Cook arrived back at his cavern after running, which is the same speed as walking to the average human. He ascended into his room and sobbed dramatically into his room drain. His anime body pillow got all soaked with his tears, and Cook had to wrap it in plastic wrap. How could the angel say such rancid things about me! I'm the loveliest person I know, next to Amy. Cook watched as his tears left his room through the drain. He sat alone for a while before he heard someone barge into the house. It sounded like his hideous father, and it sounded like people were with his hideous father. He closed his door quietly and pressed against the wall to hear what he could.
"And do you think you're going to hold your 1st place position?"
"Oh, I'm gonna hold it!"
"How confident are you that your shit is going to exceed the 6 kilograms needed?"
"I'm extremely confident."
The voices grew closer until they passed right by Cook's door and into the bathroom. He peeked through the peephole he installed on his door and there appeared to be a full camera crew outside. He read the logo Big A$$ Dumparoo off the cameraman, who had it tattooed on his neck. A play-by-play narrator could be heard excitedly narrating the big ass dumparoo his father was taking in the Big Bowl™. The entire crew sounded amazed. Anakin Cook quietly slithered across his room to equip his gas mask, to filter out the stench that was almost as horrid as Horrid Henry™.
"Would you like to call your Bowl Filling Friend (BFF) for help?"
"No! I can fill this bowl all by myself."
The house shook as the Big Bowl was filled with fecal matter. Afterwards, the live audience started clapping and cheering.
"Can you say 'unbelievable'? A new world record!" Cook glanced towards his Doctor Who clock, revealing that school would normally end at this time. His father would expect him to enter through the front door, so Cooky-boy had to climb out the window and enter through the front door, without his gas mask. He nearly suffocated as he entered through the cavern door. An usher offered him a cookie shaped like a gas cloud, but he denied, not wanting to take the chance on whether or not the brown icing was chocolate or poopoo. He trekked through the house and hid in the corner. After a while, the mailman visited the cavern again. He knocked on the door, dropped the note, and ran away.
"Cooky-boy, get the mail."
"Don't mind if I do!" Cook slithered over to the door and picked up the letter. The letter was from his school, and he took his mother's tooth out of the glass case on the wall to open it. It was a hand written letter on loose-leaf paper, signed by the principal and the counselor.
To the Parents/Guardians of Anakin Elizabeth Cook ~
After thorough thought and consideration (but not too much because no staff in this district uses thought or consideration when making decisions about Anakin Cook) we have decided to expel Anakin Cook from the school district. The eleventh commandment bans Anakin Cook from existing, and we will not tolerate filthy sinners in our school district. As such, we've also been forced to remove our Italian teacher from the school district for being a filthy sinner.
Worst wishes,
Principal Franklin.
Cook was so upset. Expelled from his very own school district. How could Principal Franklin betray him like that? He ran inside and cried. The camera crew pointed and laughed at Cook, taking joy in his misfortune. Cook's father arrived in front of Cook, sitting on a throne lifted above the ground by Big A$$ Dumparoo people, who were still celebrating his victory.
"What is the purpose of thy tears, son I never wanted?"
"I was expelled from school for being me!" Everybody in the room quieted immediately. Everyone thought the verdict was reasonable. "They said I was 'the one who did the deed, and the whole wide jury agreed!'"
"Out of my presence! Anakin Elizabeth Cook, you're no son of mine! Get out of my house! You're disowned!"
"But father-"
"LEAVE!" Cook ran out of his cavern, crying that he'll never see his anime body pillow again.
Cook made his way to the Poopoo Tree. It had become the spot for Amy and him to hang out, or hang other people from. Amy was already there. He noticed she was crying. Her tears flowed down her face like the Nile River, and saturated the garbage bags she was wearing on her hooves.
"Cook-sepi, it's horrible!"
"What's the matter, my beautiful serpent?"
"I've been expelled and disowned by my parents!"
"What could you have possibly done wrong?"
"They said I clogged the plumbing too often, and can't afford the water bills no more!" Cook smooched Amy and they hugged under the Poopoo Tree. "We can live here, forever and ever. We can set up a tent and be happy together! And our bathroom is right here!"
"I'd love that." Cook chimed.
That night, Cook and Amy sat in their tent made from Baby Belt cheese wrappers. Cook smooched Amy and left the tent to start a fire. He blasted out a few steaming hot farts onto logs until a fire started. Amy came out to warm herself by the fire.
"Amy, my love?"
"Yes, Anakin Cook-sepi?"
"I've known you for two entire weeks now, and I can say with upmost confidence that I'm making the right decision." Cook pulled a diamond ring out of his bippy cheeks. "Amy, will you marry me?"
"YES! YES I WILL!" She sprung over and kissed Cook-sepi. She slid the ring onto her bony finger where her fingerpoopets usually sit.
And at that moment, Cooky-boy became Cooky-man.
THE END.