Chapter 10

AN: Soooo, there's no way to explain or apologize for not posting anything in so long! Except, maybe that I've been studying from 7 a.m. till midnight, with a couple of tests squeezed in between as well. I've been crazily busy the last couple of weeks, but I'm back! Till September, at the least, because that's when my school will start again.

Enjoy!

The endless corridor seemed to be similar to the last one they walked/ran through. It was all white and Kate was fighting back her tears and feelings so hard, that everything around seemed blurry and unstable.

Lanie couldn't really keep up with her tall friend and she was falling behind.

Kate talked to the first nurse she ran into, because she couldn't run any further or she'd faint. "I need… Where's Richard Castle?" she said, quite rudely.

"Ma'am, please sit down. You look really pale."

"I don't wanna…"

"Relax, relax, it's gonna be fine," she said reassuringly.

"No… IT'S NOT FINE! Dammit!" Kate yelled at the nurse, a complete stranger. But she looked like she hadn't expected so much sound could come out of a body that exhausted, but she pulled it together quickly.

Lanie ran up to them. "What's going on?" she asked Kate.

"I need to find Castle - where is he?" she asked, sounding desperate. "Please, ma'am? Could you please tell me where Richard Castle is? Please?"

"I can. But you can't visit him. He's in surgery."

Kate's heart dropped and smashed on the floor. "How's he doing?"

"He's fighting for his life."

She could feel her heart break into a thousand pieces. Her legs lost their power and she sat down on the floor and stretched her legs. She closed her eyes and tried really hard not to cry in this public place.

"Do you want me to help her, give her something to drink?" the nurse asked, unsure what to do in this situation.

"No, thank you, I'm a doctor myself. We'll be fine. But could me please inform us if something happens?"

"Of course, I will." She smiled at Lanie and then walked away.

Lanie sighed and sat down next to Kate. "It's gonna be fine, you know…"

"No, it's not! Don't you get it? I did this to protect him. To keep him away from the shootings. But it didn't. He got shot anyway. And if he dies today, then the last thing I said to him was that I couldn't be with him. The last thing I'll remember is that he hated me."

"He'd forgive you."

"You don't know that." Kate's tears kept rolling and rolling now. Her voice became unsteady as well. It never did, Kate always managed to control her emotions. But not this time; this time was like Lanie had never seen her before.

"You haven't seen the last look he gave me. The coldness in his eyes…" Remembering those blue she loved so, made her cry, knowing that they might never see any light again, just emptiness.

"He'd always forgive you."

Kate didn't know what to answer. She just didn't whether he thought it was unforgivable or not. How could she have said now was not the time? When was it ever? How could she have been so blind, so stupid? She had cared more about her mother, who had been dead for a decade, then for the man she was in love with. Madly in love with. And she realized it now, now that he was dying too, that she couldn't live without him? It was exactly the same as with her mother: when she died, she suddenly became much more important to her.

She stood up. "I'm gonna to the bathroom. I'll be back." She walked into the bathroom without looking back at Lanie. She leaned on the sink and threw as much water in her face as she could, screwing up all of her make-up. Even though it was really refreshing and made her feel more numb than she already was, but she couldn't stop crying.

After fifteen minutes or so, she walked back to Lanie, but she'd gone. Somewhere… Maybe there was news? Her heart started pounding again, after 45 minutes or not moving at all. She walked towards the counter, but there was no nurse behind it. "Hello? Anyone?" She walked around it and started to panic a little. Castle might be saying goodbye or something right now and she wasn't even there.

"Kate? You O.K.?" Lanie walked slowly up to her, followed by the nurse.

"Is Castle O.K.?" she asked immediately.

"He is. Are you?"

She exhaled, feeling a big something falling of her shoulders. "I am now. Can I see him?"

"He's resting, you'd better wait," the nurse filled her in.

Kate suddenly felt exhausted. "Can I please just see his face? I just wanna see his face, that's all I want."

The nurse sighed and smiled a little. "Come on, then. But you have to be really silent. You shouldn't wake him up."

Kate nodded and they reached the room. She looked over her shoulder and noticed Lanie hadn't followed. She looked at the nurse and simply said, "Thank you."

She entered the dark room. The little light that was there came from under a curtain and was just about enough to estimate where the bed should be. Kate walked towards it, slowly, noticing his legs under the sheets. She wanted so bad to touch him and cuddle on the bed against him, it hurt her not to allowed to.

Once she could see the shape of his face, she was glad it hadn't changed. it just looked really peaceful. His eyes were closed and he looked relaxed.

"Hey, Cas," she whispered. It was weird, talking to him, keeping her voice just low enough so he couldn't hear her.

"I just wanted to tell you goodnight. And I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'm sorry." She repeated. She touched his cheek gently, and found out he was actually warmer than she was.

"I love you." Her voice was even more of a whisper. She smiled, while crying in silence. She stood up and looked at his face one more time before walking out of the room. She could swear he was smiling. But that couldn't be, could it?

Could it?

O.K. I'm not going to promise to write every single day, because I probably can't. But I will definitely write more often from now on. I think 2/3 times a week would be a fair promise, right?=D

Love,

Sharon