Chapter 10 Crime and Punishment: Part 1
Crime
"Matsumoto."
She stirred from her couch, where she laid on her stomach.
"Open the door. I know you're in there."
"Taichou..." she muttered, trying to pull herself up, contorting her face in irritation and pain.
Without looking, he stomped passed her as soon as she opened the door. "It's almost 2 pm and you're still sleeping? I already gave you 3 days sick leave." Turning around, his turquoise eyes widen as he took in her state. "Matsumoto?" Instantly the tone of his voice changed.
"I'm still a little ill..." she looked drowsy, exhausted, resting her weight on the wall, barely standing on her feet.
"Matsumoto! What's wrong?" he pulled her straight and sat her down on the couch.
"It's nothing. I'll be fine. It's just taking a little longer to get better..." she clutched her head, teeth bared in pain.
"Headaches?" He asked, placing his hand on her forehead. She nodded. "Did you see Unohana Taichou as I told you to?"
Her eyes darted towards the corner of her kitchen countertop where she kept all her medicines.
He followed her gaze and barked, "Are these the medicine she gave you? Did you take them on time?"
"Umm... yes," she muttered nervously, which fumed his anger. Like a flash he grabbed the bottles, dropped them on the table in front of her and started rummaging through them.
"Which one is it? These look unopened. If she had prescribed these, why didn't you take them?"
"Taichou..." she reached and grabbed the bottle whose seal he was about to crack open. "I don't need to take those yet."
His eyes narrowed, "what did she say? What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing serious. Just a little cold."
He studied her with disbelief in his narrowed eyes. "You're lying."
"I'm not lying, I swear..." Suddenly she covered her mouth with her hand and ran towards the bathroom.
While hearing his lieutenant throwing up in her toilet, Toshiro folded his arms, deep in his thoughts.
"Matsumoto" his voice was softer, gentler and caring when she returned. "Tell me what's wrong?"
She looked at him from her seat next to him, he placed a hand on hers. Finally her tears started streaming down.
...
Kuchiki Byakuya never begged, asked or pleaded. He was a proud man who would never go knocking on any doors. Whatever he wanted, needed, deserved, he received without lifting a finger. That was the luxury of being born a noble. All his wishes and desires were taken care of by people who waited on him, and they were quite happy to do it.
Yet somehow, he was always ending up at her door. He did not lack self-restraints, or control over his own desires, except that it would all build up in due course. And making his lieutenant suffer more than usual, was not nearly enough relaxing or fulfilling.
He also did not like waiting. Impatience was in his nature. Thus, despite the many times he had consciously stopped himself, his feet would ultimately betray him.
And so, once again, he stared at her door in silence, while his blood raged to claim what he wanted. Taking in a deep breath with his jaws clenched, he knocked.
The noise was soft, she might not have heard it. He knocked again. After a long wait, her door slid open slightly, one side of her face emerged from the dark.
"Matsumoto."
Her single blue eye enlarged in surprise. "Kuchiki..." she muttered, keeping the opening narrow.
"Do you have a moment?" He seemed upset, not that his face would show. But she knew every single twitch of his feature and what they all meant. Did he miss her?
"I...I have things to do..." her fingers tighten at the door.
"The same thing you have been doing for the past couple of weeks?" Finally, his patience ran thin.
"I'm sorry. I was kind of busy at work… I couldn't..." she stuttered, clutching her door.
"Matsumoto" he shoved the door open, she startled a little, stepping back. "Don't think I didn't notice you avoiding me consciously whenever I felt your reiatsu close by."
"Why...would I avoid you..." she pulled her loosely held yukata protectively around her anxiously.
He glowered and looked over her shoulder into the living room. It was a mess. During his infrequent visits in her apartment, he had never seen it in such state.
"Matsumoto. Is something the matter?"
"No" she wished he would go away. Seeing him had already made the decision harder. "Kuchiki Taichou, I don't feel very well..."
He pushed her aside and stormed into the apartment.
"Matsumoto. If you wish to end things between us, you should let your intentions known instead of running away."
"I don't want things to end..." she mumbled under her breath, looking guiltier by the minute.
He looked at her and narrowed his eyes, "are you ill?"
"A little maybe."
His frown deepened, "Have you gotten yourself checked by the fourth?"
"Yes."
His eyes wondered, and found a lone bottle standing on her table. Next to it, spoons and glasses were at the ready.
"What is this?" He asked.
She looked at him with fear. "Umm...it's nothing..." she continued stuttering.
He picked it up, "These herbs have very strong side effects if consumed. I hope you weren't thinking about taking this."
She chuckled nervously before trying to steer the conversation away, "no, of course not. Don't worry about all these captain..." Swiftly she reached and picked the bottle away from his hands, and shoved it back into a corner, behind her flower vase that housed dried forgotten wilted flowers.
He narrowed his eyes in suspicion "Matsumoto. What is the matter..."
Before he could prod any further, she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I know I wasn't in the mood, but since you're here already..." Reaching up on her toes she kissed him.
The topic of medicine and illness, or why she had suddenly changed her attitude towards him were instantly gone from his mind as he kissed her back equally enthusiastically, pulling her close by her waist.
"Ahh... wait..." he was about to pull her yukata apart when she pushed him away, her hands were on her mouth.
"What is the matter..."
"Excuse me..." hastily she slid away from him off the bed and ran towards the bathroom.
After once again vomiting everything she had eaten all day, she pulled herself back together, spending all her energy in the process. Cleaning herself as quickly as possible, she ran out, not wanting to rise his suspicions.
"I'm sorry it took me so long..." she froze when she stepped back in her room. In his hands were the pouches of medicinal herbs and potions she had left lying around. His eyes narrowed to slits trying read their labels in the little light.
"All these unopened medicinal herbs..." he picked up the small bottle with green label, then the pouch of dried roots. "Why do you have these?"
She could feel her breathing weighing her down, "it's not what you think..."
"Not what I think? I don't claim to be an expert in healing arts but... these are... "
"These are..." she rested her weight on the wall and steadied herself, eyes desperate to find the words she was looking for. "They are... for..."
"Matsumoto" he took a step towards her, "I could hear you throwing up in the bathroom." His grey eyes were burning, "are you... "
She felt her limbs turning numb. He knew. She panted against her palm that she held firmly over her mouth, hyperventilating. Her eyes fixed on his, watching with amazement how his cold blank face changed with no subtly whatsoever. His whole emotion laid bare for the world to see.
"Are you... with child?"
She shuddered, losing her control that she had so carefully held only moments ago. She leaned on the wall further, knees about give away under her.
"Matsumoto" he was in front of her in an instant, pulling her straight on her feet. She felt her arms going numb the way he dug his finger into them.
"Is it true?" He scowled, "tell me."
She panted, feeling the world turning around her, and she finally collapsed in his arms.
"Matsumoto..." his voice shook as he held her. It was softer than she had ever heard it sound. "Are you carrying my child?" His chin rested on her head.
She clutched his collar and let the tear ran down her face. He held her gently against his chest.
They stayed like that for how long, none could tell. Her sob ended finally.
"Marry me."
She blinked.
Someone, somewhere, had pushed a button and time had stopped, world had stilled, and the air was gone from the room.
Two words. Such weight.
Shock of everything that happened before, felt miniscule against these two lonely words.
"What..." She slowly pulled back with her wide eyes jumping up to meet his, her mouth gaped like that of a fish out of water. As usual, his gaze held no element of mockery or humour.
A series of images ran across her mind. Being the wife of Kuchiki Byakuya, having him next to her, walking hands in hands with him, his soft smiles for her, his tender touches on her face and falling asleep in his arms to wake up to him in the morning.
A dream or a vision?
"Marry me, Matsumoto." words slowly registered in her head as he repeated his offer. She had never heard him sound so gentle.
She breathed in silence for a moment, trying to grasp her own feelings that were drowning her common sense. "What... are you saying" she stepped back. "You can't be serious? We're not even..."
"I am serious." He pulled her in again, hand clutching the clothes around her waist.
She took a good look at him.
The changes in him were tremendous. There nothing of the cold distance in his eyes. He was not the Kuchiki Byakuya who walked in her apartment a moment ago. He was different.
At that moment she found out something new about herself. She could almost feel her arms involuntarily trying to throw themselves around him and, her lips drying out for her reach up and kiss him, chest heaving to hold him close to her. She wanted to say 'yes'.
It turned her limbs cold in horror.
But then he looked away from her, gaze slowly lowered down towards her belly. The softness in that look almost killed her.
She pursed her lips tight, pushed him away. "No" she declared, avoiding his questioning gaze consciously.
For a moment he didn't think he heard it right. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I can't marry you." She peeled his arms off her.
The silence filled with the faint sounds of their heavy breathing. "I don't understand. You don't want our child growing up in a broken family, do you?"
"Captain..." she interrupted him. "I want no such thing. I want to avoid the situation all together."
He stared at her in silence for a moment before his eyes became large in realisation. Hid gaze turned towards direction where the lone bottle hid behind her flower vase.
He felt as if she had taken a knife and stabbed him in the chest. For a moment, he couldn't process it.
"This?" His voice shook her to her bones in fear. She took another step back. "This is what you plan to do with our child?"
She clutched her clothing around her chest, lips trembled in guilt and pain.
"You'd rather let it... die... than marry me?"
She didn't have to respond, he knew. Her eyelids lowered, gaze fixed on the ground.
Byakuya was back in his cold hell. That split moment when he thought he had found the happiness he was seeking, was suddenly a hundred years in the past. "It is my child too" he managed to talk through his clenched jaw.
She wanted to cry.
"I'll marry you right here, right now Matsumoto. You don't have to worry about its future or yours."
"I can't marry you." She muttered. Why did it feel like a lie? "Not like this." She added.
"Matsumoto." he had never begged in his life. But this time, it almost felt like he was.
"I'm sorry." She refused to witness the hurt and pain she inflicted in him.
"You've made up your mind?"
She nodded. Once again, silence pushed her guilt down heavier.
"How far along are you?" He asked, after a brief pause.
"5 weeks." she bit her lip, trying to control the tears that was threatening to fall.
"Why haven't you done it yet?"
She glanced at him, "I needed to tell you before I could do this. It was only right. I... just didn't know how."
Her reasons for avoiding him, going out of her way to stay completely out of his range, finally sunk in.
"Are we able to have a discussion at least?" He sounded like a man defeated.
The guilt-ridden look on her face told him everything he wanted to know. He tried one last time, "you don't have to marry me... or raise the child. I have enough servants, and means to..."
"Byakuya." She called him, "I'm not doing this because I'm too lazy, or too poor, or heartless..." she breathed, "I can't let my child grow up in a loveless life, like me... "
"Loveless? I'll love my child more than my life itself."
"That's not what I'm talking about..." she turned away. "Let's not make this worse..."
"Worse?" He clenched his fists tight, "how can it be any worse than the worst?"
She could feel her tears at the corner of her eyelids, "captain please..."
He stood like a statue for a moment, trying to cope with the shock. Then slowly stepped towards her. She cowered back until he knelt down in front of her.
His strong hand ripped her clothed apart, exposing her naked body, making her gasp.
Softly he grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him. Resting his forehead on her belly he closed his eyes and muttered, "You have no idea for how long I've waited for you baby. Wherever you end up, you should know how much love I have for you."
With her hands on her mouth she looked down at him with eyes as wide as anything, a couples of pearl tears trailed down her cheeks.
For a moment he stayed like that, then softly placing his lips on her belly one last time he stood up, allowing her to pull her clothes back.
"So this is it then. I wish you the best."
She turned her back to him, not finding any words to say. Leaving a wide gaping emptiness in the middle of her living room, his large frame strode out of the door. It was then she realised he was never going to come back.
"I'm sorry," she finally fell on her knees and sobbed out aloud.
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