discussed with Lexaeus again, asking about Saïx's 'disease'. He heard Lexaeus mumble his agreement with Saïx, and Zexion returned.
"How long do you have?"
"….Let's just say, I don't think I'm going to work again…ever." He could taste Zexion's shock, the horror of witnessing someone close to you dying. It was something Saïx was acquainted with. The slow understanding of his position had ended. He knew everything and just how he was going to go about stopping it. And somewhere in his mind, he had completely accepted it. As if it was all part of some major plan. He could not be scared or angry at anything if it was all part of a plan. Maybe he had learned to view it like that so that he would not be so afraid, so that he could think clearly. Maybe he also learned to view it like that so that he would not be as terrified of dying as he once was. But that time was past.
Xemnas almost ran to Saïx's apartment. Zexion had called him immediately after he had finished with Saïx and told him everything. Xemnas was still angry; once again, he wasn't there for Saïx. Zexion had admitted that he had forced it out of Saïx, but it still angered Xemnas to think that Saïx felt that he had to keep secrets. Like a barrier, something was blocking the two. Other than that, their relationship would be perfect. Xemnas knew he could sort it out. He'd have to if he were to ever accept Saïx's upcoming death. It had all been so sudden, Saïx was never ill. That made him think: how long had Saïx been holding back for? Xemnas had no time to make sure he looked respectable or to even knock on the door politely and wait. He needed to see Saïx, because if he did not then, he probably never would ever again. When Saïx answered, he finally felt something. Xemnas was the last person he wanted to see. Saïx was completely petrified by the thought of hurting Xemnas more than he had.
The scene was inevitable; Xemnas questioned Saïx like there was no tomorrow, Saïx gave answers that sounded incredibly realistic. But the blue-haired man was completely taken aback when he found Xemnas crying. He had never wanted to make his love cry, not with sadness anyway. He tried his best to make Xemnas feel better, to see him happy again. But all his efforts were in vain; Xemnas was far too distraught by what he had been told. Saïx had a matter of days to live. When Xemnas eventually left (because he could not bear to see Saïx anymore, whenever he did, his heart just shattered to even more pieces), Sax grabbed him. This was the one thing he would not just accept.
"Xemnas, please. I want to see you smile one last time." Sax managed, almost whispering at the end. He finally had the most beautiful person in existence, and he was never going to see him again. Xemnas turned, smiling weakly for the one that meant the most to him. He would manage that one last request for him. Xemnas then grabbed Saïx, embracing him tightly, terrified that Saïx would just disappear if he let go. They eventually broke apart, and Xemnas kissed Saïx gently before leaving. Saïx felt slightly fulfilled, because he knew that his last memory of Xemnas would be him showing Saïx how much he really meant to Xemnas.