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"It's not fine" If Amanda didn't cooperate, she would never get over it. She would never heal. Amanda was closing herself again and mentally pleading Liv to stop.

"Listen, I'm gonna let you quiet for a moment, but we're gonna have to talk about it later" Olivia explained.

Amanda nodded, not willing to talk later but at least she'd have some time to think about what to say. "You said you needed to go home, well, I'm not sure it's a good idea, Fin could go there and.."

"Please Liv, I don't wanna Fin to.. I.. I want to get out of here" Amanda needed clothes, including underwear, she didn't appreciate the idea of someone going through her personal belongings. Getting some fresh air was not a bad idea but Olivia was worried. The text the blond received the day before let her think Amanda could still be in danger and she will be until she decided to be honest about her assault. This was an argument Olivia could use. "Well, let's eat something and then we can get out of here, all right?" Olivia decided to change argument hoping Amanda would at least agree on this. Amanda reluctantly nodded. Olivia opened the fridge and wasn't surprised to find it almost empty. Fin, like every other detective didn't spend a lot of time home and she hardly imagined him in a supermarket. "What about scrambled eggs?"

"Yeah.. whatever" Amanda sighed.

After eating, Liv kept her words and they went to Amanda's place. Olivia had been very prudent. On the way to the car, Amanda was happy to walk with Frannie. She was feeling alive or at least something she didn't feel for a long time. She was breathing looking at the sky. It was cold but she didn't care. Olivia on the other hand, wished Amanda would hurry a little bit. Of course, with her injury she couldn't go quicker. Well, to say the truth with her injury she shouldn't even having a walk specially with a dog pulling her from the left to the right. Olivia didn't object though, because she could see this was brightening Amanda's mood. But Liv was worried she wasn't safe out there. She kept looking around, ready to defend if it was needed.

At Amanda's place, same thing, Liv entered first and made sure the place was clear before allowing Amanda to come in. Entering in the corridor, Amanda froze for a second. Olivia understood straight away that she was thinking about her assault. She tenderly placed her hand on Amanda's shoulder. For the first time, Amanda flinched at the touch, and pushed Liv's hand. Not with pride, but for the first time, with fear.

"It's just me, you're ok" Liv reassured her. Maybe, it was a good idea coming here, after all. Amanda was having a bad time, but maybe she was also realising what she's been through. When it happened, she was still so mad about the gambling that she didn't took the time to realise she was a victim too. But now, maybe she was beginning to understand that. If so, Liv would be able to make her cooperate more easily.

"I'm… I'm gonna need a few minutes" Amanda asked, heading for her bedroom.

Liv nodded and let her alone. In the meanwhile she looked around, to see if she could find any clue that could help with the investigation or anything that she could use to understand Amanda. The apartment was nice, clean, and impersonal. No pictures on the walls, no reminders, no problem. It seemed to be the reflexion of Amanda's shell.

On the way back to Fin's place, Amanda had been very quiet, looking from the car window, absent-minded. Olivia got a message. It was from Nick. She quickly looked at it on a red light. Apparently Nick and Fin had a new element in the investigation, but this wouldn't be easy with Amanda. She decided it was best if they first got back home before talking about it.

"Manda, there's something I'd like to show you"

Amanda was still distant, going back home has been more distressing than what she imagined. "There's this picture I'd like you to look at. Amanda took Liv's cell on her hand and after a quick look she gave it back the phone . "I don't know who this is. Liv I've got a headache. I should go lie down or a while." Amanda's shaky voice betrayed her.

"What don't we sit down for a while?" Liv indicated the sofa. Amanda did as told, not having the will to protest. Olivia's cell rang just at the moment. Nick was calling.

"Benson"

"Yeah Nick I.."

"No.. I"

"Yes, I'm trying"

"For god's sake Nick, I call you back"

Olivia realised Amanda was staring at her with sad eyes. Olivia couldn't insist if Amanda told her that she didn't know the man. She didn't want to influence her. But she knew that Amanda was lying. The way she kept biting her mouth nervously indicated her she was right. "Nick and Fin went to the woman who was raped during your undercover job"

Amanda sighed. "I told her… I.. didn't want.. you can't do that. I don't want that" She was getting nervous and her stomach pain increased suddenly. She was about to get up when Liv prevented her to

"I know. I know you didn't want to. But we can't do as nothing happened. We can't just ignore that one member of our teem is going through hell right now. We're taking risks right now, we're not doing things as they should be done, I'm not leading this investigation in the right way."

"Because of me" Amanda pointed out, sadly.

"Not because of you, but for you Manda. Please just listen to me" Amanda took a deep breath and placed her hand on her stomach, nodding.

"Fin and Nick went to see the victim of rape during your UC job, they pretended it was normal procedure, to see how she was doing. The guy you saw on the picture is her brother. He was there and Nick told me he was very protective of her sister. He.." Olivia hesitated. She wanted to make sure she could go on and Amanda was coping with this information. She got no answer from Amanda but the blonde was waiting for her to go on. "According to Nick, he was quite angry, specially towards a blond cop knew all these was going to happen and did nothing"

Amanda closed her eyes to avoid the tears from falling.

"Manda, I know you didn't know anything about that woman. I believe you and lieutenant Murphy. But this guy… he was angry about what happened to his sister, it's possible he has something to do with your assault. The problem is, we can do nothing since you refuse to report what happened to you."

Amanda's eyes were now full of tears, but she still refused to talk. She didn't properly refused, but she didn't know what to say, or how to say it, or if it was right to say it. She didn't know anything anymore.

"Nick on the phone, you maybe heard him, he was.. mad.. He's angry because he wants to do something. You know him right, even if I say no, he'll go after that guy.. He'll put himself in troubles… unless… unless we have the right to do something. That's why I'm gonna ask you again… do you know the guy on the picture?"

This time it was too much. Amanda burst into tears. Liv placed her hands on Amanda's knee, sitting on front of her. "It's ok to cry honey" Liv held her until she calmed down, whispering comforting words. Amanda shook her head to regain control of herself. "Take your time" Olivia insisted, drying the tears on Amanda's cheeks. "Honey, I need you to tell me if you know the man on this picture"

Amanda stared the ceiling to avoid new tears to fall. She slowly nodded. "He.. Yes.. He was there when.. it happened"

"Would you be ready to report this, to give me a statement?" Amanda shook her head, She was shaking and had difficulty breathing. "Ok ok, just calm down… I need you to take a breath… easy… it's all right" Olivia couldn't go any further if Amanda wasn't ready, that's why she stopped to comfort the blonde every time she needed it. "What if, you told me everything that happened, just like a statement, and then, you can decide if we want to use it or not. In both case it'll be helpful. If you don't want to report it, at least, you won't be alone with this big secret. If you decide you're ready to report it, you won't have to tell your story again, because I'll have it written. Let's do this?"

The way Liv explained it made this reassuring even though Amanda wasn't convinced it wasn't what she wanted.

"Let's try" Olivia pleaded. "Then, you'll decide. I promise"

"Liv.. I.. the words.. they don't want to cross my throat.. " Amanda admitted.

"I know how hard it is to trust someone. Believe me I mean it" Olivia coaxed. "We're gonna go through this together, shall we?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm ready" Amanda declared. It was the biggest lie of her life. She wasn't ready. But on the other hand, she never would be. There is no right time to trust someone, you just have to try.