Part 10: All's Fair in Love and War
It wasn't hard for Gaara to understand why his siblings fell for the people they did.
Even though he had spent a long time as a heartless monster (and still was, most would argue, essentially a socially inept fool) that also meant that he had had a lot of time on his hands to observe other people. He didn't know exactly why the people of his village did the things they did, but Temari and Kankuro weren't just 'people of his village'. They had been his teammates, his keepers, and more recently his friends and siblings. A great part of his younger days had been spent merely watching them, much to their annoyance and ill-hidden fear.
So it wasn't a great surprise when Kankuro's romantic escapades came to light. It made sense to Gaara; from those limited observations of Akimichi Chouji he'd made, the boy was cheerful, gentle, and most certainly didn't take things at face value. He didn't scare easily and took things as they came. For Kankuro- wild, dangerous, constantly shifting Kankuro- Chouji was a rock, something to ground himself on.
Temari's choice, also, wasn't that unexpected. Shikamaru was smart- very smart. He didn't defer to her as the daughter of a Kazekage. She didn't have to prove herself to him because he simply couldn't care less, but he was still able to trounce her when the need arose. Shikamaru was an endless challenge, and with him Temari- razor sharp, biting, soft-underbelly Temari- would never be bored.
No, Gaara didn't have a hard time understanding how his siblings fell in love.
That didn't mean he had to be happy with it.
"Kazekage-sama!" One of the proctors of that long ago chunin exam- the one with the oral fixation and the senbon- was standing at the gate. "We didn't know you would be coming to Konoha!"
"There was something that came up." Gaara replied. "My hawk should have arrived by now."
"Of course, but you cannot enter the village without notification, Kazekage-sama.." Genma trailed off, biting the tip of his senbon as he saw those black-ringed eyes narrow.
"If I must be detained, I will be. But I am most displeased."
Genma swallowed hard. "O-of course you don't need to be detained, Kazekage-sama! I can get someone to take you to the Embassy right now."
"I know my way to the Embassy." Gaara replied, stepping over the line that signified entry to Konoha and shooting the other desk nin- the one with a long acid burn down his face- a look that could kill a person, then dig them up and kill them again. "I will report to the Hokage."
After I have reduced Akimichi Chouji and Nara Shikamaru to smears on the ground, of course.
"Right." Genma nodded. "Well, alright then. Enjoy your stay, Kazekage-sama!"
Gaara gave the two men a curt nod and continued on into the village. When he had rounded the first corner, Genma sighed deeply as Raido slumped in his seat.
"'do my job for the day' he says." The scarred ninja growled. "It's like taking candy from a baby' he says. I swear I'm gonna castrate Kotetsu with a dull kunai next time I see him."
"Damn that kid gives me the creeps." Genma muttered.
"Hey guys!" Genma and Raido looked up at the familiar silhouette of Ebisu, who leapt from the nearest rooftop and landed in front of the check in desk. "Word from the Hokage. The Kazekage's going to come through here sometime today-GAH!" Ebisu leapt to the side as Genma's senbon imbedded itself in the ground where he had just been standing. "Genma, what the hell?!"
Raido just started laughing.
oOo
Chouichi Akimichi was as unflappable as the rest of his extensive family. Granted, he was a bit more sharp tongued than any Akimichi had a right to be, and he had this certain air of doom about him that wasn't a family trait, but he was surprised very little by the actions of people. And so when he (being on guard duty) opened the large red door of his family compound, Chouichi couldn't say much other than "Hello, Kazekage-sama." To the small, dark-ringed teenager who was looking at him with a distinctly murderous expression.
"I take it you're looking for my younger brother." Chouichi added when the stone-faced redhead at his doorstep didn't offer anything other than a cordial nod.
Gaara didn't even blink.
Chouichi raised an eyebrow. "You know, my brother. Sleeping with your brother."
The Kazekage's eyebrow twitched.
Chouichi shrugged. "I think it goes against sibling law for me to rat him out. But if you ask my Mother-"
here Chouichi smiled in a distinctly evil way- "I'm sure she'd love to tell you the whereabouts of everyone you're looking for."
Now, as we have come to establish, Sabaku-no-Gaara, while proving to be an excellent Kazekage, wasn't exactly hip to body language lingo. So, seeing the logic in Chouichi's suggestion, he crossed the threshold into the Akimichi main courtyard.
Let us reestablish this.
The physically slight, always-looking-underfed, extremely pale Kazekage walked, completely willingly, into the lair of the one family in Konoha with a fixation on food in all of its forms.
"Chouichi! I know you're on duty but have you seen- oh my!"
He didn't have a chance.
Gaara blinked at the plump woman in purple who had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, wiping her hands on a rag and pushing strands of dark hair back from her face.
"Chouichi! You didn't tell me we had a visitor! And the Kazekage, too- I'm sorry, Kazekage-sama, if I'd known I'd have dressed better..goodness, you look positively ghastly! When was the last time you had anything to eat?!"
Reiko Akimichi patted her round cheeks in what could be called mock-horror. "A three day run between here and there- and I bet you didn't even stop for any kind of food, just like that fool Maito. Someday that man will learn he can't save the world on power smoothies! You follow me, dear, and we'll fix you right up before you go to the Embassy! Don't tell the Hokage this, but the people she hires in that cafeteria, well, I'd rather eat dirt."
Chouichi Akimichi watched with no small amount of satisfaction and awe as his mother Reiko- untrained civilian, cook extraordinary, and Matriarch of the Akimichi Clan- wrapped her broad callused hands around the shoulders of one of the most dangerous ninja in the world and steered him towards the kitchens.
Gaara blinked rapidly. What had happened? He was still in control of this situation, right?
Right??
He looked over his gourd strap at Chouichi, who was leaning against one of the huge posts, grinning in a way that reminded the Kazekage of his older brother- the look of a cat who'd caught a canary. The eldest Akimichi gave a little wave, then headed out the gate whistling.
oOo
Word that the Kazekage had entered the village reached Shikamaru first, and only because it woke him up from his nap; Tsunade's yell had practically shaken the foundations of the tower. With a yawn and a stretch he'd promised the troublesome old woman that he'd find the leader of the Sand Village, then moseyed his way out the door and into the street. It was there that his eyes caught on a dark blue juggernaut moving easily through the crowd.
"Chouichi." He greeted. Relations between the oldest Nara and his best friend's brother had always been a little frosty, mostly due to several early morning incidents wherein Shikamaru- completely exhausted and not thinking quite straight- had thrown rocks at the wrong window. Chouji often assured his friend that Chouichi, whose kunai aim was legendary, missed him on purpose. Shikamaru attested that Chouichi was just as tired as he was and probably hadn't been trying hard enough.
"Nara." Chouichi nodded. "If you're looking for the Kazekage, he's otherwise occupied."
Shikamaru couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. "You siced your mom on him."
"It's not my fault he came in around lunchtime, and besides, all's fair in love and war." Chouichi said with a grin. "But I suggest we find puppet boy and my brother. I somehow think once he's done digesting Mr. Sandman's gonna be headed for them."
"He wouldn't kill Chouji." Shikamaru said with a raised brow. "That's just bad politics."
Chouichi shrugged. "Hey, I tried to kill Kankuro. What's gonna stop him? And last time I checked you were on the plate for making out with his sister."
"Troublesome." Shikamaru muttered, trying to ignore the burning in his cheeks. Chouichi chuckled. "Troublesome or not. Nara, you don't seem like the kind of guy who'd want sand in places sand doesn't belong. I give it two hours before mom lets him out the door and that gives us two hours to comb this village and warn the appropriate parties."
"Ino." Shikamaru said confidently. "If anyone knows anything it's her."
"And if not her than the pink-haired girl," Chouichi acknowledged. "Let's go."
Ino knew where Chouji and Kankuro were; the puppeteer had been preparing to return to Suna, and they'd both headed back to the Akimichi Compound. Chouichi declared that he'd head them off at the pass.
"And Temari?" Shikamaru asked, pointedly ignoring the wide smirk of the Akimichi behind him. "where is she?"
Ino leaned forward, her bright blue eyes filled with the kind of nervous energy Shikamaru only recognized from fights with Sakura and fawning over Sasuke. "She's at the Embassy."
Shikamaru nodded and turned to go- only to feel a wet 'thud' to the shoulder as the ringing of the bell above the door signaled Chouichi's rapid departure. The Nara looked down at the bundle of flowers that Ino had chucked at the back of his head.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with these?" he asked skeptically.
Ino's smile grew wider.
"Trust me, Shika," she said. "Just...trust me."
A/N: Oh, Chouichi. I love you so much. And yes, if you were paying attention, that was a reference to the original Mr. Sandman song. Because the vast amounts of Gaara videos on youtube set to it amuse me. Sorry this update took so long, guys, and for those of you still reading, thanks for sticking with me. Anyone who wants to cry "OOC Gaara"- you're absolutely right, but faced with Reiko Akimichi, you'd be a little stunned to. Besides, he doesn't want to ruin all the hard work Temari's put into diplomatic relations. Stay tuned for Chapter eleven, "The Secret Life of Flowers"