Dear Aragorn,
I don't really know how to tell you this,but the mafia is after you. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me in London and I saw you steal the toupee from that crazy monk. I'm sure your mongolian enough to understand that your Honda sucks. Im sending back our matching snoopy-bibs, but Im keeping your left ear as a memory. You should know that I will inform the Swedish Tax Agency of your passionated love for mice.
Say goodbye to your pet frog Leonard for me,
Arwen.