"Logan, no." I said firmly with my feet planted outside of the door.
"C'mon, you big chicken." Logan tugs at my arm.
"NO. I...I can't. They're going to hate me." I argue.
"They already know you, Anna. It's not like it's the first they've been around you."
"Exactly. They already know me. That's even worse." I huff. "I have no business teaching a class. A year ago I was throwing the same kids around. What makes you think they'll give me the time of day?"
"Because they've warmed up to you. More kids look up to you more than you know." He points out.
I bite my lip. "I don't know, Logan." I say nervously. Feeling extremely nervous.
"I do." He says with a smirk. "I know the professor wouldn't have put you up to it unless he was confident that you could do it."
I sigh heavily. "I don't even know what to say. I've never ever taught a class."
"Neither did I. And I damn sure never thought I'd be teaching history." He chuckles to himself. He holds out his hand. "C'mon. You don't have to say much." I look at him nervously. "Trust me."
Nervously, I take his hand and follow him into the classroom. All the students straighten up and quiet down and give Logan they're full attention. It was kind of comical to say the least.
"Mornin'." Logan greeted the class.
"Good morning, Mr. Logan." They all said in unison. Again, I stifle a laugh at the respect given to Logan.
"For those of you who don't know, this is Anna Burke. She'll be our guest speaker today. Give her all your attention and respect when she speaks but don't hesitate to ask questions either." He informs them and I give a look. Are you kidding me?
He smirks a bit then shrugs and starts his lesson. The current students eye me curiously but don't say anything as they listen to Logan teach. I squirm a bit in my seat and keep my head down slightly. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I already know most of these kids and they're good kids at that. But I feel like I'm under a microscope and not sure what to do.
Logan is teaching on the different wars and focuses more on the ones that he's been through. He shares his experience and the students are glued to him, clearly interested. I myself am very interested as this is some stuff that I've never heard before. Some of it was terrifying. Some of it was amazing. Some of it I could relate too.
Eventually, Logan stops and looks at me. "Anna's mutation is similar to mine. She's been alive since the 1920's and survived World War 2." The students look at me curiously. "Any questions?" He asks them.
It's silent at first and you can tell they want to ask but are unsure. I turn a shade of red and nervously pushed my hair back. Eventually, a boy who looked nervously around then at me raised his hand. "Go ahead, Bryan." Logan permitted.
Bryan gave me a curious look then asked his question. "The tattoo on your arm. What does it mean?"
I look down at my arm, rubbing it gently with my thumb as memories came back. "They were for those who were supposed to work in the camp. It was to try to keep up with us. It was hard though because there were so many." I explain.
"Did you work?" He asks with interest.
"I did. For a while."
"Is that how you survived? By working there?" Another student asks.
I shake my head. "No. I was still sent to the gas chambers. It was there that I found out about my mutation. I was the only survivor." Logan gives me a curious look. He'd never heard this whole story.
Student after student asked me many questions and I ended telling my whole story about my time at Auschwitz and after. They listened. Some cried. I thought it'd be hard but it wasn't. If anything, it felt good to release. It felt like a whole life time ago.
"One more. Then it's time to go." Logan announces, looking at the clock.
A young girl in the back raises her hand and I nod at her to go ahead. "You said you lost a lot of good friends then and over time. What would be your advise to us? Especially if we lose someone in battle. How do you get over it?"
I look at Logan for a moment and he raises his eyebrows a bit. That was a deep last minute question but after moment, I heard her answer. "You don't. You never get over it. You bare it. It's the only thing you can do." I take a breath, trying to stay steady. "When you lose someone, you'll wish you'd never meant them. Because the pain from that loss wounds and changes you." I bite my lip then look at the window for a brief moment. "The people I lost...it hurt deeply but I remember that pain is just a sign of how much they meant to me and why I should keep going." The whole is eerily quiet. I finally look back at the girl. "My advice for you all...honor and love your friends and comrades fiercely. Accept now that it won't be easy when they're gone and whatever you do, when it does happen, allow yourself to feel it and don't ever run from it."
I felt Logan staring at me for a long time but then he addressed the class. "Remember what she did, kids. You'll need it." He nodded to himself. "Reports are due Monday. Class is dismissed." And with that, my time was up and the students stood up and respectfully applauded.
The whole ride to the Munson's house was tense and you could tell that Logan and I were nervous. Logan began giving us instructions, more so to Laura, on how to act and to not say anything that would cause a scene. Which, Laura you didn't really have to worry about as she hasn't one bit since we started this whole mess.
Finally, I can't take the tension any longer and decide to try to lighten things up a bit. "So what should I call you? Pops? Daddy-O?" I tease with a grin which earns a nice signature glare from Logan which makes Charles laugh and Laura's mouth twitch upward towards a smile.
"Don't start." Logan warns, wagging a finger at me.
"Oh don't be so grumpy." I laugh. "It's not my fault I aged like fine wine and you...well, you're looking like that old man on the oat meal box." That really sets Charles off in a fit of giggles and I can't help but join him. It was so nice to hear his light laughter again.
Logan once again gives me a look and shakes his head. "Keep it up, Old Lady. It'll catch up to ya one day."
"Yeah, probably. But it caught you first." I fire back and laugh loudly as Logan gives me the middle finger.
Charles continues to laugh and then wipes his eyes. "This reminds me of that mission we went on a few years back. The two of you fought the whole way." He recalls with a chuckle.
I snort and break a grin breaks across my face. "That wasn't fighting. That was harmless bickering." I wink at Laura who is eyeing me curiously.
"Oh yes, well that harmless bickering as you call it caused a busted radio in that fancy old car." He points out which makes me giggle and even Logan smirks a bit as he recalls that trip.
Shortly after, we pull in behind the Munson's. The same feeling I had earlier returns and Logan I know feels it too. He clears his throat then addresses all of us. "Remember what I said. We do this thing. We thank the family then we head out. Can't waste too much time here."
"Logan, what will make us blend in the most will be acting like a family." Charles suggests.
Logan gives him a look then nods. "Let's go."
And with that, we all get out of the car and once again greet the Munson's. Laura once again becomes entranced by the horses as they're unloaded. Logan got Charles settled inside while I helped Kathryn in the kitchen with dinner. Well, as much as she would let me. I eventually join Laura outside who is petting the horses with Nate. The horse she was petting bent down to nuzzle her face, earning a big grin from Laura.
"Think you made a friend." I speak out, causing Laura to turn and smile at me while continuing to pet the horse.
"That's Lola. She's friends with anyone who gives her an apple." Nate says while continuing to brush her down.
The black horse from earlier comes towards me calmly and stops in front of me. "Hey, boy." I greet him, ruffling his flanks. Who in return nibbles my shoulder, tickling me.
"That's Panther. He's usually the rowdy one. Not around you though." He looks at Panther shaking his head. "Traitor." Nate says rolling his eyes.
Panther huffs, shaking his head in response which makes us all laugh. We stay out there for a while, enjoying the evening air and playing with the horses.
From across the field, I can see Logan watching us with his hands in his pockets. Normally, I would join him right away but I found myself staying outside with Laura and Nate. These moments were far and few between and I wasn't going to let it go. Plus...I still blamed myself for the seizure that Charles had. Logan was right. I should have stayed. I've been so paranoid about losing Logan that I didn't think about the innocent eleven and ninety year old in my care. I had just as much of a responsibility to them as I did to Logan. Logan was weak but he wasn't defenseless. Hell, he's saved my ass more times than I could count since we've been out here. Wish it hadn't taken so much to show me that. Now, he was upset with me and he had every right to be. I planned to apologize later on.
I watch Laura closely as she interacts with them. It's the first time I've seen a true smile from her and it honestly feels good to see it. A child. Not just some sort of mutant or experiment gone wrong. But a little girl who loves horses and is stuck in one hell of a mess. I wondered if Logan would even consider opening up to her but I don't hold out much for it. If it had been years ago when I first met him, I would've said yes, he would. He may of even taken her in. But now...now it's all he can do to get out of bed every morning. Weighed down by physical and emotional pain, I just don't think he'd have it in him any more to let anyone else in. I wondered...would I be the same way? I didn't want to shut her out. I wanted to help her to safety but that's all I can do. I don't know how I can do that either because if Logan is right and Eden doesn't exist...what then? I suppose that was a bridge we'd cross when we came to it.
I'm jolted out of my thoughts when a loud bell is rung. "Supper time!" Kathryn yelled.
"You guys can go. I'm gonna put them up real quick." Nate says to us.
I nod then prompt Laura to follow me. "C'mon. Let's go wash up." I hold out my hand for her and she takes it, following me into the house.
Laura and I wash our hands then take our seats at the table. I on one side of Logan and Laura on the other. Kathryn asks Nate to say grace which he obliges. Once he is done, they all say 'amen' and start passing food around. We're an odd bunch to say the least. Mostly due to Logan having to correct Laura on table manners. Kathryn gives me a curious look in which I shrug and go back to eating. I nearly moan at the taste of a home cooked meal. It'd been way too long.
"This is delicious." Charles voices my opinion.
"Oh, thank you." Kathryn replies politely.
"It's so good." Charles says again which makes me smile. I know he's enjoying this a lot.
"I think Anna agrees. She looks like she's in heaven." Nate teases which causes everyone then to look at me.
"I am." I agree, not ashamed one bit which makes everyone else laugh.
"Where are ya'll headed?" Will asks.
"Uh, Oregon-
"North Dakota..."
Logan and Charles say at the same time, exchanging an awkward look. "Well, Oregon and then South Dakota." Charles recovers.
"Vacation?" Kathryn asks.
"Uh, yes. Long over due. We're city folk. Always wanted to take a road trip, see the country, and meet the people in it." Charles explains. Logan looks at me and I shrug. Good enough excuse for me.
"That sounds lovely. Been trying to get Will here to take a vacation for years now." Kathryn replies, hinting at her husband.
Oh boy. Here we go.
"Oh, if we go traipsing all over the country, who's gonna take care of this place?" Will points out.
"Exactly, I say let it go."
"And live off what?"
I look at Nate who just shakes his head. I could see this was normal.
"The Lord will provide." Kathryn says a bit sarcastically.
"I'm still waiting for the Lord to provide me with a new thresher." Will replies, causing Nate to laugh.
"All the same, I've love to travel someday." Kathryn says casually.
"And I bet you will." Charles says encouragingly.
"I could drop out of school." Nate offers.
"Ok, let's not go that far." Kathryn warns in her motherly tone.
"I mean, I'll do it." He laughs.
"No, no."
"Why not? You wanna travel. I wanna travel." He tries to persuade them and I chuckle under my breath. Kids.
"Sounds good to you, right?" Will chimes in.
"This is the perfect plan." Nate laughs.
"Now why would you want to do that, Nate?" Charles asks. Sounding much like the old professor I once knew.
"Um..."
"Careful, you're speaking to a man who ran a school for a lot of years, right Charles?" Logan speaks up, nodding to Charles who smiles and holds up a hand.
"Yes, it was a sort of special needs school." He starts to explain.
Logan smirks. "Uh-huh. That's a good description." Logan says sarcastically, causing me to kick him slightly under the table, which makes him smirk even more.
"He was there, too." Charles throws him under the bus.
Laura's curiosity perks up as she looks between the two men. "Oh, yeah, no. Um, I got kicked out a few times." I give him a look. No, you took off, I want to say. Nate just laughs at the exchange, totally oblivious.
"I wish I could say you were a good pupil but the words would choke me." Charles teases, causing everyone to laugh and look at Logan.
I nearly choke on my drink, finding it very hilarious as I exchange a mischievous smile with Logan, who then actually smiles affectionately at Charles. It's been a long time since I'd seen one of those.
"What about you, Anna? How'd you do in school?" Kathryn asks me.
I smirk. "Apple didn't fall far from the tree." I reply, raising my eyebrows at Logan, who continues to smirk, getting my message.
"Got that right." He laughs with everyone else.
"Have you graduated yet?" Will asks.
"Mmm hmm. Last year." I answer politely.
"Lucky." Nate scoffs. "Two more years of torture for me."
"You'll get through it. It'll be over before you know it and you'll probably miss it. Enjoy it while you can. Good and the bad." I advise, feeling the old councilor in me come out. Nate considers it the shrugs.
"Good advice." Kathryn compliments me then looks at Logan and Charles. "You must be proud."
"Oh, I know I am." Charles meaningfully. "Anna had a rough start and had her struggles but she has overcome every challenge thrown her way. She's strong, smart, caring, and so talented. She never ceases to amaze me and I am proud of her." Charles looks me in the eye, meaning every word. "So very proud."
I feel the tears prick my eyes as I didn't expect Charles to go there. They were words that I needed but felt like I didn't totally deserve. Nevertheless, I would always hold on to them. "Thanks, Gramps." I choke out with a sincere watery smile.
"Me too." Logan says, which gains my attention quickly. His eyes say everything and I can tell that he's sincere. It's strange how two simple words can break you. But after everything that happened these past couple of days...they meant more to me than they'd ever know.
I couldn't attempt to speak in the moment so I gave him a broken smile and squeezed his hand under the table. The Munson's smiled at us and Laura smiled softly at me with a bit of curiosity and longing. I furiously wipe the tears from my eyes and try to change the subject. The rest of the dinner goes by too quickly as we small talk about different stuff. The conversation is light and filled with laughter. Something I haven't gotten to experience in a long time. It reminded of good days at the mansion and even, as vague as the memories are, my own family before the war.
As we're all finishing and putting dishes in the sink, I notice a beautiful old piano that catches my eye. It'd been so long since I'd played. It looked like it been kept in good shape and had been played recently. As I run my fingers along the keys, Kathryn comes in.
"That old thing has been in my family a long time but it still plays beautifully. Do you play?"
"Uh, yeah. I do. It's been a while but I do." I reply a bit shyly.
"She's being modest." Charles says from across the room. "Anna is an excellent player. She majored in it at one point."
"Really?" Kathryn asks slightly surprised, looking at me.
I shrug. "It's a good hobby." I offer in response.
"Would you play for us?" She asks.
"What?" My head snaps up.
She nods towards the piano. "Play something for us!"
I look nervously from Logan who shrugs then back to Kathryn. "Oh no, no, I-"
"Come on, Anna. It's been too long since we've heard you play. And it's the least we could do to thank our guests." Charles insists.
I look nervously around the room at the expectant faces. "Yeah, c'mon Anna. Show us whatcha got." Nate encourages.
I sigh then look back to Kathryn who nods excitedly. "Alright." I relent then take a seat at the piano. "Any requests?" I ask nervously.
"Whatever you want." Kathryn says while taking a seat.
I bite my lip, trying to think of what I could play that they'd be familiar with...and from this time era. I look around the room and notice a few signed Johnny Cash pictures. "Are you guys Johnny Cash fans?" I ask, pointing to the pictures.
"My wife and I am. Nate's a bit young for it but he likes a few songs." Will speaks up.
I try to think if I know anything and then suddenly remember one that I used to play a lot. So I settled on it then adjusted myself and began to play. My fingers began to press the keys in a beautiful, haunting melody. As I played, the lyrics came back to mind and they sent a shiver through me and I realized that I was playing Logan and I's story.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
As I play, I notice Logan come all the way in and lean against the wall. I closed my eyes as I played the chorus, allowing myself to get lost in the music.
What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I swallow hard, taking in the song in a whole new different way. I thought of myself as I played the second verse.
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
The last line I played hard leading into a very emotional chorus. As I played, memory after memory crossed my mind. Especially of the two men that meant everything to me. Words could never ever portray how much loved them nor the pain I felt already over just the thought of losing them. It was too hard. Everything came out as I continued to play. Every memory. Every regret. Every fear. All of it came out in the form of raw and broken music. As I played the chorus one last time, I caught Logan's eye and couldn't look away. A million memories and emotions came rushing over me as I held his gaze and played the keys hard and loud. His eyes were haunted as were my own and full of emotion. It was a look that I would never forget.
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
As I finish the last line, I slowed down and finished the rest of the song. The memories lifted and my thoughts cleared as I played the last note. My shook a bit but I quickly wipe my eyes and turn around to face the other people in the room. Shocked faces turn into smiles as they applaud me.
"Wow, Charles was right. You are modest. That was incredible." Kathryn says.
"Best cover of that song I've heard. You'd make Mr. Cash proud." Will compliments me.
I look to Charles who nods and smiles in agreement. "Yes. Beautiful." He says softly and I know there's more on his mind.
Logan nods also then clears his throat. "Ma'am I can't thank you enough for this. Uh, it was great. But we have a long drive ahead of us so..."
"But you need to rest, don't you?" Kathryn interrupts him.
"Yeah, we'll find a motel somewhere." Logan tries again. I give him a nervous look. We can't stay here...
"The nearest one is two hours from here and it's not even that nice." Will joins his wife.
"We have a perfectly fine room for your daughters and father and you can sleep in the living room on the convertible." Kathryn insists.
"Kathryn, it's very nice of you but we really should go." Logan says.
"Logan, we can leave early in the morning. Break of dawn, as it were." Charles cuts in.
Logan sighs deeply, slightly frustrated. "Why don't we wash up, Pop?" Logan finally relents then takes Charles to the restroom.
I stand there in slight shock. We couldn't possibly be staying. "Uh, sweetie, do you want some dessert?" Kathryn asks Laura who nods slightly. She then looks at me. "Anna? Dessert?" She holds up a pie.
I smile but shake my head. "No thank you. I, uh, I'm gonna go outside for a few minutes. Look at the stars. We don't see them in the city." I excuse myself then head outside before anyone can say anything.
Once outside, I sit on the stairs of the porch. It's different out here. Peaceful, quiet and the only light coming from the moon and some distant lights. I pull my knees up to my chest, feeling tired in every way. I was definitely feeling my age tonight but deep down, I was missing so many people. I'm over a hundred years old but want nothing more than to be held by my mother.
A few minutes later, I hear heavy footsteps beside me. "Hey." I greet Logan with a forced smile.
"Hey." He grunts as he takes a seat next to me. "You okay?" He asks after a minute passes.
I shrug. "I don't know what okay is anymore." I answer honestly. Logan nods as he lights up a cigar. "I'm tired, Logan."
"You should get some rest." He replies quietly.
"Not that kind of tired. Well, I mean, yeah kinda but it's more than that." I look at Logan wearily. "I'm tired, Logan." I repeat myself with a sigh. "Tired and scared." I look down then at Logan again. "Tonight...was amazing. I forgot what it felt like. To be in a home. Part of a family. To laugh and have fun. It was great but, my mind keeps calling me back to reality. We're not safe. We're taking a risk every second of being here. And knowing that...it scares and tires me more."
Logan sighs deeply as he nods in agreement. "Welcome to old age" He whispers, blowing out smoke.
I laugh slightly. "Being old isn't what bothers me. It's the in between." I reply.
I swallow hard then rest my head on my arms sitting on my knees. "I'm sorry, Logan. For yesterday. It was my fault. I wasn't thinking I should've listened to you."
Logan shakes his head. "I'm sorry I was hard on you about it."
"No, you weren't. You were right."
"Doesn't matter. I was an ass. And I know why you did it." Logan says.
"Do you?" I fire back lightly.
Logan pauses but then looks me in the eye. "Yeah, I do. I'm afraid of losing you too." He takes a deep breath. "You scared the shit out of me. Back at the casino and after you were shot. I was afraid you wouldn't wake up. And the thought of losing another person because I failed to keep them safe..." He trails off but I nod.
Tears slide down my cheek. "Logan, one day one of us isn't going to wake up." My lip quivers a bit. "What do we do when that happens?"
Logan blows out a long line of smoke then looks at me. "Find the nearest bar and raise a glass." He says quietly, his voice thick with emotion.
Despite the moment, I laugh and shake my head. "Alright. I promise." I whisper.
"Gonna hold you to it." He says with a soft smirk.
"Okay." I attempt to say but my voice cracks and more tears come. With that, Logan scoots closer, wraps his arms around me, bringing me to his chest. I hug him tightly, letting my tears fall softly onto his shirt. He kisses my temple softly, letting it linger for a moment, then lets his head rest softly on mine.
The night was only beginning.
Thank you all for reading! The song played by Anna is Hurt by Johnny Cash and I was inspired by hearing a piano cover that I fell in love with which I will post. I felt like the emotion in it grasped what I was trying to portray. You can find it here: watch?v=K3L1GG-PmuY
Also, I want to give a shout to my faithful reviewers! You have no idea how much it helps to receive good feedback for hours of work :) Go read 'Not A Tool" by
cwsquared. It's a great read and off to a great start! Go read and show your support!