- "Es irrt der Mensch so lang er strebt." -
(Man errs, till he has ceased to strive.)
J.W. Goethe

There was a certain, almost tangible air of excitement when the Enterprise entered the spacedock, where she was to undergo repairs and a routine checkup during the course of the following week. It was most obvious on the faces of the younger members of the crew, and in fact, Pavel Chekov barely managed to stay put and looked about ready to jump up and down like a little rubber ball; but Spock also noticed it in several others.

Even the Captain turned towards him and Nyota with a smile, commenting: "It sure is nice to get a few extra days of shoreleave."

"God knows I could use it," Nyota muttered under her breath, shooting Spock a dirty look that he did not quite understand.

"Are you going to see your family, Captain?" Sulu asked politely. Spock had never quite understood the use and necessity of such superfluous questions; shouldn't it be obvious to everyone aboard that Jim would be visiting his family?

"I sure hope so," the Captain replied, smiling. "I'll tell them you said hi."

"Which reminds me – your father sent me a message, asking me to remind you that you have a dinner engagement tonight."

Spock raised his brows in what would have been a frown on a human's face.

"That's odd," Jim remarked, "why would Sarek think you could forget something like that? You never forget anything."

"I don't think he was worried about forgetfulness. The term he used was – I quote – 'I am afraid that my son would be tempted to avoid a potentially unpleasant conversation.'"

"Uh-oh, poor Spock. That doesn't sound very promising," Jim said. "I wonder what your father is up to."

Spock made an evasive answer, glad that his Captain had not made that last statement a direct question. He had a pretty good idea of what Sarek "was up to", but Jim was the very last person with whom he wanted to discuss the matter.
Yet he was a little put out by the fact that his father was apparently conspiring with Nyota. He knew that they got along surprisingly well, considering their difference in age and origins; and more than once, he had had the sneaking suspicion that Sarek was actually a bit disappointed at Nyota not becoming his daughter-in-law. Which was surprising enough in itself… Spock had always thought that his father wanted him to bond with a Vulcan rather than a human woman.
Yet even though he appreciated his father's apparent approval of Nyota, he was not at all happy to see that they were talking behind his back.

I am not a child any longer. Yet now that mother is gone, he turns to my former partner and good friend in order to rein me in…

'Bossy', his mother would have called it. Spock had heard her complain about Sarek's authoritative tendencies more than once… usually at the top of her voice and right to her husband's stoic face. Maybe, Spock mused, it was the fact that his father was so much older than any other family member that made him assume the disposition of a stern patriarch when things weren't going the way he wanted them to.

"Hey Spock, are you dreaming?" Jim asked, giving him a good-natured clap on the shoulder that made Spock flinch involuntarily. That touch, brief as it was, sent an electric jolt through his shoulder and entire body, and brought images to his mind that would have made him blush, had he been human. Luckily enough he was not, but it was embarrassing enough as it was.

Don't touch me… please do… not touch me.

Jim didn't seem to notice his confusion, he was still smiling jovially, but Nyota was watching him and he caught her rolling her eyes at him. She had been doing that a lot lately.

Spock knew Nyota's position by now. In her opinion, he should have declared his troubled feelings to Jim. But then, Nyota was hardly qualified to give an educated counsel in the matter. She simply did not, could not understand his predicament. Or so he told himself.

Maybe Leonard or Christopher would have understood it, but Spock was reluctant to talk to either of them. Leonard was Jim's best friend; Christopher his adoptive father. Wouldn't they see it as their duty to inform Jim of the fact that his trusted first officer was keeping secrets? No, talking to them was not an option. Unfortunately, though, neither was talking to his father, even though he saw no way around it. Spock was terrified of what Sarek would have to say about his utterly illogical and quite possibly unhealthy crush on a commanding officer.

Sarek's tolerance went as far as to accept Nyota as a potential mate for his son, but Spock was certain that Jim would be out of the question.

Jim stepped through the security airlock, only to find that his family was waiting for him on the other side. Or rather, Bones and Chris were waiting for him; there was no trace of Joana. He also noticed the preoccupied look on Chris' face and the frown on Leonard's.

"Hey guys! Is everything alright…?"

"Almost," Bones said, his frown deepening, while at the same time Chris replied: "No."

Jim raised his eyebrows – too much time spent around Spock, no doubt – and asked: "What happened?"

"I think we need to discuss this in private. Hello Spock – your father is anxious to see you. I believe he wants to speak to you in a matter of some importance."

Jim caught the flicker of panic that crossed Spock's eyes and wondered what Sarek had to tell his son. Whatever it was, Spock seemed pretty apprehensive.

Seems that we're both about to get yelled at by our parents… on the other hand, Sarek would never yell. He'll probably look at Spock coldly and tell him: "I am most displeased, my son." Never mind, though, in his own way, a pissed off Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan is just as scary as a pissed off Admiral Christopher Pike… maybe I should sneak into Spock's room later tonight and comfort him…? No, bad idea, he'd probably kick me out… get a grip on your fantasies, Jim Kirk!

"I'll see you later then," Nyota told them, looking from Jim to Spock with an amused little smile that was bordering on evil. Jim was starting to suspect that there might be a conspiracy at work here, but she was gone, before he could ask her about it.

He saluted his first officer, noticing that Spock seemed distracted and was looking everywhere but at him – what the hell? Are you embarrassed? – before following Bones and Chris out of the room. They led him through the familiar winding corridors; Chris walking at the front and at a brisk pace. Jim tried to engage them in conversation a couple of times, but Bones seemed aloof and evasive, while Chris' demeanor was downright unfriendly.

I wonder what I did wrong this time…? Or maybe it isn't even about me; but something else, something grave and unpleasant happened while I was gone? I hope, it isn't about Jo…!

They stepped out of the building and into the blazing sunlight of an early afternoon. Jim inhaled deeply, enjoying the familiar mixture of smells in the breeze.

The short ride to the house passed unusually quiet. Chris and Bones had moved into a somewhat larger house about two years ago, but not without regrets at leaving their old one. By now, their new place felt just as familiar as the old one had, and personally, Jim preferred the new décor, that was a mixture of classic Southern and more modern west-coast elements to Chris' inornate, somewhat impersonal style.

"Where's Jo?" Jim asked, bending down to pat Tiberius, the magnificent Abyssinian that ruled the house and garden.

"At a friend's house. They're supposed to be studying for a test , but I have my doubts about that," Bones replied.

They sat down at the round wooden table on the terrace, and Lucky, the second cat, hopped onto Jim's lap.

"Now, will you tell me what this is all about?" Jim asked. "There's obviously something wrong, and I'm guessing, it somehow concerns me."

"Good guess," Bones grumbled. "But I'll leave the explanation to Chris; he's been waiting to do this for weeks."

Jim raised his brows, looking at his friend, mentor and adoptive father. "So it's back to the old roles, huh? And here I was thinking that at twenty-eight, I was no longer a green cadet getting told off for inappropriate behavior."

"Apparently, some things never change," Chris replied, looking thoroughly displeased. "But I'll spare you the preliminaries this time. Carol Marcus. Do you remember her?"

Jim frowned. It wasn't exactly a pleasant memory…

"Sure I do. She's the first girl who ever broke up with me. Usually, it's the other way round. For that reason alone, I'll probably never forget her. And it was a messy breakup, too. Very unpleasant. She accused me of all sorts of things. I haven't heard from her since."

"Well, as it turns out, I have," Chris, fixing him with a stern gaze. "And you can't imagine my surprise when someone sent me a picture of her son."

Jim frowned. "Carol has a kid? Since when? Wow… is she married? I'd never have thought… she was so obsessed with her studies and research. She wanted to be a scientist before anything else."

Both Chris and Bones were now looking at him in an odd, scrutinizing way, as if trying to read something off his face. Jim was beginning to suspect that something was really, really wrong with this picture, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"Her son's name is David. He should be about eighteen months old now."

Huh. Carol has a baby. Who'd have thought…?

"Er… that's nice. So?"

Bones sent him a look that spoke volumes: are you that stupid, or are you just pretending to be so?

"He looks like you, Jim."

Jim stared at his friend for a moment, holding his breath, then exhaled sharply. "That's not possible."

"Yeah it is. Everything matches – from the time frame to the kid's eye color. By now, it's just a matter of confirming it by running a paternity test," Bones told him. "What interests me most, though – and I think I'm also speaking for Chris here – is whether or not you were aware of this."

"And judging from the look on Chris' face, I'm so totally screwed if I was," Jim said in a futile attempt at humor. "But no, I honestly didn't know. I haven't even thought about Carol for over a year now, and I've never heard from her, either. I just… I didn't care anymore."

"Well, maybe you should have," Chris said.

"Hey! She broke up with me. And not the nice, polite way, I might add. I liked her… a lot actually. Okay, so maybe she wasn't the love of my life, but it still hurt. As for the child – that's the first time I ever heard about it. Could Carol have been pregnant at the time we split up? Yeah, maybe. Though it's hard to imagine her being careless that's just not… Carol. She's always careful, in anything. Anyway, if she was, she didn't tell me about it."

"She might not have known it herself," Bones threw in. "Clever scientist or not, most women don't notice it for the first few weeks, unless they're waiting to get pregnant; and she certainly wasn't. But it's hard to believe that she wouldn't have contacted you later, once she found out."

"No, actually it isn't," Jim replied darkly, "it's exactly the thing Carol would do. She didn't want me in her live anymore, she made that quite clear. If the kid is mine, though, I'm astonished that she even decided to keep it."

"Why exactly did you break up?" Chris asked.

Jim shrugged. "She said I was crowding her and that I was hindering her studies and her career. Oh – and she accused me of cheating on her."

"Surprise, surprise," Bones muttered.

Jim shot him a dirty look. "For your information – I didn't."

"Then how did she get the idea?"

"I don't know. Maybe she's insane or something…? I'd say that's a really possibility, considering that the person she thought I was having an affair with is Spock."

At that, Chris and Bones exchanged a quick, but very meaningful glance.

"Well," Chris said slowly, "It isn't that hard to see how someone who spends a lot of time with you could get that idea."

"Huh?" Jim frowned in confusion. "Come on! He's my first officer!"

"Among other things," Bones retorted.

"What the hell…? Are you saying you also think that I'm secretly in love with Spock?"

"No. I don't know about you. What I do know is that Spock's not-so-secretly in love with you."

Hi, everyone! Thank you so much for your reviews on the last few chapters. I'm glad you're still following this story and I hope you like where it's going. So now Jim knows about David... and Spock. The next chapter will feature his reaction, as well as Spock's conversation with Sarek...