Chapter 10 - Memories

When I woke up again, I sat for several minutes trying to figure out what to do with myself. I wanted to go talk to Purple, or better yet, go back in time and take back everything I had said and done over the past few hours, but neither of those were viable options. Finally, I decided to go see Red. I had to know if I was right – if he really was different now.

He had been awake for a while when I entered his room. He looked as though he were deep in thought, troubled perhaps. He seemed almost relieved when he saw me.

"Naara! Thank Irk!" he said, "Maybe you can help!"

"Help?" I asked, stopping a few feet from his bedside to eye him skeptically.

"The medical techs were here about an hour ago to check on me," he explained, "They told me that someone had tried to remote deactivate my PAK and that they had to have the Control Brains reboot me remotely…"
"Yes, that's correct…" I replied.

"They said something about a virus or something in my PAK?"

"Yes," I said again, still not sure what he was getting at, "The Control Brains deleted it."

"Why don't I remember any of that?"

"You don't remember…what? Being rebooted?"

"No. Nothing. I don't remember my life clock coming on, or how I got here, or what I was doing before I got here..."

"What do you remember?" I asked.

"The last thing I remember…is being on the bridge earlier. I think Invader Slacks called. And before that…I remember going to breakfast, but I don't know how I got on the bridge from the cafeteria. And I don't remember anything from the night before that. It's like there's holes in some of my memories."

I felt sick to my stomach. This was so not good.

"I think when the Control Brains erased the bug from your PAK, any memories that were tied to the bug were erased with it," I said weakly.

"What kind of bug was it?" Red asked. "What am I not remembering?"

"If my theory is correct, which it seems to be,the bug was attacking your personality center, making you say and do things you wouldn't normally do. Apparently when the bug was erased, your memories associated with the bug were erased with it."

"What did I do?" he asked, suddenly sounding concerned.

I didn't answer. He didn't even know what he did. He had no memory of any of it. If only Purple were so lucky…

"Naara," he said, "What did I do that I'm not remembering? Why do I get the feeling that I did something really bad?"

I still didn't answer. Was I really supposed to tell him, in graphic detail, what he did to Purple?

"Where's Purple?" he asked, as though he could read my thoughts. "Why hasn't he come by yet?"

"You really don't remember anything?" I asked.

"No, I don't. Naara, please, tell me what I did…"

"I think if I tell you…you'll wish I hadn't…" I told him.

"Tell me, please. What did I do? Where's Purple?"

"You tried to kill him," I said bluntly, "After your PAK was rebooted. You beat him up and tried to choke him to death. He's down the hall recovering now. That's why he hasn't come to see you."

Red was silent, shocked. I could tell he didn't want to believe me.

"Why would I do that?" he asked quietly.

"It was the bug, apparently. The bug wanted you to hurt him, and you did."

"Is that all I did?" Red asked shakily. He looked appalled and in disbelief still. "What about the other stuff I don't remember?"

I was hesitant to tell him anymore. It had been a rough day for everyone and we both needed rest. I wasn't sure I wanted to verbally recount the whole tale of what he had done to his co-ruler either. It made me feel sick and angry all over again.

It was that anger, however, that prompted me to tell him everything. Purple and I had to live knowing what he had done, so why shouldn't he? Why should he get to be blissfully unaware?

"You abused him." My voice was calm, but I could feel the rage in the blood coursing through my veins.

"I…what?" Red's voice was barely audible.

"You abused him," I said again. "You were violent, and cruel, and you made him feel worthless. A couple of nights ago, he came to me for help. You found him with me, became enraged, and starting beating him. You said things to him- told him that he was nothing and that he'd better not ever forget it- that was perhaps the hardest on him…"

"It's not true…" Red said in a small, horrified voice, "Please tell me it's not true…How could I-? Why would I—"

"It's true," I said. "He's terrified of you."

Red had one hand clasped over his mouth, either in disbelief or to keep himself from becoming physically ill. He looked absolutely mortified, but I felt no pity for him in that moment. I was reliving that horrible night where I was forced to look on while he brutally assaulted his co-ruler. I was remembering how badly I wanted to kill him that night, how I had gotten my chance and then thrown it away, and now Purple no longer trusted me, probably hated me, and might never speak to me again because of it.

"Did you try to stop me?" Red asked.

"How do you think you ended up here?" I said, fixing my hate-filled gaze on him. I didn't care anymore. I wanted him to know and I didn't care if I ended up arrested or dead. I had failed and I just didn't care what happened anymore.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm the one that had you remote deactivated," I confessed, venom in my voice, "I bargained with someone to do it. I couldn't stand to see you hurt him one more time. I almost succeeded too – you were only a few minutes away from death."

"What happened?"

"I noticed the bug for the first time. My stupid PAK's programming kicked in. Told me to save you – that if what you did was because of a bug, then it wasn't entirely your fault and therefore it wasn't right to kill you. I was right about the bug, but not about saving you. You nearly killed Purple, and now he despises me for betraying him."

I looked Red in the eyes, glaring at him, and was surprised when my hostile expression was not mirrored back at me. I had expected him to be furious that I was the one who had tried to kill him. Instead, he looked guilty, horrified, and ashamed.

"You should have let me die…" he said softly.

"Yeah, well, it's a little late for that now."