A/N: I can't believe I'm already this far into the fan fiction. It feels like I just started it yesterday! Anyway, that you everyone for reading and reviewing and favouriting this. It really does mean a lot. Welp, here's the chapter some of you have been waiting for! I don't really have a direction with this chapter. I'm just typing. Let me know what you think! :)

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Holy shit, what am I going to do? John is going to be here any minute.

I paced about my living room, frantically searching my brain for the right thing to do. I could still wimp out, could pretend like I wasn't going to do it. The more I thought about that possibility, the more wrong it felt. It made me sick to my stomach thinking about either of the situations. Now I'm just going in circles because I'm seriously fucked and I don't know what to do.

I couldn't stop pacing. I tried sitting down, but I just became fidgety. It was annoying. I was starting to wheeze a little bit from pacing around in circles so much. After what felt like for fucking ever – it couldn't have been more than ten minutes - I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I jumped, fishing it out and flipping it open. I groaned when I saw it was a text from Gamzee.

TC: kArKaT i'M sOrRy, Ok? CaN wE tAlK?

I growled to myself, deleting the message and throwing my phone on the couch. That's probably not the best way to treat my phone, but I don't really care right now. Gamzee is just adding to my anxiety and worry and life. I continued to pace until I heard the doorbell ring.

My heart nearly jumped out of my throat at the sound. It felt like someone had stabbed me with a shot of adrenaline. Suddenly, I couldn't move at all. My feet refused to move. When the doorbell rang a second time, I had to force myself to move towards it. I grabbed the handle, throwing the door open. John stood on the other side, that familiar derpy smile smeared across his face. He waved at me.

"Hey Karkat!" He exclaimed, pushing past me and into my house. I slowly closed the door behind us, dragging my feet to catch up to him. John had wandered into the living room, dancing to himself a little bit. I don't know why he's so energetic, but it made me depressed thinking about ruining it.

"John, you can sit if you want." I mumbled. It felt like I was wheezing. John didn't seem to notice. He turned around and faced me. That smile hadn't left his face yet. John just swung his arms around a little bit. He reminded me of a little kid.

"Nah, I'm ok. You called me over here to do something, right? So sitting defeats the purpose!" John happily replied. I nervously laughed at his response, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. I tried my best not to look at him, but it was really fucking hard.

"Yeah..." I quietly said. This giant seed of dread was growing in my chest now, weighing down my thoughts and my actions. John must have picked up on something since he awkwardly shuffled around.

"So what's up, Karkat?" John asked. His voice was so happy, his smile radiating into my fucking soul. I could hardly breathe; my mind was filled with how much I loved him. Maybe that's why I decided to be the biggest idiot in the world.

"I love you." I blurted. Ok, not what I was planning to say brain, but it worked. I was able to say it. I expected my voice to sound shaky, unsure, and scared. It didn't. I sounded a hell of a lot stronger than I felt. John stared at me for a moment, his smile fading for a second before he let out a nervous laugh.

"I love you, too, Karkat, no ho-"

"For the love of God, Egbert, don't say 'no homo'." I shot at him. I was trying really fucking hard not to burst into tears. John kept staring at me, his smile long gone by now. His eyes were all wide and confused looking.

"Karkat-?"

"I love you, ok? I love you. That's why I called you over here." I said, a sudden jolt of anger rushing through me. I don't really know why I'm so pissed off, but I am. John should know I'm being serious. He should know what 'I love you' means. I should not have to explain myself. I let out a disgruntled sigh, slumping down into the loveseat behind me. I could feel John's eyes on me. I tried my best to ignore him.

"Karkat..." John trailed. I kept my eyes glued to the ground, too afraid and ashamed to look at him. I heard John shift around a little.

"I just... had to tell you." I mumbled, trying my best to get my thoughts back together. I really wanted to look at him, read John's face, try and figure out what he's thinking. I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to do that. I kept blinking, hoping that would stop my sudden urge to cry like a pussy. It wasn't helping.

I heard John shuffle around a bit. My eyes remained elsewhere. All of a sudden, John was kneeling down in my line of sight. My eyes widened as I looked at him. I chose to look at the corner of his face instead of his eyes. Then, without warning, he reached up and grabbed my face. I had to look at him at this point.

His face was very close to mine at this point. Not kissing-close, but close enough to make me nervous. His fingers felt cold against my hot face. John's eyes were wide as well, searching my face for an answer I probably can't give him. I wish I could say his eyes were the colour of the sky, but that's not right. It seems more appropriate to say that the sky is the colour of his eyes. I really love them. I'd love to see them without his glasses…

John leaned in again, this time resting his forehead on my own. I just sat there like a dumbass, not moving or saying anything. Thankfully, Egbert had closed his eyes by now. I stared back at his closed lids, the sudden urge to brush his stupid long bangs away. I back my head off just a slight, John's eyes flying open. I reached up to his hair, brushing it out of his face.

It was then I realized just how close we were. John was practically lying on top of me, awkwardly sprawled out across the floor and loveseat. His eyes weren't as wide anymore, his hands going slightly limp on my face. I could feel his panicked intakes of air on my face. I just stared at him for a moment. I opened my mouth to speak, even if it came out sounding stupid. I wanted to say something, anything, but before I could John spoke up.

"So you really love me?" John stammered. I tried not to get angry at that because I only said it three fucking times. I nodded my head.

"Yes." I said in this real quiet voice. It almost felt like a whisper. I watched John as that confirmation sunk in. His eyes widened a little, a slight blush coming to his face. After a few seconds of that, John's face fell slightly. His previously bright blue eyes didn't appear as bright. He took his hands off of me, struggling to get up off the floor. He stood up, arms crossed over his chest like he was cold. I watched him, my mind completely numb.

"I… need to think."

Those words stung me. It hurt worse than him telling me I was an awesome friend. I couldn't breathe. I'm sure he could hear me wheezing now. I kept my eyes on him, struggling to find the right words to say. What is there to say to that?

"What?" I finally said. I saw John doing that nervous lip-biting thing he tends to do.

"I just need to think." John said, quieter this time. I just sat there, continuing to be a dumbass. My whole body had gone numb. My brain felt like it had been shut off. I don't know how long I sat there and stared at him. Time didn't really seem to exist anymore.

Eventually, John did leave. He said something to me before he left. I honestly can't remember what it was. I heard the front door close behind him. After that, I don't really know. I just sat on my couch in a comatose-like state. I'm sure I fell asleep at one point, but I'll never be sure. I don't even know how long I was there. I remember trying to get up and drag myself to my room. I didn't want my parents to come home and see me like this. They probably wouldn't care very much, but whatever. Instead of making it to my room, I just ended up on the floor next to the loveseat. No amount of energy could force me to move at this point.

Out of nowhere – or so it felt – my phone began to vibrate. It was loud against the hardwood floor, since it was still in my pocket. When it didn't stop vibrating, I fished it out of my pocket. I glared at my phone, watching it vibrate in my hand for a minute. In big blocky letter it read "GAMZEE". Before it had a chance to go to voicemail, I answered it.

"What?" I screamed. I didn't mean to sound like a complete ass. I hadn't even thought about screaming at him. It just came out that way. The other line was quiet for a minute before I heard Gamz give a painful-sounding wheeze.

"Karkat, I'm sor-"

"You know what, Gamzee? I really don't care. I just don't care about what happened anymore." I cut Gamzee off. I was only half-lying. I did care about what had happened. John is just more important. Gamzee sniffled.

"Really? Everything's fine?" He asked. He was acting like a child and it was starting to piss me off.

"Yes, Gamzee, everything's fine." I hotly replied. I heard him sigh in relief.

"That's just awesome, motherfucker. Life is beautiful now. Friendship is beautiful…" Gamz trailed. I suddenly missed his childish behavior. I guess I'll just have to deal with "normal" Gamzee for today.

"Yeah, whatever." I mumbled. The way I was laying on the ground was starting to hurt. I heard Gamzee give a short laugh.

"It sounds like life's been treating you fucking awesome." Gamzee said. I snorted, hoping that he hadn't of heard it because it was really unattractive.

"It's been amazing, Gamzee. Glad you could join me."

"What's up, motherfucker?" Gamzee asked. I like how we can both have mental breakdowns and pretend like nothing happened. That must be true friendship right there.

"Well, you were right about me liking someone."

"John, right?" Gamzee said without missing a beat. I wish that he was here with me so I could punch him in the face.

"Oh my God, since it's 'Let's tell everyone Day', yes. I like John. I told said person that I like him." I growled. Gamzee made a clicking noise on the other end. I hate it when he does that clicking noise. It sounds gross.

"I assume it didn't go well?" Gamz asked. I was going to reply 'no you fucking idiot, of course not', but then I stopped myself. Had it gone that badly? John said that he needed to think about it. It sounds ominous, but it could be good. We had that weird moment going on, too. That was a good sign, right? It had to be. I tried to pick an answer for Gamzee, but nothing seemed to fit. I settled for the dumbest one.

"I don't know."

000

I didn't go to school that Monday.

The mere thought of seeing John made me want to cry. No, not cry. Punch a wall. That's a bit manlier. Either way, I decided to skip out on school and wallow in self-pity again. I just sat in my room all day, watching terrible movies – even by my standards. I thought that watching some movies I'd never seen before would be enough to distract me from John. It wasn't. It just made me angry and nervous.

Late in the afternoon, as I was trolling on some websites, I got a message. My computer made that annoying blipping sound. I don't know why I have it set to that. I should probably change it. I looked down at the massage bar, groaning to myself when I saw it was from Dave.

TG: dude you werent at school today johns been freaking out.

CG: I DON'T CARE ABOUT JOHN, OK?

TG: dont tell me you already told him?

TG: jesus christ when you said youll tell him ii thought itd be a few weeks.

TG: not the next fucking day.

CG: YEAH, WELL, I KNEW I'D CHICKEN OUT. SO I TOLD HIM THAT I LOVE HIM.

TG: holy shit karkat, why? thats to much info for one day.

TG: well hes been asking me all day where you are. i guess thats why he wouldnt text you himself.

CG: YEAH WELL I'M FUCKING STUPID. I DECIDED TO BE THE BRAVE ONE AND TELL HIM.

CG: NOW HE PROBABLY HATES ME.

I had to force myself to stop. I may hate myself right now, but that doesn't mean anyone else should know that. Especially not Dave. Plus I'm probably just being an irrational dick about this. Either way, I still feel like John probably hates me.

TG: did you not read my fucking message?

TG: i told you hes been asking about you all day. all day, karkat.

TG: if he hated you, why would he ask?

Dave just made a very good point. If John did really hate me, he wouldn't have worried so much. Well, maybe he would have. He's a pretty caring person. Besides, John doesn't really hate anyone. I mean, he has that weird thing about Betty Crocker, but he's not so psycho about it anymore. Still, Dave's right. That's a good thing, right? It has to be.

CG: I DON'T KNOW.

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Sorry this ended so horribly. I just wanted it to be done. D: I hope that you guys liked it! Let me know what you think!