Chapter 9: That Escalated Quickly
"Land! Oh, sweet, sweet land!"
The waters were rather rabid near sunrise and it took much longer to get to shore than either of the two expected. Sirius was far more expressive than his partner when the boat reached shallow waters and jumped out to swim the rest of the way. As tempting as it was to follow, Barty continued to row until the oars touched the sandy banks. He transfigured the boat into a pillar of sand and morphed into an owl before it sank into the water to merge with the beach.
Welcome back to England, he mused as he watched the black dog pounce around.
Hooting to catch his attention, Barty gestured west and started flying, trusting in his friend to follow.
Truth be told, neither knew what to do now that they were in England. They couldn't simply return to the wizarding world and broadcast 'Look over here! Two escapees, murderers, and known Death Eaters! Come and get us!' nor search for a rat that could very likely be hiding in a sewer for all they knew (although Barty was adamant about Pettigrew being a pet to some aging wizard).
So why not try the next best thing: figure out how to live in the meantime.
As they neared a road, Barty slowed his flight and descended to meet with Sirius.
"If we continue west, we should come across a town or a city," Barty chirped out, still bemused by the way he understood his own dialect, nevermind other animals'. It would have been helpful for when Aldwyn was still around. "But before that, I suggest we find something to eat."
"Good idea, I'm starving!"
"Alright then," he said as he lifted off into the trees in search of either edible plants or little creatures. "I'll meet you back here in five minutes." And off he went.
"Wait, aren't you going to offer to get me some?!"
"No."
"At least help me out here! I don't have any wings!" the dog barked out, chasing after the departing owl.
"At this rate, you'll scare away the prey."
"I hunted a seagull for you!"
"And I thank you for your charity."
"Ffff—!" Sirius unleashed a torrent of curses as Barty flew out of reach.
As efficient as the animal he'd become, Barty snatched a squirrel from a tree and turned it around, swiftly ending its misery. It hardly took a minute of scouting, and the instinct to prey was imprinted in his mind. Eating it raw, however, was not at all appealing, no matter what his mind told him. He didn't know any cooking spells well enough to perform without a wand, so that was out of the picture. Starting a fire, on the other hand…
Steeling his resolve, Barty swallowed the rodent and shivered. Fires draw attention. The humidity from the sea wouldn't cause the fire to spread that far, but the breeze would carry the smoke inland. It was better to stay safe than to be sorry.
With a full belly and an itchy throat, Barty flew back to the road, expecting to meet Sirius. He was disappointed by the dog's absence, but chalked it up to the man still hunting. Deciding to humor him, Barty struck down another squirrel and brought it to their intended meeting point. From there, he waited.
A car drove by, blasting muggle country music. The driver sounded like a dying thestral as he sang along, and the passenger was no better.
He waited.
A particularly strong breeze blew the scent of animal residue with it—manure and rotting corpses alike—making him twitch in irritation.
He waited.
A leaf fell right onto his head, and he couldn't be bothered to shake it off. For whatever reason, a wandering finch thought that meant it was fine to perch on him. Too unconcerned to correct it, Barty let the finch stay for ten minutes until it found something better to do.
He waited.
A squirrel scurried past him, stopped to stare at its dead relative hanging from his beak, and scurried away faster, dropping a handful of acorns.
An hour. He waited for an hour. Where is he?!
Wings opened and lifted him high above the ground. The squirrel that had scurried past was dashing away mad. His eyes scanned the area better than any human eye could, narrowing each time something even remotely resembled the missing animagus. The trees were well-branched out, hindering his sight from the sky. With no other choice, he ducked below the coverage and raced through the loose forest. Ears opened, eyes peeled, focus rapt.
All fruitless.
The beach was empty and so were the trees. Nowhere was the stupid Black found.
"Sirius!"
-.-.-.-.-.-
How did things turn out like this, he wondered. No really, what in the name of Merlin happened?
Sirius was just minding his own business after Bartemius ditched him like he was some rotten mandrake when, all of a sudden, he woke up in this big muggle contraption known as a car. Or was it a truck? He didn't know the difference. Bartemius might, not that he was there to tell him.
It hadn't even been a minute, dammit!
Everything was hazy. There was a sting and then he collapsed. When he came to, he found himself in a cage with other creatures around him, shouting something about a 'zoo.' Another muggle thing, most likely. It seemed he just got out of prison only to get shipped off into another. Preferably without dementors.
"You're a weird dog, aren't you?" hissed the snake in the cage beside him. "You don't taste like one."
"What the hell?" he snarled, backing away from the snake's glass cage. "Don't lick me!"
He could have sworn the snake facepalmed, despite its lack of ability to do so. "Are all dogs idiots? I'm in a container, dumbass. I can't lick you. We snakes have this thing we do with our tongues to sense things. We can taste things without licking them." It paused and rose from its doodle of circles. "You taste like a human."
"Human?" a lemur chittered.
"Human!" an iguana belched.
"Huuuuuummmaaaaan?" a sloth echoed.
"CAAWW!" ironically screeched the parrot.
Seriously, where did these animals even come from? Did the muggles go on a round-the-world trip collecting animals on the side of the street? Do all muggles do that?
"Alright, alright, I get it! You guys hate humans!" Sirius cried out, sick of the cacophonous shouts among the animals.
"Only a little."
"Only a lot!"
"Nooooot reeeeeally."
"CAAWW!"
The snake looked ready to strangle someone. "The point is: why do you taste like a human if you smell like a dog?"
Now that had an easy answer. Since they were animals, not muggles, Sirius assumed it safe to reveal that it was "Because snakey, I'm an animagus."
The animals all stared at him—the sloth took some time to raise its head—and laughed. Hollered. Guffawed. You name it. It was loud and it was embarrassing, making Sirius more uncomfortable than he had ever been back at Hogwarts (including that one time he got caught trying to put on a corset whose origin was quite questionable, and no, he wasn't ready to share that story with anyone). Who knew animals could make such mean critics?
"What's so funny?"
The lemur, being closest to him, chimed, "How in sky's name did you, an animagus, get caught by a human? You guys are fairy tales!"
"Yeah!" the iguana butted in. "Am I supposed to believe that the grass is green?"
"Buuuuut iiiiit iiiiis greeeeen."
"Quiet, dog. You will not tempt me with your funny words."
Sirius straightened his back indignantly. "The sloth said that, not me."
"Ahaha, very funny."
"CAAWW!"
"Iguana, ma'am, are you okay?" the lemur asked. "I think she needs some sun."
"Theeeee suuuuun wooooould beeeee niiiiice."
"CAAWW?"
The snake just shook its head and hissed, "How disappointing."
"What did you want me to say?" Sirius demanded. "You knew I was human, and when I tell you that I am, you laugh? Why ask in the first place?"
"Sky you're an idiot. Look, I asked because I thought you were some human's pet. I was wrong. But still, you have an advantage, and instead of using it, you're stuck here like the rest of us."
He retorted quickly. Why he felt the need to defend himself against the scrutiny of animals was beyond him. "The driver's a muggle. I can't just reveal that I'm human to someone who doesn't use magic."
"What's a muggle?" asked the lemur. "Is it something you eat?"
Sirius ignored the question and continued. "If they find out I'm a human, then I'm doomed."
"Good!" shouted the iguana.
"Dooooom? Thaaaat's noooot goooood…"
"My only hope is to break out in this form or wait for my partn— oh my god, I forgot about Bartemius! He doesn't know where I am!"
-.-.-.-.-.-
Barty was no longer angry. If Sirius left, then it didn't matter. He could search for the rat by himself, leaving more time to plan against Rosier…
It wasn't like Sirius to up and vanish. Something must have happened.
Think, what would Sirius do?
He would have given up chasing Barty to search for his own food. He must have gotten lost… no. An hour was ample time to return and Sirius wouldn't wander that far. Barty's search brought nothing, so if anything, he was taken.
Or he left. An hour was also ample time to leave him behind.
He doesn't gain from it, he reasoned, pushing that treacherous thought aside as best he could. Two pairs of eyes were better than one. Without him, Sirius was handicapped.
So then, what happened?
Barty peered down at the road he was following, wings flapping against the wind in an unbroken silence. He began worrying about Sirius. The likely answer was that he got caught, but how? Only a select few knew of his animagus form, one dead and one in hiding. Unless…
If Remus Lupin said something, all would be for naught. Sirius wasn't worried about that, but then again, he probably didn't consider it.
Barty was counting on the slimmer of a chance that this was not a capture by wizards or witches. If Sirius was brought back to Azkaban, rushing in to save his neck would only end badly for him. If such an event did happen, then Barty would have no choice but to forfeit Sirius to the Dementor's Kiss.
He did not escape Azkaban just to become a mindless husk. He needed retribution. He needed justice. He needed that taste of revenge.
No, this must have been the work of muggles.
But why? Why would a muggle possibly capture Sirius? He was a shaggy black dog, so what was so interesting that a random muggle would just take him?
Or maybe it was the muggle who was the interesting one.
The sun was well past noon and steadily declining. It had been two hours since he started flying down the road, wings tired and begging for reprieve. He was moving southwest, hoping that out of the directions given, he had chosen correctly. Two hours made up for a long distance by flight. Apparition was also an option, but it wouldn't do to miss something. He wasn't even sure where he was going nor where he should be, not to mention the danger of getting caught.
Sirius would have at least resisted capture. A dog his size was bound to be a handful, so either multiple people were required or adequate preparations. Barty was willing to bet on the latter. Even the prideful Gryffindor knew when to run… hopefully.
Racking his brain for anything he could remember from his self studies on muggles, Barty came up with something akin to a potion. Tranquilizers were often used on unruly animals and were capable of forcing them asleep, usually without their knowing of its use. Tranquilizers were used by a variety of people, including park rangers, zookeepers, and illegal traders.
In any case, Barty was searching for a truck.
The road bled into a suburban area, on the outskirts of a city, branching into several streets once near enough. From where he flew to as far as he could see, no truck was visible. Just his luck.
Alright then, Barty wasn't searching for a truck. He was searching for a shaggy black dog who could be anywhere by now.
-.-.-.-.-.-
The truck stopped and the animals all quieted, except for the parrot for some odd reason. The back doors swung open and five large men stepped inside, each carrying a cage or two out. The sun was low in the sky and buildings completely surrounded the area, so Sirius deduced that he was thoroughly screwed. Bartemius had not found him yet, and would likely not find him ever. He had faith that his friend was smart and all, but not that smart.
Waiting for the opportune moment, Sirius took on a ready stance to bolt out. The doors to his cage was unlocked and he flung himself through the opening, knocking into the man holding his cage and free from his tiny prison.
"Hello! Want to be friends?" a voice called out.
Sirius didn't stop to check who said that and continued to run as fast as his feet could carry him. When he came across a fence, he curved to the left, looking for a way out. There must have been a way out, he was positively sure of that. Desperately sure of that.
It wasn't until he passed by the same rock five times that he slow down and study his surroundings. When he noticed the dog watching him struggle, he stopped.
"Welcome to your new home! Don't worry, you'll get used to it… at some point!" the silver pup, nearly grown, sang, bouncing up to him. "Are you a wolf?"
"No, I'm not."
"Oh? That's a shame. Apparently, I'm a breed mix with more wolf than dog!"
"Where the hell are we?"
"A zoo," the pup waved away. "You know, you look like a nice friend. I like nice friends. Nice friends are nice. And friendly. Say, what's your name?"
Sirius opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by the eccentric youth.
"Wait, let me guess. I know! It's Black!"
Sirius studied him and asked cautiously, "How did you know that?"
Instead of sensing the tension, the pup jumped around happily. "I got it right! I got it right!"
With the wagging tail, the jittery attitude, and the dense brain, Sirius understood the snake's exasperation toward dogs.
"Hey, want to play?"
"No."
"Aw. Don't be so serious! Ohh! You're serious Black! Like that wanted guy from the moving pictures!" he wagged up to him and smirked. "I'm so smart. Hey! You're serious Black and I'm Junior!"
Sirius couldn't believe his ears. "Wait, pup—"
"Junior!"
"—you—"
"Say Junior!"
Sirius stared at him impatiently. "Junior… you said that a moving picture told you that?"
The pup bounced excitedly. "That's right! The man says everyone needs to be careful of the two baddies. They killed people, did you know that? The man in the pictures said that. Scary, right?"
"Said... You're talking about the muggle thing. What did they call it? The small box with color and sound."
"Moving pictures?"
"No, not that, it was... little sight? Little vision?"
"Television?" the pup helpfully provided, sniffing the fence and skidding back alert, like it had suddenly spewed basilisk venom.
"So if the television says we're wanted, then that means not only the wizarding world, but the whole muggle population knows too," Sirius groaned, pawing his face. "Okay then, no problem. Not like I was planning to reveal myself anyway."
"Come on, Black! Let's play!"
Think! What would Bartemius do?
A lumos lit up in his mind and he turned to the pup. "How good is your acting?"
-.-.-.-.-.-
"Sooo, a big black doggo, eh?"
Enlisting a pigeon to help was a good idea, if not a limited option. All the other pigeons ran at first sight of him, a natural instinct the birds were gifted with. It meant they could survive another day in a normal scenario, but Barty wasn't a normal owl. Either the pigeon before him was smart enough to realize that or he was too dumb to run.
"Yes. Have you seen anyone that fits that description?"
"I… may have. Or maybe not?"
A foot pressed against the bird's neck and pushed him against the outer wall of a building, claws tightening around its throat. "Talk, pigeon."
"You hurt me, you get no answers!"
Barty seethed and released the bird, keeping it within wing's reach. "What do you want in return?"
"Now you talk business!" it replied, not losing a hint of security. "I'm thinking grapes. Or maybe some bacon. Ooh! There was a nice fat loaf I saw the other day. Too bad someone else took it."
"You want food."
"Human food. I don't want no worm or grain. Or crumb."
"I satisfy your appetite and you tell me the location of the dog," Barty said, making sure that was the deal. "Any piece of human food."
"No worm, no grain, no crumb. I want the whole thing and I want it fresh."
"Fine. Let's get this over with."
"You make it sound like it's easy," the pigeon noted wearily and gave him the stink eye. "Don't mess with me, owl. I don't do backstabbing."
"Then you better know where the dog is."
"I do! I swear it on my dead momma's life."
Barty twitched. "Is this some sort of joke to you?"
"Hey, nobody messes with my momma!" the pigeon warned, flapping its wings loudly without the intent to fly. "Never knew her though. Or maybe I did and forgot."
Everything coming out of the bird's mouth made Barty want to strangle it. It didn't help that in the animal world, killing was perfectly fine and served as the very backbone of the food chain. To combat the compelling urge to end the bird and go to the next, Barty flew off into the middle of an alley in search of the requested item.
After checking both directions for people, animals, and cameras, Barty morphed into his human form. A quick casting of self-cleaning spells and minor illusions to change his outward appearance was followed by transfiguring a stone into 'pounds,' muggle currency. It was flawed for sure; he hadn't come across muggle money in over a decade. With luck, it was enough to fool anyone long enough to leave unnoticed.
Picking the supermarket, for it's wide assortment of foods, was better than choosing a store. More people meant less attention. Hiding with the crowd allowed his face to mingle in with others, making it difficult to recall a particular one when there was a hundred to remember from. Of course, there was a risk in that. The many faces made it hard for Barty to notice if he was recognized.
He shook his head. No wizard would come here, so I should be safe. And in any case, not many would notice him after so many years if they weren't actively searching.
"That will be £2.00 please."
Barty handed over the transfigured stone and took the bread from the counter. Muggles and wizards were alike in the business of minor purchases. Barely any interaction was necessary as goods were bought, saving time and increasing efficiency.
"Here's your cha—"
The woman stepped back with eyes wide.
"You can keep the change," he said dismissively, already turning toward the exit, half worried the fake money was uncovered too quickly.
Instead of a 'thank you' or a 'come again' or a 'this is fake!' she yelled, "M-M-Murderer!" and sprayed a stinging liquid into his eyes.
That was unexpected.
Already, nearby guards were approaching and the customers around him were screaming. The police stationed nearby were being notified and the sirens from the market warned the entire block.
He didn't realize the muggle world was informed of his prison break and he didn't think it would have spread so quickly. That was not to mention that he should have been proclaimed dead!
Barty inwardly cursed and ran blindly out the door, plastic bag with bread gripped tightly in his hand. This better be worth it.
Barely a week had passed since Azkaban and he sure as hell wasn't going back. Not for what waited for him in there and what needed to be done out here.
Barty covered his eyes and chanted a silent healing charm enough to see through them. It still hurt and would likely continue hurting until proper tended, but it was enough for him to avoid running into the car-filled street.
He stumbled back to the alley he had come out from with guards and arriving policemen closing in on him. A burning pain shot through his left shoulder just as he apparated away with a loud and sickening crack! By the time he appeared elsewhere, his breathing was heavy, eyes were stinging, shoulder was screaming, and mind was thinking, this bloody fcking hell better be worth it!
-.-.-.-.-.-
Sirius was impressed by the pup's acting. Seriously, that dog can act! Even from his spot on the floor, playing dead with his feet sticking out and breathing held, he could feel the pup's cry. It reached his heart and twisted it until he felt the pain. Nevertheless, the pain was a fraud and the goal was to attract the attention of certain onlookers.
Junior—the pup demanded that he should be called that—whimpered and cried and nudged and cried some more, moving restlessly all the while. In no time at all, the visitors were ushered away as the tenders of the facility unlocked and entered the gate. Junior backed up, shuffled closer, then stepped away again from the man, leading him to his supposedly dead companion.
Sirius could not think of anything other than Bartemius's Juliet potion. It worked for him in Azkaban, so why wouldn't it work for Sirius here? Granted, he didn't have a sample of Juliet on him and there was much more people to avoid.
Not yet.
The man held a hand in front of his mouth, and Sirius took that time to hold his breath. 1...2...3…
He counted to twenty before the hand was pulled away. His sharp intake almost damned him, but thankfully, the man didn't notice.
"He's not breathing."
Not yet.
"Bring him out," another said, entering to help control Junior, who'd begun to protest at his friend being taken away. The pup deserved a medal for his insane acting skills.
Not yet.
Sirius was lifted up and carried by the man, still doing his best not to breath noticeably.
Not yet.
He opened one eye and watched as the fence gate got bigger and bigger.
Not yet.
The man stepped outside and gently lowered him onto a—
Now!
Sirius wrenched free of the man's grip and took off sprinting.
"Good luck, serious Black!" the pup barked happily. "That was fun!"
"Thanks, Junior! You did great!"
He weaved through the crowd as fast as he could, listening to the zookeepers' shouts soften until they were well out of earshot.
He was faster than they were. Long before they broke through the crowd, he had already passed the mammal exhibit—barking out a farewell to the sloth and the lemur from earlier—and was running past the reptile one on the way out. He briefly considered stopping by to tease the snake and jeer at the iguana, but decided against it.
"Runaway dog!"
Sirius took a sharp turn away from the outstretched hands and narrowly dodged a needle-looking thing (he later learned that it was called a dart). He jumped out of the way of one diving zookeeper and ducked beneath two others, resulting in three humans stacked like pancakes while he ran free.
Screams from the reptile house rang deafeningly, making Sirius peek at what was happening. What he saw made him stop.
A boa constrictor slithered freely across the floor toward the exit, scaring the living daylights out of two boys—one portly and one scrawny—standing too close to the vanished glass. Magic was used here. Untamed and unbidden.
His eyes searched around the room for what could have performed it (certainly not the two boys) and landed on—
James?
A/N: Sooo. I'm back, but not for long.
I thank you for your patience, and I'm sorry if I don't update again. I'll try, but I can't promise anything.
Also, Sirius being brought to the zoo makes no sense, but that's okay because I'll pretend it does.