Warning - this chapter is going to get kinda deep. I've tried to be as sensitive to the subject as possible but if I offend anybody then I'm truly sorry. Feel free to give me a bollocking in a review if I do.

This chapter is just a little insight into Maura's past and how she met Cassandra. A lot of people have been wondering why she owes her so much - This is why.

Still don't own anything.

'Maura?'

'Mm?'

'Can I ask you something?'

Maura sucked the remainder of the lemon sorbet from her spoon and placed it in her bowl. 'Depends.'

'On?'

'On what you're going to ask me.'

Jane sighed. Maura had been even more difficult than usual now. At 22 weeks, she was nearing the beginning of her third trimester and everything had become so much more intense. The woman must have gone through at least four tubs of lemon sorbet in the past few weeks. What had disgusted Jane most of all though was when she had spent the last two evenings munching on chilli Doritos dipped in marshmallow fluff. Her hormones had unbelievable recently; it surprised Jane how quickly she could go from laughing to crying to throwing plates across the room. Jane had dealt with the emotions whilst the Vaughns had kept her cravings satisfied. But no one, not even Angela who had raised three children, was prepared for the tantrum she had thrown when she had had to succumb to wearing maternity clothes.

'It's kinda personal..'

'Good start.'

'I..' Jane shuffled in her seat. 'Remember when you first told me that you were going to be a surrogate?'

'Yeah?'

'You said that you owed Cassandra everything.'

'I do.'

'Well.. Why?'

Jane felt Maura go stiff beside her. She couldn't work out why she was so uncomfortable about this. It was her, for goodness sakes. They told each other everything. She almost expected Maura to spill for a minute but she didn't. Instead, the blonde sighed and got up from the sofa to wash her bowl up.

'Does it matter?'

'Well, not really. I was just wondering-'

'Then drop it. Please.'

'Maura, come on-'

'For God's sakes, stop going on about it.' Maura snapped, turning around to face Jane from the kitchen. 'Why is this such a big deal?'

'I want to understand you. There's so many things about you that I know I'll never be able to figure you out. For one thing, I'll never get why you have to arrange your closet the way you do or why you're so set on explaining things in so much detail. I'll never understand how you can cut up bodies for a living and I know for a fact that I'll never understand your obsession with buying shoes when you're depressed. But I want to understand this bond that you two have. Why did you feel compelled to do this?'

'I didn't feel compelled. Look, I can tell you why I shop when I'm sad and why I arrange clothes the way I do if you really want to know. But surely friends are allowed to keep some secrets from each other? Honestly, I don't know a lot about friendship, so tell me if I'm wrong. I just thought friendship partially consisted of a mutual respect for one another.'

'I do respect you-'

'Then please respect my decision to keep this private. Please Jane. Why are you even bringing this up now?'

'Because.. I wanted to know what you two have that we don't.'

Maura almost smirked despite her frustration. 'Jane Rizzoli, please tell me you're not jealous.'

'No, of course not. You two are friends, we're friends. Just.. It was nice to have something that was just.. You know, mine..'

Maura smiled. 'I am, Jane.'

'What?'

'Yours.'

'Then prove it.'

Maura's jaw dropped. 'I'm sorry?'

'Prove it,' Jane repeated. 'Tell me.'

'If you're going to try and force this out of me, you can fu-'

'Hey, I'm not forcing anything out of you. If you don't want to tell me, fine.'

'Then why are you pressing this?'

'Because I love you, Maura.' Jane paused and composed herself. 'You're my best friend and I want to be able to help you. I want you to trust me.'

'Of course I trust you.'

'So why-?'

'Because I hate talking about it. But if you're going to be a complete asshole until I spill, then I'll tell you. Hopefully, then you'll understand why I didn't want to say anything.'

'Maura-'

'No, you asked for it.' Maura stormed back over and sat in the armchair opposite Jane. 'We were twenty nine, both of us working out in Senegal. I'd spent the previous eight months in Ethiopia and Cass had been in Senegal for about a month. We were young and free and we both thought this was going to be an experience that would completely change our lives. And it was, believe me.'

'Okay Maura, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me-'

'One night, I had a man approach me needing medical attention. He had a gash on his hand and he seemed to be very upset over something. So I treated his wound and he told me that a few weeks previously, he'd lost his wife and his two daughters. So I sat with him for a while, just letting him say what he needed to say. I thought he just needed someone to be there for him. Then he started getting angry, shouting all kinds abuse about the person who did it. He told me what he wanted to do to them. He was so intense, yelling and knocking stuff over. He knocked me off my chair. Before I could get up, he was there, on top of me. His hands were everywhere. The second I saw the look in his eyes, I knew that everything he'd just told me had been a lie. I tried to fight, but.. It was all over so quickly.'

'Oh sweetie..' Jane bit back tears. 'I didn't-'

Maura ignored her and carried on. 'I didn't know what to do or how to cope. I just sort of sunk into myself. I did my work but I stopped seeing people when we weren't on duty. Instead, I went straight to where we slept and stayed there. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I could barely think straight. The next couple of weeks were like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. It got so bad that I couldn't deal with it anymore. Cassie found me one morning, unconscious on the floor with an empty bottle of pills next to me. Thanks to her and another doctor who was with us, I was saved. She helped me get better. She never asked why I did it and I never told her. She saved my life, Jane. I owe her everything because she's the reason I'm here. Without her, I would never have taken this job, I would never have met you and I wouldn't be this stable. We both came back to America soon after. She kept a close eye on me for a while but I expected that. I was still shaky and vulnerable so between her and some therapist she made me see, I was able to be around guys and people I didn't know without hyperventilating. I was never comfortable with people but this destroyed any confidence I'd gained. The nightmares and that never stopped but I got through the worst of it. And then I came here. I took this job because I still find it a lot easier to be around dead people than live ones. The dead don't judge or hurt us. So now you know, okay?'

Jane watched, still reeling, as a single tear ran down Maura's cheek. She willed herself to say something, anything that would be mildly comforting, but nothing came to mind. Instead, she helped Maura to her feet and held her close. She rubbed small circles on her back as Maura began to cry into her shoulder.

'Sssh, it's okay. I'm here.' Jane knew that nothing she could say or do would make it go away. So she simply held her best friend and let her cry, wishing that there was something more she could do to spare Maura this pain.