A/N: Thank you guys for continuing to read and review! Things are beginning to reach a boiling point for Kurogane and Fai, but whether it's for better or for worse is up to them. But one thing is for sure: they can't ignore what's happening right in front of them for any longer. Enjoy!

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Nine: Where Forever Lies

Kurogane lifted his head to the blazing sun, setting aside the basket of rice he had picked and tipping back his sun hat so he could get a better look at the sky overhead. He had never been very good at telling the time based on the position of the sun, but he could guess that it was nearing mid-afternoon and that he had been working at a good pace to complete his duties in a timely fashion. The sooner he finished up with the day's picking, the sooner he could get home and wind down with Fai and regain the energy his muscles and the heat had been sapping. His body had grown strong with his years of physical labor, but his back still ached with all the bending and stooping, and Fai had a fair hand at soothing his muscles and erasing the burden of the day from his body. It was still difficult for him to endure the intimacy of Fai's hands working his back, but even that pain was enticing enough to make him spend the whole day in anticipation of returning home.

"Have you heard the news?" a voice came from over his shoulder. He turned his head just slightly to see the man whose name he could never remember, the one with the grating over-interest in Fai, hovering over him with a pleased expression on his face.

"Who are you again?" Kurogane asked, giving the man a glare for good measure.

"We've been over this for the past two years. I'm Ke-"

"The desperate guy who can't keep his eyes to himself."

"I'd rather you didn't remember me for that. Can't you just call me K-"

"Hmph. What news do you have? Has someone finally taken pity on you?"

"I don't know how someone as gentle as Fai-san can put up with a brute like you."

"Ha? You think that guy is gentle? He only wraps people around his finger for his own purposes. And if you're going to tell me about your news, just do it. I've got work to do."

The man leaned forward. "I'm sure you've heard that Doumeki-san is back for good and is preparing to be placed at the head of the rebuilt temple. But I bet you didn't know he's brought a government official from the city with him to stay in the village for the next few months."

"And?"

"And? Yuuko-san may be the landowner in this village, but she doesn't have anything to do with the government like Clow-san's father did. All legal matters still have to go through the government officials."

"And?"

"That means if someone wants to have a wedding registered so that their spouse will be taken care of in case of an accident, a government official has to be the one to update the family registry. That's why a lot of couples in this village are planning on having weddings while the official is still close at hand."

"All right. Why do I need to hear about this?"

"If I remember correctly, Fai-san always wanted to be a bride when he was younger. I thought if that was still the case, I might have a fair chance."

"You? 'Have a fair chance?'" Kurogane snorted. "Then let me remind you of what I reminded him back then: that person is a man. If he wants to get married, he's not going to be able to do it with someone like you. Not that I think he even knows who the hell you are, to begin with."

"Whoever it is Doumeki-san's brought isn't going to know anything about Fai-san. Put him in a nice kimono and rouge his cheeks a little, and a stranger isn't going to know the difference."

Kurogane closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You have five seconds to get away before I test how well one of those scythes over there works on your legs."

"Aren't you overacting?"

"Aren't you thinking a little too much of yourself? Have you ever even spoken to that guy, or are you just getting carried away on your own because you want those eyes to look at you instead?" Kurogane reached over to grab the scythe.

"All right, all right. But perhaps you should think about it for yourself if you feel the need to get so defensive. You were the one he wanted to be a bride for in the first place, right?"

Kurogane slammed his sun hat the rest of the way onto his head and began picking the rice with renewed vigor. Just because everyone else treats him like a woman doesn't mean I'm going to, he grumbled to himself. That's not going to make him happy, being seen for someone he isn't.

He paused. But what will? Fai had been able to safely endure Yui's death, and he was enjoying the small business he had sewing and refitting kimono within the village, but it didn't seem anywhere near to enough. Kurogane could still remember the moment two years ago when Fai had openly claimed he took pride in being a person Kurogane had chose to keep by his side, but never did he seem to realize that Kurogane was not looking forward towards a moment when they would separate, but one where they would stay together. Maybe it was the thought of losing Kurogane that made him unhappy, but at the same time, he never took a moment to realize the love that was continually being directed towards him, or the man waiting for him to give up on his promise to erase his own love and at last give in.

What would make Fai happy? Was the static life they were living now enough, or was it really the promise of forever that he wanted, though he claimed to have given up?

Kurogane resumed his work again, cursing under his breath. There was only one way left to find out, and there was no telling how that conversation would go. But maybe it was finally time. He was nineteen and still young by most people's standards, but the pool of time he had would not last forever, and in the back of his mind he heard a young voice calling out to him saying I'm not holding everything as certain, but I want you to be.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

When Kurogane returned to house, a metal basin was waiting in the middle of the floor where the table should have been. Fai was standing over it with a bucket in his hands, and when he met Kurogane's eyes, he smiled and began pouring water into it.

"Do I have to?" Kurogane asked.

"You're not the one who has to share a bed every night with a sweaty Kuro-pon." Fai emptied out the bucket and nodded to where he had shoved the table to the back room. "I have egg rolls waiting for you over there, so eat while I finish filling up."

Kurogane grumbled under his breath, but went over to eat as Fai went to and from the house fetching water from the well. He clearly would not be able to get any talking done today. Fai was enthusiastic when it came to bathing, and loved dumping water on Kurogane's head just to watch him sputter and have his hair plastered all over his face.

When he'd finished eating, he looked back into the main room, hoping that Fai had gotten distracted on his way back from the well so that he could slip out before he got back. He wasn't so lucky.

"I'm all ready over here!" Fai lifted up two bars of sandalwood soap and pulled his arms out of the sleeves of his robes so it fell around his waist. "Good thing I decided to do this today. Kuro-sama is looking extra dirty!"

"Fine, fine. That's enough out of you."

With a few more exaggerated complaints, Kurogane began pulling off his work clothes and discarding them on the floor. He looked at Fai out of the corner of his eye when he was fully undressed, but he was, as always, staring at his feet with a troubled expression on his face, avoiding even glancing at a single part of Kurogane's exposed body. Kurogane sighed and stepped into the tub, sucking in his breath at the chill of the water against his bare skin. Although he'd worked up a sweat earlier, it still felt uncomfortable now that he'd had the chance to sit still for awhile and catch his breath.

Fai handed Kurogane one of the soaps to use on his chest and legs, and then began scrubbing Kurogane's hair with the other. Fai usually took this time to gossip or talk, but today he said nothing, simply running his fingers through Kurogane's dark strands and humming under his breath.

"Oi," Kurogane said. "Everything fine?"

"Mmm. Now that Doumeki-kun is back, I've heard several people are preparing to get married."

"Yeah, I heard that, too."

"I'm worried that Yuuko-san may give one of them the kimono I made. The one from the fabric you gave me. She did say it was for an event in the future, right? What if she gives it as payment for a favor someone does for her?"

"Hmph. I did tell her that I would come back for it, remember?"

"I know. But I'm certain she had something in mind when she asked for it. She wouldn't take it away if she was going to give it right back, knowing her. And I don't think I could stand seeing someone else in it."

"You're still thinking about that, huh?" Kurogane twisted his torso so he was facing Fai. "Even if someone else wears it, that doesn't mean it's not meant for you."

"But someone else being married in the silk Kuro-tan worked hard to buy for me... how cruel of Yuuko-san."

"Oi..." Kurogane unthinkingly reached out to stroke Fai's hair, but before he could, Fai whipped out the bucket of water and dumped it over his head with a wicked grin.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Kurogane yelled, rubbing water out of his eyes and sputtering. "At least warn me before you do that!"

Fai started giggling as water continued to stream down Kurogane's face. "You look so cute, Kuro-chan," he laughed, rubbing his own eyes. "I'm so glad I get to see you like this. That's something that hasn't been taken away from me yet."

With another light chuckle, he began to scrub down Kurogane's back. "You know, I never asked why you bought that for me. I was so happy at the time, I didn't think to."

"It's because I wanted you to be."

"Be what? Happy?"

Fai's hand stopped for a moment, and in that time, Kurogane rose to his feet before Fai could even think to look away. He looked him steadily in the eye, his body soaked and dripping with water, and watched as Fai's eyes widened and his cheeks turned a dark red. "Yes," he said. "Just like I want you to be now."

"Umm," Fai murmured. "Kuro-tan is being awfully bold."

"I've washed for enough. Get in."

"But I didn't do anything today. I'm all nice and clean."

"The witch won't be happy if we're wasting water. Get in."

Fai sighed and undid his sash so his robes fell the rest of the way open. Kurogane watched as he pulled them off and threw them on top of the already discarded clothes. He could not help but smile at the way Fai tried to be coy about his bare skin, but managed to look so wonderful as he wiggled away from Kurogane's eyes that it completely defeated the purpose.

"Kuro-sama shouldn't look at me like that," Fai murmured, looking over his shoulder. When their eyes met once again, the air between them seemed to go silent, holding its breath up until the moment Fai finally looked away.

"Why?"

"Because it will make things difficult."

"Things?"

Fai shook his head and stepped in the bath, curling up so his body was shielded. Kurogane went to the shelf and pulled out Fai's bars of lavender soap and handed one to him.

"Kuro-sama's would have been good enough for me," he said, dipping the bar into the water and running it down his long forearms. "You have a good scent."

"It's better if we don't smell the same." He drew the bar down Fai's back, using his other to hold him by the shoulder to keep him steady. "And stop jerking away like that. I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No... it's not that."

Kurogane watched Fai's trembling hand as it lifted the bar of soap to his collarbone but then let it fall into the water when his fingers fell open with how badly they were shaking. Fai made to reach down and retrieve it, but Kurogane grabbed his wrist and firmly locked it with his hand.

"Oi," he said, leaning closer to Fai's neck so his breath tickled against it. "It's get tiring, isn't it?"

Fai remained frozen for a moment, though Kurogane could feel his pulse racing wildly against the palm of his hand. "W-what is?"

"Pretending everything is over."

Fai bowed his head and released a laugh so hollow that the air seemed to go cold as it rang through it. "It really is no good," he said, staring into the water surrounding him. "Even though I promised, it seems we're back here. But still... it's still only me who feels like this."

"Oi, wait a mo-"

"I thought it would be okay as long as we were together. I thought I could be happy at Kurorin's side even if I acted like nothing had happened and made you believe that I never really could forgive you. But it was always just me stalling for time so I could be with you without you rejecting me." He slammed his free hand into the water, sending up a shower of droplets. "I didn't want to have to suffer through watching you not being able to give an answer because you don't want me to be hurt. Not again. And now you've figured it out, and you're going to force yourself to-"

A flash of anger struck within him, and Kurogane roughly pulled his arms around Fai's body and slammed him against his chest. "Would you shut up?" he hissed. "When have I ever forced myself to do anything? Do you realize what would have happened if I had given you an answer back then?"

"K-kuro-sama?"

"It wouldn't have ended the way it did now. I would have still kept you from going after your brother, but if you had known everything back then, you wouldn't have seen it as something I had chosen to do. You would have assumed I had done it out of love, and seen that love as what had killed your brother. Would you forgive me, then? Would you have forgiven even that?"

"W-what are you saying?"

"If you don't know, then try to understand."

He pressed his forehead against Fai's wet back, letting him feel the glorious fever rising in his body, the desire that could no longer be pushed into the shadows. It felt like years before he at last felt Fai shift, turning just slightly and whispering Kuro-sama in a voice that seemed desperate, lost, yet begging for an answer.

Kurogane lifted his head and toyed his fingers through the ends of Fai's hair. "Mmmm?" he hummed, his heart pounding as Fai shivered and goosebumps appeared on his white skin.

"I don't understand. I'm afraid of understanding." Fai turned his head, exposing damp blue eyes that reminded Kurogane of years ago, of a sakura grove and a beautiful figure who had whispered Please, just let me before leaning closer with a burning gaze he had never been able to look away from."That's why... I need you to make me understand."

Without thinking any further, Kurogane cupped Fai's jaw with his palm to turn his face to an angle where his parted lips were exposed. Fai closed his eyes and lifted his chin to accept Kurogane's mouth as it met his, releasing only a quiet moan before he was drawn fully into the embrace.

It had been a long time since they had done this, but Kurogane remembered the first time well enough to tell the emotions and desires in both of them had changed. Fai was still uncertain, but there was a powerful emotion something like despair pushing him to pull Kurogane further into him, their damp limbs wrapping around each other and Kurogane's tongue sliding past Fai's lips to at last taste what had once only haltingly touched his. He was old enough now to fully appreciate its rough texture and how it somehow managed to feel gentle as it curled into his, testing the slick body bearing down on him.

Fai pulled away for a moment, perhaps for the purpose of catching his breath, but Kurogane's hand still resting against his cheek eased him back. His eyes fluttered shut, and Kurogane took his lower lip between his teeth, giving it a gentle nip before kissing him properly again. Fai tried to twist to a more comfortable position in the tub, but only ended up slipping slightly and pulling Kurogane partway back into the water with him.

"Kurorin," he whispered when the necessity of their position forced them to pull apart once again.

"Hmmm?" Kurogane opened his eyes to see Fai staring up at him with the most striking expression he had ever seen, a mixture of pure, untempered desire and a near paralyzing fear. The ends of his hair had gone beneath the water when he'd slipped, and now stuck to his long, flushed neck. Kurogane wanted more than anything to put his mouth over the most vulnerable part of Fai's throat and spend a lifetime getting acquainted with it, but he also knew there would be no going forward without first addressing the look of terror still lingering in Fai's eyes.

"It's been this way from the very beginning," Fai whispered, clutching his fist over his heart. "I've wanted you so badly that it hurt to be around you. Every time we laughed and smiled together made me happy, but it was also so painful that I almost couldn't bear it. Before the flood, I thought everything would be okay. I believed with all my heart that we would be together and you would love me as much as I loved you. But then... after I lost Yui, I stopped believing in the future. I didn't think anything could last forever anymore."

Kurogane stared at him, waiting for him to go on. Now he understood what Fai had been thinking of all those times he had sat silently in front of the altar, staring at Yui's portrait. He wanted to yell at him, to shake him to his core and make him understand that if he had confided his fear earlier that they could have dealt with it together, but he knew better than anyone that the past could not be undone. They either had to move forward willingly with time or be dragged along by it.

"Even when you brought me back, I never thought for a moment this would last," Fai continued. "It was always, always on my mind. One day Kuro-sama will tell me it's time to go. When he's older, Kuro-tan will find someone he loves and I'll go back to having nothing anymore. I know you wouldn't. Maybe I always knew. But I can't see the future. I don't know anything for certain. I don't even know if there's something I can hold onto forever without it being taken away from me."

"And the promise of forever... that's what you're looking for?"

"I don't know. Maybe I've forgotten how to look for something in the first place. I feel like I'm locked in that moment with Kuro-sama in the tree when I knew there was nothing I could do to save Yui and nothing I could do to bring him back. I feel like my mind has frozen inside that helplessness. Even with Kuro-sama, I don't feel like I can touch you without breaking you. But I want you, and I want to be able to accept you without fearing anything. But right now... I'm stuck. Stuck in a moment and left behind by time."

"No such thing," Kurogane said, still cradling Fai in his arms. "A frozen moment doesn't exist. Even if you feel like time has stopped for you, it's gone on for everyone else, and the world itself will keep on turning no matter who tries to stop it. You're not there anymore. You're here. You can keep pulling yourself back to that moment and give up believing in everything else, but you're still here. And I'm here with you."

"Kuro-chan..." Fai leaned his body into Kurogane's and buried his face in his chest. "If forever existed, I'd want to spend it with you."

"It does exist."

"Then I want to see it again. I want to look into the future and be able to feel happy and certain that everything I have is mine to keep."

The thing that will make him happy...

Kurogane sighed and hoisted Fai out of the tub. "All right. If you want to see forever, I'll take you there. But for now, I'm not going mess things up by giving you something you want but don't believe in." He leaned down to kiss Fai's forehead. "Go to bed. I'll clean this up."

"But Kuro-sama, I don't want this to have to hurt you, too."

"Don't misunderstand. I'm not going to wait around for you for years anymore. This is going to happen, and then... then you will understand just how much I believe in the fact that I want you. But I'm not going to be the one to do all the work here. You owe it to me not to doubt this either."

"I'll try." Fai grabbed his robe and wrapped it around his body. "No, I won't just try. I will. Because when Kuro-tan kissed me, that was the first time I've ever felt so close to believing again. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Kurogane watched his retreating back and exhaled slowly. There was no more time left for waiting. He was going to resolve it, and the path to the solution opened up in front of him, somewhere he could and would go without hesitation.

0O0o0o0o0o0o

When he woke up the next morning, Fai stirred beside him and opened his eyes. "Morning already?" he murmured. "Mmmm. I'll prepare breakfast."

"Don't." Kurogane groaned and rolled out of bed. "There's still fruit left from your last trip to the market."

"But I want to feed you properly!" Fai sat up in bed, still undressed from the night before. "I can't let you go work so hard after just eating some fruit."

Kurogane grabbed an apple and bit into it. "It's fine. What you need to do today is stay still and think." He sat back down on the bed and looked into Fai's eyes. "I won't be in the fields for lunch today. There's something I need to talk to the witch about, so don't worry about that. But when I come home, we're going to have a chat, you and I."

"So soon?"

"So soon. I told you, I'm not going to wait anymore."

He leaned over and kissed Fai on the lips and smoothed his rumpled hair back. When he pulled away, Fai opened his eyes slowly and granted Kurogane the same look as yesterday, the pure conflict between want and fear.

"I have to go," Kurogane whispered. "But this is the last time you'll have to watch my back and fear that I won't come back."

"I'll have faith in you, Kuro-sama," Fai said, taking his hand and squeezing it. "No matter how painful it is."

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Yuuko was set up in the main room of the manor when Kurogane went to look for her. Her long body was laid on the chaise lounge, and her yukata, one of Fai's creations, was loosely tied and barely managed to fully conceal her legs and chest. She was smoking one of her pipes and sipping a cupe full of sake, which she continually waved and demanded that Watanuki refill.

"Hey," Kurogane said from the doorway, watching the whole scene with a wrinkled nose. "Don't you think he's a little too old to be your whipping boy?"

"Hmm? He's still good for the work until someone takes him off my hands. And as Doumeki-kun is rather occupied at the moment, it seems I'll have to put up with him a little longer." Yuuko chuckled as Watanuki hissed at her like an angry cat. "Leave us for a moment, Watanuki-kun. Kurogane-kun wants an audience with me."

When Watanuki was out of the room, Yuuko turned back to Kurogane. "So, to what do I owe this honor?"

Kurogane stood where he was for a moment, gritting his teeth and letting out a few choice curses. Yuuko watched him with with a knowing smile, but gave him some time to do what he came to do.

"Are you just going to stand there?" she asked at length, blowing some smoke into his face. "I do have more valuable ways of spending my time, as I'm sure you know. Unless you have something to ask of me...?"

Kurogane didn't answer. He simply fell to the ground on his knees and then touched his forehead to the ground before where Yuuko was seated. "P-please... Y-Yuuko-san," he said, choking out the words he hated himself for saying. "Give it back."

He didn't lift his head, but he could hear Yuuko take a puff of her pipe and slowly exhale. "My, my," she said. "I would have never guessed this is how you would choose to do this."

"Please. Give it back."

"You are offering me your precious dignity, correct? For a person as proud as you, this is indeed a rare gift. As is the fact that you have given me the honor of hearing my own name spoken by your voice. That is something you do not choose to do until the exact moment it is needed, I understand." Kurogane heard her rise from her seat. "Look up at me for a moment. Do you understand the event this kimono was made for?"

Kurogane looked her squarely in the eye. "Yes. You said it had an affinity for him. There's no way you'd give it for any wedding other than his."

"That is correct. Placing that kimono in the hands of someone else would yield only ill fortune. But tell me this: are you asking for me to return it for his sake or yours?"

Kurogane knitted his forehead together in confusion. "Both. That guy's happiness and mine... they're both headed towards the same future. Why does it have to be one or the other?"

"I see. In that case, I will accept your price on the condition you answer me one more thing. Had this been entirely up to you, I doubt you would have seen this as a necessary step. You were always dismissive of all his dreams of brides and weddings, and saw the simple act of staying by a person's side as just as meaningful as signing it on a paper and sealing it. What has changed for you now, Kurogane-kun? What have you learned?"

Kurogane shrugged. "The individual things that make that guy happy are different. I may see forever in the way things are, but if the forever he wants is something concrete that he can see and touch, I'll give it to him. I'll give him whatever sign he needs until he can see it and understand on his own." He frowned, thinking of the look in Fai's eyes that very morning. "He's spent his whole life ready to give up, and ready for me to do the same. If there's something I have to do to make that change, I'll do it."

"Very well." Yuuko lifted a bell and shook it until Watanuki came back to the room shrieking at her for being annoying. "Watanuki-kun, fetch Kurogane-kun the kimono for Fai. Let us see how this future will continue to unfold."

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