Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything. sigh

Summary: So what goes on inside the brilliant mind of a certain Lily Evans? She's Head Girl…she's respectable…she's intelligent…she writes an awful lot about a certain dark haired boy…. and she's most likely going slightly insane.

A/N: Alright, fist things first. As I write this I am transferring files from my computer to my dad's computer because mine needs to be taken in to be fixed or scrapped or who knows what. So, contrary to my usual habits, I may not be updating as often. sigh It's sad for me because I love writing this story! Now, for some reviewer responses:

Youkaigirl64: Well, I'll tell you this, fruit flan is neither sticky nor gross. :D

Bob-chan: I'm glad you like this story and I'm sorry about the typos. I try to catch them, I really do.

Il0vecaptain0ats: I just hope I can continue to update quickly…I'm glad you like Charlie though, I have a special place in my heart for that character.

Caiti-pie: Look! Another response! Yes, I know a lot didn't happen last chapter. It was sort of the transitional one. It's setting up for this one mainly. I hope this one doesn't disappoint you!

Ryanne: Ah yes, now I remember! But don't worry, it will all work out perfectly…

Tasselabb: Yeah I know…sigh they like to bicker. Or maybe I just like to make them bicker…

Claire Belle: I find that the Internet Faeries enjoy it when you sing and dance for them.

Prongsie4028: High school…oh yes I remember what fun my first day was. Although I'm not switching schools…grade eleven has me freaked….Yes, my sister is rather smart. But don't tell her I said that. It'll go to her head. Spiders….yuck. I hate them. They have too many legs and eyes…and the JUMPING ones….yech…We should start an Inanimate And Animate Object Conspiracy Awareness Group (IAAOCAG for short).

Queen of Duct Tape: Well…I hope the humour is up a little bit more in this one…You know, the Floppy Drive Faeries are very pleased with you. You're the only one that's peeled them grapes. And I hope my good habit of updating quickly holds true. I don't want to earn the wrath of the bubble. Or the dead chicken in my closet.

Ok, so keep in mind that the computer I will be using for the next little while is my dads and he spends a lot of time on it and so does my mum…so I will TRY to update as often as possible. For now, enjoy chapter 10!

The Diary of Lily Evans Chapter 10

Divination – Bored. Really, really bored.

Merlin, I hate this class. It's so stupid. What are tea leaves supposed to tell me? That I drank tea?

Well if that's what they're SUPPOSED to tell you, then they're very accurate, aren't they?

Oh ha, ha Chelsea.

James and Sirius seem to be having fun over there.

Yeah.

You two have the strangest relationship.

How so?

Well, you both like each other and yet you're not dating.

I have no proof saying that he still likes me.

Well you could ask him.

Like THAT'S ever going to happen.

Well why not ask Sirius?

I guess I could.

Good. Now have you talked to Charles yet?

No…not yet.

Chicken. You have to get it over with. You'll only hurt him more.

I told him we'd go to Hogsmade together tomorrow.

So you'll do it then?

I hope so.

Hmmm…I'll have to devise a plan so that you can't back out.

Oh no.

Don't worry. It' won't be anything horrible.

Mhmmm…..

Oh crud…here comes that floozy of a professor… quick shut the diary and make up something drastic about my tea leaves!

Gryffindor Common Room – Talking to Sirius…this should be interesting

Ok, he's sitting at a table with Remus and Peter. Now, I just have to go up there and ask to speak to him privately.

Easier said than done.

"Sirius, can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?"

Sirius looks up from his homework which he's actually doing for once. He looks slightly wary of me.

"Why?"

"I just need to ask you something."

"Alright," he answers slowly. We walk over to an empty corner of the common room.

"What do you want?" he asks.

I want James. But I'm not going to say that.

"I want to ask you a question about James."

Yes, that sounds much better. Not so stalker-ish.

"Hm… sorry Lily but if you want info on dear Jamsies then I need something else in return," he says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Like what?"

He points to his hair which is still a vibrant pink.

"I think you know what."

I chuckle slightly and in my head, I forgive Sirius and slowly, his hair changes back.

"Now Sirius, you have to answer my question."

"Well, what do you want to know about James?"

This is going to sound so stupid. I know it will. But I've come this far…

"Does he still like me? Or does he hate my guts?"

Sirius bursts out laughing.

"THAT'S what you want to know? Geeze Lily, you're more oblivious than I thought."

"So he does still like me?"

"I think you know the answer already," Sirius answers as he turns and begins to walk back, still shaking his head and chuckling.

"Don't tell Potter I've talked to you! And stop trying to sound like Charlie!"

Hogsmade: The Three Broomsticks – Operation: Dump Charles

'Dump' is such a strong word Chelsea.

Ah, but it's exactly what you're going to do.

Yes Chelsea. Now explain to me again how this is going to work?

When Charles gets here, I'll cast the spell so our thoughts are shared. You can hear what I'm 'think-speaking' and I'll hear what your 'think-speaking'. It will also be recorded in here for documentation purposes. I'm running the Documentarium spell as well so it'll have speech and movement.

Right, and I told Charles to meet me here at two…and it's now one fifty five. Five minutes to go.

That's right Lily. I'm so glad you can tell time. You're a big girl now.

Shut up Chelsea.

Why? It's just so much fun to bug you!

Oh my goodness…Charles is here! He's three minutes and forty-seven seconds early!

Then that's three minutes and forty-seven seconds that this will be over sooner.

Documentarium Spell: Recording>

Mentalus Coms Spell: Enabled>

Charles walked towards Lily, a bright smile on his face.

"Hey Lily!" he said, sitting down beside her and kissing her on the cheek. Chelsea, a few tables away, glanced down at Lily's diary and then back up at the scene across from her.

"Hey Charles," Lily said, hesitant.

'He looks so happy,' Lily thought, directing it towards Chelsea.

'Don't cop out on me now, Lily. You have to get this over with.'

'Yes I know.'

"So, you wanted to talk about something? It sounded important," Charles said, looking into her eyes earnestly.

At that moment, Shelly Narmosomata and a group of her friends flounced into the Three Broomsticks, giggling loudly.

"Charles, I have something to tell you," Lily started, not noticing Shelly's entrance.

'Go easy on him, Lily.'

"Charles, I think---"

Lily broke off suddenly, now taking in the fact that Shell was taking great pleasure in telling her friends of some joyous occasion.

'Is that Shelly?'

'Focus, Lily!'

'But what is she so happy about?'

'It's not important, now focus!'

'But I have to know!'

"Lily, you were saying?"

"I think that we need to---"

A squeal went up from Shelly's table.

'Oh my gawd.'

'What Chelsea? WHAT?'

"James loves Shelly! James loves Shelly!" sang the girls at Shelly's table.

Lily felt her stomach hollow out.

"I think we need to leave. Right now," Lily said, grabbing Charles hand, standing up and rushing out the door.

Dumbledore's Office – Planning with James

I feel…different. I don't think I've ever quite felt like this before.

I feel hollowed out.

Empty.

James told Shelly that he loves her.

Sirius was wrong.

Sirius was very wrong.

It hurts more now, than it would have before, when I was still angry with him. The angry covered the pain. And now I'm stuck here, sitting next to him, pretending to write down a list of music we could play at the Halloween Dance. I haven't written a thing.

I realise now that what I hoped for, has no chance of ever happening.

Ever.

James loves Shelly.

Not me.

I screwed up big time.

And there's no going back.

But, we can still have some form of a relationship, just different than what I wanted.

A sort of friendship.

But I'm afraid even that will be forced, given the way I feel.

If I can't have all of James, maybe I don't want any of him at all?

"Lily? Are you all right? You seem… distracted," James asks suddenly, intruding on my thoughts.

I pause for a moment.

"I'm fine James. I'm perfectly fine," I say.

It's almost automatic.

I flash him a quick smile to top it off.

He watches me for a moment, and then goes back to work.

It's like he knows some things off.

If only he knew just how much.

A/N: OK, first, I am sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I hope the next one will be longer. Second, I hope you can catch the humour in here. There is some. But a lot of it is subtle. I hope this isn't disappointing. It is yet another…transitional chapter, but it has some drama to it.

Remember now, my computer shall be going to meet its maker, so I won't be able to update as quickly. I will try though. And I shall promise to make the next chapter nice and long. For all I know…it might be the last one. I'm not quite sure yet.

Please review.