Been There, Blown That Up
Summary: After Loki's defeat and his fall from the portal, Tony starts preaching about a murderous purple titan out to get them in the depths of space.
Wait. What?
On the other side of the universe, Nebula loses her cool approximately two seconds after laying eyes on Thanos and finds herself on a wild chase through the galaxy. Now, where exactly was that pathetic piece of rock Terra again?
Chapter 10
May made the mistake of leaving the letter on the kitchen table in her hurry to make it in time for her next shift. She didn't think about it again during work, and by the time she returned, hours later, she wasn't thinking about anything other than putting up her feet and drinking a last cup of tea before falling into bed.
She was welcomed into their apartment by the excited chattering of her nephew.
"–is so cool! I can't believe this is happening!"
Oh no. Oh please, no.
"Way to go, buddy!" Ben said.
"I'm going to visit Stark Tower! I'm going to meet Iron Man! Do you think the Avengers will be there? Do you think–"
"Calm down." Ben laughed. He leaned forward to ruffle Peter's hair. "I wouldn't hold out to meet the Avengers, if I were you. Or Mr. Stark, for that matter. I'm sure they're busy people."
"I know," Peter said, his ecstatic smile dimming but not fading. It lit back up the second his eyes fell on May. "Aunt May! Guess what! I'm going to go to Stark Tower!"
"Are you now," May replied faintly, doing her very best to keep her voice steady.
"He's gotten an invitation from Tony Stark himself," Ben said, waving around the cursed letter with a proud beam. "I think it's like a summer camp."
"Ben," May said, trying not to sound too frantic, "a word–"
"Do you think there'll be many other kids?" Peter asked. "Do you think they'll let us see the Avengers' equipment? Oh! Aunt May! Guess what! Ned's coming too!"
May blinked. "Ned?"
"We just got off the phone," Ben explained, still that ecstatic smile on his face. "Apparently he's gotten an invitation, too. What are the chances?"
What were the chances, indeed.
In the end, May didn't exactly have much of a choice. Since she hadn't found the time to tell Ben about the bizarre phone call, the invitation seemed nothing but legitimate to him. He didn't have a care in the world, and, if anything, was just as thrilled as Peter was about the opportunity.
It didn't help that Peter had idolized Stark ever since Iron Man had saved him at the last Stark Expo.
May waited until the next time she had the apartment to herself to make another phone call. Stark picked up after two rings.
"Alright, listen up," May said, not giving Stark the chance to utter even a single word. "Peter saw the letter, and he's ecstatic to come to Stark Tower. I don't want to ruin that. But if this is going to happen, we'll have to lay out some ground rules."
For once, Stark did not respond with a joke or sarcastic quip. Just a simple, "Sure. I'm listening."
The following conversation made May feel uncomfortably like the kind of helicopter parent she knew back from Peter's elementary school, the sort she had always despised. In utter reluctance, May found that she could suddenly sympathize.
Besides strict guidelines about when and how long Peter was allowed to visit, May also insisted on visiting the Tower on her own, first. She also insisted on hourly phone calls that would let her know that everything was alright.
To her utter surprise, Stark didn't protest any of her demands. She found a brand new tablet in the mail on that very same day, alongside a note inviting her to video phone the Tower whenever she liked.
May did not hesitate to take him up on the offer. Frequently and extensively.
"Aunt May! Aunt May! Guess what!" Peter's excited voice assaulted her ears before May had even the chance to greet him.
Something that sounded suspiciously like an explosion went off in the background, and May's grip around the tablet tightened. "Peter. What was that?"
"Huh?" Peter looked over his shoulder, at something out of May's field of vision. "Oh, don't worry about it. That was just Mr. Loki trying to freak out Mr. Stark. I actually wanted to tell you about–"
"With explosions?" May interrupted. Then, as her brain caught up with Peter's words, "Wait, who tried to freak out Mr. Stark?"
"They're not real explosions, they're just magic, but I actually–"
"Magic?!"
"Yes, but listen! Me and Ned made a new friend."
"A new friend," May repeated faintly, making a mental note to make Stark clarify just what exactly was happening at that "science camp" of his. "You mean the girl? Shuri?"
Ben poked his head into the living room with a curious expression, and May waved him off.
"No, we already know Shuri. She's been here even longer than we have. We met her brother, too. He's a king and a superhero!"
"I see." May honestly, genuinely didn't. At all.
"Anyway, we made another friend. He arrived just today. His name's Harley, and Mr. Stark invited him, too."
"Hello Mrs. Parker!" A brown-haired boy who looked roughly Peter's age appeared on the screen, his cheeks flushed red from excitement. "Peter told me you live in New York. That's so cool, it takes ages to fly in all the way from Tennessee. I'm probably not gonna come all the time, which kind of sucks, but Mr. Stark said I could get a StarkPad and still talk to Peter and Ned and Shuri, isn't that cool?"
May blinked, rapidly filtering through the flood of information she'd gotten. "It's nice to meet you, um... Harley." She paused. "You've flown in from where?"
"Oh yeah, Mr. Stark sent his private jet," Harley said like that was something a random billionaire just did.
"How nice of him." May hoped that the clipped quality of her voice did not register for her teen-aged audience.
"It took him three weeks to convince my mom to say yes," Harley added.
May wasn't sure whether or not she should find solace in the fact that Stark would have most likely worn her down eventually, had she not agreed to his terms when she had.
"Speaking of Mr. Stark," she said, hoping to ban most of her animosity towards the man out of her voice, "where exactly is he?" If she caught him neglecting her nephew and his friends, no amount of puppy-eyes and begging would stop her from putting an end to the whole thing. "And where's Ned?"
"I'm here, Mrs. Parker!" Ned poked his head into the frame and waved. "We've got autographs of all of the Avengers. Isn't that amazing?!"
"Thor showed us his hammer."
"And his lighting."
"Is that why there's scorch marks on the coffee table?" Harley asked. "I can't believe I missed that!"
May felt a muscle below her eye twitch. "Where did you say Stark was, dear?"
Peter took a breath to answer. He didn't end up needing to.
As if summoned by her thoughts, Stark's voice piped up in the background. "Woah, who brought DUM-E out of the workshop?"
A formal, British-sounding voice answered him. "Nobody, Sir. DUM-E has heard you talking about our guests. He felt left out, and decided to come out of the workshop on his own." His voice took on a half amused, half proud quality. "He has managed to operate the elevator all by himself, Sir."
May heard some sort of mechanic whir.
"Is that a robot?" May recognized the voice as the little girl who had been at the tower when Stark had called. Shuri.
"You've got a robot here?" Peter joined in.
Stark ignored both of the children in order to sigh. "Okay, fine. Glad to have you here, buddy. Where's U?"
"I believe the appropriate term would be 'sulking', Sir."
Stark let out an exasperated huff. "Of course he is. Whatever. Tell him he's more than welcome to join us as soon as he's finished his little tantrum."
"Mr. Stark, Mr. Stark! Can I say hello to the robot, please please please?" Peter rushed out of the frame and knocked over the tablet.
His new friend – Harley, was it? – was hot on his tails. "Hey, wait for me! Did you say his name was Dummy?"
May kept the call connected for several more minutes, despite not being able to see anything other than the ceiling. She could make out a square shaped dent and what looked like a kitchen knife embedded in it.
"How are they doing?" Ben entered the living room from the kitchen, dropping down beside her with a smile.
May wasn't actually sure how to answer the question. "... I think Peter and Ned befriended African royalty."
Ben blinked.
May wasn't done. "They also met the Avengers. Thor almost destroyed the living room with his lightning. There's robots running around the whole place and I think they might have met the psychopath who tried to invade New York a few weeks ago."
Ben blinked, again. Then he laughed, deeply and genuine. "Those boys have a wonderful imagination. Sounds like they're having fun." He squeezed May's shoulder and reached for the newspaper lying on the table.
May let her head drop down on the back rest of their sofa, mentally cursing Stark with the sort of language that would have gotten Peter grounded. That man was going to be the death of her.
May kept letting Peter go to the Tower only because he had yet to return with so much as a scratch. His enthusiasm didn't waver, he brought gadgets and trinkets with him whenever he came home (most of which, according to Peter, he helped build himself) and told stories more and more outrageous each and every time.
Stark somehow managed not to sink his reputation further by religiously making sure to hold his agreement about the daily video calls.
May found comfort in the knowledge that ever since losing his parents, she had rarely seen Peter as happy as he was now.
Contrary to popular belief, Loki did not hate all people equally. He hated stupid people, as well as those that were below him and thought otherwise. He also did not care for his so called "family". But he did not loathe all people in equal measure.
For instance, Loki had found that he tolerated children to a surprising degree. Children were blatant and honest. Not to be cruel, but because they didn't know how not to be. They were full of childish naivety, easily excitable and did not care to hide their true desires and intentions.
In many ways, interacting with them was far more pleasant (not to mention refreshing) than treading the delicate line of manipulation and ulterior motives when talking to an adult.
Besides, children were so easily entertained by the simplest things.
"Do it again," the princess all but commanded, using a tone of voice Loki wouldn't have tolerated coming from anyone outside of her age range.
"Your wish is my command." His deep bow and mocking grin succeeded in making the children laugh. Their laughter soon turned into cheers as Loki conjured animal shapes into thin air – not Midgardian ones, but creatures found in all sorts of realms.
The spell itself was barely more than a party trick, one that Loki had mastered with only a few centuries of age. It did not matter in the face of his audience's enthusiasm. Loki's mouth twitched into a smile. Yes, this was the reason he preferred the company of children. What would have been met with scorn and suspicion from others was a simple delight to them.
"How are you doing that?" Shuri asked, a bright grin on her face and a gleam in her eyes. "How does it work?"
"Magic." Loki didn't try to hide the twinkle in his eyes.
"Yes, but how–"
"It would be far too complicated to understand for your simple, human mind." What? Loki liked children. It didn't mean he was going to pamper them.
Shuri looked ready to start an argument with him. One of the boys – Ned – interrupted. "Can all aliens do magic?"
Loki twitched at the clumsily used term. "Most can use it to some degree. Only few choose to master the art in its entirety."
"Are you kidding?!" Peter hopped up and down on the sofa. "If I had magic I would use it for everything."
"Dude," Ned said, "we could join the Avengers–"
"–fight crime and save people! We'd be so cool!"
Shuri let out a huff. "You don't need magic to do those things."
"Hey, so, Mr. Loki, Sir." The newest – and last – of the children, Harley, had resurfaced from whatever he'd been busy doing with his puny, Midgardian communication device. "I was looking you up on the internet–"
"The 'internet'?" Loki repeated, raising an eyebrow.
"It's like this giant network you can access no matter where you are. You can look up information, talk to other people–"
"Watch cat videos," Ned enthusiastically added.
"–all sorts of stuff," Harley finished. "Anyway, so I've been looking you up, and–"
"Beg your pardon?" Loki's brows knit into a frown. "This internet of yours stores information on me? On Asgard?"
"Well, yeah. You know, Norse Mythology and all that."
Right. It wasn't that Loki had forgotten about the time Asgard's people had been named gods by the Midgardians' primitive ancestors. He simply hadn't thought that they would keep archives about them, much less some that included Loki.
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, but I don't know how much of it is true," Harley said. "Some of the stuff sounds really far fetched."
"Oh yeah?" Peter craned his neck to take a look at Harley's phone. "Like what?"
Shuri was not far behind. "Who's that supposed to be?"
"Loki. That's why I said it was weird."
"Why's he blue?"
Loki felt his thoughts screeching to a halt. Across the room, Banner looked up from the paper he'd been reading, pinning Loki with an alarmed glance.
"Give me that," he snapped, all but tearing the device out of the child's hand. Sure enough, the display showed a grotesque – but unambiguous – depiction of Loki in his Jotunn form. How was that possible?
"Can you actually do that?" Ned asked.
Harley seemed interested in a permanent visit to the land of the dead, because he added, "Can you show us?"
Loki tried to think through the insistent ringing in his ears. A muscle below his eye twitched. Banner sent him a warning glance and muttered, "Loki..."
It was the children's curiosity – genuine interest, rather than wariness – that settled the matter for Loki.
Hesitant, and with reluctance burning in his gut, Loki made his body shift, revealing dark blue skin and carved runes. Loki suppressed the urge to cover it up again immediately.
The children's awed silence didn't last for long. "Woah," Shuri said. "Can all white people do that?"
Loki blinked. "I– What–"
"How does your skin do that? Are you cold? I read on the internet that your kind turns blue when you're cold."
"What could you possibly know about my kind?!" Loki scowled, irritation sparking behind his eyes. He retracted all of the pleasant opinions he'd had about the children minutes ago.
"I think Shuri means humans," Ned said. "You know. White people."
The statement actually left Loki speechless. "... No. No, this is not something that humans can do. I had thought we'd already established that I am not, in fact, human."
"It says you're a frost giant," Harley said, his eyes pinned back on his device. "That's different from Thor, isn't it?"
Loki ignored the statement. He shifted back into his Aesir form and ignored Banner's curious glance. "What else does it say?"
What followed was truly... enlightening – and more than a little humiliating – lesson in Norse mythology.
"So you're saying you don't have a kid who's a giant snake?"
"No. Obviously not."
"Or a horse with eight legs?"
"No, that's my father's battle–"
"Or a wolf?"
"Or the goddess of death?"
Loki felt the twitching below his eyes grow rapidly. "We do not even have a goddess of death. There is no such thing."
The children had just opened their mouths – Loki wasn't sure whether to dread what would come next – when Banner's voice cut through the room. It had an urgency to it that made Loki pause.
"JARVIS, turn that up."
A news report flickered up in the middle of the living room, showing shaky, far range footage of a battered space vessel about to crash in the middle of a park.
"– witness reports have not confirmed alien sightings beyond the one captured on the displayed footage. We're asking: Has the New York invasion been only the beginning?"
Banner rose, taking a step towards Loki and piercing him with an emotionless stare. "Is that one of yours?"
Loki held up his hands and resisted the urge to take a step backwards. He pretended like he wasn't checking Banner's skin for any sign of discoloration. "I assure you that it is not."
"You're not planning anything that could count for another attempt at world domination?"
"Not currently, no."
Banner kept pinning him under his gaze. Loki glared back.
Finally, Banner turned away. "JARVIS. I hope you already notified the others."
"Naturally, Doctor Banner."
"Good. Tell them I'm on my way. And you," he threw another glance at Loki, already halfway through the doorway. "Don't do anything. JARVIS has his eyes on you and knows what to do in an emergency."
"Who do you take me for?" Loki said, too late. Banner had already left.
Loki and the children turned back to the news report. It showed the military on its way to the approximated crash site, as well as assumptions which of the Avengers would arrive, first.
"JARVIS," Loki said, leaning back on the couch with a pleased grin. "If you could, please make the screen larger." At once, the holographic screen grew to the size it had during one of the Avengers' 'movie nights'.
For a moment, none of them spoke. Then Harley piped up with a, "Hey JARVIS. Do you guys have any popcorn here?"
Loki had to admit that this was far preferable to the front lines of the conflict. Without speaking it out loud – he doubted that it would find appreciation from the children – Loki made a mental ranking list of which of the Avengers he'd most like to see pummeled into the ground by whichever enemy was about to set foot on Midgard.
A/N: It's happening, guys. :P
Beta'd by the wonderful To Mockingbird, PyrothTenka and Igornerd!
Please be a dear and let me know what you thought! :)
~Gwen