Vestige of Dawn

by yusahana6323

A world, divided into two kingdoms, has seen the usurping of one just king and the death of another. Now, fifteen years later, the surviving Shirogane finds the only thing that can bring a glimmer of hope to the broken, burning world. Fantasy kingdom AU.

10. Selfish

Chapter Nine - Selfish

As those flames wisped away in the air, a heavy silence fell over the two remaining. Shirogane wasn't sure what to say... he didn't know if Akira would believe what had been said. It was Akira who broke the silence.

"Bastard," was his snarl.

Tentatively, Shirogane raised one of his hands to stroke through Akira's hair. "Yes, he is."

"He's the one that tried to kill you?"

"Yes."

"And that overthrew you as king?"

"Yes."

Another bit of a pause. "He's strong."

"Yes, he is."

"You're stronger."

Shirogane allowed himself to laugh weakly. "I'm glad you think that way, Akira, but for me to tell you it's true would be a lie."

"No, you're stronger. You said the only reason you're weak now is because he almost killed you." Those fierce eyes rose to him. "That means you're stronger."

He couldn't help but smile at the ferocious tone of his voice. "I guess you're right."

Another long pause. Akira was still gazing piercingly at him. Then, the boy asked, "Is it true?"

"Hm?"

"What he said... about you. At that very last. That you loved my father and hated my mother."

His fingers, running through that soft auburn hair, twitched ever so slightly. "It's not true."

"And that you look at me and see my father."

He bit his lip for a moment at that one. "I see Ryuuko," he said grudgingly, "but only because you two look so alike. I see Ryuuko, but I don't think of you as Ryuuko. You are Akira. That is all."

"You loved my father."

"Your father was my very best friend."

"You hated my mother."

"I could do no such thing."

Another long pause, that grated on Shirogane's nerves. He hated feeling like he was being judged. But then, Akira said, "I called on Aeriyan."

"You did, and it reacted very well to you. It must be your star."

"But you said Aeriyan is the hardest."

"It is, so for your to be able to have such mastery of it after so little training must mean it is your star."

" 'Must mean'...? What are you suggesting by that?"

"Well... traditionally, the strongest of magicians in your kingdom have a ruling star, but they have traces of Aeriyan's light element in their magicking. Your father's star was Shileath, and he had astounding mastery of Aeriyan. But... no one has ever had Aeriyan as their sole ruling star. You would be the first."

"... Why?"

"Who can say?" Slowly, unwillingly, he released Akira and pushed himself wearily to his feet. "But if that is the way it is, there is a reason. The heavens choose who they will for good reason, though if I could I'd like to ask why you didn't inherit Shileath as you should have."

"Magic is a lineage thing?" Akira got to his feet as well, shaking slightly. Shirogane gave him a moment to regain his balance before they continued walking. The boy pressed close to him, as if seeking some of his strength.

"Normally, though that doesn't necessarily mean that relatives all share the same star. I'm not sure where my Duivein star came from, in all honesty."

Akira stopped, and Shirogane paused with him. He looked down to meet Akira's wide-eyed, trembling stare.

"Do you mean that... one of your family members is Faer...?"

"...Yes."

"You've mentioned... back in lessons... that the four pure elemental stars are rare... so... does that mean...?"

"Yes. Homurabi is my brother... or, rather, he is my younger half-brother. A bastard in every sense of the word."

"Why... why didn't you tell me?"

"About Homurabi?"

"About all of it!"

"Hmm." Shirogane began walking again, and Akira came running to keep up. "So how do you think things would have turned out if I had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, held out my hand to you, and said 'How do you do, Akira? I'm Shirogane, the former king of the western lands who was overthrown by my younger half-brother Homurabi, who by the way killed your true father and is attempting to assassinate your uncle to claim the kingdom that rightfully belongs to you since you're really the crown prince?'"

A bit of silence. "I suppose that wouldn't have gone well."

"Right you are." Shirogane let out a long sigh. "I was hoping that seal Ryuuko put on your memories would crack enough for you to remember something. I figured that would give me the best opening to explain. But it looks like he was pretty solid with whatever he did, for you to have gone fifteen years and remembered nothing."

"Would you have ever spoken up?"

"I would have eventually, if you'd still showed no signs of remembrance. It was just my hope that you would start to remember things on your own."

Silence fell between them, and it continued for a long time. Akira was still pressing against him, as if seeking for comfort, and Shirogane allowed it. They had gone a couple miles before Akira spoke again.

"Magic is just another language?"

"Right."

"Is it possible to learn that language?"

"Yes, but then you will have to learn another way of casting incantations. I'm fluent in the language, as Shisui is and Ryuuko was. If you wish to learn, I will teach you."

"Please."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You're very fired up."

"I know the truth now... and..." A long hesitation, and Shirogane could feel Akira's pain and uncertainty. "I want to do everything I can. My father gave his life to protect me... so I want to do what I can with this life..." His voice cracke. "This life... that he bought with his."

"You are brilliant," Shirogane breathed. "Very well. I'll teach you."

~.oOOo.~

"Ryuuko, you've been very quiet."

Those deep eyes blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"You've just been watching," Shirogane said, pausing in his play with the two-year-old prince. "Usually you talk. And you look kind of... distant."

"Sorry." An apologetic smile to back up his words. "I've just been thinking a lot."

"About what?"

"Oh, nothing in particular." His eyes glazed over again, his voice trailing off into a mumble. Shirogane frowned at his friend.

"Ryuuko, you look pale and fevered."

"Hm?"

Shirogane stood and crossed the room to his counterpart, pressing the back of his hand to the forehead. Ryuuko moved away, but not before Shirogane could feel the burning skin.

"You're sick, Ryuuko."

"Nah."

"Ryuuko," he said in a warning tone. He was rewarded with a long sigh.

"What do you want me to do, Shirogane?"

"What do I want you to do?" the elder asked indignantly. "Rest! Take some time off! You haven't slowed down at all, not even since Akira was born, and you've been taking all the responsibility of raising him on all by yourself while you've kept going full-speed with everything else you do. You don't ask me or Shisui for help. You need some time. If you want some time alone, I'll take Akira for you. Just give yourself some rest -"

"Don't take Akira away," was the half-begging reply. "Don't take him."

"You need a break from all this work, for his sake just as much as yours. Ryuuko, please give yourself time to get better."

"Don't take Akira."

"If you don't want me to take him I won't, but only so long as you promise you'll rest."

A long silence. Then a whispered, "Okay."

"Thank you, Ryuuko," Shirogane said, relieved. "It is for his sake too, you know."

"Yes..." Ruby eyes turned towards the infant, who was playing happily on his own now. "For Akira."

"... Ryuuko, what have you been thinking about?"

A long, grieved look, and he whispered, "I can't... not in front of him."

"Put him down for a nap. He's getting tired, and you need to do some talking."

"But -"

"Ryuuko," he warned again, and the younger king sighed, crossing the room to his son.

"Come on, Akira. Naptime."

The young prince pouted, but Ryuuko picked him up, sweeping him into a tight hug. With another, "Naptime," Akira closed his eyes, snuggling close to his father. Shirogane watched as Ryuuko carried him out of the room. About ten minutes later, Ryuuko came back in, looking faint, and began crying as Shirogane caught him in an embrace.

"I can't do it," the younger king sobbed. "I can't."

"You can't what, Ryuuko?"

"I can't be his father. I don't deserve to be his father."

"What? You're speaking nonsense, Ryuuko."

"I'm so selfish... taking endlessly from you..."

"Ryuuko, no..."

"And Shisui, my own brother -"

"Ryuuko, stop."

"And... and Eira..." Ryuuko completely broke down. "I robbed her of her life for Akira... I took Akira's mother away from him... a selfish man like me doesn't deserve to be a parent..."

"Shh, Ryuuko." Shirogane held him close, running a hand through the long, silken black hair. "You're not selfish."

"I know you really think so... I've hurt you almost worse than I have Akira..." Ryuuko's grip on him tightened. "I don't deserve you as a friend."

"What are you saying?" Again Shirogane pressed his hand to Ryuuko's forehead. "You're burning up. You need to lie down and rest. You're delirious."

"Why didn't you abandon me? You had all the right to... you should have..."

Shirogane walked to the bed, taking Ryuuko with him, and with some difficulty hefted the younger king onto the bed. Ryuuko grabbed for him, catching a hold of his long sleeves almost as if to drag Shirogane down with him, and sobbed, "Don't leave me."

"You're so tired you're contradicting yourself." Shirogane sat on the edge of the bed, stroking Ryuuko's face gently. "Rest. I'll stay right here. Don't worry about Akira. I'll watch after him while you sleep for awhile."

"Don't leave me."

"I won't. I'll be right here." Shirogane gently put a hand over one of Ryuuko's. "I'll be by your side, just as I always have been. Just as I always will be."

A long silence, and Ryuuko's breath was beginning to even out when all of a sudden he said, "No."

"Hm?"

"You won't be."

"What? Ryuuko, come now. How many times do I need to tell you that -"

"They said it was... we were... but..."

"- you are worrying too much? Sleep."

"It's not...!"

"Ryuuko, sleep."

"Shirogane." Ryuuko was clutching at him, fingers digging into his skin. "Promise me."

"Promise what?" he asked gently.

"Promise me you will take care of Akira."

"I've promised."

"Promise me you will do nothing but make him happy."

"I've promised."

"Promise you'll be sensitive to him."

"I've promised."

"Promise me you'll love him."

"I don't need to promise that. I adore him."

Ryuuko's eyes were fierce. "Promise me, Shirogane!"

"Ryuuko, you're delirious. Why are you worrying about something like that?"

"Promise me!"

"I promise, Ryuuko," he said solemnly. "I swear on my life I will do anything for Akira."

Ryuuko gazed at him for awhile with those burning eyes, then shut them tiredly. Shirogane let out a silent sigh of relief. He swept all of it aside. Then, Ryuuko mumbled, "Shirogane?"

"Yes, Ryuuko?"

"Will you... hold my hand?"

He took Ryuuko's hand from where it was still gripping his sleeve and squeezed it gently. "Of course."

A weak smile. "I'm so sorry. I've been so horrible to you."

"No."

"Ignoring you all this time, indulging myself."

"Not at all, Ryuuko."

"So I'm sorry to ask all this of you."

"Don't be."

"I'm sorry... please just... hold my hand for awhile."

"Of course."

Ryuuko squeezed his hand back and drifted off into sleep, finally looking somewhat at peace. Shirogane gazed down at that tired, tearstreaked face for a long time before he raised their entwined hands and twisted them to press his lips to Ryuuko's wrist.

He didn't want to cry, but a few of his own tears escaped and slipped down his cheeks.

~.oOOo.~

With Akira really trying, he learned almost doubly as fast. Shirogane wondered if the boy would ever stop amazing him. His magic ability and strength increased substantially, and he moved through spoken lessons with a speed that would make anyone green with jealousy. Perhaps the only thing that didn't really increase was his stamina, but with his level of magical and physical strength, Shirogane became a bit less worried about it.

But he looked a bit lost. One night as they sat to eat dinner, Shirogane asked, "Akira, what's wrong?"

"Hm?"

"You look... upset."

Akira glanced at him with those deep eyes for a moment before he dropped his head. "What he said keeps echoing in my mind."

"Who?"

"About how I was the one that killed my father."

"Don't even entertain the thought," Shirogane said sharply. "It wasn't you. He knew you would take it straight to heart. That's just the kind of bastard Homurabi is."

"But... if he died trying to protect me, it's my fault he's dead. Perhaps... perhaps it would have been better if he had just given me up."

A sharp slap echoed through the night, and Akira stared up at Shirogane, who was breathing hard.

"Don't you dare," Shirogane snapped, "say such a thing."

Akira gingerly touched his cheek, eyes smouldering slightly. Shirogane understood that light. He felt it every time he was reminded of Ryuuko. But for Akira to be regretting what Ryuuko had done... Shirogane wouldn't allow it.

"Ryuuko did what any good parent would do – protected their child at all costs. You meant more than anything to him, even his own life. He loved you so much he was willing to die to make sure you were safe. So, don't you dare think that you killed him. Homurabi did. You did not."

"But -"

"I don't want to hear it," Shirogane said shortly. "I don't want to hear your whiny excuses. No matter what you say, no matter what reasoning you use, Homurabi is the criminal. That is all there is to be said about it."

"I can't..."

"You can't what?"

"People have died because of me... and most of all, the king... my father...!"

Shirogane let out a long sigh, then knelt in front of Akira. "Akira," he tried in a gentle tone, and in reward got a flickering side glance. "I said that Homurabi said such a thing because he knew it would affect you like this. It's true he probably told Ryuuko that if your hiding place was surrendered, he would allow your father to live. But, what isn't true is that if Ryuuko had told him, he would have left him. Homurabi isn't that kind of person. He would have slaughtered Ryuuko just as mercilessly whether or not you were given up. And Ryuuko would never allow the person he loved more than anything to come to any harm. He knew it would be either him or both of you.

"So, he made the decision that would allow you to live. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that, nor can you hold any responsibility for it. Rather, you should be grateful you had a father that loved you so much he was willing to give up his own life in order to protect you. Not many in the world these days have a father, especially one in a powerful position, that would do likewise." He gently brushed the cheek he had struck, pouring some gentle healing into it. "Yes... you should feel very lucky. There was no one more loving in the world than your father, and he loved you most of all. He loved you more than anyone... more than anything. If there was anything to be done for your sake, Ryuuko would have done it, no matter how painful or humiliating or difficult it might have been."

A bit of a pause, and he thought he had gotten through, but then Akira asked in an odd voice, "You did love my father, didn't you?"

He sighed tiredly. "Akira, what are you trying to do?"

"You still do."

"I've told you he was my very best friend."

"No... you love my father. That's why you take such good care of me... because I look just like him, right?"

"Akira, knock it off. That's not true."

"Because his blood flows in me."

"Stop it."

"And that's why you hate my mother... because my father loved her more than you."

"It's not true, Akira."

"And... you must hate me too... because I'm their child. The child of the one you loved and the person he chose over you. Right?"

There was a tone of hysteria in Akira's voice. Shirogane looked at him for awhile before he said, "And you hate your father, because you think I love him instead of you. Right?"

The boy jumped, going very dark. "No, you're wrong."

Shirogane sighed again. "You should eat your dinner before it gets cold. You should also drop this ridiculous argument. Both of them, actually. Everything that Homurabi said about you and about me is a lie. He's given you no reason to believe him. Rather, you have all the reason in the world to never take a word he says seriously. That's all."

Akira gave him an angry look, but began eating without another word. It was Shirogane now who slipped off deep into thought. Reflecting back...

"They said it was... we were... but... it's not..."

And Ryuuko's eyes... was it possible that maybe he had seen...?