"I understand that you can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose to be honest." - Addison Montgomery

Chapter 10: The Girl in the Bar

"Okay, so, Izzie, sorry, uh, Dr. Stevens, she came to me at lunch telling me how the new attending, Dr. Montgomery, offered her to be her apprentice. She said that she had heard your name before so she looked you up. Upon seeing all your credentials, she started to show me them when I stumbled upon your picture. That's when I went searching for you. You were in surgery and I noticed you'd be in there for a while so I hung around a little after my shift was over hoping to run into you. Luckily, there you were, blonde hair and all," she finishes by taking a spoonful of ice cream and shoving it into her mouth.

Last night, coming back to my hotel room after the park, we ordered lots of sweets from room service and stayed up watching old black and white movies until we fell asleep. Luckily, we both work late shifts at the hospital because we neglected to set any alarms. Now, we're sitting here talking about any and everything over ice cream; strawberry to be exact. We ordered pizza but we're still waiting on it to come.

Pulling me out my thoughts, she asks, "So, Izzie?"

"Izzie Stevens," I nod trying to remember her first and last name for future reference.

She nods, "Yeah, Dr. Stevens… are you really considering her as your student?"

"Yeah, actually. She's extremely talented, more capable than most of the residents in your year… and she sort of reminds me of myself when I was younger," I shrug.

She nods and there's a short pause before she speaks up again, "So does that mean you'll stay in Seattle? Sign your contract?"

"I don't know," I shrug then I smirk, "Maybe… plus, I sort of have a crush on this certain girl…"

"Oh, I wonder who that could be," she giggles.

I smile back then suddenly put my ice cream down as I look over to her, "Look, Meredith, I don't want to jump into a relationship after just getting out of one… I really don't want to rush into anything… but… if you were to ask me, right now, to be your girlfriend, I'd say yes and jump right into it with no control at all because that's how into you I am. I know it would be against everything I wanted to do but I still would… and—"

"Listen," she cuts me off, "I know you want to take things slow. How about I'll ask you to be my girlfriend when you're ready? Right now, we could just be dating or better yet, no labels at all? I can just be― the girl in the bar."

"You know what? I'd like that," I smile picking my ice cream back up.

She leans over into me, "I'm really glad that you're not… you know…"

I look over to her and she shrugs then blurts out, "dead. I honestly thought that when your ex-husband answered your phone that last time I called… I don't know. He sounded so pissed that I even had the audacity to try to contact you. He basically said if I ever tried calling you again there would be no you to call."

I shiver at that thought. If Derek really wanted me dead, why didn't he just let me die when he found me in a pool of my own blood that night? He could've had his wish… Maybe that wasn't it at all…

"A part of me knew he was just a coward," Meredith speaks up again pulling me from my thoughts, "He never wanted to kill you. He wanted you to suffer… To be with nobody else but him. He didn't want you to die or else he wouldn't have anyone to control."

When I'm still silent, Meredith finally looks over to me with concern all in her face, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you… I'll st―"

"No, it's okay, um," I say as a tear falls, "it's just… There was a point where I had given up. I made myself believe that we would get better… I mean, we were married for eleven fucking years. He was my first and only… He told me that he wanted to talk over dinner. I thought maybe he was going to apologize and with time, maybe we'd get better but then he didn't show up. He never showed… he never shows. I don't know why it bothered me so much this last time…"

"You were hopeful. Those past times, you knew he wasn't going to show but this time you had hope… you actually thought things would be different," she finishes for me.

I nod, "I lost all hope… I didn't think that anything could get better in that moment. I lost sight of everything… I literally freaked out and tore up everything in the house. In that moment, I was no longer myself. Everything about me, my confidence, my willpower, my intelligence, it was all gone; out the window. I wasn't thinking… All I knew is that my life had been shitty from the start and I was tired of fighting. I took a handful of Xanax and I slit my wrist." I hold up my left arm in defeat and tears fall hard down my face as I admit, "I would've done more if I hadn't passed out… The sadder part about this story is that eventually Derek came home… he rushed me to the hospital and I woke up two days later crying that I woke up… It took awhile but now, I'm grateful that I didn't succeed that night. Honestly, I think losing myself like that is the reason I'm still alive today. Waking up from what I thought was the end, it made me realize that I had so much left to do. It wasn't my time. It gave me the strength to actually speak up and say what had been going on."

"It was your ah-ha moment," she smiles softly over at me as we hear a knock on our door. I watch a smile grow on her face as she hops up running towards the door, "I think that's the pizza."

"Ummm, I swear I love pizza… any kind of pizza… you could put anything on it. It could be cold, fresh out the oven, sitting out… doesn't matter. I love pizza," she says as she takes a bite out of the last piece.

I chuckle to myself after taking a bite out of my own piece, "I can tell. You nearly ate the whole box."

"You were over there babysitting your slice. In the time it took you to eat one, I had already eaten three," she says in defense.

I shake my head laughing, "What's that like your sixth slice?"

"Fifth," she shrugs then smiles softly.

I just laugh to myself as I watch her gulp down her last piece. I see her eyeing my third slice and I offer it to her.

She shakes her head at me this time, "You don't eat much… Is that why you're so thin?"

"Says the smallest person in the room," I say back, "but yeah, no… I gave up on everything but Gin for a while… However, I did give up drinking in hopes of getting my life back on track."

"Wow, I don't think I could ever give up drinking… I commend you," she shakes her head, "Tequila is my weakness."

"Never had it," I reply.

She looks at me shocked, "What? You've never had Tequila?"

"My father only drank Gin so when I started drinking that's what I'd always get," I shrug.

She shakes her head, "Wow. If you ever start drinking again, we're going to have to cash in your Tequila v-card."

"I'll hold you to that," I laugh.

After Meredith annihilated her last slice, she gets up from the couch and goes into the kitchen. When she comes back, she has two glasses of water in her hand. Handing me one, she sits back down next to me, "So what's our plans for today?"

"I don't actually have any plans. If you can think of anything to do within," I pause looking at the clock on the wall to see how much time we have before my shift, "four hours then I'm game."

"Have you been to the Space Needle yet?" she asks.

I shake my head 'no', "I haven't done any sightseeing. The only places I've gone, other than where you've taken me, are here, the hospital, that bar across the street from it and some restuarant Dr. Torres took me too."

"Oh we're so going to the Space Needle. Next time we're both off, I'm really taking you sightseeing," she says grabbing my hand and pulling me off the couch, "Go ahead and hop in the shower. I'm going to run out to the car and get my bag. I keep spare clothes in case I get stuck at the hospital."

"Okay," I say nodding then I head into the bedroom.

If I plan on staying here, it's probably best I go ahead and start looking for a place to stay; not too close but not too far from the hospital I guess. I don't know about staying in the city… I did that in New York. I came here for change. Maybe a house on a beach… That rental was amazing. I think about more places to live while I hop into the shower. A few minutes later, I hear Meredith coming back into the room.

"Too bad there's only one shower," she hints towards me.

I smirk from inside the shower, "It is too bad… well, maybe not if you join me."

"Say no more," she says and I can basically hear her smile. She even steps into the shower cheesing, "Wow. I only imagined what you looked like naked. My god… you're breathtaking."

"Stop," I say as my cheeks redden, "You're making me blush."

"Sorry, I can't help but speak the truth," she shrugs turning around to step under the showerhead.

We're out on the streets of Seattle in no time. Meredith is whipping through the streets without hesitation. It seems as though she's driven on these same streets for her entire life. She navigates through traffic with ease. We arrive at the Space Needle about ten minutes later with three hours left until we have to head to the hospital.

It took forty-one seconds to get to the top of the Space Needle… meanwhile my heart is beating out of my chest. I may not have many fears but being six hundred feet up in the air may just be one of them. However, the view is breathtaking. You can see the entire city from Mount Rainier to the harbor.

We get up to the observation deck and they have cute little viewfinders posted around the deck, "Oh, they have viewfinders!"

"And I have a whole pocketful of quarters," Meredith smiles.

I basically yelp as I run over to the nearest empty one, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to look through all of them."

"Oh my, do you see the seaplane? We can see the top of it," she says pointing at the plane below us out the window.

I shiver a little as I chuckle putting a quarter into the viewfinder, "I feel like as I get older, the more afraid of heights I get… Ooh, what's that?"

"Oh," Meredith says looking into the viewfinder in the direction I pointed, "that's the Pike Place Market. I'd have to take you there when we have a day off. They have performers and you can buy all sorts of fresh produce and hand-made crafts. It's a lot of fun; especially at night."

"Oh, that sounds pretty cool. I'm looking forward into going Meredith Grey," I say taking back my rightful place at the viewfinder.

She smiles at me, "There's so many places that I want to take you."

"Relax, Grey, you'll get the chance," I say giggling into the viewfinder. Seattle is beautiful from up here. I've seen the view from the plane but this is different. You can actually see the city; all of the city not just plains and bodies of water.

Meredith walks up closer behind him and wraps her arms around my waist. I tense up a little at first but then I melt in her hold. I find myself whispering, "I could stay here in your arms forever."

"And I would let you," she whispers back. I close my eyes trying to fully take in this moment. It's when I hear my time run out the viewfinder that I open my eyes again and turn around to face the woman latched onto me. I take her face into my hands and I kiss her. It's the first time we've kissed since L.A. and it is more amazing than the first time out on the beach. I honestly didn't think that was possible.

"Come on," she says pulling me out of my thoughts, "let's go check out those other viewfinders and then if we have time, I wanna treat you to dessert."

After seeing just about all of Seattle, I finally let Meredith escort me all the way to the top of Space Needle. They have a restaurant up here that they call SkyCity. The waiter asks if we have reservations then Meredith whispers something into his ear. He nods then escorts us up another set of stairs to a table that's secluded over in this huge open space near the window. There's white candles burning as the centerpiece.

"Oh, my, Meredith," I gasp as she takes my hand walking me to my seat. She pulls it from the table and pushes it back in once I sit down.

She sits across from me as we're handed the lunch and dessert menus. We order drinks then thank the waiter and when he walks away she peeks over her menu at me, "I know this is a dessert date but feel free to order something to-go to take to work for dinner."

"We're rotating," I say looking out the window and not being able to see my last point of view, "This is amazing."

"You guys didn't have one of these in Manhattan?" she asks me.

I shrug nodding, "Yeah, it was called The View but I only heard about it. Never been."

"Oh," she smiles, "well I'm glad I'm the first one to take you."

The waiter walks back over with our drinks then asks us if we're ready to order. Meredith looks to me and I nod. She smiles then turns back to the waiter, "This may sound a little backwards but we want to order our dessert now and whatever meal we order we'd like to-go."

He just nods so Meredith continues, "For dessert, I'd like the Lunar Orbiter and for my meal, I'll take the Pan Roasted Wild Salmon."

"And for you, Ma'am?" he turns to me.

I look over the dessert menu really quickly making sure that I actually chosen my dessert. The one that caught my eye is a vanilla ice cream coated in snickerdoodle cookie crust. I look up at our waiter and smile, "I'll take the Seasonal Crumble for dessert and the Hazelnut Crusted Chicken Linguine for my meal."

"Okay," he closes his notepad and takes up our menus. Before walking away he says, "I'll be out with your order momentarily."

"I'm excited," I say turning to Meredith, "it's been awhile since I've gone out to eat. I've been attempting to cook."

"I love it when you cook," she smiles, "I personally can't cook… at all. I mean, I could mess up a salad."

"Well, we both can't cook together," I giggle, "If I find a good cooking class, would you come with me?"

"Oooh, that sounds like a challenge," she says unsurely then laughs, "I'm just kidding, of course I'll come with you."

"Oh good 'cause I didn't want to be the worst one in the class," I say chuckling.

She gasps, "Hey! What are you trying to say?"

"Oh, come on, you said you messed up salads… I couldn't even mess up salad," I smirk.

She pouts then we both laugh. I turn back to the window and take in the view in front of me. It's amazing… We definitely have to do this again.

The waiter comes back with our desserts in no time at all. He sits Meredith's bowl down and it's literally smoking. I fan some of it away before I'm finally able to see Meredith again and I ask, "What is that?"

"The Lunar Orbiter… it's ice cream and the smokiness is dry ice," she explains.

I'm smiling hard and I feel like a child but in this case, it isn't a bad thing. I grab my spoon, "You've gotta let me try yours."

"Only if I can try yours too," she says and I gladly offer up my crumble.

We switch desserts trying the other before we even got a taste of our own. It's so good. I can't remember what ice cream tasted like before this. Maybe I'm just being dramatic but even trying my own ice cream was amazing. I'm definitely coming back here… even if it is just for ice cream.

Leaving the Space Needle and going into work was one of the hardest things I did this week. The amazing view and the amazing dessert is something that's going to be missed but it's not like I can't go back. Plus, I have a resident to torture and maybe even one to teach so it's okay. I haven't seen either one today yet though but that's fine. I only have two patients and they're both post-ops so their isn't much to do except hide out in my office.

I find myself nose-deep into a novel when there's finally a knock at my door. I look at my watch: I've been here nearly three hours and this is the first time anyone has come to my door. I call out to them and the door opens slowly revealing Dr. Stevens.

I smile up at her closing my book, "Dr. Stevens, how can I help you?"

"I, uh, hi, well, so, I've been thinking," she pauses and I urge her to continue, "if the offer to be your student is still on the table, I'd love to learn from you."

"And I'd love to teach you. You have raw talent, Stevens. You will do great things," I smile.

She nods blushing, "Thank you, Dr. Montgomery. Also, thanks for seeing something in me."

"Don't thank me for that. You're the one who showed me. Thank yourself," I try to encourage.

She smiles over at me, "Thanks. Um, do you need me to do anything? I'm on Dr. Hahn's service this week but she doesn't have any patients right now."

"Iㅡ excuse me," I get up from my desk running towards my en-suite bathroom. I don't know what came over me but all the ice cream and pizza from earlier today all came out into the toilet. I haven't thrown up in forever… It could just be the ice cream, pizza and all the sweets from last night catching up to me.

When I finally clean myself and make my way back into my office, I find Dr. Stevens still standing by the door. I shake my head, "Stevens, you don't have to stand by the door. You can have a seat."

She sits down on the couch adjacent to my desk then looks over to me, "Are you okay, Dr. Montgomery?"

"Yeah, just one sweet thing too many. There was a reason I gave up junk food," I wave off, "Now, I don't have any patients at the moment but I do have two post-ops that we could round on."

"Okay," she pipes up.

I smile, "Just give me a minute to find their files and we're good to go."

After rounding on our patients, we went to the NICU and I gave Dr. Stevens a step-by-step tour of the place and how exactly to work all the machinery. I also gave her a tour of the OB/GYN wing; showing her where everything was and when to use it. She jots down notes and also tries everything once so she'll know what to do when I'm not around. I think I've actually found someone to teach and I'm excited. At the end of our tour, we end up back at my office. My pager goes off and so does hers however before parting ways, I turn to her, "This could all be yours one day."