CHAPTER TEN

At breakfast the following morning, Amelia and Severus were immediately placed at opposite ends of the long faculty table, with about a dozen teachers between them. Albus sat beside her, and Minerva planted herself next to Snape.

Amelia tried to drink a cup of coffee, but this morning, it was completely impossible. Today, it was actually lumpy, with a bitterness she'd never tasted before.

It was as frustrating as it could be. As steadily as she was able to see more beauty around the castle, she was losing her ability to abide the food. If it weren't for fruit, lettuce and a potion Severus had mixed for her, she'd be starving.

Hardly noticing her, Albus studied various papers, muttering to himself, and making notes in the margins. Finally, he looked over at her and smiled.

"Miss Garrett, may I speak to you plainly?" he asked.

"Of course." She pushed the cup as far away as possible.

"Do you have serious feelings for Professor Snape?"

She nodded. "Yes, sir."

"As in, temporary romance until you return to Kansas - or as in, marriage and children and…putting up with him?"

She smiled. "The latter, sir. I love him very much."

"Truly?"

"Yes. Why is everyone so surprised by that?"

He shrugged and smiled to himself.

She leaned closer to him. "I'm very sorry about the argument, sir. It's an ongoing debate we have. He's so obsessed with magic; he feels it's his entire identity, but he's so much more than that."

"Of course he feels that way, Miss Garrett. He's had a sad, lonely existence until you arrived. Magic is his life, and he has great power. He's very renowned."

"I know, sir, and I'm sorry I offended him. But he's also a brilliant, kind, interesting person – with or without the magic."

Albus paused. "Have you told him this?"

"I've tried. He just feels I'm disrespectful."

"Well, keep trying, but be quite clear that you do respect what he does."

She smiled. "Maybe I haven't been. Nobody respects him more than I do. I'll let him know."

Albus smiled. "Good. You'll be all right. And I'm happy for you two. I truly am. It will be very interesting to see your lives unfold."

"Does this mean the ban is lifted?" she ventured gingerly.

"No, it does not." He looked back at the papers and she shrugged.

When she glanced up, she recognized Severus peering at them suspiciously, and she blushed and smiled. He only frowned and snapped up the morning paper.

Glancing back at her plate, she wanted to try the food, but felt her stomach turn. This morning's fare was worse than ever. The breakfast smelled so rancid, so foul, that she couldn't bear to touch it. And, peculiarly, it was actually blurry to her eyes.

"What's being served today, headmaster?" she asked Albus.

"Just the usual eggs, bacon, porridge and toast," he answered, with a queer glance. "Are you ill, Miss Garrett?"

"No. Well, yes. I need to leave. Excuse me."

She bolted out of her chair and clapped her hand over her mouth, running for the first door she could find.

Thankfully, she found the bathroom in time, but just barely. When she came out, having thrown up what meager food she'd managed to force down the previous night, a cold sweat was beading on her forehead. The nausea had started to subside, but just thinking about the mass of rancid mush on her plate made her want to run straight back into the bathroom again.

To her embarrassment, Severus waited right outside the door.

"What's wrong now?" he demanded, as she nearly ran into him.

Wiping her forehead with her sleeve, she tried to calm down.

"You were sick, weren't you?" he prodded. "Amelia, you're pale as death. Are you coming down with this illness?"

She slumped down on one of the stone benches and cupped her head in her hands, taking deep breaths and trying to forget the breakfast.

"No. It's just the food again. It was worse than ever this morning. I thought I'd force myself to try it, but it was impossible."

He groaned and shook his head in frustration.

"It didn't even look like food. It was some sort of horrid mush. Come to think of it, it looked like the cows' brains I used to see at my friend's butcher shop."

"Lovely."

He eased down beside her and crossed his arms. It was hard to tell if he was angry, or worried, or a mixture of both.

"I know you hate it when I complain about the meals, but if I hadn't left, Severus, I would have been sick all over Albus."

"Good Lord," he murmured. "I thought you'd be getting better and you're getting worse."

Amelia swallowed the lump in her throat and prayed what he said wasn't true, but feared it was. She had so hoped that being able to open up and grieve about her mother would help whatever power she had fall back into line – but if it was, the process appeared to be painfully gradual.

"I was able to see that incantation you did yesterday," she attempted, in faint hope. "It was blurry, but I saw the outline. And I could sense when a stairway was about to move a couple of days ago. I didn't fall."

"That's true," he said tiredly. "I'm mystified. You're so mixed up. You're like a kaleidoscope. I can't keep up from one day to the next."

"Is there some sort of wizard psychologist I could see?" she asked quietly.

He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. "Oh Amelia, if there were, don't you think I'd have seen one years ago?"

She managed a faint smile. "Well then, I'm doomed. If I try to go to one back home with this issue, they'll lock me up and throw away the key."

"I'd find some way to break you out. You're insane, but I've gotten rather used to it."

Laughing softly, she took his hand. "Professor Dumbledore said trauma could cause things like this, but God knows you went through trauma as a boy, and you didn't lose your powers."

"No, I handled it so much better than you. I became a Deatheater and went around plotting against everyone."

She smiled and he kissed her fingers.

"So you run into a few doors and can't eat the food...at least you didn't decide to follow you-know-who."

"I just hope I'm not getting worse," she said worriedly, clasping his hand. "What if I can't eat anything, and I have to leave…"

"You know I won't let that happen."

They sat in quiet frustration for a few minutes and her eyes began to sparkle a brighter blue as a pleasant, somewhat mischievous thought popped into her mind.

"I suppose it could be morning sickness," she said softly, looking into his eyes.

He reeled backward and actually cracked his head against the wall hard enough to make a good-sized bang.

"Sorry. Just teasing." She smiled and kissed him.

"You'd better be, miss." His voice deepened formidably.

She pressed his hand affectionately. "I would like a baby - some day."

He closed his eyes. "I am begging you not to discuss this now. Begging you."

She blushed. "You're right. Now isn't the time."

"No, it's not."

She paused.

"When would be a good time?" she asked, against her better judgment.

"You're starting again, and I don't care how long you go on; I'll ignore you."

She only blushed deeply. "I don't mean to scare you. I just think about it sometimes. I won't say another word."

He nodded darkly. "Fine. Can we get back onto the subject now?"

"Yes. Of course."

Sighing as if he'd just been given a reprieve from Azkaban, he covered her hand with his and looked down worriedly.

"My dear, you're living on the potion I mixed for you and you can't. I don't want you drinking it much longer. It's meant to be a temporary substitute for food."

"I hate this," she whispered. "I'll have to leave, won't I? I'll have to go, because I'll starve if I don't. I'll have to leave you. I'll die without you, Severus."

"You're not leaving me, I swear to you. There are things I can do – things better left unsaid –"

She wiped a few tears from her eyes and he said nothing further.

"Isn't this the most ridiculous thing?" she said bleakly. "All of the curses, and ghosts, and monsters running around here – and it's the food that finishes me off."

He smiled, this time gently. "I just don't understand how things turned so inside-out with you. I've never known as witch's magic to turn against her. It's supposed to be a blessing, not a curse…something special to enrich the magical world – or to protect it against darker forces."

She looked down. "Some blessing."

"Unless…" His forehead creased deeply and he stood up and raked a hand through his hair. "Oh my God."

"What is it?" she asked desperately, clenching his hand.

He shook his head in utter exasperation.

"Amelia, we've all been so blind – except for you. It's the food."