Chapter 10: Connection

I took a deep breath when I reached his door, mentally preparing for what I was about to do. I had to tell him, not only to save our relationship, but because it was too hard to keep it to myself anymore. I rang the doorbell and he arrived at the door seconds later, ushering me inside and up to his room in silence. He closed the door and I glanced at him. "What about your parents?"

"They went out to dinner twenty minutes ago, we're fine," he stated unconcerned, and sat on his bed. I hesitated a moment then sat beside him, not making eye contact.

He didn't say anything so I finally forced myself to speak. "My mom," I said slowly, still not looking at him. It would make it easier if I could pretend I was talking to his bookshelf. "She died in childbirth with me. My dad and brother never forgave me for it." I paused to collect my thoughts. "David always tells me what it was like before I was around, and how much fun they had. It makes me feel guilty sometimes." He glanced at him but he didn't face me, staring straight ahead. I continued on. "My dad has been drinking for as long as I can remember. He drinks as soon as he gets home and all night until he passes out. He drinks a lot on weekends and moderately on weekdays. My relationship with him is trying to avoid him as much as I can. He favors David."

I swallowed thickly and decided to move on. "David drinks a lot too, only he doesn't ignore me like my dad does. He insults me a lot, gives me crap about being the one to get our mom killed. I mean I know it's my fault she died, but I can't help that!" My voice is rising without my permission and I can't seem to get it under control. "They treat me like some kind of criminal and I'm not! I didn't want her to die! I didn't want to kill her!" I stopped and bit my lip and tried to push back the hysteria rising within me. I did not want to lose control like this. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't.

"It's not your fault."

Finally I turned towards him. "What?"

He still didn't turn to face me, but at least he was talking now. "There was nothing you could have done to save her. It's not your fault that they treat you badly." He was silent for a few moments. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

I shrugged. "I haven't told anyone before," I admitted. "It…embarrasses me. You have these great parents and my family is just this, this mess. And all I can do is deal with it and try to get through it."

"What made you change your mind?" he asked.

"They got worse," I muttered, but didn't elaborate.

Mello drew his legs up and under him. He looked at me a few moments before his hand crept forward, covering mine on the bed. He stroked it gently, not looking up for several minutes before finally speaking. "Matt… do they hit you?"

I shook my head quickly. "No Mels, they don't."

His eyes hardened for a moment. "Don't lie to me." They softened again almost immediately. "You don't have to protect them."

"I'm not protecting them," I said quietly. Mello didn't seem convinced so I pushed on. "They don't hit me. They don't beat me. My dad has only raised his hand to me one or two times before, when he was really angry. When he's drunk he usually ignores me, or just acts obnoxious. He's not usually violent, and he's only ever really yelled at me before. David…" I hesitated, and Mello's eyes narrowed. "No he doesn't hurt me either! I mean not badly. He's taken swings at me before and we got into a bad fight once, but he usually just slurs at me then I go in my room."

"How often?"

"How often what?" I asked.

"How often does he take a swing at you?"

I sighed. "Only if he gets really mad; if I just submit he usually leaves me alone. He usually leaves me alone after one punch, and it's not often." He was still studying me and against my will my temper rose. "Look, it's not that bad okay?! They're not beating me or starving me! It's fine."

"Really, Matt? Everything's fine? You say they don't beat you, but they insult you all the time. That's still abuse. It is verbal abuse and it is still wrong. I don't care that your brother only takes the occasional swing at you, he still has no right to do that!" Even as his voice rose his thumb stroked the top of my hand soothingly. "You're not being starved but not properly fed either! You're so skinny. Do they cook for you Matt? Do they make you home cooked meals or buy ingredients? Or do you order out and make do with whatever fast food garbage they buy? And I can tell by the way you talk about it that what they say bothers you. It is not your fault your mother died and they have no right to pin the blame on you for it." His eyes were glassy now and his hand tightened around mine, squeezing it in reassurance. "You do not deserve this. You don't deserve to constantly deal with your family being drunk and not having enough to eat and having to lock yourself in your room to avoid being insulted or the occasional punch. That's not right! You don't deserve it and don't you dare fucking settle for it. I never want you to think you have to take that or blame yourself for it, got it?!"

"Mello…" I couldn't speak, too touched by his words. I pushed back the lump in my throat and he leaned forward and kissed me hard. I leaned into his touch as his hand swept up to settle behind my neck, holding me in place. I could feel his passion in it as he pushed closer, practically sitting on my lap as his lips moved against mine. I tried to pour my own feelings into the kiss, my gratefulness for the words and the concern and for him. Now that I had him, I wasn't sure how I had lived without him all this time, or how I hadn't known how I felt the moment I met him.

"I'm sorry," I said breathlessly. "For lying. I didn't mean to mess this up."

"You haven't messed this up," he murmured back, kissing me again.

"I really care about you," I said when he pulled back again. "I really-"

"I know," he interrupted.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I didn't mean to make you so angry. I know it's my fault for not just talking to you, I just…"

He pressed closer. "It's okay," he reassured. "It's not only your fault, I may have overreacted a bit as well. I just hate being lied to. But it's okay now, I'm not mad. I don't want this to be over."

"Me either," I agreed and pressed my lips to his again.

We kissed until we both ran out of breath, and even then he didn't move back, instead resting his forehead against mine. Both hands came down to find mine, intertwining our fingers. His breath was warm against my face and it was so hard not to lean in for more. He wasn't close enough; I just wanted to be closer to him. I tilted my head to kiss him again, this time slower and more relaxed. "Thank you," I whispered when I pulled back, resting my forehead against his once more.

He leaned in closer, pressing his lips to the corner of my own. I could feel his smile as his lips trailed down, over my jaw and to my neck. He nipped and sucked lightly and I groaned, pushing closer to him. He lingered there for several minutes then pulled back, looking straight into my eyes. His eyes always paralyzed me. They were endless, as if trying to look into the depths of the ocean itself, or as if trying to see to the stars through a bright blue sky. There was so much warmth in them, so much care, and I gravitated closer without thinking about it, pressing my lips fiercely against his. His tongue met mine without preamble and we kissed like we never had before. His hands had left mine, one to settle once again behind my head, and the other placed delicately on my waist. I had both my arms curling around his middle, hands clutching at his back. I pressed closer until there was absolutely no space between us. I had stopped thinking, letting my body just do what it wanted. My hand reached up to stroke his golden hair.

I pulled my lips away, running them slowly to his neck, leaving my own bites there. I could feel his moan vibrate through him, could feel his heart rate increasing as I continued, the skin reddening under my ministrations. That was sure to leave a mark.

I pulled back slowly. Both of us were breathing heavily and we watched each other a moment before he dived in, lips meeting mine harshly. I fell back, my hands going down to keep myself partially upright as his lips ravished mine. I tried to match him, but he was clearly stating his dominance through it, and finally I let myself go and submitted to him. My arms were shaking and I let myself fall back fully onto the bed. His lips didn't leave mine and I was helpless, completely blown away. Words and competence couldn't reach me now. My arms wrapped around his neck and I pulled him closer, arching up against him. He still wasn't close enough. I wanted to feel every inch of him.

It seemed to go on for ages, but when he finally pulled back all I wanted was to drag back down again. My mind finally caught up with me, telling me to breathe so I did, taking in deep gasps of air. Mello was perched above me, his breathing just as heavy as mine. I pulled myself up, kissing him softly. "I want you," I whispered against his lips, and he froze in response.

He pulled back, watching me. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"I know what I want Mello." There was no hesitance now. This was beyond a want, it was a need. I needed him to be closer. I needed to feel him moving against me. "I'm sure." His lips met mine, tenderer than before. One of his hands snuck to the bottom of my shirt then slipped underneath. I gasped slightly into the kiss and I felt him smirk as his hand trailed up my chest, fingers circling both nipples. His hand trailed back down and he pulled away, tugging gently at my shirt. I sat back and pulled it off. I blushed lightly as his eyes trailed down my body. I met his gaze shyly and he smiled in reassurance. His fingers found the bottom of his own shirt and soon it joined mine on the floor.

He was gorgeous. I studied him slowly, wanting to burn the picture in my mind forever. After taking him in I looked up and our eyes met, and just like that we were pressed together again, lips fierce with chest against naked chest. My hands raked down his back as his rubbed my sides. I pulled back just enough to run my hand down his chest, loving the feel of his skin under my hand. His own hand came to rest against my lower back and I melted against him.

He chuckled lightly, rubbing soothing circles against my skin as my head came down to rest on his bare shoulder. I kissed it gently until both his arms were behind me, lowering me carefully onto the bed. His hands trailed down my chest, leaving a path of fire in their wake. His lips followed, tongue coming to lap against my nipple. I couldn't hold back a moan. There were so many sensations all at once and I couldn't focus. His lips traveled downwards, hands tracing my sides as he swept his tongue across my stomach. I breathed out shakily and shuddered lightly as his lips came to the waistband of my jeans. My hands were clutching at the sheets below me as his lips ghosted over the bulge in my jeans. "Mels," I breathed out, voice weak. He slithered up, kissing me softly. He deepened it quickly and I couldn't help but buck up against him. I could feel how hard he had grown and the friction took my breath away for a moment.

The kisses continued, and he began moving slowly above me. The pace was too slow for both of us and soon he was moving more quickly, the friction rising between us. My jeans were painfully constricting now, and I could feel how hard he was against me. His hand swept down and squeezed my cock, which was by now straining painfully in the confines of my jeans. I cried out, arching against him. We were both panting lightly now, and I trailed my hand up his back, where a slight sheen of sweat had begun to develop.

His hands slowly toyed with the button of my jeans before finally undoing it, unzipping them slowly. He pulled them from my legs and they fell to the floor. I reached up hesitantly, meeting his eyes, asking silently for permission. He nodded and I pulled his pants off, the only thing between us now being boxers. Those too were quickly disregarded, and he fell back on top of me, kisses more frantic now. His movements above me were quicker and the friction was explosive. "Mello," I moaned and he pulled away, trailing kisses down my chest then taking my cock in one hand. He slid a finger down it and I gasped, but he didn't stop there, giving me a small smirk before closing his lips around the tip.

"A-ah! Mello!" He sucked slightly at the tip before taking more of me in, tongue moving over my shaft slowly. He held my hips down, as I was far past the ability to think coherently about restraining myself. "Oh, Mello! Mello!" I could barely get his name out, fingers twisting in the sheets. He hummed and the vibrations only made me cry out louder. Then his head was bobbing, taking more of me in. "Oh God, Mello!" I didn't want to take my eyes off the erotic sight but finally had to close them, though he didn't linger there much longer before backing away.

"Are you ready?" he asked breathlessly and I could only manage a nod. "I-I have lube," he breathed out, opening the bedside drawer to locate it. He coated his fingers with it before gently guiding my legs further apart. The first finger didn't exactly feel uncomfortable, just weird. The second sent a twinge of pain down my spine and I cringed. "Sorry," he murmured guiltily, continuing to stretch me. He added a third and I bit my lip against the cry of pain wanting to rip forward. He continued to stretch me until the pain faded before lubing his own cock and lifting my hips slightly, positioning himself at my entrance.

"You ready?" he asked again, and I nodded. "Try to relax," he said as he slowly pushed inside. I couldn't hold back a cry of pain as he thrust in. My body rejected the intrusion and I couldn't help but tense. My eyes shut tightly, trying to ward back the tears of pain. Mello sheathed himself fully then suddenly his hand was there, stroking me, and his lips were against mine, gentle. "Fuck… you need to relax Matty. It'll get better, just relax." Under his ministrations I finally did, and he pulled back. He was biting his lip, holding back from just thrusting into me quickly. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Move." He did, slowly at first. His movements still sent waves of pain through my body but I tried to hold them back.

"I'm sorry," he managed, still moving. Slowly, the pain began to give away to pleasure, and I was moaning his name instead of cringing. His pace increased as the pain faded. "Matt," he groaned softly as he moved.

The pain was all but gone now. "Faster," I moaned, and he obliged, thrusting deeper at different angles until he hit something that had me crying out without restraint, the pleasure so immense that it was impossible to describe. "Oh God! There! Mels again, please!" He pounded into me now, hitting my prostate with every thrust. His pace had grown frantic and I couldn't think straight anymore, completely overwhelmed by his skin against mine, him moving inside of me and his scent and everything that was him. The entire world fell away and I wasn't sure where he ended and where I began. All I knew was I wanted more. I wanted him deeper and closer and as our eyes met I knew he felt the same.

I was meeting his thrusts now and his hand came up to pump my cock in time with his thrusts. "Fuck, Mello, I…I'm going to…" I couldn't finish the sentence, unable to get enough air into my lungs. The feeling was growing inside me and I knew I was close and with one more deep thrust it was over. "Mello!" I screeched his name, arching upwards as the orgasm hit me, completely stealing my breath away. My eyes shut of their own accord and pleasure unlike I have ever experienced filled me. I came back to myself, feeling Mello's thrusts slow as he called out my name. He collapsed against me, breathing deeply for several minutes before pulling out and rolling off me. He lifted an arm and I curled against him, laying my head on his chest. Both his arms came around me and he placed a soft kiss on the top of head.

"You were incredible," he whispered, voice weak.

"You too," I mumbled sleepily. "You were perfect."

He laughed breathlessly. "Fuck Matt… I think…"

I smiled, cuddling closer and closing my eyes tiredly. "Yes, Mello, I think so too."

/…/…/…/

AN: Whew, there you have it, my first lemon haha. I wasn't sure if it was too soon after they made up, but the make up sex seemed like a good, deep connection of trust for them. Also Mello is VERY nice in this one XD But Matty's having a rough time, so I think he can be forgiven. Sorry for the delay but I'm very busy right now. Updates may be a bit slow, I have twenty five days left until the semester is over and tons to do. Anyway hope you all enjoyed!