I was let out of the hospital a few days later but my ribs were still sore enough that anything besides lying in bed was uncomfortable if not out right painful. Of course, it didn't make difference given that Charlie was afraid to let me out of the house lest I get injured again.
We had decided to say that I had been hit by a car and leave out the forest completely. This was a relief because it meant I wouldn't have to explain to anyone – other then the Cullens and Jacob that is – what I was doing in the forest. Unfortunately, the car story was just the kind of thing that would spark Charlie's parental paranoia, even if I would recover completely in a month or two.
After leaving the hospital, the number of visitors dropped significantly, though Alice still stopped by every day, more or less. After that first disastrous visit, Jacob didn't return. I'd asked my father repeatedly to convey the message to billy that I would like nothing better than to see Jacob again but he never came.
It wasn't that I didn't like being alone so much with Alice, I was merely not satisfied with just her company. I wanted Jacob – my soft, warm, human Jacob – whom I had come to love and trust, just in time to lose him. Had I gotten him back just in time for him to lose his love and trust in me?From everything that had happened, in the past months, it seemed I was developing a gift for impossible relationships. First with Edward, and then Jacob – I wondered if it wouldn't be better to just give up and not let myself trust. But it was just an errant thought, not the reality of weeks before. For the first time since September, I felt in control.
Unfortunately, control didn't solve the immediate problem that the boy I loved hated – or feared – me and I despised the boy who wanted nothing more than my love. And my forgiveness.
No. I didn't despise him. Once I had thought I hated him for the pain he had caused me, for the betrayal, but now... now I was simply tired. Tired of the hate, tired of the fear, tired of the pain. I wasn't numb, I was merely too exhausted to maintain the burning emotion I'd felt for him once.
But that wasn't what really nagged at me. I knew that I regretted what he had done and I was willing to accept that his actions – however misguided – were made in the hopes that they would keep me safe, but I couldn't understand how the rest of his family – whom I'd already begun to envision myself as a part of – had been so willing to leave everything behind, including me.
I opened my eyes and looked at Alice, sitting next to me and reading while she left me to my thoughts.
"Alice?" I said, and she set down her book and looked at me, her wide eyes intent on my face. "Why did you leave?"
She frowned. "Do you mean me personally, or the family as a whole?"
"Both."
"The family left because Edward was leaving."
"Simple as that? What about me?"
Alice looked at me sadly. "On the whole, our family is quite fond of you. We appreciate what you've done for Edward after a century and a half of being alone. But Edward was leaving and he needed us there if he was ever going to get over it."
"Carlisle?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.
"We speak often and often it's about you. He likes you, and he didn't think it was a good idea to leave you behind. But Edward insisted and... and as much as he loves you, you were human and in eighty years you would be dead but Edward is more lasting."
I gasped at the harsh bluntness to her words. All my fears, all my worries for the future thrown back in my face as an excuse to more pain. It didn't help that I knew I would still die, even though Edward had returned with his family. "And you?" I asked.
She sighed. "I left because Edward needed my support and because I knew he'd want me to be watching you. I didn't really approve of his decision but he was going to stand by it and it would be unhealthy for the family as a whole to make him face his choices alone. Even if it would be fair.
"What about me?" I asked again, softly. She understood.
"Bella, I could see that things were going to be very difficult for him, not only having to be separated, but knowing that you were going to hate him for it -"
"Don't tell me things were hard for him!" I snapped. "This was his decision, he had a choice, and he denied me even the chance to say goodbye. Do you have any idea what it's like not only knowing that the person you love no longer loves you, but left wondering whether they ever loved you in the first place?"
She looked at me sadly. "Bella, I may not read minds but is clear to me, as it is to everyone else in the family, that he loves you deeply. I saw it all that night, his mouth fastening around your throat, your neck snapping with the force of it – my throat was aching with the thought of it – and all this served only to pull him closer toward the breaking point. I knew then that it was impossible that you would survive – the lust strengthens us, you see, and we would not be able to fight our best against our own brother. Then you said his name and the vision vanished as though it had never been. I have never seen Edward in as much pain as when he realized how close he had come to taking your life." Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't bear this.
"Even after we left," Alice continued, "he couldn't stay away entirely. He returned to deliver his blasted note in the hopes that you would be convinced he didn't love you and that that knowledge would lessen the pain. He watched for a few days to make sure that you stayed on your feet and then he came back to the family. To tell the truth, we weren't sure that he would be able to stay on his feet.
"Then, when I saw... when I saw Laurent attack, there was no hesitation. He needed to save you, even knowing he would be too late. When I began to see blurred images of you at the hospital, I was almost afraid to tell him because I didn't know what was going to happen. For the first time in my life, I had no idea at all what the future held. But when he saw you..." Words seemed to fail her.
"So, you think it was real?"
She nodded. "I know it was real. But my opinion is irrelevant. What do you think?"
I sighed and collapsed back into the pillows on my bed. "I don't know what to think anymore. Before... Before he left, I would have said yes, it was real – beyond doubt. After – and with the letter – I would not hesitate to say it wasn't. Now... one of the things he said was a lie and don't know what to believe."
She sighed again, sadly. "That's what I was afraid of."
A moment later Alice looked up in surprise – an action which in turn surprised me. Alice was never surprised – just as you'd expect for someone who can see the future.
"Victoria?" I asked, my heart all but stopping.
She shook her head. "Vitoria wouldn't bother to use a car."
Once she had drawn my attention to it, I heard the car engine die, the car door slam, and then the heavy footsteps approaching the door. I ran downstairs as quickly as my ribs would allow, curiosity taking the place of fear. I almost collapsed with joyful relief when I opened the front door and saw Jacob walking up towards me.
"Jake!" I called.
"Hi, Bella," he said as he stepped into the house. He didn't seem angry which was an improvement over the last time I'd seen him but he hardly seemed cheerful. He sniffed and wrinkled his nose. "It stinks in here. You've got one of the leeches here, don't you?"
I gritted my teeth. "Alice is here, yes."
"I have a message. From Sam."
"Fire away."
"Tell the bloodsuckers that the treaty is still in effect. They stay off our land and out of our business."
I frowned. "This is about Victoria isn't it?"
He didn't answer.
"That's stupid, Jake. Vampires are tough and the Cullens are just as tough and they know more about them. Maybe you could at least tell them what you know. They could help."
"We don't need their help!" he snapped. "You can tell them -"
I shook my head. Something had snapped. "No, Jake. Tell them yourself. I'm not some messenger to run back and forth between you and the Cullens.
"Yeah? Just what are you, exactly?"
My eyes narrowed. "I thought I was your friend. Clearly I was mistaken."
"It's not... It's not like that."
"Then what is it like, Jacob?"
He shook his head. "This can't work, Bella. My purpose now is to protect and maintain human life. The Cullens -" he said the name as though it left a vile taste in his mouth "- and the rest of their kind, cannot survive without destroying it. I can't condone that and i can't accept that."
"I'm not a Cullen! I'm no different than i was before they came back."
"That's not what i meant. You're not the problem. It's your leech buddies. I can't welcome something as destructive as they are."
"First, I'm not asking you to welcome them, I'm just saying that I don't want to be separated from you. You don't have to do anything with the vampires except tell them what you know – which you should do , it's stupid not to. Second, the Cullens put a lot of effort into keeping the humans in this area safe. They've restricted their diet – which from what i know is a lot harder than it sounds – and have kept other vampires out of the area. They certainly haven't 'destroyed human life' as you put it.
"I can name a few."
"Yeah? Who?"
"What about the rest of his family? It doesn't matter that they're still walking and talking, he still killed all of them."
"They would have died if he hadn't stepped in!"
"Maybe that wouldn't have been a bad thing."
"How dare you say that? Carlisle has saved more lives than I can count – including mine!"
"He wasn't the one I was worried about."
"Edward dying would not be a good thing." I practically snarled.
"How can you say that after what he did to you?"
"He was trying to keep me safe." I couldn't believe i was actually defending him when i had thought i was in complete agreement with Jacob.
"Isn't that sweet of him," said Jacob, his voice dripping with bitter sarcasm. "He sounds like such a nice guy."
"How would you know?" I snapped, "You refuse to even talk to him – heck, most of the time you refuse to talk to me."
He was shaking, just as he had when he had met Edward at the hospital.
"Is there a problem?" came a soft, high voice from the stairs. Alice must have heard us arguing and come down to see what was going on.
Jacob was shaking so quickly now that he was blurring. Again, I could almost see the form a a wolf inside his own. His breathing was ragged and his eyes were flicking back and forth between me and Alice.
"Bella," Alice said softly, "Come stand behind me."
Normally I would have refused – after all, this was Jacob – but something in her tone made me realize the danger I was in. Moving slowly, I stepped away from Jacob and closer to Alice.
"Jacob," Alice said, her voice still soft, careful, "What do you need to say?"
He took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself. Then he said, through gritted teeth, "The treaty is still on. You stay away and let us take care of our business."
"We have refrained from indulging ourselves on the human population and intend to continue doing so, regardless of the treaty, but we also have a responsibility to deal with Victoria, since we were the ones who killed her mate. We will be able to more effectively remove the problem if your pack is willing to cooperate, at least to some extent."
Jacob had calmed down significantly. "We're doing fine. We don't need your help." His teeth were still gritted but he had stopped shaking and his voice was almost even.
"No," Alice said softly, " but we need yours." I had to admit, she was good. She was saying just the kind of things that would soothe his anger, but I wouldn't have expected it to be that effective.
I frowned and studied Jacob carefully. "It's not my decision." There wasn't a trace of anger left in his tone, though he still wasn't pleased.
That was when I noticed the tall, pale figure standing behind him, his blonde hair blowing in the gentle breeze. I hadn't noticed Jasper walk up but I was fairly sure that he had just begun using his control over emotions to calm Jacob. From what I'd seen of Jacob since his transformation, I didn't think he would have been able to accomplish that on his own.
My gaze flicked from him to Alice as she nodded in understanding and said, "Please convey our message to Sam. It is crucial that we resolve this as quickly as possible."
Jacob frowned. "I'll tell him. But I don't think he'll agree."
"I can ask no more," Alice replied with a small inclination of her head.
Jake shook his head, his eyebrows drawing together. "If that's all you have to say, than I'm going."
"Of course. I wouldn't want to keep you."
Jacob gave me a stiff nod and turned to leave. He snarled when he saw Jasper behind him but, perhaps because of Jasper's influence, nothing more happened.
He had almost reached his car when I called out, "Jake!"
The Quileute turned back to me, his hands in his pockets, and looked at me expectantly.
"Come back," I said. "I miss you."
He smiled at me but there was an edge of something – sadness, perhaps – that gave the expression a harsher appearance. "I miss you, too," he called back, before climbing into his white Rabbit and driving away.
It wasn't until he had disappeared around the bend in the road that I realized he hadn't agreed.
I frowned and turned back to Alice who was talking amiably with Jasper a few feet away. I shook myself. "Um, Jasper," I interrupted, "Not to sound rude, but... what are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you to visit."
"Rosalie and Emmet just arrived. When Alice didn't come home, I was concerned."
Alice smiled apologetically. "I was otherwise engaged."
"Yes, I could see that. Sam should not have sent one so young – especially to Bella."
I didn't really like the way that sounded. I hated feeling inferior but it wasn't something I could avoid very well, given the people I spent time with these days.
"I wouldn't have let Bella go alone, but... the wolf surprised me."
Jasper's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "I don't understand."
"Neither do I," Alice replied, her frustration beginning to seep into her voice. "I was watching the house carefully in case Victoria decided to drop by for a visit... Jasper I didn't see anything! Do you think... Do you think something is wrong with my visions? Do you think someone's interfering?"
Jasper took her hands in his and kissed them gently. "Don't worry, love. I'm sure it will be fine."
Their discussion sparked a memory, an old thought, and after thinking for a moment, I asked, "Alice, you saw Laurent's attack in that clearing, right?"
She nodded. "Yes. We all thought you were dead."
"So you didn't see the wolf knock me out of the way? Or the other wolves fighting off Laurent."
Alice frowned. "No, I didn't..." Then her eyes lit up as she realized what I was trying to say. "So you think that the problem is the wolves, not my sight?"
"It's just a theory but it makes sense. Can you tell me what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?"
She blinked. "Heavy rain with some snow for a short period in the evening."
I nodded. This confirmed what I had been thinking. "So there's nothing wrong with your power. It's just that for some reason you can't see the wolves."
"I suppose, but I can't imagine why."
Jasper's phone rang.
"Hello?" he said, holding it to his ear.
"What is it?" I asked Alice quietly.
"Edward wants us to come back so that we can make some plans for dealing with Vitoria."
My heart quickened when she said his name, and I wasn't quite able to tell why. The last time I checked, I had been angry with him. Or... maybe I hadn't, entirely. Without thinking about it, I asked, "Can I come with you?"
Alice raised her eyebrows. "If you like. There's no denying that it involves you. Are you sure you're up for it?"
I wasn't at all sure I was up for it, but I was sure that I wasn't going to be left out of this. "I'm fine," I said.
Only a few minutes later I was on the way to the Cullen house with Alice and Jasper.
When I arrived at the house, I saw the rest of the Cullens gathered in the living room, through the doorway.
"What happened?" I heard Edward ask as Alice entered, and then he growled. "Is she safe?"
It took me a moment but I finally realized that he must have been seeing what happened with Jacob repeated in Alice's mind.
"She's-" Alice began, but I cut her off.
"I'm fine," I said, stepping into the house.
Edward looked taken aback. "Bella," he said, and there was something raw in his voice that made my heart ache with a mix of longing and pain.
"Edward," I replied, deciding no other response was quite suitable. Then I shook my self and sat down, trying to get out of the way of the proceedings. Somehow, I chose the seat beside him.
"Good afternoon, Bella. It's nice to see you. Now, unfortunately, we know very little regarding the situation with Victoria. Rosalie and Emmet -" he nodded to each as he said their names "- say that they crossed her scent four or five times on the way into town. This is congruent with our searches in the area. From what we can determine, she has been nearly everywhere around Forks – including a number of sites where campers have been found missing or killed – and we think she has been exploring for some time. However, this gives us very little help in determining her current whereabouts because none of the various trails we have found are recent..." He continued to go over the information the vampires had available to them and, eventually, they discussed plans for finding her and getting rid of her.
I tried to listen intently as the discussion progressed, but I was caught up in Edward's nearness. It was a feeling that I thought I would not feel again – even after he returned – because I had thought the emotions were gone, but I was beginning to wonder, now, if they had not been as dead as I thought.
I was jerked sharply out of my thoughts when the phone rang only minutes into the debate. Everyone looked at it in surprise and it took longer than I would have expected for someone to get up and answer it.
"Hello?" Carlisle asked.
I couldn't hear what the person at the other end of the line said but Carlisle's eyes widened and he said, "Just a moment – let me put you on speaker phone."
A moment later, a man's voice came through with the words, "This is Sam Uley. I've reconsidered your offer. We are having more difficulty with her than we expected after dealing with her friend."
Edward shook his head. "Laurent wasn't a fighter. He was practiced at the verbal games, the mental maneuvering. Victoria may be insane, but she's a fighter. She won't be caught easily, let alone killed."
Sam was silent for a long moment, and then he said, "I think a mutual exchange of information would be a good idea."
"I agree," said Carlisle, "but I think a meeting in person might be easier."
"No," Sam replied, "I don't think it would work without breaking the treaty. The pack wouldn't support it and neither would the reservation."
"Wait," I interjected as a thought came to me suddenly. "Why not meet in the middle?"
"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked,
"Send me. I know almost as much as you do about Victoria and the wolves wouldn't feel threatened by me."
"No," Edward said, almost before I'd finished speaking. "I don't think it would be safe for you. I've seen the kind of control Jacob has and he's not the only new addition to the pack."
"How do you know?" Sam asked sharply.
"I... just do. We'll explain later."
"I'll tell you tomorrow."
"No! It's not safe!" Edward insisted.
"Yeah, well, we all know what happens when you try to keep me safe." I almost regretted the words once they were said. Almost. But I really didn't trust his opinion just then. It still hurt to see the pain I'd caused him though.
"I can assure you," Sam said coldly, "that it is perfectly safe."
Edward didn't respond, his eyes still fixed on my face.
I looked away and said, "Of course they are. I'll meet with you tomorrow."
"Wait," Edward said. "What if she took one of us with her – just one?"
"No," Sam said again. "The wolves will not allow a vampire on our land."
"Then on neutral ground perhaps. Bella's house?"
Sam was silent as he thought about it. "Alright. One. But no more than that. We'll meet tomorrow at noon."
"Of course," said Carlisle, finally reclaiming the conversation. After that, though, he didn't seem to know would to say. "Good night."
Sam only gave a grunt of response before hanging up.
I turned to Edward and asked, "So just who did you have in mind to... accompany me?"
"Me," Edward said, sounding surprised at the question.
"No," Alice said before I could. "You're too overprotective. Even if you didn't actively screw things up, you'd create a tense atmosphere which would not be helpful."
"Then send me," Emmett suggested. "I could use some excitement."
"That may be the case," Carlisle replied, "But excitement is the last thing we need. This is a negotiation, not a fight."
"We need to send someone who won't be threatening," said Esme. Her eyes flicked to Alice but the black haired vampire shook her head.
'I'm bothered enough not being able to see them but if I'm engaged in the negotiations, I'll be almost completely blind."
"I'll go," said Jasper after a moment. "I can protect Bella as effectively as anyone else – if not more – and I will be able to keep the wolves more relaxed. It's our best bet.
"That's true," Alice agreed. "You are the most logical choice."
"I suppose," Edward admitted grudgingly. It was clear he was disappointed but at least he had gotten some protection, not that I thought I would need it.
"Then it's settled," said Rosalie, rising to her feet and leaving the room.
Carlisle sighed. "You should go home, Bella. You need to rest if your ribs are going to heal." Until he'd mentioned them, I hadn't really been thinking about my ribs at all but now that they had been brought to the forefront of my mind, I realized that they really were beginning to ache. Moments later, I realized that since Alice had driven me here, I didn't have a car.
"Bella," said Edward, touching my hand gently to get my attention, "May I drive you home?"
I knew I should say no. I knew it was a bad idea. But something inside me didn't want to leave him. "Sure," I said after a moment.
The Cullens lived just outside the town limits so it was a fair distance from their house to mine. Edward had a tendency to speed, though, so I knew it would be a short drive.
We spent the first few minutes of the drive in uncomfortable silence. Edward finally broke it, saying, "I really am sorry. For all that I can read minds, it seems that I have a very poor understanding of human nature – and of you especially. You deserve better."
I didn't know what to say to that.
"I'd like to say that all I want is for you to be happy, for you to choose whoever is best for you, but that would be a lie and I think you've had enough of those. In truth, I'm too afraid to lose you again."
I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about this – at least not yet. There were other things we had to deal with first. "Why did you leave?" I asked.
He was silent for a long time. "Do you remember, last spring, when you thought James had made a hostage of your mother? Do you remember how it felt knowing – or thinking you did – the danger she was in? Even thinking that you had put in danger?"
"Yes." My voice was barely more than a whisper as I finally began to understand. I had been so busy thinking of how unjust he had been to me that I hadn't stopped to think of what would actually cause him to leave. Now I was sure that the Edward who had written the letter was the lie while the one who spoke to me now was real.
"Now go one step further. Imagine that you were the one who would hurt her, or kill her, and there was nothing you could do."
I shook my head, trying to hold back tears – I had thought I was done with tears – and didn't answer.
"There was nothing I could do, Bella," he said quietly, "Nothing I could do but leave."
"But you came back," I said, eventually.
"Yes. I'm not sure even that fear could have kept me away from you forever. Bella, if I had known the danger I would have put you in by leaving, I wouldn't have done it. I would have stayed with you forever."
And somehow, I knew he would have. "Do you think we can make this work?" I asked, the tears finally spilling over.
"I don't know. I love you more than I've ever loved anything, but – as I've so amply demonstrated – I want you to be safe, and I want you to be happy. So whatever you choose, I will support you."
Hesitantly, I reached out and took his ice cold hand. The rest of the drive was silent but I was comforted by his hand in mine.
Neither of us said anything as he helped me out of the car and walked me to the door. I didn't want to let go of his hand so without objection, he accompanied me to my room.
The second I opened the door, though, he froze and inhaled. Then he uttered one word:
"Vampires."