Chapter 10

"I just couldn't believe the way he looked at me…like I was nothing" Daniel paced the living room in an agitated state. Sha're was perched on the arm of the couch, watching him. "He looked at me as if I was some…nuisance he had been forced to put up with these past few years. Like I was just an obstacle that stopped him from achieving his goals. I thought…" He sighed heavily. "I just don't know anymore".

"It doesn't sound like Jack at all" Sha're agreed. "Are you sure he hasn't been…" She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

"No, Janet gave him the all clear" Daniel replied, realising where she was going. "I just don't understand it. After all we've been through…he looked me straight in the eye and said that our friendship didn't have any foundation".

Sha're couldn't bear to see his anguished face. Anger burned inside of her, and she cursed Jack for whatever he was up to, why he thought it was necessary to hurt Daniel this way. Again, she was relieved that she hadn't yet told her husband of her pregnancy. She was glad that she could at least spare him that extra burden, if she couldn't make him feel better about the business with Jack. Sha're reached out her hand to Daniel, bidding him to come to her. He complied, brushing his fingers against hers before collapsing on the couch next to her.

"Maybe there is another reason for him acting this way" she said, lightly stroking his face with her fingers.

Daniel shook his head. "If there is, I can't think of what it is. If I at least had a clue about what he was going through, I could try to talk to him…but then again, talking didn't go so well the first time". He gave a self-deprecating laugh.

"Daniel…"

"And now he's gone". His voice softened, his raw pain exposed. "I didn't even say goodbye. I was so angry with him, I just watched him leave forever, without…" he trailed off.

"It's okay to be angry, Daniel" Sha're said softly, climbing into his lap.

But he didn't seem to hear her, didn't seem to notice her movement as he continued to stare ahead at nothingness. "What am I going to do without a best friend?" he asked into the air.

Sha're put her arms around his neck, drawing him close. "You have me".

Daniel smiled, a little bitterly. "It's not the same". Sha're didn't answer, but held him tightly, stroking his hair whispering wordless comforts into his ear. She didn't know how else to ease his pain. For the first time, she saw just how much Jack's friendship meant to her husband, how having him gone created an emptiness in his heart. It seemed like Jack had reverted to the man she first met on Abydos, before Ra was defeated. She remembered his harsh tone, and his cold, dead eyes. And now he was gone, perhaps forever.

Sha're held her husband, as he refused to cry, refused to vent his anger or talk about what he was feeling any further. She held him, knowing that it could never be enough.

Daniel stirred uncomfortably in his sleep, a dull ache radiating from his forearm. As he awakened more fully, he realised that the weight on his arm was Sha're, lying against him. As gently as he could, Daniel moved her so that she was lying on her back, relieving the pressure on his right side. With a quiet groan, Daniel looked at the clock on the nightstand and realised it was several hours before he had to be awake. Despite this, Daniel knew there was no way he could get back to sleep. He looked at Sha're, still deeply asleep. For that, he was thankful. She had been so jumpy lately, the slightest sound woke her up or got her into an agitated state. Not that she looked peaceful in her sleep, Daniel noticed. Her brow was furrowed, marking deep lines across her face, and she murmured softly, her lips quivering ever so slightly.

The moonlight cast deep shadows across the room, and Daniel began to see demons in every one. He was concerned for his wife's welfare, about the way she had been acting these past few weeks. She had been a bit distant, as if she was deliberately avoiding him for some reason. Or maybe it was just her way of giving him some space. It hadn't been an easy few months for Daniel either, with Jack being stranded on Eudora and the work piling up on him. He hadn't realised it, but he'd been pushing her away, locking himself in his study with his books and grief. Her response had been to give him the space he needed, Daniel told himself.

But there was something deeper to this; he just couldn't quite identify it. Daniel softly traced a finger over Sha're's worried face, tracing the lines of her cheekbones, her lips, before placing a light kiss to her temple. There was a time when he would have continued his ministrations, gently ticking and kissing her until she had woken up, then made love to her in the gentle moonlight that crawled in through the window. He couldn't remember the last time they had. He had been too busy, too distracted, or she had been too tired and upset. Without either of them noticing it, almost all of the physical aspect of their marriage had disintegrated. If they shared a kiss, it never went any further, if they held each other, it was in comfort or reassurance, not a passionate embrace like it had once been.

Daniel tried to tell himself that it was just the circumstances, that he was imagining these problems in hopes of distracting his thoughts from Jack's departure. Which was another matter he couldn't quite deal with. He was so angry, angry as Jack for leaving, angry at himself for backing off after what Jack had said to him, not trying harder to get through to him. He was even angry at Sha're, but for what reason, he wasn't sure. Angry that she hadn't tried harder to comfort him, perhaps, although he knew he would have resented her for it if she had. She knew him well enough to sense when he needed to be alone. But, irrationally, he wanted her company, her comfort.

But he couldn't expect to find it in Sha're, when he knew it existed only within himself. He wished he could share his grief, his sadness with his wife, he wished she understood. Wished he knew how to make her understand. In the darkness, Daniel reached an arm around Sha're, trying the close the difference between them.

The tension between the four team members was subtle, but obvious to Sha're. They were at Jack's house, a celebration party of sorts, both for Jack's return and the fall of the rogue NID faction. It had been planned for before the mission, a celebration for Jack's return from Eudora, but it had never materialised. Instead of celebrating his return to Earth, they had watched him leave again, only under much more painful circumstances. And now Sha're watched their strained reunion.

The evening had started off well enough. Her and Daniel had arrived late, partly due to the fact Sha're believed Daniel didn't exactly want to see Jack at the moment. But she had dragged him along eventually, for his own good, she told herself. Sam and Teal'c had already arrived, as well as the General and a dozen or so others from the SGC. Jack greeted them at the door, his bottle of beer a permanent extension of his arm as he offered them each a drink. Sha're declined politely, but Jack wouldn't want to be swayed. He teased her about what had happened the last time he had thrown a party.

It had been shortly after her return to Earth, and she had been determined to throw herself into her new life. It had been a more intimate setting, with only herself and the other members of SG-1 in attendance. Jack was more than pleased to introduce her to the varieties of Tau'ri alcohol, assuming that she, like her husband, wouldn't be able to handle more than a few. She had surprised them all when she came close to beating Jack in the drinking game he absolutely insisted they all played. Daniel had smiled drunkenly and slurred out a few words about how much harder Abydonian liquor was in comparison to Earth's. Sam had giggled, and Jack seemed more than pleased about the challenge she had presented to him. Even Teal'c had let go a little that night, as they drank and laughed together. It had seemed so much like the celebrations back on Abydos, the camaraderie and closeness of a loving family.

Sha're had been more than embarrassed when she remembered admitting to Samantha how jealous she had been when they first met. She hadn't known the Major then, and had been less than pleased at the way Samantha had talked and looked at her husband. She had even told them how the kiss she gave him before they left was mainly for her benefit, that she was 'marking her territory' so to speak. Jack had howled with laughter as he collapsed on the floor, teasing both Samantha and Daniel mirthlessly. Samantha had giggled and hiccupped like a schoolgirl, admitting that maybe she had thought Daniel was 'cute' to begin with. Far too drunk to be embarrassed, Daniel himself had buried his head deep into Sha're's neck and shook with laughter and delight. And Teal'c watched over them all, as they collapsed into hysteria, calmly sipping what was still his first glass of wine.

The present occasion was far more sombre. For one thing, the presence of the General gave an unspoken dignity to the occasion. Another was the fact that it was plainly obvious things were not alright with SG-1. But Sha're supposed that was the point of the party – Jack wanted them all to know he was back – the real him.

And he was back again, pestering Sha're to take a beer from his outstretched hand. She had enjoyed the fermented beverage – they had something similar on Abydos – but she couldn't tell them the real reason why she couldn't drink. Jack pushed her, though she tried to refuse, saying as pleasantly as she could that he was going to have to find another drinking partner.

"Come'on Jack, leave her alone" Daniel finally jumped in. "She hasn't been well lately". Sha're was surprised. She hadn't thought he'd noticed a change in her condition at all. For a moment worry struck her heart. Had he heard her early in the morning? Her sickness had become more frequent. But despite her fear, she was touched. Lately she had felt he hadn't noticed her at all. Jack relented, uncharacteristically, to Daniel's words immediately, and fetched her an orange juice. Now Sha're knew something was definitely wrong. There was no banter between them, no good natured teasing back and forth. Jack simply lifted his bottle in a silent salute and Daniel led her away, to mingle with the other guests.

They approached Teal'c and Janet, who seemed immersed in a conversation about Star Wars. Apparently it was Cassie's new favourite film. "Some boy from school introduced her to it, and it's all I hear about all day long" Janet shook her head.

"Why is she so fascinated with it?" Daniel asked, jumping into the conversation.

Teal'c turned to look at Daniel incredulously. "What is not to be fascinated with, Daniel Jackson? It is an important part of your pop culture for a good reason. A classic…" While Teal'c continued to lecture Daniel over the merits of Star Wars, Sha're saw Janet give her the once over. She smiled approvingly at her glass of orange juice, but it became a grimace when she took in the tired look in her eyes. Sha're sighed a little irritably. She knew what was best for herself, didn't she? Luckily, she was saved from the doctor's inquisition, by Teal'c turning his attention to her. "Do you not agree, Sha're?"

"I'm afraid I haven't seen Star Wars" she replied apologetically.

Teal'c looked scandalised. "I do believe it is a necessary exploration of the human and Tau'ri psyche".

Daniel chuckled a little to himself. "Indeed".

Sha're gently removed a half empty beer bottle from Daniel's loose grip, stopping it from spilling to the floor. Most of the guests had left by now, save the select few she knew Jack tolerated outstaying their welcome. It had been a tense night for all of them, though Samantha and Daniel had tried to hide their discomfort through partaking in a large amount of alcohol. Sha're had to smile at Samantha, sitting in Jack's armchair, her head at an odd angle as she snored softly. Teal'c was outside, kel'noreeming under the stars, the only appropriate place at Jack's home to do so. Daniel was sprawled out on the couch, his head in Sha're's lap, passed out, she suspected, rather than sleeping. It was only her and Jack left, she realised, as he walked into the room. Not bothering to clear away the mess, he flopped into a chair and casually brought his feet up to rest on the coffee table.

"Did ya have fun tonight, Sha're?" Jack asked, taking a swig from his umpteenth beer.

Sha're smiled. "Did you?"

"Good beer, good company…what's not fun about that?" he said flippantly, although Sha're could sense the uneasiness in his voice.

"Well" she began. "Seeing as the three people who - I believe – mean the most to you didn't speak to you all night…I don't know. Is that fun?" She knew she was entering dangerous territory, but someone had to say it to him.

"I do know that's none of your business" he retorted flatly, taking another sip of beer.

"You're probably right". She looked down at Daniel, brushing a stray wisp of hair back from his temple. "But you should talk to him".

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "We've talked. He said we were okay".

Sha're shook her head a little. "You know Daniel better than that. In his mind he's forgiven you…but his heart is the one he is thinking with".

Jack sighed. "I know". Sha're knew that the discussion was over. They sat in a companionable silence for several minutes, enjoying the stillness of the moment. Sha're's eyes wandered around Jack's living room, until her gaze came to rest on the pictures that adorned Jack's wall. She was drawn to the picture of a young boy, with fair hair and steely blue eyes. Charlie. A sudden melancholy settled over Sha're's heart.

"Do you miss your son, Jack?" she asked, regretting the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Jack visibly stiffened, and his face became dark as he followed her gaze to the picture on the wall. Sha're didn't expect her to answer the question, so she continued quietly. "I never imagined it would be so painful. That I would miss him so much. Even with – everything – that happened…I never wanted to lose him". She closed her eyes to quell the tears that started to form. But she needed this – needed to talk about it.

The dark look on Jack's face became one of compassion. "And you can't talk to Daniel about it" he said softly.

"He doesn't understand". She looked down at the peaceful face of her husband. "He tries so hard, but….he can't. Not like you, Jack". Gently, she removed Daniel's weight from her lap, laying his head back down on the couch. Slowly, she moved towards the wall, closer to the photograph. Charlie couldn't have been more than eight in the photo, smiling proudly with one arm around his father. Sha're had never seen Jack smile like he did with his son in his arms. Slowly, she brought her hand up to trace the face of the young boy, her other hand moving towards her belly. She would never see her first son grow, never be able to take his photograph. But with this new child, there was hope for all that.

Sha're's fingers splayed across her belly where her child rested. Even with the joy of being pregnant, knowing that the child was her husband's, she couldn't forget her son, the only thing that had brought her happiness during her time with the goa'uld. She heard Jack move to stand behind her, and Sha're quickly moved her hand away from her abdomen. The worst thing that could happen was Jack guessing she was with child. He had been a father, he would have known exactly what that gesture had meant. Luckily, he hadn't seemed to have noticed, his eyes fixated on the photo of his son.

"I miss him every day" he finally said, so quietly Sha're almost hadn't heard him. "But I don't let it overtake me" he continued. "I don't let my grief control me. He wouldn't have wanted that".

"Daniel said that you came so close to giving up" she replied, turning to face him.

"I did" Jack nodded. "But Daniel wouldn't let me" he smiled a little, reaching his hand up to cup her cheek. "He may not have understood completely, but it was enough".

Sha're felt her tears spill onto her cheeks. She tried to hide her face, but Jack's arms enveloped her into an embrace and let her cry on his shoulder. He comforted her, soothed her with stories of Charlie and his childhood, about the good times he had spent with his son.

Through the pain of shared experience, Sha're felt she understood Jack, not as Daniel's friend, not as her brother's hero, but on her own level. That night, she felt as if she had truly gained Jack's friendship and trust.

Towelling his hair dry, Daniel emerged from the bathroom to find his wife already in bed. Discarding the towel, he pulled on an old t-shift and crawled in beside her. "What are you reading?" he asked, peering over her shoulder. He didn't recognise the book…it was certainly not from his collection. Sha're shifted a little, flipping back the cover for him. Pride and Prejudice? Oh, of course. Sam had leant it to her a while back. "What are you up to" he pressed a quick kiss to her exposed shoulder.

"Hmm?" Sha're muttered, distracted by the story. "Oh…Elizabeth has just visited Pemberley, and is starting to think she was wrong about Darcy".

"Nothing like a huge mansion to change a girl's opinion of a man" he said, his kisses moving further up her neck.

"When did you become a cynic?" Sha're's eyes were still focussed on her book. "You sound like Jack".

Daniel smiled into her skin. "I know you said something to him" she said. "During the party last week". Sha're didn't answer. "I think everything is sorted between us".

"That's good" Sha're answered distractingly. Daniel moved further up her neck, to suckle her sweet skin. Not getting the response he wanted, he shifted slightly, his hand coming up to cup a breast through her nightgown.

"Daniel"

"Hmmmm?" he muttered, his lips not leaving her skin.

"I really want to finish this chapter".

"Oh". Daniel stopped his ministrations immediately, his face rising to study hers. But he saw only concentration on her reading. It was almost as if he wasn't there. He tried not to think of it as a rejection, and even if it was, she was well within her rights to refuse him. He had told her so many times after they were married, trying to erase the idea of marital servitude from her mind. But it still hurt Daniel. She hadn't even looked at him.

Settling down under the covers, Daniel told himself that he wasn't some hormone-charged teenage boy. He could wait until she had finished. But the dim light in the room, the warmth of the bed, and the long working hours of his day took their toll, and Daniel was asleep within minutes.

When he awoke, it was to the sound of Sha're screaming. Daniel bolted awake, and turned over to comfort his wife after what was surely another nightmare. But a cold dread stabbed his heart as he saw her face was contorted in pain, not fear, and she was pale and covered in perspiration. "Sha're?" he called out to her anxiously, reaching for her. But she knocked his hands away, and moved to clutch desperately at her abdomen. Daniel's thoughts were drained of all save hideous fear when he saw a small patch of blood appear on the midsection of Sha're's nightgown