Chapter 9.

I woke the next morning with Aulder next to me, his face serene as I rubbed his belly. It was all I had left in this universe and I was not loosing him to anything, I would willingly walk through the fires of Hell to save this child. I was also not afraid to prove that if I had to, he was my child and I was his mother. The silent oath that I never had to speak hanging between us, and always there. I let my fingers play with his tiny hands, smiling when his fingers closed over my index finger in his sleep on reflex. It was early yet, and I would be left alone for the morning thanks to my request. Just the way I wanted it right now, no disturbances and no more fighting.

Fandral took the trunk back to Loki, returning without a word but his usually perfect hair a bit of a mess. I could tell that the flirtatious warrior argued with Loki, the look on his face speaking volumes as he walked toward me. Sif gave him a look to keep him quiet, pressing a cool rag to my face as I shivered with the slight fever. Surprisingly, he just stood to the side of the bed and waited for her to finish taking care of me. They both left later after the fever had cooled to the point of not worrying them, both assuring me that Loki would come around. I just lay quietly though, not wanting to argue that Loki was not coming back and was lost. I was tired and all I wanted to do was sleep.

A small movement from the sleeping infant told me that it was almost time for him to feed again. I picked him up gently and opened my shift, anticipating his needs. I surprised myself by knowing what he needed, I guess only a mother knew these things. Or you just guessed, and hoped for the best.

I gave him all he needed and lay him back down, settling myself back under the blankets and shivering. I was still slightly feverish, and I felt it in my aching joints. I was not supposed to get sick, I was supposed to get stronger. I learned that I still got fevers and colds the hard way, I spent a day sneezing and blowing my nose thanks to the virus I picked up one time on Earth. I got over it after a day though, thanks to my hyper fast healing but it was still miserable when I had it. Loki followed me around the castle with handkerchiefs to wipe my nose on, and I went through a pot of tea with honey every hour to soothe my throat.

Seriously people, cover your mouth when you sneeze.

The door opened and I snapped out of my thoughts, closing my eyes and pretending to still be asleep. I did not want this right now, I wanted him to leave me alone. The footsteps were different from Loki's, lighter in the toe with a slight shuffle in the left foot. My eyes snapped open and I sat up to greet Thor, the big lug waving at me as I greeted him. He stood at the foot of my bed, smiling at me and I grinned back as much as I could with everything.

"I heard you were unwell last night, I came to see if you have recovered any." Thor said and I let out a long breath.

"Just healing slowly, how is being King? Is it all ordering people around and half naked women feeding you grapes?" I asked him, offering him a place to sit. He walked over and looked at the sleeping baby, grinning down at his new nephew with joy.

"No maidens at my feet, or feeding me fruit. It is difficult though, too many people whispering against others, and others trying to not be seen. I do not know how Father managed so much, all the while ignoring the idle gossip. There is so much of that as well, one piece I heard this morning disturbed me greatly however and I had to see if it was true." He said, sitting on the bed gingerly to favor his still open wound. I put my hand over his side, healing it with a bit of my power and he smiled sadly at me. I sniffed and pulled my knees up to my chest on my side, needing to but not really wanting to talk to someone. I knew he would push, it was his nature to be a fixer of problems and I sort of liked him for that.

"Can this stay between us?" I asked Thor and he nodded at me, holding my hand as he sat quietly. I cried and he squeezed my hand to reassure me, letting me have the moment I needed.

"He hates me Thor, He threatened me last night in front of Sif and Fandral, Aulder and I are nothing to him. He said he could get rid of us, and reject his own son at the same time." I sobbed and Thor laughed at me. I looked up at him completely shocked at his response, he only continued to laugh.

"Lady, I know Loki well. If he truly hated you , he would have told you outright. His ego is bruised by rumor and nothing more. All this will end soon enough, and you and your son will be the only stars in his sky, he will soon realize what a fool he is." Thor said, shifting to hug me and kissing the top of my head. "You are my beloved sister, and I know my brother better than you Lady. He is just stubborn and easily injured at times. How fragile the pride of men are at times, and how gentle the nature of women."

"I needed to hera that Thor, thank you. Sorry being King is not for you, if it helps you are still my friend." I said, smiling up at him and feeling stupid for everything over the last several hours.

"It is my pleasure to have you as my friend as well. You do feel as though you have a slight fever, perhaps you should have Eir examine you to ensure you are not experiencing complications from the birth." Thor said, smiling at me. I grinned back up at him and gave a mock salute, being the sassy gal I always have been.

"If the King orders it." I joked, making him laugh hard.

"He does, it is for your benefit, your friend also asks it of you out of concern. I will send for Loki when he returns from riding. We will speak, and I will show him what a fool he is acting." He laughed, letting me settle back into the bed. I blinked at him, knowing he was just trying to look out for me but worried that he was going to make everything worse. I did not know what Thor was really planning either, and I worried about him getting frustrated and causing a fight between him and his brother.

"What are you planning? Thor, you are making me really nervous here. Fandral saw him with Eloynne, maybe you should just let it go..." I started but Thor stopped me before I could go on.

"Fandral saw Loki shoving her out of his chambers last night, she was still in her corset and underskirts. I questioned Fandral myself, the story to me sounds as if she has made herself a larger nuisance to Loki as he was shouting at her as well. Keep all this in mind with him, and do not let a broken heart dictate your actions biased off of missing details." He chided me, making me think and chew on my lip.

"He didn't then. I'm an idiot, oh jeez Thor. What am I going to do?" I moaned, covering my face with my hands and nearly wailing.

"For now, you are going to rest, you have been through much and have a child to think about. I will speak with Eloynne myself and warn her against further harassment. Have faith that it will all come back together, I hope to see you in public later today with your child. Asgard is whispering that you have a good strong son, and that he is beautiful." Thor said and I smiled at the sleeping baby.

"He is something, and thank you Thor." I replied, knowing that he would do everything he could to fix this mess. I had very little hope that anything could be done still, Loki seemed adamant that he was officially through with me. I gave my friend a hug and lay back against the pillows again, he standing and walking to the door but still smiling at the both of us. He opened it and paused briefly, another thought coming to him.

"It will all work itself out in the end, have trust in that Lady. You will see, some fates were just meant to cross. My mother said that to us often, and I believe those words still." Thor said, walking out of my rooms and leaving us alone. I rolled onto my side and smiled at Aulder, my fingers touching his little cheeks and she smiled in his sleep. I wanted only happiness for him, and was afraid he would never find it. Sadness creeping in as I got up and walked over to my desk, picking up the locket and opening it. The picture inside breaking my heart as I studied it.

I grabbed my phone and sobbed into my hand, looking at the picture of the three of us. One smile hiding a lie that could never find truth, I returned to the bed and pushed both things under my pillows. Hiding them before they were taken away from me too, at least I could pretend someone once loved me.

But only little girls pretended such things and in the progression of time, I grew up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He approached the ruins on his horse, the same crumbling temple from years ago and let his eyes wander over it. The overgrowth had taken back over and he had to push the vines aside to enter the silent sanctum, untouched by time and still forgotten since their last visit. His eyes scanned the inner structure as he walked toward the ancient stone throne, seeing her in his minds eye sitting on it and fading away again as a ghost should. He sat on it and saw her again, her eyes searching and cataloging every detail of the ancient ruins. Her quest to know open and evident to him as he watched her explore, such a great mind for a woman to posses. So filled with the quiet wisdom of the scholars of Midgard, all that she had read and used to drive herself onward in discovery. The skills she found yesterday, propelling her toward the future she could easily peek into given her powers, but she refused to.

"Through the storm, she waits." A woman whispered in the old tongue and the wind carried the scent of dust toward him, the relief with the inscription still behind him. The statues around him, each judging him silently, his actions the night before filling him with regret and pain. His brow knitting as he closed his eyes, willing the ghosts of his past away. She had made her decision though, sending his things back to him through Fandral, the message so clear that the all of the universe could read it.

She was done with him, Lilliana Rose was casting off the monster and striving forward on her own. He looked up and the swords held by the statues and sighed, wishing that the silent watchers would pass their judgment and carry out their sentence. Strike him down in his arrogance, effectively ending his sorry excuse for living and erasing him from this existence.

Lilliana would truly be free of him then, she would no longer have to bear the shame of being his bride. She would to take the mantle of Widow and mourn him with grace and dignity, eventually to be found and courted by another. Her heart mended by kinder hands than his, a gentle man who would seek her out and beg her to be his. His words making her blush, and free gentle giggles from her like peals from the bells of Asgard.

Her suitor would never deserve her fully however, she would would fill his life with music and make him smile at her wonder but never truly earn the place he desired. Never to bee his alone, as he faded from youth, and his life ending as a victim of time. Her endless life filled with love and grief, in a revolving cycle that would never be broken until she decided to end her own being.

Eventually even Loki would become a faded memory himself, a ghost that lurked in her mind and haunted her and stole her happiness. A dark beast that stole her innocence and took her kindness for granted, the monster that deserved nothing of her but took it for himself anyways. His face another fading portrait or crumbling statue in a dark corner of the castle, turning to dust in the procession of memory.

"Slow down will you? I am shorter than you." She giggled in his memory, his bringing her back here nearly a year ago. She reached out for him to help her over the fallen pillar, his hands on her waist as he lifted her up and over the debris. She braced her hands on his shoulders, looking around in wonder again and seeing new details.

"Perhaps that is what draws so many to you. Being such a small thing, it makes them want to protect you." He replied, making her smile down at him. She wiggled and slapped at his shoulders, her irritation at his jest showing.

"Put me down. I warned you about teasing how short I am, now I have no choice but to run away." She giggled, teasing him in return. The silk of her coat slipping through his hands and she smiling back at him, her fingers dancing over his tunic and down his arm. He lifted her off her feet again in a smooth movement, making her squeal and laugh. Her pale blue riding coat flaring as he turned with her off the ground, she giggled and struggled against his hold. Her laughter echoing off the silent statues and she pointed at the ground, her grin still there and her eyes shining with stars.

"I shall find you, that is my promise. You cannot hide from me." He said back to her, stealing a kiss from her as he set her back on her feet in the dust.

"Really?" She asked him and he laughed in response, his hand holding her soft cheek as he kissed her again. He held her to him, walking with her and making her laugh loudly into his chest. Pushing her back into the throne and burying his face in her neck, her hands on his arms as he kissed and nuzzled at her tender flesh. He remembered seeing the way the blush crept to her cheeks, warming her face and making her sigh as he held her. His attention bringing a hitch to her breath, filling her with a shy arousal as he pulled the collar of the jacket aside to nuzzle her.

"I only have to look for the brightest star on the horizon, there you will be waiting for me to find you." He said into her ear, unlacing her coat and slipping his hand over the corset and kissing her deeper.

"I love you Loki." She said, kissing him and his hands circled her back, caressing her through her layers of clothing. A moment of peace for them both before they returned to Midgard, the moment she conceived their son and promised him she would love only him. The two of them alone in this crumbling temple, her sighs offered as prayers to eternity as they moved as one. Her kisses and heart burning with life, her body promising beauty always. He promised her forever and she believed him, now it was all gone. Crumbling to dust in his fingers as he watched, the gold ring on his finger a silent testament to the promise he made and then broke.

All now was only memory, fading and lost.

"Please let her be happy again one day." he asked Fate, his voice choked and strained with the persistence of his loss. Another failure to mark his life that remained etched in his mind, the last moment of serenity before another long fall. She was gone, and he was once again just another being that existed and refused to leave the banquet in the eyes of all. Unwanted and uninvited, the stalking wretch that would not vanish.

At least there was some small chance for a piece of him to stay in her heart, Aulder would always be there. Close to her and adored by the child, her hands and heart offering him comfort and love. Nurturing him as he grew, he watching from afar as she laughed with him and taught him all she knew.

He heard a horse ride up to the ruins, catching his attention and grabbing his curiosity. He stood and walked out into the open air, leaving his past behind him and seeking the source of the disturbance. A rider sat on his mount near his horse, his nod evident as Loki walked through the grass toward him.

"What is it." He snapped, irritated with the man and the intrusion.

"Ambassador, King Thor sends for you. It is and urgent matter that requires your presence, and your attention at once." The rider said. Loki continued toward his horse, slipping his hands into his gloves. His annoyance flared, he came out here to escape the castle, not to remain at the call of it.

"It cannot be so terrible that Thor cannot manage a solution without me, tell him that I shall return when it suits me and not a moment before. This is most likely of no concern to me in the interim." He snapped, the rider looking surprised at the response he gave. Something on the man's face told him that something grave had happened, something that did in fact, concern him.

"Lady Lilliana collapsed this morning with fever, King Thor found her with it this morning and it has gotten worse. She is in her bed and drifts between consciousness and sleep, and it has many concerned. King Thor wished to speak to you immediately concerning her health, you are needed back at once Ambassador." The Rider said, his voice even but laced with fear as he spoke. Loki felt panic at the back of his mind, what if the cries and tears the night before were Childbed Fever? It would make him a bigger fool than he had ever been, he mounted his horse and gave it a strong kick. Lilliana could be dying at that moment, her joy turning to tragedy for everyone. He dug at the horses flanks, urging it to move faster.

It seemed he would loose another beautiful woman he adored, everything he touched turning to dust.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Thank the Fates the fever is breaking, at times they do seem to go away to come back stronger. She caught the illness from the child in the Infirmary when she gave birth, I do not believe she passed it on to the child however, he would present with symptoms of it." Eir said to Thor and Sif, both of them standing over me as I shivered under the blankets. My head aching and throat raw, I groaned and turned my head to find a cool spot on my pillow. Aimee changed my bedding and helped me clean myself up as much as she could, Kyla was nearby and caring for Aulder quietly.

"That is good news, a fever for her is worrying enough and we feared the worst when she collapsed." Sif said, Thor taking the cloth off my head to cool it before wiping my cheeks. I moaned again, hoping for some relief and begging with my eyes for them to help me.

"I agree with Lady Sif, she is precious to all and we worry that she will catch illnesses here she has never been exposed to on Midgard." Thor said, Sif taking the cloth from him with a look. No one was used to the King of Asgard serving someone, and Thor was just trying to take care of his friend. Eir put a cup to my dry lips and I drank everything in it, I cringed at the taste of the medicine in it and she smiled at me as she passed the empty vessel to Aimee.

"It is not surprising to me, she has been under much pressure caring for a new child and everything else around her wearing her down physically and mentally. She will recover soon, and be ready to show her new son the gardens in a day. Right now she must rest, no upset should be allowed near her. She may care for her child, but she is to remain in bed and sleep as much as she can." Eir said and I rolled my eyes. Another shiver reminding me that I was in fact sick, and needed rest. The ache in my joints dulled, giving me some relief but not enough to make me want to go dancing or anything.

"Don't tell Loki, I don't want him here yelling at me again." I said, looking at both Sif and Thor. Thor nodded down at me, glaring at Sif as she sighed.

"I will not let him in your chambers Lilly, I agree that he would only cause you more upset. Thor did send for him however, but I greatly doubt he will come. He is too stubborn and selfish." Sif said, earning a reprimanding glance from Thor. I had to agree with her though, the way he talked to me was enough to remind me that I was nothing to him. She sat down on the bed next to me and smiled, moving my sweaty hair out of my face.

"Rest now Lady, sleep and all will be well again. The medicine I administered will have you strong and ready to care for your son again soon. I imagine that I leave you in caring hands as well." Eir said, collecting her things and walking to the door. Kyla opened it for her and smiled to her mother, Eir looking proudly at her daughter.

"Eir," I coughed and she turned.

"Yes Lady?" She replied and smiled politely, the tray of items in her hands.

"Thank you, and Kyla is a wonderful help. You should be very proud of her, I chose the perfect and caring nurse to help me with Aulder." I said, making Kyla blush at the praise. Eir smiled at her and she nodded back at me, the good words about her daughter welcomed.

"She makes me very proud, I am happy to hear you are pleased with her. Please rest and recover." Eir said, turning and leaving the room. The door closed and Aimee locked it, following my orders to the punctuation. Everyone in the room understood my reasoning, and did not judge my choice to keep some people out.

"I am sorry Sister, but duty pulls me away. When Loki returns I will tell him how much of an imbecile he is, and remind him that he is lucky that you will recover. I will further remind him that his behavior was abhorrent as well, Loki does not know what he stands to loose if he continues with his choices." Thor said, his hand on my forehead. He looked worried at how warm I was, sighing through his nose and shaking his head with sad eyes. I smiled up at him weakly and wanted to argue with him, he really was thick headed at times but still had a good heart.

"Don't bother Thor, it is what it is." I said, burying myself under the blankets and shivered again. I knew that he would try despite my weak protest, he was stubborn in his own way too.

"Just leave things to me." He replied, walking away. Aimee let him out and he glanced back at me, his nature was going to get me into bigger trouble and I knew it. I shivered and wanted to bury myself under the blankets, being sick sucked enough, but the look Thor gave me was worse. I was not supposed to ever be in this position, I was supposed to be so much more than this. I was immortal, and I had a new baby to take care of. I was not supposed to be laying on my back with a random fever I caught giving birth to said child, and I was probably going to be annoying until I was better. I had not smacked anyone for a long time, but I wanted a piece of the parents who brought their kid in for treatment.

"Promise." I croaked out to Thor, sneezing into my hand and laying back again. Thor smiled at me, nodding to Aimee who closed and locked the door again. I lay on the bed, wondering if Loki would eventually come back and check on me, my inner pessimist screaming that he was not and probably did not care.

"Can I have something to wipe my nose?" I asked, debating using my sleeve to stop it from dripping. Sif handed me a handkerchief and I caught the leak before it made me look really disgusting, wiping my upper lip to make sure I did not have any residue.

"Do you truly not want Loki in here to see you?" Sif asked me and I let out a breath. If I told her to do so, she would do everything she could to keep him away. Probably even leaving him tied to a pillar or tree somewhere, I shook my head and tried not to cry at the decision I had to make. I was too sick and to tired for complex thought, it frustrated me.

"I don't know what I want with him." I admitted, turning on my side and shoving my hand under the pillows. I found the hidden locket and wrapped my fingers around it, warming the miniature portrait in my hand.

"I will tell him that you are ordered to have no visitors today, we can judge tomorrow at another time." Sif said, making a decision and I nodded, closing my eyes in depression.

"That sounds like a plan." I croaked, clearing my throat and heard her shift. A knock came from the door and she went to it, cutting off Aimee and opening it. She let out a long breath and shook her head, letting me know who was there.

"I wish to see her." Loki snapped from the other side of the nearly closed door. He pushed at it and Sif held it fast, blocking me from his view.

"She is ill, I told you that last night but you chose instead to shout at her. She is ordered to see no one who may upset her and rest, Eir said to do so. Thor will speak with you as to her condition." Sif said, staying calm and starting to close the door again. He must have stopped her, because she jerked back and glared at Loki. I tightened my hand on the locket, trying to will him away so I could sleep. My other hand drifting to my ear and I shivered under the blankets with tears in my eyes, knowing he was going to fight her.

"You cannot keep me from her, and you know it Sif." He shot back at her.

"I will see if Eir allows her guests in the morning. Let her rest now, the fever is still strong right now and you are not helping her arguing with me and causing disturbance." Sif replied calmly, not budging from her stance.

"I am not just a guest, have you forgotten? I am..." Loki started, my head lifting off the pillow to see what he would say.

"I know what you are, but she is asking not to see you right now Loki. She will not recover if you continue upsetting her, if she wishes to see you at another time we will send a Page to fetch you. Unless you are otherwise occupied." Sif said, the hint that he had entertained another woman hanging in the air. I could see her relax a bit, glancing over her shoulder at me and I shook my head back at her. Loki was not coming in no, thanks to that dig that would make him moody and a total asshole.

"What is the meaning of that? You will give me access to Lilliana." He said, his voice rising with his anger. I wanted to close my eyes and just fall asleep, not be there and listening to them argue.

"Sif." I said, my voice small and weak. I hoped he would leave, but part of me knew better.

"You know I did not such thing, I would have no other in my bed while I am bound to her. Let me in Sif, or at least tell me if she had Childbed fever." Loki demanded. Aimee pushed against the door, holding it nearly closed as he pushed against the other side, holding it nearly closed. I could feel my resolve breaking, almost telling Sif to let him in.

"Meet with Thor." Sif said finally, her voice firm as she closed the door and locked it. I rested back again, calming back down and the two women leaning against the door regarded each other.

"Thank you Sif." I said and she nodded. She looked like she was debating telling me something, but stopped shaking her head and deciding not to.

"If Loki returns, and you are still ill, should I allow him?" She said and I nodded, some battles were just not worth fighting anymore. Kyla was feeding Aulder from a bottle and brought him over to see me, I smiled at my son. I wanted to hold him so bad, but was afraid that I would get him sick as well. My hand left the locket under the pillows and I watched the baby, happy and knowing that he was safe and cared for. My eyes drifted closed, so hot and heavy from the fever and other worries on my mind. I wanted to vanish from them all, to be thousands of miles away and hiding.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Why am I being kept from her, and why am I not being told the nature of the fever?" Loki demanded, irritated at all that was being kept from him. Thor looked at his brother and nodded, dismissing The Council and crossing his arms.

"It is a general fever she contracted while birthing Aulder, she will recover but it is in her best interest to allow her to rest." Thor said and Loki calmed back down, his face becoming placid and he huffed in annoyance. He was relieved however, but hid it behind a mask of arrogance.

"You pulled me away from my leisure for a general fever? I should be angry with you for that alone. If no one is dying, I shall take my leave and return to my chambers." Loki replied, walking away.

"Loki, you stand to loose much if you cast her off. You do not know the lasting consequences of such an action, it would be good for you to reconcile with her." Thor replied, Loki laughing at the statement. Thor obviously wanted it to happen, for them to reconcile, and for Lilliana to stay in Asgard. Many wanted the same, but Loki doubted it could happen.

"I'm afraid Thor, that I have already found another. Lilliana bores me already, you should have expected this." He replied, it hurting more than any strike or blow to let that lie out. The words so bitter on his tongue, he wanted to kick her door in and hold her close to him.

"A lie. I can see the sorrow it brings you to say that." Thor replied, shaking his head.

"You do not truly know me them Brother." Loki spat. His words bitter and filled with anger at the accusation, knowing that Thor saw through the lie.

"You will regret this course, I know you Brother. I know you well, I order you to dine with her tomorrow evening should she be recovered enough to do so. You will reconcile with her, because I can see the turmoil on your face even now." Thor said, Loki laughing and walking away.

"Your orders are as empty as the throne you sit on Thor. Do not bother me with her until she has died of the fever." Loki shot back, hiding his pain at the words he spoke again. He heard Thor call him to return, but he continued walking away. He did not want anyone to see him now, she was to live and that was all that mattered to him for now.