SUMMARY: Dipsy ships Dramione! ;)
Hermione,
Any luck with your memories?
Just wanted to let you know I'm staying with some friends.
They said you're welcome here too… so how about it?
You'd be safe with us…
This last week I've begun to realize sending you to The Order probably wasn't the wisest move.
I wanted you safe and I sent you with them when they are in open war.
What an idiot I was.
But keeping you would have been selfish. I'm done with being selfish…
Now that I think of it… sending you away was selfish too. If I had kept you, you would have hated me for keeping you away from the war… and I don't want you to hate me!
So, you see? Selfish either way!
Anyway… there's no point in this letter.
Just wanted you to know… that you're welcome here anytime…
I hope you have your memories back… and I'll see you again soon.
It's just… what I'm really asking…
Is for you to pick me!
Choose me!
Come back to me and tell me you're mine!
And never leave again.
Anything you want… I'll give you!
Please!
Choose me!
He stares at the letter and then crumples it to a ball in his fist.
Ridiculous!
No, he is not going to write her… he is not going to beg her…
She had promised to find him when she got her memories back… and if she didn't… well, then he'd know he was right after all.
These hopes of her return only made him worse.
Time after time the past few days, he had tried to tell himself she'd had her memories back already… and she would have already found him if she still wanted him… She would already be here…
But she wasn't. Which had to mean she didn't want to be here…
He had lost her.
And no matter what he had tried to make himself believe before… only the thought of losing her like this... losing her again… made him want to scream.
Of course, he couldn't let his friends see his desperation.
So, with Blaise and Theo, he pretended to be fine… indifferent… almost bored.
Only in his room…alone in the dark of the night… did he let himself miss her...
Blaise and Theo wanted to stay out of the war. But occasionally they sent Blaise's house-elf Bunny to spy the dark side for them.
That's how they got information on how the war was processing.
Now, that's what suddenly gives him an idea.
There is a way for him to know how she is!
So, he calls for Dipsy.
"Yes, master?" The elf appears in seconds.
"Dipsy, I want you to look after Granger." he tells it quickly, "But don't let her see you. Just make sure she's fine…"
Dipsy looks at him with wide eyes as it answers: "Dipsy does that already master!"
It's his turn to stare.
"Dipsy is a free elf! So, when master decided to send Miss away Dipsy bound herself to Miss! Now Dipsy hears if Miss calls and Dipsy can follow her too. Dipsy has been making sure Miss is okay."
"Why didn't you tell me before?!"
The elf has known how she is this whole time!? The elf knows if she decided not to want him!? And he has been living in the dark!?
"Master never asked… Dipsy explains:" The elf sits on his bed, "House-elves are meant to be bound to someone. Even when one is free, it's better to be bound. It gives one a purpose. A free elf can choose a master for itself. So Dipsy has bound herself to master, of course. But Master took Miss as Dipsy's family! And when Dipsy lost Miss in the forest… Master was so scared… Dipsy thought it's better if Dipsy looks after the girl when Master is not able."
He has a sudden urge to hug the elf…
He has never been downright nice to it… never done anything for it. And still, Dipsy is the most loyal friend he has ever had.
But there are more pressing matters on hand.
"So how is she!?" He asks impatiently.
"Oh," Dipsy sighs melancholily, "first Miss was pretty lost. Unlike what Master and Miss though, no memories came back. Miss didn't know people… she tried to hide it. Yes, she did! But Dipsy notices! A few days ago, the shaggy man who smells like forest gave miss a pensieve and Dipsy figured it helped. Miss still doesn't remember everything…but seems more sure about herself."
She doesn't remember… so it's not because she doesn't want to be back… it's because she still doesn't remember.
He feels like sighing in relief… Even if he shouldn't have been waiting for her.
Even if he should have let his hopes go.
Even if he should still remember: Girls like her are not for boys like him!
Not now, not ever!
"Does she…" He pauses, "Is she happy with them?"
He hopes the answer is yes… but the elf shakes its head, ears flapping.
"Dipsy thinks Miss is lonely… and she misses Master."
His heart takes an extra beat.
"Like Master misses her…" Dipsy sighs, "Miss rarely stays in bed more than a few hours a night… and in her dreams she calls for Masters name."
For a moment it's like he can't feel his hands and legs… like Dipsy's words paralyzed him…
She calls for his name in her sleep? she misses him? like he misses her?
And he misses her… misses so much it's like a part of him was missing.
But nothing has changed really.
So no matter how it pains him, he tells Dipsy to keep looking after her… and to tell him if something changes.
Because more than anything...even more than her not wanting him... he fears she'll go to war again… and he'll not be able to protect her…again.
.
.
.
She feels the war… hears it from the tones they speak in.
Feels it in the walls of the safe house… sees it in the way Dora holds her baby… and in the frowns of peoples faces.
They talk about Harry and Ron a lot… trying to guess what they are after.
She wonders maybe she should tell them… about the Horcruxes.
They are adults after all… while Her and Harry and Ron… And Draco… and all of the others, are just a bunch of teens.
They also talk about Hogwarts… and how dark it's in there too… how kids are made to torture each other.
And she feels confused… they talk about it… and let it continue… They pretend to be worried… and do nothing to stop it.
She wishes she'd understand more of how this war is supposed to work.
From what she'd heard now… it feels like it is a war between the Death Eaters and children… And that the adults have no idea what they are supposed to do.
It makes her angry… and she wishes she could ask Draco about it.
Draco…
There's so much she wants to talk with him… so much she wants to ask.
At nights she sits on her bed, hugging her pillow…trying to think of a way to make him take her back… to convince him that the possibility for her to get her memories back is just as good with him as it is with these people here.
And every night she fears the next day will be the day they'll take her to war… Because no matter how much she tries to think they wouldn't do that, she still can't shake the feeling…. the feeling they're all just waiting for a call to fight.
And if or when the call comes… she knows she's expected to go with them.
But a new day rises, and the call doesn't come… or the next day… or the one after that…
One night she sits in the drawing room again, reading books about memory loss.
First, she tried to read books about dying…but found none… so she had to settle for memory loss.
But she finds nothing similar to her situation.
And it's getting frustrating!
She throws yet another book back to the table and buries her face to her hands.
The familiar weight of hopelessness fills her, and the loneliness she fights every moment to keep from overpowering her washes over like pouring rain.
It will never come back!
She will be lost in this maze in her mind forever, feeling like she's not completely present to this world.
She will always feel half empty! She'll never be whole again.
A faint pop makes her look up.
It's Dipsy.
Seeing the elf makes tears rise to her eyes and she drops from the chair on her knees to the floor.
"Dipsy!" She cries out and then, without thinking she embraces the small creature.
"There, there miss. Dipsy's here." The elf pads her back as she cries against its' small shoulder.
Yes, she was lonely… and yes, she missed their time at the cottage… but before Dipsy's appearance, she had no idea how much.
But now, seeing the elf… she realizes this has been just a waiting game… she hadn't wanted to settle here… she didn't want to stay with these people here… she just wanted her memories, so that she could go back. Nothing more!
She has no intent to ask how the elf got there… there's only one thing she wants to know: "Dipsy please, can you take me to Draco?"
"That is why Dipsy is here miss! Dipsy is not stupid! Even when miss and master don't dare to ask Dipsy to get them back together, Dipsy knows that's what they both want the most! So, Dipsy came to get miss! Come, come!"
The elf helps her up.
"But they will worry…" She glances at the kitchen.
"It's night time miss. Everyone is already asleep. We'll get you back before dawn!"
"Oh," She kind of hoped she wouldn't have to return.
But Dipsy has already taken her hand…
.
.
.
A pop startles him up the bed he had been lying on.
"Master," Dipsy whispers next to the bed, "Come, come!"
"What now? Is something wrong?"
He stands up and looks around, but the elf shakes its' head.
"No, no! Dipsy has a surprise!"
"It's the middle of the night. What are you playing at?"
He has no idea why the sudden cheeriness in Dipsy's voice.
"Master never sleeps anyway! Dipsy gives Master dreams back! Come, come!"
He is about to argue… to tell the elf it has no chance of giving his dreams back… but when he opens his mouth, it's already too late.
Dipsy has already taken him away.
The first thing he realizes is the rain.
It's pouring down the sky making the dark night even darker…
He looks around having no idea where they are.
"Dipsy?! Is this some kind of a joke to you? What the fuck are you playing at!?" He roars into the night.
Stupid fucking elf.
"The less you know, the harder it is to track down!" The elf answers from the darkness.
"What the fuck!?"
Then there is a warm hand on his arm...
For a moment he thinks it's an ambush… that Dipsy has betrayed him.
But the person who's holding his arm lets out a laugh.
And he doesn't care anymore… not that it's dark… or that he's already soaking wet…not that he was taken somewhere unknown against his will.
Because he knows this laugh.
This is the laugh he dreams about in the few hours he gets to sleep at night.
This is the laugh that turns the darkest of nights into a warm summer day.
This is the laugh that echoed in Hogwarts corridors and made him want to bunch his hand to the nearest mirror… because she'd never laugh with him like that…
But now she does…
And then his arms find her… and she's there… where she belongs!
In his arms… her laughter making him feel like life is breathed back into him.
He knows it's wrong… that he sent her away to stop himself having all these false hopes.
And meeting her again makes all those false hopes come back.
He knows these memories will torture him to death when she doesn't want him anymore.
But at the moment he doesn't care!
He'll gladly be tortured… If it means he gets to hold her a little longer.
"Hi, Draco…" she whispers against his ear and laughs again. A cheerful tingling sound, that makes him feel light and almost happy…
And with his newfound ignorance of the future, he kisses her.
Finds her wet lips and pulls her against him.
The rain keeps pouring as their lips dance together.
His hand finds its' way to her damp hair and she takes a hold of his wet shirt.
"I missed you…" She whispers in between kisses, "I still don't remember everything."
"I don't care…"
He travels his lips to her neck.
Suddenly she pushes him a little further… "Why not?"
It's so dark he can't see her eyes… but he can imagine the serious look in them.
"I missed you too fricking much..." He mumbles looking away… "I'm not that noble person, after all, it seems…"
She giggles a little…
"But you shouldn't want to be here…" He states silently… Knowing he sounds like a broken record, repeating the same words.
"Draco… Remus gave me a pensieve. I watched my memories… I remember enough!" She still has a hold of the front of his wet shirt, "Please stop blaming everything on yourself and let me be the judge of what I do and do not want!"
She lifts her hands to both sides of his face and puts their foreheads together.
"Even though I don't know what I want…" She pauses.
He realizes he's holding his breath.
"But I do know, I do not want to be away from you!" She emphasizes every word.
And he breathes again.
"I know you don't want to be without me either." She whispers, her lips so close to his he can feel them moving.
"So please… Don't make me survive without you again."
How can he say no to that?
Even when the voices in his head argue it would be best for everybody to push her away again… he knows the answer already...
If she wants to keep meeting him… there's not enough willpower in him to keep her away… if he can have a taste of this heaven… he'll take it…
And he will stand the consequences when they'll be thrown to his face… not before.
It feels good to be sure about something for a change…
So, he closes the distance between them capturing her lips with his.