Well, all I have to say is that college is getting a bit crazy and orientation left me with not a lot of spare time, so I'm sorry for keeping you wonderful readers waiting for so long! I'll have to push the updating time back to 3 days, since I have no idea how much homework I'll have, but I do know it'll be a lot of writing and reading. In short, updates are now 3 days apart and I'm sorry XD
Thank you loads to Evy201, joycelyn. , and Guest for reviewing! Guest, since I can't send a PM to reply, I'll answer at the bottom of the chapter, so look for my reply to your fabulous review there ;D
Without further ado, Chapter 9! Enjoy!
Chapter 9
Laurah POV:
I don't know what surprises me more: the kiss or the fact that I don't pull away. I want to and at the same time I don't. So, inexplicably, I stay put. And somehow, against my will, I'm returning the action, and it turns into a fight for dominance. I don't relent, and neither does he. Only when we both need to breathe do we stop.
When I come back to full awareness, I find that my hands are fisted in Hallan's hair, but not in a passionate way - in an angry way. A way meant to cause him a bit of pain. Still, I know he'll mistake it for enthusiasm, and I hurriedly pull my hands free. His gaze and mine bore determinedly into each other, and it becomes a silent battle of wills. I hate him and I also don't, and he seems to feel the same. We both hate each other down to our very core, and yet we care for each other, in some unexplainable way. I wouldn't call it passion, but I might call it passionate loathing. That seems to fit the situation best.
"What was that?" I hiss, letting my voice tell him how much I really do despise him.
"I suspect you know." He still stares into my unrelenting, angry gaze, but we both soften after a moment more.
"I'm sorry," slips out of my mouth before I even realize I said anything. I make a mental note to kick myself later.
"As am I."
My eyes soften a bit more, and when Hallan rests his forehead against mine with closed eyes, I let him. And after a moment, I do the same.
After what could be a decade or scarcely a moment, he pulls away and walks us both to a stone bench covered in soft moss. He picks something up from the top of an abstract stone statue next to it, and turns back to me.
"Engagements need rings, do they not?"
"Not this kind of engagement," I retort, though there isn't much bite to it.
"All the same, best to stick with tradition."
Before I can object, Hallan slides a ring onto my left hand. A glance down shows me a gold band riddled with tiny, sparkling little diamonds, laid into leaf shapes. One that's slightly larger than the rest is perched in the middle, twinkling up at me in the dim garden light. I'm caught rather off guard by how beautiful it actually is.
"Thank you." This time, I'm not quite as surprised at myself for my words.
A moment of quiet passes, and I think that maybe I ought to spell out everything for him.
"Let me just give you a fair warning. I'm way screwed up in the head, and I'll likely always be. I don't like you in the least, and I kick in my sleep sometimes. Sex isn't exactly on my bucket list and probably isn't a thing that's going to happen. Still want to go through with this? YOU can back out, after all."
Hallan quirks a corner of his mouth up as he regards me for a moment.
"I'm not marrying you because I want a perfect wife. I happen to care for you, in my way."
I stare at him like he's got three heads.
"You're just as crazy as me, aren't you?"
"Positively mad. Think of the fun we shall have together."
The months that lead up to the wedding are mercifully peaceful, as far as the war is concerned. No news of any more attacks comes, and I become more certain that this was the right thing to do after all. It seems to have stopped the war, or at least its bloody consequences. However, Nikki's steady communication with Caspian and her badgering to get me to do the same keep my heart from being entirely at peace. My consolation comes from my slow but steady progress with Hallan on the subject of the green lady. He's got his secrets, but I think I'll be able to work them from him. I wish I could say the same for Nikki...she's not telling me something.
"I still can't believe you're going to do this, chica," Nikki says to me a few days before the wedding.
"It's not all bad. Look how the war has stopped. And besides, he's not that bad. Once you get past the surface, that is."
"I know, you've told me about how much his attitude has improved. But still...I'm sorry for it, you know? Marriage works best with soul mates."
"Sometimes other things are more important," I sigh, tired of this strain of conversation. It's one we've exhausted over the past four months.
"I know that, and I'll respect it," she insists, looking up at me from her cross-legged seat on the rug in her room.
"Thanks. And I know that we're not exactly perfect for each other and all that, but it'll work well enough. And I've got you and Rhos and Ainslie too, don't forget."
"Sure thing. Well, you've got me for a little while longer at least. I'll have to go back to Cair Paravel soon to check on Cas."
"And spend a little time with your Sadrian?" I tease lightly, smiling a little impishly.
"And then there's that," is her blushing response.
"Thank you for staying this long," I whisper, smiling sincerely. "I missed you, you crazy thing."
"Right back atcha. Still, I wish we'd been a bit more productive with the whole baddie sprite mystery and whatnot. You still don't know who that sprite on Dragon Isle was, do you?"
"Actually, I've got a theory...it's not solid but it might be the case." It's anything but solid, but it's the best I can think of right now.
"Spill the beans then!"
"That lady Hallan always talked about? I just have an inkling it's her. Especially with his note about her wearing a green dress. Green's a sprite color, and, as you've noticed I'm sure, one we wear often."
"That makes a lot of sense. And I still say the 'prince' is Cas. Just saying."
"He's the King of Narnia, not the Prince of Narnia."
"I know that, but do you honestly think she was keen on calling him by his proper title? What other 'princes' could she be referring to?" Nikki crosses her arms over her chest, convinced she's right. I have to say, I'm not inclined to argue.
"Alright, fair point. But not overly helpful."
"But it's something," she points out, not smugly but matter-of-factly.
Quiet settles over us for a few moments, and then my voice speaks without my brain's permission.
"Look after him. Please." We both know who I'm talking about, even though I've tried not to talk about him at all with my wedding to Hallan coming up.
"Will do." Nikki's answer comes quickly and promises to do as I asked, but it still doesn't satisfy me, somehow.
I don't want to admit it, but I don't want Nikki to have to take care of King Caspian enough for the both of us. I want to take care of him too. And Nikki knows that. Her steady gaze tells me she does, and it asks me why I can't.
"I'm getting married in a matter of days, Nikki. I can't...I'll be a married woman. I've moved on, in a way. I have to let him do so too."
"And move on with who, chica? Who?"
I'm about to suggest Lilliandil, but Nikki interrupts me before I can even get the first syllable out.
"And we've been over Lilliandil; she's his big sis."
That manages to silence me, and I find myself studying my hands as if they're the most interesting thing in the entire world.
"He'll find someone," I finally manage to whisper, already working to convince myself it's true the minute it leaves my lips.
"Chica, what if he doesn't want to?"
"Nikki, stop, please. Don't make this harder than it has to be," I plead. I've only just gotten used to the idea of marrying Hallan. I can't think about the King of Narnia. I really, really can't, not now. Not when agreeing to marry someone else has already helped my people so much. This isn't the time to be thinking about love and wants and desires. My marriage with Hallan won't be perfect, it won't be a fairy tale, but it'll work. It'll do what it's supposed to, and it'll be tolerable. It might even grow to be pleasant; in fact, I'm sure it will, given the time to do so.
"Alright, I'm sorry. I just want what's best for you, you know," she says, and her tone tells me how much she really does care.
"I know, and I thank you for that. It's just that it's not about me or what's best for me anymore. It's about the sprites; it's about my people. Surely their lives are worth this small little sacrifice on my part."
"You are so much wiser than I'll ever be. You're right chica, and congrats on being so brave about it." Nikki stands and envelops me in a sisterly hug, and I allow myself a few tears while it lasts.
"Take care of him. Help him understand," I whisper as we both pull back slowly.
"I will. Though I think it'd be best coming from you."
I look at her curiously, though without much enthusiasm.
"What are you getting at, Nikki?"
"Come back to Cair Paravel with me, okay? Just long enough to say goodbye." She's very convincing, I'll give her that. Even I can't argue that it sounds like a good idea.
"I'll think on it," I promise, and I know I will. We both know I will.
"Good."
"It'll have to be after the wedding and all, you know."
"I know. I'll probably be leaving the day after the wedding, so come when you can. And don't take months about it, either," she teases lightly, sounding almost like she used to back in my old home.
"I'll only take a week or two," I reply with a laugh.
"Promise?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die." I enact this very promise as I say it.
"Oh no, let's just pinkie promise. The war isn't quite over, you know."
We both have to laugh at that, and we pinkie promise.
I get an idea then, and I resolve to go to Cair Paravel as soon as I can after the wedding. My little idea might spare the king a little pain.
"Are you ready, sister?"
"Yes and no," I answer honestly, staring at the strange image I see in the mirror of me in a white dress.
"I am sorry-"
"Don't be. It's not going to be nearly as bad as I first thought, I promise." At least, I'm hoping so. Hallan's been nice, by his standards, but I'm still a bit nervous that it'll go away as soon as the wedding ring slides onto my finger.
"I am happy for you, then. Are you sure you wish to walk down the aisle alone?"
"I'm sure. It's not like either of my dads are here to go with me." I don't say it bitterly, just practically. It's true, and there's nothing wrong with me going down the aisle on my own.
Ann nods her understanding and finishes adjusting my dress and hair. Once she's sure not a single hair is out of place, she places the veil over my head. It's a very simple veil: no blusher, no intricate lace or sequins or anything. It's a simple, delicate white net that barely comes to my lower back. I insisted on having things as simple as possible.
"You're ready, sister."
I nod and take one last look at myself in the mirror before following Ainslie out of my room and out into the hall. The wedding will be on the edge of the forest, and though I haven't seen the setup, I've heard that it's beautiful in the most simple of ways.
"I'm nervous, Ann," I suddenly blurt out in a panicked whisper as we approach the palace doors. My hands have turned clammy and cold, and my heart is starting to pound none too comfortably in my chest.
"You are ready for this, Laurah. You have said so yourself," she soothes, pausing for a moment to let me gather myself.
"But I'm not, I'm not...it's not him who should be at the end of the aisle," I whimper, fighting a sudden bout of tears. I can't smear my light makeup, after all.
"I know sister, I know." Ann opens her arms to a me wresting for control of herself, and I gratefully fling myself into my sister's comforting embrace.
We stay that way for a precious few seconds, and after a few dry sobs, I force myself to straighten up.
"I'm ready now, Ann. I'm sorry about that." My resolve finds me once more, and I set my jaw against another threatening round of tears trying to break free.
"No need." Ann, bless her, waits patiently until I gather myself again and my looming tears subside.
"Okay, let's go."
Ann nods at the two guards waiting to open the doors for us, and they swing the palace doors open. I take a deep breath of the fresh air flooding in from outside and walk steadily forward, refusing to look anywhere but ahead. I pause just a moment to let Ann go in front of me, and we both walk to the edge of the forest. As soon as we get there, I understand what everyone has been talking about. And I almost cry again, but this time from happiness.
An arch seemingly made only of flowers marks the beginning of the aisle I'll be walking down, and it's made of little white flowers. My little white flowers. The carved wood benches that seat the spectators are draped in the beautiful little things too, and even the aisle floor is covered in the petals.
"Where did you find so many?" I breathe out in awe.
"They do grow on their own, you know," Ann answers gently as we approach.
By now the sprites have heard our footsteps, and their heads slowly turn to watch us, and most of all me, row by row.
Ann and I stop right at the flower arch, and start forward only when the tune starts up. I can't see where the music's coming from, but I find it doesn't really matter. I'm just trying to focus on something other than the end of the aisle.
I have to gather my resolve several times as I slowly walk several large paces behind Ann, but somehow a glance at the ring already on my left hand soothes me. This isn't the end of the world, after all. It's going to work out, and it'll grow pleasant with time. I hold on to that as I take the final steps forward and stand beside Hallan. He looks handsome, but I barely notice. Mother nods reassuringly at me, and I nod ever so slightly back, letting her know to go ahead. Since she's the queen, she's going to be marrying us.
"Do you, Hallan, take this woman to be your wedded wife, to have and to told, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, 'till death do you part?"
"I do," is his steady answer as he slides the wedding band onto my finger and his hands close around mine.
"And do you, Laurah, take this man to be your wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, 'till death do you part?"
My mouth goes dry, and I look down at our joined hands and back up at Hallan's eyes.
"I do."
I'm torn between crying and smiling. I'd like to do both, but everyone will know they aren't happy tears. Against my will, my eyes water and one trickles out onto my cheek. Hallan's eyes flit to that tear, on the cheek facing the audience. One of his hands releases mine, and wipes it away under the guise of bringing my face closer to his. That hand slides down my cheek to under my chin, and tips my face up. And the vows are sealed with a kiss.
Applause breaks out, as much for hoping this action ends the war as for the actual marriage. Hallan's lips leave mine, and he wipes away another tear that leaks onto my other cheek. This one isn't entirely sad, as the applause reminds me of why this marriage is so very good indeed. And Hallan really is being quite wonderful today. It's for the best, and he's my husband now.
I realize that I don't know what to do from here, but luckily he does. We walk back down the aisle together, my arm resting in his. Everyone gets up to follow us, and Hallan leads us back to the palace, where the doors have been flung open for our arrival. I remember that the palace has a ballroom, and I figure out that we must be going there.
Hallan strokes the top of my hand with his thumb, and oddly enough it does provide the comfort it's meant to.
"I will force nothing on you tonight," he whispers against my hair.
Tears prick at my eyes as I comprehend what he means, and I smile at him for the first time today.
"Thank you. I wasn't sure if I was ready."
As soon as we enter the ballroom, we're greeted by another round of applause. Everyone who couldn't fit in the seats at the actual ceremony waited for us here, or so it seems.
"I think this was the right thing after all," I whisper, more to myself than to Hallan. But he hears anyway, and nods kindly. Kindly...it's a word I'd never have even thought about to describe him with a few months ago. He really has changed, and quite for the better.
The afternoon and evening flies by, and the only thing that really sticks is the first dance. I think Nikki must have told the musicians what tempo to play, because it's a waltz. It's a dance I know well, and it provides a link to lighter days. It keeps a smile on my face, especially when Hallan leads me in the steps. He must have learned it beforehand. Nikki did a good job keeping it a secret.
"Uneasy, princess?" My new husband's eyes drive through my own.
"Wouldn't you be, in my shoes?" I reply, though the remark comes out more weary than anything else.
"As I've said, I will force nothing on you," he whispers in my ear, sending a shiver through me when his breath tickles the skin there.
"You said nothing of persuasion," I whisper right back, before adding, "But it's not just that."
"Then what?"
Something about his tone makes me uneasy, but I manage not to show it.
I swallow down a confession regarding my feelings for the king of Narnia and answer with what I hope to be a convincing "Nothing."
Soon the sun has sunk below the treetops, but the party continues merrily on. I suspect that everyone is simply drunk on hope. Some are just plain drunk too, but not in an obnoxious way; simply an amusing way. Nikki fits right in, though she doesn't need a single drop of alcohol to spin her up. She and a group of sprites who've had a bit too many sips of wine beg the musicians to play a lively jig. It takes a good few minutes of convincing and pleading and whining and threatening, but they finally win, and Nikki pulls me right into the spirited dance.
Surprisingly, I take to it rather well, even though I don't have much, if any, experience dancing to jigs. But the music and the slightly drunk dancers whisk me along until I can't help but laugh and be just as merry as they are. Nikki even manages to get me to down a glass of wine, and then I relax and enjoy myself even more. In the end, it turns out to be quite a pleasant night.
When the sun sinks all the way and the moon takes its place in the sky, Nikki and I dash outside to dance to the now lively music under the stars. It's a good thing the ballroom is on the first floor and leads right to a grassy clearing. Eventually more people join us, Ann included. We make quite a merry bunch, and only go inside when the musicians slow the tune again.
"One more dance for the night?" Hallan asks as soon as I trail back inside after the others.
"How could I say no?" I reply, surprising myself with my ease.
Hallan leads me through a dance that's just fast enough to keep people awake at this late hour but just slow enough to be romantic, and I realize that I shouldn't have been so upset this morning. He's a good man I think, deep down. It just took a little time to bring that out.
After that dance, Hallan and I bid everyone a good night and leave the party, though we know it'll continue long into the night. Especially with Nikki to keep it going. On our way out, Ann gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, and that gives me all the courage I could ever need.
When he leads us outside, I realize that once again, I don't know where we're going. I'm about to ask this very question, but then Asha and another horse trot up. A smile spreads across my face in response, and I don't object when Hallan lifts me up onto my horse.
"Perhaps we will not have a traditional honeymoon, but time away will be good nonetheless."
"Yes, it will," I answer simply, still churning over my decision about tonight in my head. I don't know if I'm ready, but if I'm not now, when will I be?
We ride off into the forest, passing by the place the ceremony took place as we go. I stretch out my hand and pluck one of my little white flowers from the arch as we go by and tuck it into my hair. I'd all but forgotten I could grow these at will.
We ride for at least a good hour, and I grow to appreciate Asha's smooth gait after the first half of the time, especially with my dress doing nothing to facilitate the ride. The skirt continually gets in the way.
At last, we come to a small but not too small cottage, all cozy in the woods. It's built from the same stone as the castle, and has the same ivy crawling up its sides.
"Your mother came here for her honeymoon, and now she has given it to us," Hallan explains.
My stomach flip-flops several times in nervousness, but I recognize the gesture for the kind and loving thing it is.
"I'll have to thank her when we go back to the palace."
My husband nods and gesticulates to the house with an open hand.
"Shall we?"
My mouth is dry again, so I just nod. He dismounts first, and both the horses canter back the way we came after he helps me off Asha.
I take his offered arm and let him lead me inside. Instantly, I have to appreciate how cozy it is.
The floors are all made of smoothed and polished wood, and the walls have the same ivy inside that graces the outside of the cottage. A small sitting room is the first room we enter as we walk inside, and the sofas look so very comfortable. Everything is in earthy and green colors, and it feels very much like an artistic take on the surrounding forest. I have to admit, it's quite beautiful and very welcoming.
Hallan releases my arm so I can explore on my own, and I take my time. No need to rush.
The kitchen and pantry are stocked with all the food we could ever need, and they both continue the woodsy theme. The countertop edges have designs that greatly resemble celtic knots, and the wood stove has the lyrics of the sprite song written artistically into the wood.
"Suilil a Run," I whisper softly, brushing my fingertips over the lyrics reverently. It's been too long since I've sung that song with my mother and sister.
I leave the kitchen to explore the dining room, and I find a table with seats for just two in the middle of the room. The table bears similar design to the countertops in the kitchen, and I can't resist running my fingers over the flawlessly carved designs. The chairs continue the theme, and I'm surprised by how comfortable they are, even without seat cushions.
Eventually, I make my way to the single bedroom. Whether or not I decide to consummate the marriage tonight, we'll be sharing a bed. I still haven't made up my mind about that either.
Hallan's sitting on the bed when I enter, and I blush when I notice he's changed out of his wedding clothes and not bothered to put on a shirt. When he notices me looking to the side, he can't resist teasing me a bit.
"What's the matter, princess?"
"Nothing. You just...caught me off guard is all," I respond, smiling slightly at the gently-joking way he now says 'princess.'
"Ah."
"Don't believe me?"
All I get for a reply is a smirk that isn't the mocking one I'd have received a few months ago.
"I think I'm going to get out of my dress," I murmur, making a beeline for the washroom as my cheeks turn red again. I shouldn't have looked right at him again.
"Does her Highness need a hand?"
"I've already got two, thanks," I joke right back, silently thanking him for banishing my embarrassment with that bait. He knew I could come up with a non-flustered response.
I can decide about tonight once I change, I think to myself.
"I only wished to be of help," he laughs, with a slight tone of something else.
Maybe it's that something else that prompts me to change my mind.
"Get the buttons in the back then, if you would." As soon as the almost-dare leaves my lips, I know I can't take it back. Oddly enough, I think I'm alright with that. Just maybe.
I know without looking that Hallan's eyebrows shot up a little at my surprising little comment, but he stands and comes over to me without hesitation. My cheeks flame again, but I feel mostly alright with this. If not now, then when?
He makes slow work of the buttons on my dress, though I can't tell if it's from hesitation or a desire to tease me. Maybe it's both. That wouldn't be at all unlike him. Still, it makes my heart pound, and not completely with apprehension.
My mind goes back and forth, but my choice seems clear. He is my husband, after all. I suppose I'd best accept it. I have already, in a way, but part of me still holds on to my stubborn refusal that this whole thing actually happened today. Perhaps it's only to be expected; after all, it wasn't a marriage for love.
"We do not have to do anything tonight," my husband gently reminds me, and it calms me a bit.
He finishes the buttons on the back of my dress, and I stand there silently, undecided on whether to let it simply fall off my shoulders or to go inside the washroom and slip on a nightgown. Hallan waits patiently, more patiently than I thought him capable of, but I'm aware of his closeness. If I back up one step, my now-exposed back will bump into his chest.
I go back and forth, and my husband never rushes me. I'm vastly surprised at his abounding courtesy tonight, and it helps me decide a little easier.
'If not now, then when?' rings back and forth in my head, and I feel ready to accept Hallan as my husband in every way, and yet I don't. I want to wait, but I know that if I refuse this now, I'm unlikely to agree in the forseeable future.
He lays a gentle hand on my shoulder and brushes my hair to the side, and I feel no inclination to stop him.
So I don't. And the next morning when I wake up, I find that I don't regret it.
I know, I know. I know you all want to wring my sorry excuse for a neck, but I promise you've got a little something to look forward too soon! I'm not completely cruel! I love you all too much to rip out your hearts entirely ;)
Guest - Dang, that's a really really good guess about the bracelet! I love seeing that you're thinking about this! Wonderful guesses, and they'll be answered in due time ;)
Oooo, that bit about Caspian showing up unexpectedly is a good idea! I'm a bit tempted to go back and use it...hey wait, I can! In a roundabout way...Thank you! That bunny will show up in a few chapters! ;D
True love's kiss? Awww, that'd be so sweet...
Please let me know your thoughts so far! I absolutely love hearing from you! ;)