Chapter 10

In a haze, Louise stood and her eyes fell on the dead body before her. "No!" was all she could repeat as her tears began trickling down her face. Jamie lay at her feet and she knew he was dead. He had saved her from a bullet aimed at her. Nobody had noticed the man slipping in the shadows in an attempt to escape. She had been seen as an easy target, distracted as she had been, and he had shot. Jamie had seen the whole scene and had pushed her out of the way, receiving the fatal shot instead. Alerted by his shout the others had turned their attention and seen Jamie falling. In a flash a series of shots were heard and the man had been dropped dead.

Louise dashed forward and knelt next to the inert young man. "Jamie!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "Jamie!" She shook him violently. By now, she was crying bitterly, and repeating his name in a frenzy. Her hands and her clothes were stained with his blood by now as she kept shaking him, uselessly trying to bring him to life.

Louise felt somebody crouch beside her and an affectionate hand on her shoulder. "Honey," Teaspoon said sweetly. "He's dead."

"I know," Lou hiccupped. She looked up and saw everybody's sad faces around her. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and gathered all her strength to compose herself. She stood up and said coldly. "Let's finish this goddamned matter once and for all."

"We need to tell his family," Teaspoon reminded her.

Louise nodded in agreement. "He had none. We'd better tell Laura, his girl." She paused a moment. "Teaspoon, could you …"

Lou didn't have to finish the sentence. Teaspoon understood. "Don't you worry. I'll tell her myself."

"Thank you, Teaspoon," she muttered.

"Why don't you go home?" Kid suggested. "You need your rest. We'll take care of everything."

She nodded and looking one last time at the lifeless body of Jamie, she headed for her house dejectedly.

The night hadn't finished too soon. Kid lamented that the whole matter had ended up with a loss. In the short time he had known Jamie, he had realized that he was a good boy. His death had been so unfair. It angered him so much to think that the boy could still be alive if it hadn't been for that band of criminals. However, deep inside Kid was having mixed feelings because he really felt relieved. He had seen the whole scene develop before his eyes. He had noticed the man, gun in hand, heading towards where Louise had been. She had been distracted and he had been too far to do anything when that man had aimed at her. He had run towards her, calling her name desperately. And then, Jamie had pushed her out of the angle of fire and unfortunately, he had been at the receiving end instead. As much as his death pained him, he couldn't help but feel happy that it wasn't Louise who had died.

After the fatal incident, the other boys had taken care of Jamie's body and the other corpses. Kid had helped Teaspoon to take the remaining members of the band to prison. It had taken all his will power to control his anger on the ride to town. Those crooks had been bragging and making snide remarks about Jamie's death and their past deeds. Kid had almost lost his control but finally, he had been able to simmer down. Now the cells in Teaspoon's office were full and fortunately, all those criminals would pay for all the harm they had caused.

The worst thing had been when they had had to go and tell Laura about Jamie's death. He hadn't wanted to leave the difficult task to Teaspoon alone. It was also his responsibility, as the boy had been working for him, and had died defending something that wasn't even his. When the girl had learned the terrible news, she had been shattered. She had burst out crying and yelling in agony. Kid had felt so powerless and had been at a loss to find the right words to soothe her. Luckily, Teaspoon had been able to calm her some.

In the end, Kid had been able to make it to his hotel room in the early hours of the morning. He had gone straight to bed and he had fallen asleep in no time. Kid hadn't slept much in the last few days, and he welcomed the so much needed rest. He hadn't even had the strength to go and see Alice. He hadn't seen her at all in the last three days, but all he wanted right now was to sleep. He had all the morning to rest as due to the special circumstances he wouldn't have to go to the ranch until later in the day. Everybody needed their sleep so much.

He had overslept, and it was later than what he had planned that he woke. He knew that he did not have to rush back to the ranch. After all the hassle from last night, he had let the boys have the day off. However, he had to check that everything was all right. He hadn't gone back after taking care of the prisoners and telling Laura about Jamie's death. He supposed that Teaspoon had let Louise and Buck know. However, he just wanted to make sure, so he headed for the ranch. He didn't even stop to talk to Alice. He would see her later.

When he reached the ranch, he got off his horse and tethered it to the fence that surrounded Louise's property. He headed towards the house and when he was on the porch, he paused a moment, trying to make out any noises. He didn't want to wake her if she was still resting. Hearing some voices inside, he knocked lightly. After a few seconds, the door opened and he was surprised to come face to face with April.

"Hi, April."

"Kid," the girl said warmly. She paused and then added awkwardly, "Please come in."

He smiled at her and let himself in. Inside the house Teaspoon and Buck were sitting on the settee in the lounge. Their faces were sullen and Kid wondered if something else might have happened. Beyond them, he noticed Louise by the window, her eyes fixed in front of her. Rachel was beside her, talking to her in soothing tones. Though he couldn't hear what Rachel was saying, he could see that she was kind of begging Louise for something. Kid turned his attention to Louise once more and he realized that she didn't look fine .Her face was pale and haggard, and her clothes and hands were still smeared with dry blood from last night's predicament. April's clear voice woke him from his reverie.

"She's been there since last night. Rachel found her like that this morning. She won't talk, she won't move."

"But …," Kid didn't understand.

"She's deeply affected by that boy's death," April explained.

Then Buck and Teaspoon noticed his presence, and beckoned him to approach them. At that moment, Rachel had left Lou's side and came closer to them.

"She's so stubborn!" Noticing Kid, she cooled down. "Hi, Kid."

Kid nodded at her and Teaspoon said. "No luck, I gather."

"She won't talk?" Kid asked.

"Just says 'leave me alone','" Buck answered.

"Maybe she just needs some time on her own," Kid said.

"We can't leave her in that state," Rachel disagreed. "She hasn't slept in days. She will make herself sick."

Kid nodded in understanding and kept staring at Louise. Rachel was right. Louise was in pain and she didn't look very well. Without a second thought, Kid approached her. He stood beside her. Her blank look focused on the window before her. He called her name, "Louise." No reaction. "Louise," he repeated and again no reaction. "Lou," he tried for the third time and to everybody's surprise, she turned her head to him.

"Kid?" she whispered.

He smiled at her, but she lowered her eyes to her feet.

"Lou, we all regret what happened to Jamie and …," Kid said.

The Southerner couldn't finish as Louise roared, her eyes shining. "He shouldn't have died." She sighed. "He wanted to get married. He was gonna propose to Laura. He told me." She couldn't finish. Her voice drowned by the emotion. "It's just not fair."

Kid just looked at her gravely. He could feel her pain, and felt without arguments but he needed to do something. "Why don't you sit here with me?" he asked, nodding to the settee. "I feel kind of tired."

Louise stared at the couch dubiously but finally she sat hesitantly. The girl kept her eyes lowered, fixed on her lap. Kid was racing to find something to tell her. But to his surprise, it was Louise who spoke up.

"Everything I come close to goes to rack and ruin. Friends, family, my sister,… a husband, …." Kid cringed at her words but she continued. "I must be some kind of jinx."

"Don't talk like that," Kid said. "These are just hard times … for everybody."

"I don't know," Louise mused. "I … I …," she couldn't continue as the tears she had been suppressing for so long came flooding free. Her body was racked with sobs. Kid wrapped his arms around her tentatively and she pressed her face against his chest. She cried for Jamie, for her sister, for her husband, for Noah, for Ike, for herself, for everything she had lost on the way. For a time she hadn't let herself break down but she hadn't been able to drown her tears any longer. Kid hugged her tightly and she wouldn't let go. They stayed locked in each other's arms for about ten minutes and then Kid noticed her sobs calming and her body go slack. He looked down at her and realized that she was sleeping.

"She's fallen asleep," Kid whispered at Rachel.

"We'd better take her upstairs, to her room," the older woman suggested.

Taking care of not waking her, Kid shifted her against his right arm, taking hold of her legs with his free arm. Carefully he rose from the seat and began climbing the stairs, carrying Louise in his arms. Rachel went in front of him and opened the bedroom door to let him enter. He carried her inside and placed her softly on the big bed.

Kid looked around him with awe. This was the room that he had shared with her, the bed where they … He didn't let the thought get any further and he turned away to leave. Yet, he stopped as the dressing table at the far end of the room caught his attention. On the top there were several framed photographs and several objects.

Unbeknownst to Rachel, who was busy with Lou, Kid approached and peered closely at the different objects. In the first photograph there were two children, who Kid guessed were Theresa and Jeremiah a few years before. The picture in the silvery frame showed a bride and a groom. It was their wedding picture. Kid took in all the details. They looked so happy, broadly smiling and Louise looked absolutely beautiful. Next to the picture, Kid picked up a man's wedding band. He rightly guessed that this very ring had belonged to him; it had been his own wedding ring. He wondered why she had the ring and not him. Louise still wore her wedding band every day even though their marriage was broken. He left the ring next to the photograph and then his attraction was caught by a bundle of letters tied together with a red ribbon. He picked up the letters and read the addresses on the envelopes. He realized that they were the letters that he had written to her, probably from the war field. There were even small notes that she had kept from when they had been together.

He was so engrossed that he didn't hear Rachel call his name. She had to call him again to finally catch his attention. Kid blushed as if he had been caught red-handed in a compromising situation. Without further thinking, he surreptitiously hid the letters in his breast pocket without Rachel's noticing before turning around.

Rachel was holding a nightdress and she whispered pointedly, "Would you mind …?"

Kid looked at her with a puzzled expression but finally it dawned on him that Rachel just wanted to remove Lou's bloodstained clothes.

"Sure," Kid whispered shyly and proceeded to leave the room.

What the heck had he done? Why had he done something so stupid? Kid's thoughts rushed in his mind. He had taken those letters belonging to Louise without even asking. What had he been thinking? He couldn't have been in his right mind. How would he justify something like that? She would think that he had been prying in her affairs. There was no way she was going to miss the disappearance of those letters. She would know in no time, and once again he would be at the end of her more than justified anger. Why did he have to do a stupid thing like that?

Those letters had sparked his curiosity, and he was dying to read them. Yet, he felt he shouldn't. Yet, after all, he had written them himself although he hadn't even known that they existed. He still was ignorant about many things about his past. Buck, Teaspoon and Rachel had kindly answered all the questions he had asked. He knew about his family, about his brother, about his friends and his life in the Pony Express. But there were still gaps and they didn't have all the information. On top of it all, everybody seemed reluctant to talk about anything related to Louise. He knew that they had been in love and had got married. But other than that, he didn't know much; Louise always avoided talking about anything about their past. Whenever he asked her anything, she just changed the subject, and he really needed to know.

Kid opened the door to his hotel room. It was very dark inside, and he lit the lamp on the wall. In a few seconds, the room came to light and he noticed a figure sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Glad to see you." Alice said coldly.

"Alice!"

"You remember my name! I thought you had forgotten you had a fiancée," she continued in the same tone.

Kid shook his head. He didn't want to fight now. He was tired and needed some peace and quiet. The last few days had been exhausting. "Come on, Alice. It's been only three days. You know we had a problem to solve at the ranch."

"Yes, I do. But I also know that those bandits have been behind bars since last night. Where have you been all day? It's late and I got no word from you whatsoever."

"I had to go to the ranch and Louise …" Kid tried to explain but she wouldn't let him.

"Louise! Louise! Louise!" she shouted. "I'm tired of hearing her name. Tell me the truth, David. Is there anything going on between you two?"

"Alice, there's nothing. I swear," Kid said defensively. He was telling the truth, but he felt he wasn't being completely sincere.

She looked at him straight in the eyes but he couldn't dare to meet hers. He was being a fool. Nothing had happened between Louise and him, but he couldn't help feeling guilty. Something had changed. His feelings had changed. He just smiled shyly at her, but she didn't smile back. Something sticking out from his breast pocket caught her attention. She snatched it before Kid had time to react.

"What's this?" Alice asked as she fumbled to open one of the letters roughly.

"Alice, give them back to me!" Kid bellowed.

"What are these letters?" she continued as she began reading the paper. She looked at him shocked. "It's a love letter! You wrote a love letter to her!" she exclaimed horrified.

Kid was tired of her games. He snatched the letters from her roughly, and put them inside a drawer. "It's an old letter from before we even met."

"Why do you have them?"

"For Goodness' sake, Alice, stop this nonsense."

He talked to her gravely, his back to her. At this point Alice realized that she might have gone too far. She had been acting like a jealous fool. She approached him and wrapped her arms around his torso. "David, please, forgive me. I feel so lonely here. I agreed to stay in this godforsaken place for you instead of living near Pa. I hardly see you. We never go out or have fun together anymore. I feel as if you have me hidden out of shame."

He turned around to her aghast. "That's not true."

"But I feel like that. And we never talk about our engagement or the wedding any more."

"I haven't heard anything from the lawyer. The divorce issue ain't finished yet." Kid tried to justify himself.

Alice lowered her eyes. "I know. I am sorry." She reached to kiss him lightly on the lips. "Just promise to spend more time with me."

"I promise," Kid said whole-heartedly. Alice looked at him, and he smiled wryly. She flew into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I love you so much," she said.

"I love you too," Kid muttered but he had the feeling that in a way it didn't sound true any more. Something had definitely changed.