The days were growing warmer; late spring was almost amongst us. It was a sad fact that the GazettE would have to do a tour through Japan and parts of Europe this season, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. As it got closer to tour time, Kai called Miyavi every day and every night before bed. They talked and met up as often as they could.
During this time, Reita talked less and wanted to do very little. He cuddled with me most days, a sure sign that he was going to miss having me to hold during their tour. Also, Kyo was over to see Aoi every day and Uruha sulked about more than usual…I didn't know why he was so depressed at the time. But the one fact that bothered me the most was that poor Ruki spent most of his time alone in his room. During one stretch I hadn't seen him for three whole days.
Ruki had good reasons to shut himself in his room. His father Atsushi was a bit over the top, he didn't have a significant other to dote over, and he felt overall like a side note stuffed in the jacket of a great novel. Ruki felt unnecessary.
I hadn't seen Ruki all morning on one particular day when I remembered that it was third anniversary of his mother's passing. She had died suddenly in a car accident, something no one had been expecting. Ruki, as his band mates tell me, was a lot friendlier and bouncier before his mother's passing…He had taken a bouquet of white lilies to her grave.
While Ruki was off grieving, I spent my time tending to Uruha's issue. He was pacing about the flat as if he were trying to decide something important. Uruha was so transfixed on this issue, so I asked him what it was that was driving him to madness.
Tilting his head ever so slightly, Uruha darted his eyes to avoid looking into mine. "Oh, I went and saw Saga the other night. It didn't go so well. And his dad wants me in all kinds of weird ways. It was awful and I don't know what to do."
"Well, don't do anything. Don't visit Saga anymore…that's all I can say. Your feelings are feelings, but you aren't responding to them so well. It would be best to take flight on this one." I looked up at Uruha, biting my lip in thought.
Of course Uruha wasn't prepared to follow my advice. He left the flat shortly after. It seemed that life at the flat was getting odd. Ruki returned in the evening just before dinner time. His eyes looked empty and colorless as he bypassed the dinner table and went straight for his room. I wasn't about to have the GazettE's lead die of starvation, so I brought dinner to him on a tray. Setting it on the dresser next to his bed, I hoped he would at least take a few bites after I left.

That night, I mentioned my concerns to Reita. He let out a long, exasperating sigh. "Ruki is not the type to let you know what he's really thinking, but this is the most withdrawn I have ever seen him. If it continues much longer, we will have to intervene." Reita laid back onto our bed. "I hear him up and about all hours of the night; he's not sleeping well either."
Uruha returned home after midnight. When I asked where he went, he said he wanted to go sulk someplace else. I wasn't sure how to feel about that, so I sat him down on the couch for a chat. "You know, you're not allowed to be depressed. And if you stay upset about this, it could ruin the entire tour season for you."
He smiled but it turned to a pout. "I think that more than that will be ruined…but I just don't know…I just feel like if I can't be with him then I don't want to be with anyone else."
"Well, if you want to romance Saga, you have to do it the right way. You can't just throw yourself in front of him and expect him to take to you. You do get a bit too cheery when you are around him, and sake drinking isn't the best idea either." I gave Uruha the perfect plan…
In the morning I was still very worried about Ruki, but there was a more pressing matter to tend to at the flat. Miyavi had snuck into the flat after I had gone to bed, and had managed to use all of our eggs to make Kai pancakes a few hours ago. How was I supposed to make the rest of the band (and Kyo) breakfast?
Reita went with me to the grocery store, dragging the homebody Ruki with us. Ruki was growling and mumbling to himself as we were heading down the main aisle, but he disappeared before we made it to the eggs and dairy section. Someone had caught his eye.
There was a young man looking through the liquor aisle. He was bent forward, gawking at the whiskey and rum. He had finely layered hair that was dyed a golden color, but his dark Japanese roots showed through. His eyes were smoldering black, but the eyeliner he had on made his eyes appear soft and round. His outfit was gold, black, and ruffled; the young man had fine taste. Ruki approached him cautiously.
"Rum…huh? My favorite is the butterscotch." Ruki smiled lightly and tried not to seem too interested in the man. Ruki took a step back and examined a bottle of vodka with a small smirk resting on his lips.
This young man knew better. Ruki was obviously finding his appearance aesthetically pleasing. "My name's Shou. Wanna drink some rum with me tonight? I don't have much else to do today." Ruki and Shou exchanged business cards the proper way.
Ruki caught up with us at the front counter. I didn't bother to ask what happened; I was glad enough when I realized that Ruki's aura had changed ever so slightly. In fact, I could tell he was doing his best to hide a grin.
When we got home, I began making breakfast, but it didn't take me long to realize that Miyavi and Kai were making their own delightful treats in Kai's bedroom. I sighed and turned on a small radio in the kitchen, but it didn't muffle their noises much. I began to wonder which one was seme when I dropped a spatula. I reached down to pick it up, and Reita grabbed my rear. When I looked at him, he just laughed and said, "Well, it was right there. I had to."
Kai's eyes were closed tight and his teeth were clenched as he tried his best to grin and bear it. "It'll get better dear I promise," Miyavi purred delicately. I could hear everything through the flat's thin walls, and it was irritating.
"Hey Reita, do me a favor babe and break those two up. Tell them to get a hotel room, they certainly have the funds to." I really didn't want to hear them in the morning.
Reita shrugged. "If you can deal with it once and explain your torture in excruciating detail, it could be easier to persuade them to go to Miyavi's place next time." Kai and Miyavi had been a pair for almost three months; I knew it had to come to this eventually.
Ruki left the flat that night without a word to any of us. He pulled out the business card and read the address over a few times, his dark hair dancing about in the evening breeze. When he reached Shou's apartment he had barely knocked on the door before Shou had let him in.
I wasn't too worried about where Ruki had gone off to; he had a copy of the key and if he had met someone in the store I knew he would take things slowly and Ruki has an expansive knowledge in martial arts. While he was gone, I noticed there were some dishes missing and I went to check his room. I found the dishes from last night with the food still on it; not a bite was taken. I took care of the dishes and returned to his room.
The calendar on his wall had caught my eye. Every day since his mother's death day was marked with a small black X in the corner until the thirteenth day. On the thirteenth day, the calendar said, "し" (or shi) thirteen times. Shi was the number four. Shi was the number of death, the word for death…Was he planning suicide? I scratched my head as I tried to figure out why it was in hiragana instead of kanji.
I hurried to Reita, my stomach reeling. After showing him what I had seen, he too was worried. We stayed up all night trying to figure out how to deal with Ruki's plans. I hadn't cried that hard in a while. Poor Reita…having to deal with all our shit.