Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
A/N: Surprise! I'm so ready for Marlene to be over all this drug/alcohol business. Just saying...I think I'm a little terrible for liking my own Marlius so much XD I just strongly dislike stories that have all these perfectly poised PG characters. /Tiny rant over
enjoy :)
Marlene unlaced her boots as Alice chattered on at her side. They had just finished a thirty hour long training session, and Marlene had hardly slept the few nights before. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, only a few seconds, before Alice's hand caught her shoulder. A locker slammed somewhere behind Marlene and she sat upright, her crystal eyes widening as Alice stared at her.
"Are you alright? You look a little pink."
Marlene swallowed. She moaned and rubbed at her throat. "I think I'm getting sick."
"Everyone's got it right now," Marie said in her thick French accent. She pulled on her winter, muggle coat. "I bet the healer could fix you up something before class tomorrow."
"Maybe it's just stress," Alice suggested, sitting down beside Marlene. "Or maybe –"
"Don't," Marlene warned. She was in no mood for a lecture of any sort. Marlene stood up on shaky legs to grab her sneakers from the bottom of her locker. She slipped them on, tossing one last look of warning at her spiky haired cousin.
Alice shrugged as Marlene grabbed her winter cloak. Alice had been bothering Marlene since Easter about her brothers. It started when Marlene had spent several days holed up in her bedroom; on Easter day Alice found Marlene crying in the toilet. Marlene could have kicked herself because Alice was never going to let her forget it.
Alice called Sirius Easter night, and Marlene reluctantly agreed to talk to him; it had been the first night she'd spoken with him since he'd ratted her out to Marc over a month before. They'd been fighting ever since. Marlene's body wasn't faring particularly well from the rough revenge sex they'd been having, either.
Marlene rubbed at her shoulder as Alice spoke with Marie and they prepared to walk out together.
"Coming home tonight?" Alice asked Marlene as they let their feet carry them to the lift, both lost in thought. Marie had left them to find Michael, Marlene's brother and Marie's boyfriend.
"I'm too tired to do much of anything else," Marlene croaked.
"You look like you could use a good rest," Alice noted, her chocolate eyes sweeping over Marlene. "And maybe some food too; maybe you're coming down with something."
"Yeah," Marlene absently agreed as they filed into the lift with several strangers.
"Wait, wait," came Marie's voice, sounding frantic. She caught the metal lift doors just in time; another wizard helped her pry them open as she reached for Marlene. Marlene allowed the small blonde to tug her free from the lift, mostly out of exhaustion. Alice followed. Marie was out of breath.
"It's Marc," she finally managed to say. Marlene felt suddenly cold, her head started to spin as Marie rushed on. "He's in Saint Mungo's."
"Is he okay?" Alice asked when Marlene couldn't. Marlene stood frozen, the world turning around her.
Marie took a breath and swallowed it down. "I – I don't know. Longbottom was covering for Michael and he said Michael went to the center to see Marc. I know the two of you are fighting – I just thought – I thought you'd want to know."
"I just spoke with Frank at lunch," Alice complained as she checked her watch.
Marie shook her head. "I know; I saw Michael at lunch as well. It must have just happened. I'm sorry, Marlene. I hope everything's okay."
Marlene didn't move as Marie hurried past them and into the lift. "Are you guys coming?" she rushed. Alice glanced at Marlene and then back at Marie and shook her head. Marie nodded, looking worried before she jammed the lift button and the doors clamored shut.
"I'll go with you," Alice said, lightly touching Marlene's arm.
"I can't go," Marlene said, closing her eyes.
Alice's face twisted into several different expressions before she managed to settle on sympathy. "Do you want me to go? If it's bad I can send for you."
Marlene nodded once and Alice left her behind. Things seemed to dot out of Marlene's memory after that. She didn't go back to the flat and settled for a drink instead. The barkeep insisted she take a room after midnight had passed. Marlene was in the bar, and then Marlene was in a room. She finished the last of a smoke as she sprawled across the single bed. Her mind was muddied with alcohol and herb. A frenzied sort of euphoria was attempting to awaken her tired body. She rolled onto her side and wrenched over the dirty floorboards.
"You don't look so well, dear," the mirror said. "Should I get someone?"
"No," Marlene moaned, rolling back onto the bed. She stuffed her hand into her pocket and searched it for another roll; her fingers only found lint. She sighed and rubbed her hand over her tingling lips. "I think I've got somewhere to be though."
She passed out; she must have. Broken shafts of light filtered in through the dingy windows of the Inn's old room. Marlene blinked around at her discarded closed. She glanced at her side, half expecting to see Sirius there. It looked like she was alone. A clock ticked on at her bedside as she tried to remember how or where she'd ended up.
"If's half one, sweetie. Don't forget to return your key by two," the mirror reminded her, half startling Marlene out of bed.
Marlene pressed her hand over her chest and stared at the mirror above the dresser with a deep frown. She slowly dressed, yawning as she dipped her hand into the pockets of her cloak. She frowned when all she found was her wand, two galleons, and a room key. Marlene's whole body jerked as an owl banged against the room's window. It clicked its beat repeatedly against the filmy glass until Marlene let it in. The letter was from Alice.
Marlene returned her key and set out into the daylight. She checked her watch even though she was well aware of the time. Alice was in class. She leaned against the side of a brick building as she took a breath; they seemed to be dragging slowly up her lungs. She rubbed at her forehead and then glanced around at the few bustling muggles lingering the sidewalk. She was in Liverpool, she realized, though she couldn't remember ever getting there.
"I'm so fucked," she muttered before apparating to Sirius'. Alice was going to kill her if she caught her at the flat.
Marlene collapsed on Sirius' bed and reread Alice's letter. Marc was fine and had been awake when Alice had arrived. Alice noted that Marlene should have visited him anyway. The rest of the letter could have been a decent Howler. Marlene considered herself lucky to have narrowly avoided a nice migraine. She spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of excuses to tell Moody. She sprawled out on Sirius' sheets, twirling a hair thoughtlessly around her finger.
Sirius arrived home around seven. He propped his forearm on the door jamb above his head as he considered her. "You need to go."
"Don't be an ass."
"No," Sirius said, arching an eyebrow. "I mean that Alice is on the warpath, and you need to go before you drag me into another one of your colossal disasters."
Marlene rolled onto her knees and sat up on them as she sank into the old mattress. "How mad is she?"
"McGonagall-mad," Sirius said, frowning. "In fact, I won't even relay the message she told me to give you."
"Have you heard anything about Marc?"
Sirius folded his arms over his broad chest. "Did you forget that we're fighting?"
Marlene's scowled at him. "Fine," she said as she crawled off the bed. "I need to go to Alex' anyway."
"To buy more herb?" Sirius accused as Marlene slipped past him.
"Don't worry about it, Sirius."
Sirius caught her arm and spun her around. "Your brothers in the center, Marlene, and all you can think about is smoking bloody herb."
She turned away from the concern in his eyes and jerked her arm free. Grabbing her shoes and her cloak, she reached for the door knob to leave. Sirius didn't stop her. Sirius didn't follow her. It was dark when she met Alex. The red haired Auror trainee greeted her with a wide grin.
"Could I come in?" Marlene asked before pushing past him. Alex didn't object.
His parents were watching the box in the sitting room; Marlene waved a quick hello to them before leading Alex to his bedroom. She slipped into the dimly lit room and dived into his bean bag chair as she summoned one of his blunts. Alex shut the door and sat on his desk.
"You weren't in class today, Mars. Moody was hacked about it."
Marlene shrugged and took a drag. She pulled her hair free from beneath her and curled into the bag of beans. Alex shrugged and flopped onto his bed. She handed him the blunt and he began to smoke with her. Alex didn't say much, not especially when he was high. Marlene was glad for the silence. She relaxed further and further into the bean bag before she was sure she was almost a part of it. Alex objected only when she tugged her cloak and sweater free.
"Hey man, I really don't want to piss Black off, alright?"
Marlene crossed her legs and pulled the strap of her undershirt up her shoulder. "He doesn't own me," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Weren't you guys a thing last year at school?"
"Does that make me his thing?" Marlene asked, her dazed blue eyes refocusing in a dangerous way. She silently dared Alex to choose his words wisely.
Alex shrugged and pulled his blunt to his lips. "S'pose not."
"Do you think your parents would mind if I spent the night?" Marlene asked some time later as her eyes began to drift shut. She never heard Alex's answer.
The next thing she heard was a crack. Her eyes snapped open and took in the wavering night sky. Car horns blared in the distance. A light rain pelted her face as Sirius readjusted her weight in his arms. He began to climb the stairs to his flat as Marlene closed her eyes.
She woke up on his sofa alone, mid afternoon the following day. Her head throbbed in warning. She sat up and checked her watch. Sirius had changed her into one of his shirts. Her body was exhausted.
Sirius wasn't in his room but neither was his motorbike. Marlene sighed and leaned tiredly against his door jamb. She was wiping the sleep from her eyes when she heard a familiar roar in the distance. She was waiting in the sitting room when Sirius quietly slipped in through the front door.
"You're awake?" he said, the relief in his voice betraying his guarded features. He dropped his leather jacket on an arm chair. "Get out."
"Could you not, today, please?" Marlene asked, sinking into the sofa with a sigh.
Sirius tossed his wallet and wand onto the mantle. He reached up to message his temple. He turned to Marlene with dark grey eyes. "I'm not going to take care of you anymore. I'm Sirius Black, for Merlin's sake. This isn't fun anymore; I'm not entertained. You want someone to care? Go make up with your brothers or Alice. Stop coming around, Marlene, please." He turned his back on her and trudged away to his room. Marlene winced, touching her hand to a shooting pain in her shoulder as her breath caught in her throat. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall; that was all she remembered.
It just wasn't her day; it wasn't her week; really, it wasn't her year. Marlene had passed out. Bleach white walls blinded her as her eyes fluttered open. Marlene sat up, blinking in the room. Marc was stretched out in the chair next to her bed, fast asleep. A great scar ran over his neck. Marlene quickly looked away from him.
She grabbed her clothes from an empty chair and gingerly slipped out of the private ward. Her entire body ached in protest. She was halfway down the corridor when Carol called after her. Marlene froze, her shoulders drawing up as she winced.
"I don't think so," Carol said, turning Marlene around by the shoulders and guiding her back toward the ward. "You had a heart attack."
"A what," Marlene asked as Carol opened the door for her.
"You had a blood clot in your heart. Some of the muscle in your heart got damaged," Carol explained. She helped Marlene back into her bed. Marc had apparently woken up as they'd reentered the ward. "The potion I gave you earlier is working to repair the damage, but your heart might not entirely recover. You need to rest."
"Why?" Marlene asked dumbly. She touched her chest subconsciously. "I think I would have felt a heart – heart attack." Marlene had never heard of such a thing.
"You don't always feel pain when you have a heart attack," Carol informed her. "More than likely the cause was brought on by your frequent use of Datura Reed." Carol frowned. Marlene paled and snuck a glance at Marc; he was staring straight ahead, motionless. Marlene glanced back at Carol."I'm sorry, Marlene; I had to notify your next of kin for consent to heal."
Marlene almost called Carol back when she left Marlene alone to 'rest'. Marc was too quiet, his blue eyes distant as he stared across the room, unmoving. It was so quiet that she could hear their watches ticking out of sync. The sound was driving her mad. She tried sitting in the silence but her skin began to crawl with anxiety.
"I'm okay now, if you want to leave," she said in a quiet voice.
Marc didn't say anything. His blue eyes turned up at her briefly and then back forward. It was torturous. Marlene resolved that she would try to sleep instead. Pulling her sheets up her chest, she rolled so her back was to Marc. She tried very hard to pretend he was not there. She was almost asleep when he finally spoke.
"You're coming home," he said from behind her.
Marlene swallowed and rolled over to face him. His eyes were stone cold as they held hers. "You were right," Marlene tried. She didn't think an apology was going to help anything. She glanced away from Marc as she said, "You're always right. I should have listened to you, I should have –"
"Yes," Marc cut her off in a clipped way. "I've already spoken with Moody and informed him that you're in the center for treatment. I didn't give him details. He's allotted you two weeks rest. You will return home; you won't go anywhere."
"Okay," Marlene said, half fearing the dangerous edge in his voice.
"Carol is making a round of potions to help with the withdrawal," Marc said as he closed his eyes to her and turned his head forward. He took a deep breath. "You're killing me, Marlene," Marc half whispered.
His shoulders gave an inch. Marlene swallowed at the lump in her throat. Marc took another deep breath and settled back into his chair. He rolled his shoulders back once and they popped on command. Carol returned to discharge her around dinner.
Marlene took two potions before both her brother and Carol left her alone to change back into her clothes. Her limbs felt heavy as she dragged them through their sleeves. She pressed into the corridor as Marc kissed Carol lightly on the forehead. She lowered her eyes and cleared her throat.
"Ready?" Marc asked tiredly.
Marlene nodded once. She glanced nervously at Carol, who gave her a tiny encouraging nod. She sighed and followed Marc out of the center and into muggle London. They apparated to his home and Marlene began her tired ascent up the stairs to her new bedroom.
"Thank you for not fighting me on this," Marc said, when she was halfway up the stairs.
She looked over her shoulders. He was right where she'd left him, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his robes. Marlene continued up the stairs without comment, leaving a solemn Marc in her wake.
He didn't bother her for the rest of the night. When she went downstairs for breakfast he was gone. She sat to the table with Maize, avoiding his look as he sat the daily prophet down.
"Feeling okay?" he asked sincerely.
"No," Marlene said honestly. She picked up her fork.
"He feels better already, Marlene, just knowing you're home," Maize tried. He ducked his head to catch her eye. When she didn't look up at him, he settled for humor instead. He sat back in his chair and grabbed his tea. "Could you imagine the look on Father's face? He'd probably lock you up in Azkaban for the rest of your life. You'd never see the light of day ever again. He'd probably reinstate your trace and break your wand."
Marlene snorted. "Yeah, it wouldn't have been good."
"You think they're watching over us?"
"I hope not," Marlene grumbled after swallowing a mouthful of eggs.
Maize laughed. "Yeah, I don't suppose the other side would be able to contain him if he was."
Marlene sat her fork down and glanced up at Maize. "I'm sorry," she said before turning her eyes down.
Maize didn't say anything at first. She glanced up at him as he caught her hand over the table. "Hey, we all make mistakes. We just want you to get better. And I'm fairly certain I never want to hear you apologize ever again." He shook his head as he drew his hand away. "Creepy."
Marlene's lips twitched, her cheeks burned as she ducked into her hair. "Where's Michael?"
"Marc didn't want to leave you alone. He's working over to cover me – hey, don't worry about it," Maize said as Marlene began to object. "I cover Michael's shifts all the time, so he can spend time with Marie." Maize made a face.
"I didn't know they were still seeing each other," Marlene said guiltily. She was starting to realize she had missed a lot. Marc's new scars were nothing compared to Maize's. Her handsome brothers were starting to look as rough as their father, a senior Auror.
Maize shrugged. "Michael wants to marry her."
Marlene shot a look at Maize. "You can't be serious. They just met."
"Seven months ago, you nutter," Maize said, arching an eyebrow. "You know how people are with war. Half of your little friends are married already, aren't they?" He laughed outright. "Sorry, every time I think of James marrying that redhead friend of yours, all I can think of is the two of them going at it in the corridors. I still can't believe they're married, honestly. Didn't that surprise you?"
"You'd have to know James and Lily," Marlene said, lifting a shoulder. "It was a long time coming."
Maize suddenly looked thoughtful. Marlene didn't like the smirking look he was giving her. She shifted in her seat as he asked, "What about you?"
"What about me?" Marlene toned.
"Oh come on, you and Black are always on again off again. Be serious, sister," Maize teased.
"Did he take me to the center?" Marlene asked quietly.
"Yeah," Maize said, half grinning. "Marc hates the kid but – I don't know. I see him looking at you at work. He only looks at you like that. I don't like it much either, but sometimes you can't help it when it happens."
Marlene took in Maize's words. She frowned at her food. "It's me that's changed."
"We're all afraid," Maize said earnestly. "Any one of us could be dead by sun fall. There's some beauty in that; we have a chance – we have a responsibility to live our lives to their fullest. It's now or never, Marlene."
Maize left for work when Michael came home. Marlene only knew because a light knock sounded at her bedroom door. She didn't think she had much power to do anything otherwise, so she invited Michael into her room. He was still in his Auror robes. He glanced around her things, sitting around in boxes, yet to be unpacked.
"Carol's here with your potions," was all he said. They stared at each other for a moment, a tension growing between them until Michael left her alone.
Marlene slipped out of bed and padded down the stairs after him. He waved her into the kitchen where Carol had drawn her bag onto the countertop. Marlene wrapped her arms around herself as she stood with Carol, watching the blonde witch remove a file and two vials from her bag. Marlene listened to Michael climb the stairs as Carol retrieved her wand.
"How are you feeling?" Carol asked. Marlene shrugged. Carol grinned, her light blue eyes swimming with warmth. "I'm glad you're alright," she said as Marlene swallowed the first vial. "It was hard to see someone so young in your position."
Marlene handed the vials back to her. "Thank you."
"Sirius Black was rather worried about you when he brought you in," Carol said in an offhand sort of way. "I don't think Marc has been informing him of your condition," she added subtly.
"How do I fix this?" Marlene asked in a quiet, desperate voice, her eyebrows working around as her face settled on an emotion. She wasn't sure why she was confiding in Carol, but it seemed like she was in very short supply of people to ask for help.
"It'll take time," Carol said sympathetically. "You can earn their trust again. Don't give them anything to worry about. Your friends and your family care deeply about you, they probably understand that you haven't been the same for a while now. I'm sure they'll forgive you when they've had time to think about it."
"No one's talking to me except Maize."
"It's a two way street, dear," Carol said, closing her bag. "They don't know what you're going through unless you tell them."
Marlene couldn't find the courage to talk to any of her friends that evening. She pulled a piece of old parchment across her desk and wrote Sirius' name at the top. She drew a line down the center to make a list of pros and cons. She tapped her quill against the desk for several seconds before she gave up. She wrote a long winded letter to Lily instead and the redhead turned up the next day.
"Everything's so – nice," Lily said, running her finger over a gold frame on the wall in the sitting room. "Is this real gold?" she asked.
Marlene had never had Lily over to her house. Without the option to travel, Lily had come to Marlene for once. Marlene marveled at Lily's health; not only did Lily seem perfectly fine, but she had gained a little weight. She looked older, and somehow, even more mature. Her wedding ring glinted on her finger as she sat down in the sunlight that streamed in through the sitting room window. Lily's emerald eyes took in the room and all its heirlooms.
Marlene drew her knee tighter to her chest, where she curled into Marc's favorite chair. "You didn't have to come over."
"No, I did. I miss you. I miss everyone. The only time I see Alice is during Order meetings and those are rather intense. Sirius hardly comes around because he's so busy with school and – and other things," she finished furtively.
"Me," Marlene corrected her with a deep sigh. "I've really cocked up."
"Yes," Lily agreed. She flicked a strand of golden red hair from her emerald eyes. "I was so happy when you wrote to me, Marlene. It's good you're reaching out, you know? I mean, who are you?" Lily smiled as Marlene did. "And you're asking me about Sirius," she said, her grin tilting into a smirk.
Marlene's cheeks pinked as she glanced away from the redhead. "Just don't mention it to death."
"Just the fact that you wrote me about him – I think that's your answer right there, Mars."
They spent the afternoon catching up. Lily told Marlene about the Order, careful to keep her voice low since Michael was somewhere else in the large house. They returned to the topic of Sirius just before Lily had to leave; Marlene had managed to avoid it for a while. She nibbled on her lip as Lily voiced her opinion on the matter.
When Lily finally quieted, Marlene glanced up at her friend. "What if James died?"
"I'd be devastated," Lily admitted. "But Marlene, I'd have all these memories with him, too. I'm loved, and that is more powerful than loss could ever be."