Looking back at it I wondered if it was all worth it. For what reason? I had taken my first life. I had killed a man. A threshold had been broken. I was a murderer.
Being groomed to become a killer all my life didn't prepare me for what I had felt. My whole life had been leading up to this moment. For me to become a killer.
I was lucky I had been able to go this far without taking a life. It was a wonder it hadn't happened sooner. I had injured, maimed and scared for life. Maybe someone had died as a result of my actions. But I had never been there, never known.
Not until now.
It had started out as any other mission. Due to the medicine shortage my team was transporting some from Suna to Konoha. A friendly city. Two cities in peace helping each other. We had brought something to Suna, and Suna har repaid in medicine.
It was a simple mission. One of the easier ones we had gotten in a long time. The most difficult part should have been dealing with all that sand and heat. Should have been.
My missions had gotten a bad habit of taking a sour turn.
I couldn't blame the man as I looked down on him. He was an innocent man, forced to desperation. He had a note on his body explaining it all. In case this happened. He knew what he had been doing. He knew the risks. He was just a civilian going up against shinobi. It was doomed to go bad at one point. He did what he had to, the only thing he thought he could be doing for his family.
His three daughters and his wife. They were all named in the note we found on his body. It was short, but it told me the whole story of who he was and why he was there.
Suna hadn't had the same economic growth as we had had. They didn't prosper in the same way. Those at the bottom of society didn't have the same surplus as we had. There wasn't enough to go around. So, he was forced to become a criminal to feed those he had waiting for him at home. There were no other jobs for him to take.
If his family was to eat, he would take to these extreme actions. Robbing shinobi as they were transporting goods between cities. When he was successful the danger didn't even stop there. He had to seek out the black market often to be able to sell his stolen goods.
He was a victim. He was doing something wrong. I knew that.
It had been me against him. There was no surprise I had won. He had nothing against me in a fight. I had to protect our goods, our mission. I was the one who had to value a mission over a life. A family father. How scared he must have been as he realized that today was his day to go.
I wondered if he was thinking about me taking his life or his family being left alone as he was dying.
I hoped he hadn't been in too much pain.
At first, he had attacked me. I saw it coming. I hadn't been touched, attacked since that mission that almost failed. My team I was able to trust. This had been a stranger. I didn't even try to fight him off. I had panicked. I had gone straight for the kill.
I could have saved this man. I could have knocked him out. I could have done anything but killed him. I could have helped him. I could have done everything differently.
Now there was a family waiting for their father and husband that would never return to them again. That would never hold around his daughters and tell them how much he loved them. He was out here, having risked his life because of his love for them. He was out here because he loved them. You don't risk your life for someone you don't truly, deeply love.
And I had killed him. Taken that love away.
I had heard Kakashi speak, what he said I didn't know. Couldn't hear the words. I could only hear the noise. A black flare was shot above his body. The universal signal that there was a body to pick up. The Suna guards would be there to pick him up, they were close enough.
We moved on. Kakashi put his hand on my back but I immediately shook it off.
There would be a message sent to Suna that this man had attacked us. He was a criminal. He was a thief. They didn't care about why. They didn't care about how this must had hardened him, how his family must have been hungry.
They would get an apology for the inconvenience and a reward, bounty or price for killing him depending if he was wanted, had a long path of crime behind him or if we filed any claims for broken equipment he was responsible for breaking.
He wasn't a life, he was a way to earn money now.
I just hope they would take him home. That they would have some understanding for the family he left behind. That they would see. That they would not judge. But they would. They always did.
I was a killer now. Everything had changed. I was a murderer.